Connie was just out running errands. She needed to go to the bank, grab some groceries and get her car washed. It was supposed to be such a simple outing.

But no, at a red light a car rammed into her so hard she smacked her forehead on the steering wheel. Without thinking she unbuckled her seat belt and stormed out of the car. "What the heck! That was a red light!"

The person got out of their car just as furious for some reason but then it lifted into a smile. "Oh. I should have known it was you when you took that turn like a crazy person," Allison sneered, stepping only an inch away and in her face.

Connie bristled immediately as her training kicked in. "Get out of my personal space."

Allison scoffed and shoved at her angrily. "You're the one who can't drive!"

Connie pushed her right back. "You're the psycho witch bitch fake ass plastic barbie doll, knuckle dragging, glue huffing, demented wench constantly trying to torment my husband and our polycule!"

Allison laughed happily as if that were her very life purpose. "He made his own life miserable when he chose such a bottom of the barrel cunt," Allison snarled, jabbing a blood red nail in her face.

Connie punched her so hard her head cracked against the door of her car. She got back up, grabbing her head and laughing. "Alright, fine. If you want a fight that's what you'll fucking get!"

She fought like a flimsy bitch. She raked her clean across the face and Connie punched her in the jaw, knocking her onto her ass as a flash of white light attacked her eyes.

Connie panted and looked around at the people with their phones out. Cop sirens in the distance sounded and she dropped her arms as the rage turned into icy cold fear. "Fuck."

*

Steven laughed when Adam tugged on his shirt for a kiss but Jasmin hip checked him out of the way to intercept it. He hummed and ran his fingers through her coils and his thumbs over her soft cheeks. "You're hyper affectionate today."

She shrugged, blushing mildly. "I'm in a good mood. Don't ruin it."

"I wouldn't dream of it." If there was anyone else he thought could probably beat his ass to tears, it was Jasmin.

Adam cleared his throat impatiently, though he was smiling. "I'm jealous."

"Deal with it." Jasmin smirked at him until he pulled her in for a sweet, sensual kiss and pulled away.

He laughed. "Your face is so red. That's so embarrassing for you."

Steven's phone started ringing and he pulled it out, pleased when Connie's name scrolled across with a picture of them as kids. "Connie! How are you?"

"Hello, darling," She gushed sweetly. "Could you please put me on speaker, my love?"

"Of course!" He tapped it and grinned. "It's Connie."

"We could tell from your goofy ass smile," Hazel teased. "Hi, Ni!"

"Hi! So I just wanted to let you know how much I love you guys–,"

"Aw!" Anna clasped her hand over her heart.

"–And also that I am in jail." She paused. "For assault."

Steven's jaw dropped and his eyes widened so much he thought they would fall out and roll away. "WHAT?!"

"Yeah. So basically, someone ran into my car and it got physical." She spoke so casually at first, but then she got soft and her voice started to break. "And I need you to come bail me out! I need you to come bail me out, Steven! I'm so scared! These people are weird and not good weird, like I think one of them was trying to fuck me, b-but I only like you guys-s!" She sniffled heavily and Steven looked out at his shocked friends.

"Who did you hit, Connie?"

She sobbed once, but tried to compose herself. "Allison."

*

After some paperwork and Connie gathering the few things she'd had confiscated, they piled back into the car silently with Connie shuffling her feet and her head down.

They'd let her off with a warning, as apparently Connie hadn't started the confrontation according to eye witnesses and police notes. Many claimed it was self defense, Connie was just standing her ground.

In the house, she could acutely feel the fact that the silence was growing heavier. She couldn't bear to look up as Steven closed the front door and locked it.

Someone snorted softly, trying to keep themselves quiet.

Jasmin sighed deeply, though it was a bit shaky. "Oh, Connie..."

Steven grabbed her from behind and rested his cheek on her head. "My sweet lovely wife. Why? Why?"

"It just happened so fast!" She wailed, turning into his chest.

"Well, I'm–," Someone else giggled, but it was muffled with their hand. "I'm very disappointed in you," Steven finished sternly.

