"There he goes again," Connie sighed lovingly.

"Gosh, he's so sweet," Anna cooed.

"Okay, I do not cry that much!" Steven exclaimed as he shot up in laughter. He wiped away his tears and his partners laughed.

"This is the second time today." Connie pulled him back down and kissed his cheek. "It's okay to be a crier. I love your tears." She winced as soon as she said it and they cackled.

Various exclamations about Connie drinking the tears of her enemies for breakfast filled the air around her as she tried to correct herself through boisterous laughter.

"If I cried as much as Steven I would die. My hydration is problematic as it is." Adam rocked back in his chair and watched Anna eat. "I'd die 12 minutes later."

"I think I could maybe a week? Week and a half?" Jacob smirked at him and shrugged. "I'm mildly hydrated."

"Okay. I have a bet then," The hybrid declared. "I challenge you to a competition to see who lasts the longest."

Hazel winked up at him and popped in a french fry. "Me. The answer is always me."

Steven bubbled the rest of Hazels french fries and grumbled. "I mean crying. Whoever of three lasts the longest in not crying can tease me as much as they want. The other four have to shut up."

"Bet." Jasmin drummed on the table. "I hardly ever cry."

"Mhm," Alex replied. "You cried during the end credits of Frozen."

Jasmin threw a napkin at him and rolled her eyes. "I forgot you don't have a soul. You could watch a bus of school children blow up and laugh."

"Depends on the children," He quipped, turning to Steven with a flourish of his hand. Steven grabbed it to kiss immediately and gave him an imploring smile. Alex sighed, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. "I'll take you up on your offer, babe."

"I'm pretty sure I'll lose," Anna whined. "I'm sensitive!"

Steven grinned. "Good. If you all think you're so much tougher than me, let's see it. I have over 100 videos saved that made me cry."

"Steven didn't you used to cry about sna–," Connie squealed as Steven kissed her before she could say.

"No," He stated, attempting to shut down that train of thought ASAP.

"They don't have any arms!" His friends wailed and Steven gasped in horror.

"Connie told us," Anna outed innocently.

Steven took a deep breath and sat back down. "If I don't get you to cut it out now, you never will," He gigged. "Do you accept the challenge?"

They placed hands in the middle and after dinner, Steven connected his phone to the TV in the commons living room.

"Alright. If the tear spills over, you lose. No leaning your head back, no "scratching" at your eyes to wipe away tears and no dramatic fanning. Any other dramatics are allowed." Steven pulled up the playlist and grinned dangerously. "What say you about your demise?"

"Get on with it, Heart On Your Sleeve McGee," Adam teased.

"Oooo."

Steven glared at Connie playfully. "No." She pouted and slumped over.

The first video was simple enough, a baby taking their first steps.

There were awwww's and coo's but nothing that signaled a tear. Steven smiled. "Are you ready to give up yet?"

"Hell no!" They cried.

"Alright, onto the second one."

The camera started showing a man and a teenage girl on the couch with the caption 'Asking my stepdad to adopt me after 13 years'.

"Oh, come on!" Hazel groaned. He always thought adoption stories were so beautiful.

"Let's see it, Badass." Steven nodded toward the TV. "You've gotta watch it."

The stepdad opened the Christmas present and both parents burst into tears, the man sobbing as he tried to get through the letter respectfully before tearing down to the adoption papers.

"This is so dumb." Hazel wiped away a tear and tugged Anna in too. "That was a personal attack and you know it."

"I started this playlist before you were even around. You said you can hack it, you can't. Deal with it." Steven's smugness only gave the rest more determination.

"I'm your wife, I'm allowed to make fun of you. We're supposed to be together forever." Connie gave him puppy dog eyes but he shook his head.

"No matter how cute you are, you agreed to the rules. Next!"

They varied through genres, babies hearing for the first time, animal recovery missions, old people being loved on. Steven was careful to watch for any swimming eyes or sniffles. The next one he caught was shockingly Alex.

It honestly was a pretty sweet video, Steven almost missed his crying because he was already. "Whatcha doin there, Alex?"

"Alex is crying!" Connie tatteltaled loudly and gasped.

The man blinked a few more times. "It's the stupid children. There's a hotline for toddlers to tell you inspirational things when you're sad... It's cute."

"You like children?" They asked incredulously.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Okay but," Jasmin started in shock. "I kinda always thought you were the witch from Hansel and Gretel. I always imagined you would just eat them. No seasoning either since," She gestured to his pale skin as everyone else tried to choke back laughter. "Since you've got all that going on."

"Or like..." Adam tipped his head. "You know you kind of give Gru from Despicable Me vibes. Like you might kick puppies for no reason, not even because it would make you laugh. Just... cause."

Alex turned pink and sighed. "That's not true at all! I'd definitely laugh if I kicked a puppy."

"You liar, you're just as kind as you think you are mean," Steven interjected. "Moving on..."

"Oh god, Steven! Not the soldiers coming home that's so unfair!" Jasmin wailed and covered her eyes. "I'm not watching that!"

"You agreed," Jacob laughed. "I've watched a trillion of these, just remember you don't know them and you don't care. Imagine them as Nazi's." He got a few giggly weird looks. "I'm trying to win! I never get to make fun of Steven, I've gotta have some material for my show that you silly fucks don't take."

He wrapped an arm around Jasmin's waist and they all watched a man with a gun strapped to his back walk into a room.

Full of toddlers.

Jasmin rolled her eyes so hard she probably looked possessed. "Oh no way is a fucking baby going to–,"

As soon as Jasmin had spoken, a girl with a pacifier looked up and crawled away from story time as fast as her little body would go. She gripped his pants and pulled herself up halfway until he scooped her up and started crying. They stayed like that for so long, him cooing and rubbing her back while she laid there like a limp noodle, her pacifier slipping out of her mouth to show a grin with four teeth.

"God, Steven. You want a baby so badly." Connie pinched his cheek, surprised he wasn't crying.

He turned to her incredulously. "Was... was that not clear?"

"Fuck!" Jacob tossed up his arms and let his head fall back.

"No cheating!" Jasmin tugged his head back and made a face. "You already lost two seconds in, didn't you?"

He sighed. "Yep. As soon as she recognized him. I wasn't expecting a baby."

"Connie how much do you love Lion?" Steven asked conspiratorially.

Her eyes widened. "A lot. Why?"

It was a shaky video, but a hand clearly Stevens was wrapped around one of Lions paws. It zoomed out a bit to show them looking at each other with Stevens arm extended to show them both. This Steven was significantly younger, and wearing a red flannel over a black shirt with a pink star. His hair was heavily messy, and barely noticeably longer than his old style.

Lion snorted and licked Stevens face.

"You ever miss Connie?" Steven squeezed Lions paw.

Lion snorted and wiggled his paw out of Stevens hand, opting to instead lightly press it against his chest.

"Me too."

The video cut off as Steven wiped away fresh tears and scooped a near sobbing Connie up. "I missed you."

She clung to him and sniffled. "I missed you too."

"You lose, by the way." He nipped at her ear and kissed it. "You lost around 3 seconds in."

"Aw shit, hell no that's not what gonna make me fail!" Jasmin fanned her face and groaned, breathing as hard as she could to stop them from falling. "That's so sweet and so fucking sad!"

"Dammit Steven!" Pillows were thrown against his automatic shielding as he and Connie both laugh cried.

Everyone lost, so everyone got to make fun of everyone.