Adam had jammed his fist to his mouth, choking on a laugh. It spread like wildfire that they were all trying to keep at bay. They were clearing their throats and fake coughing when it got to be too much to hold back.

Jacob cleared his throat again and tried to speak in a stern tone. "Yes, C-Connie. That was—," He sucked in a breath and held it. "Very wrong. You do not hit people."

Hazel nodded, trying to keep his face blank and failing miserably. "Even if said person is... Allison. She sucks but– You can't hit Allison."

Alex burst out laughing fully, rocking back and forth in silent wheezes that made the rest have an even harder time.

Steven shook his head and tipped her chin up. "I think we need to have a talk in the bedroom."

Connie avoided his gaze guiltily and nodded. "O-okay."

As soon as the door shut, she planted her butt on the bed and stared at the floor. She felt so awful and terrible about losing her temper, but what was worse to her was that given the chance, she'd do it again.

Steven stayed put, staring at her. She could feel him probably glaring at her in fury at her poor self control.

Her lip was trembling as she forced herself to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry! I-I'm so sorry, I don't know what c-came over me! I'm sorry, I'm–,"

He approached her quickly, his face stoic and partially obscured by shadows. She felt almost certain he was going to ask for a divorce and her heart felt like it was imploding.

This was it. The final straw.

"Look at you, you're all scratched and bruised," He murmured tenderly. "Come here, baby." Steven picked her up into his arms and sat her on his lap, kissing the various marks and scratches while his hands roamed her body.

She tucked her head into her chest and tried to count the kisses, but quickly was distracted when his hand groped at her breast firmly. His kisses should have already healed any tiny mark Allison had been given the honor of even putting on her body. But no, he was pressing more insistent ones now and pushing his hands under her shirt to feel her skin and rub at her stomach, fingers slipping just barely under the hem of her leggings.

'Wait,' She thought, tipping her head to give him more access. 'Is he even looking for bruises?' Another few kisses and his tongue flickered out to taste her. 'I... don't think he's looking for bruises. This feels more like he's worshipping me.'

Steven finally pulled away and they locked eyes. His were full of warmth and longing, and a hand reached out to bring her in for a deeply passionate kiss. When he pulled away it was only to murmur against her lips, "Go get your strap, Connie."

She stiffened in surprise. "Wh-what?"

Steven shook his head slowly, sounding dead serious and humorous at the same time. "Peg me. I– I don't know what else to tell you." He blew out a quick breath as he started to work himself up and an awed grin lifted his face. "I just– please." He grabbed her face again and shook slightly. "Don't hit people. That's so bad." The hybrid laughed and set her on the bed to sit on his knees between her legs, shaking his head quickly as she started to smirk. "Hitting people is wrong, Connie! I am not– do not laugh at me!– I am NOT condoning this behavior! I wanna make that very clear. But I do need you to go and get your strap."

Connie's face flooded with heat as she giggled so hard her stomach hurt, but Steven gripped her sides hungrily, a starving growl in his voice. "I love my independent, strong, badass wife so much, my god." Steven dove in to kiss at her stomach and chest. "And I want her to fuck me into the next dimension with all of that power."

She was startled, but squished his cheeks. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"

"Ugh, just take off your clothes," He groaned. "I'm going to be mad at you if you don't peg me at this point. J-just kidding. God, even just a cuddle. Fuck, just go get your strap, Ni."

*

The next morning she woke up a bit more cheerful, though still disappointed in herself. Steven had disappeared sometime that morning but had let her sleep in to combat some of the emotional exhaustion she was probably feeling.

Upon entering the kitchen, all eyes turned to her and smiles were as far as the eye could see. It was lunch time now, and Jacob quickly scrambled to pull out a seat for her and gestured for her to sit. She sat, glancing at the few balloons and the delicious meal just about finished.

Whose birthday was it?

"Okay," She murmured under her breath. "Weird." The smell of the food made her eyes widen and she lifted her nose into the air. "Is that... is that Aloo gobi?"

Anna nodded, her eyes wide with wonder as she kissed her cheek four times. "It's your favorite right?"

Connie nodded, confused when Jasmin set a plate in front of her. "What's going on?"

Steven jogged back in from Jacob's house with a cake and sat it on the table. "Durian cake. For you: my beautiful, splendid, gorgeous, magnificent, ethereal wife."

Her jaw dropped a little and she squinted at him like he'd just called her a stupid bitch. Pure suspicion and confusion was tearing her apart as she picked up a fork. 'I went to jail! I almost had a criminal record! What the fuck is going on?!'

Quickly, Hazel got behind her and started rubbing her shoulders as they all watched her eat like it was the most amazing thing in the world. "How was your sleep?"

She swallowed. "It was okay..."

Steven scooted closer and took her free hand. "Would you like me to run you a bath? Or, would a nice shower suit you better? After I can give you a foot rub and lotion you down."

Connie blinked rapidly, putting the pieces together as Jacob brought her a glass of wine and a glass of water. "Is there anything else you'd like?"

"No?"

"We were thinking you ladies can go shopping later and we'll clean up the house," Hazel added, squeezing her shoulder affectionately.

Adam nodded, stirring the pot carefully. "This is all for you, by the way. Eat as much as you want."

Hazels shoulder rub was heavenly, and the tension from yesterday was disappearing from there rapidly only to be replaced with the growing tension of their insane behavior.

Steven leaned forward and smiled. "Would you like me to feed you, Mrs. Knight?"

She dropped her fork. "You know what? Yes I would. I'd also like my heated blanket warmed and the bedsheets washed before I lie on them again to watch my favorite show. Bring the TV in there, too. After that, I'd actually love a bubble bath and someone to wash my hair, and brush it now that I'm saying it out loud. Then the girls and I will go out to get our hair, nails and makeup done just for fun. Maybe our waxes too. Oh! And I'd also like the house to be dim and filled with candlelight and rose petals when I arrive home."

They all nodded quickly and started designating tasks to each other, while also trying to keep the kitchen spotless.

Connie stared at her food as Steven lifted the fork, discussing how he could grow flowers from nothing but a few tears and dirt and he was sure he could get the best roses rather than buy them. "I'm going to do it again."

The talking stopped abruptly and Steven looked at her with wide eyes. "I'm sorry?"

She shot out of her chair. "I said I'm going to do it again! You guys are condoning this behavior at this point!"

Steven looked to Hazel, who looked to Adam who looked to Anna and so forth. In an instant they started giggling and roaring with applause as her husband scooped her into his arms and held her up high above his head. "I love you. But don't hit people, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

*

She'd thought it was mostly over, though Steven couldn't help but treasure her more and more. Once again, she was his knight in shining armor.

It was over until she walked downstairs and they were lying in various positions laughing, wheezing, coughing violently, curled up within themselves. "What are you guys doing?"

Anna's face was bright red, almost purple as she tried to hold it in long enough to reply, "Someone sent us the video of you beating– beating her ass and what you said!"

"She called her a–," Adam dissolved into himself and panted heavily. "I can't take this, I'll pass out."

Connie snatched Steven's phone and glared at him, but she couldn't stop the tiny smirk because behind his wheezing he was clearly suffering. He couldn't even inhale, and was probably going to have a stroke. "What I said?"

She watched the video, now unfortunately on the internet for all to see, of her growling at Allison. "What did I say?"

Alex rose like a phoenix, barely able to get it out through his laughter. "Y-you called her– You called her a 'psycho witch bitch fake ass plastic barbie doll, knuckle dragging, glue huffing, demented wench' and I just can't!"

They started roaring even louder and Jacob whined as his stomach lurched. "Please, I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna be sick!" He slowed down just enough to feel the contents settling again to find Connie rewatching the video.

"Holy shit, that's mean!" She exclaimed in horror. "I'm so glad my parents are dead!"

It only made them laugh harder and Steven looked up at her with tears streaming down his face. "I love you."