Chapter 23 - Tamsin

I dreaded going back to school. A part of me wasn't ready to face what had happened to me at the party. Yet this obstacle can't be avoided. Either let it take me alive or beat it.

I felt anxiety eat up my insides, but the moment my gaze landed on the crazy group in the parking lot, I felt a lot better. A smile appeared on my face as I hoisted up my backpack strap over my shoulder and hurried over to them.

Kai saw me first. When our eyes met, I felt all my fears and anxiety disappear. The way he looked at me, it felt like a warm safety blanket being wrapped around me.

What happened several days ago was still fresh in our minds. We talked very little since our encounter with my mom. Kai has been busy since then. He doesn't call me throughout the day. We didn't hangout as much as we used to during the beginning of spring break. However, he still sent me messages throughout the day to talk to me.

So, seeing him again felt amazing, and I realized how much I missed him. My heart hurt at the sight of him. It hurt because I realized I missed him more than anything I ever missed before. My heart hurt because I realized I just didn't like this boy. I loved him.

I loved the way he looked at me, as if I was the only person he saw in this world. I loved the way he makes me feel. Under his gaze, I don't have to try so hard. I talked more about myself and am free around him.

"Hey, Tamsin!" Nina hugged me.

I walked over to Kai and as I got nearer; he lifted a hand up. I slipped mine into his hand. He pulled me into his arms. My back pressed to his front. He wrapped his arms around me and propped his chin on my shoulder.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"It feels like forever since I've last held you in my arms." His arms tightened around me. I sighed and leaned further into his body.

"I feel the same way."

As expected, my first day of school did not go as smoothly as I expected. Students whispered about me. They slipped printed pictures of the videos taken of me into my locker. Girls stopped me and asked if my intention was to sleep with every boy in school since I moved on from Dean to Kai. Was I that low and dirty?

It hurt more than anything. By the end of the day, I felt like shit and wanted to avoid every person I saw. I took my time leaving the school. I waited until the hallways were clear and quiet before stepping out of the bathroom stall I was hiding in.

When I walked out of the girl's bathroom, I was disappointed when I bumped into Ava again. She had her usual friends hanging around her. She pushed my shoulder, and I took a few steps back.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"Leave me alone. I don't want to start anything," I responded.

They laughed at me, and Ava slapped me across the face. At first, I was shocked. It stung. I hear them laughing at me. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on breathing. When I could control my emotions, I looked back at her.

"Don't slap me," I said in a low voice.

Ava raised her hand again to slap me, but I stopped her by wrapping my hand around her wrist before she could slap me again.

"Your first slap was unexpected, and I didn't hit you back because I know I am a better person. It doesn't mean that I would allow you to hurt me again, Ava. Touch me again, and I'll hurt you right back." I shoved her away from me. Her friends stopped laughing.

"You think I can't hit you again? You're nothing but an insignificant little slut."

"I don't know what the hell is going on with you and Dean, but Dean and I are nothing more than friends. If you have to be a bitch to control what you can't keep by your side, then that's your problem. Not mine. Frankly, I don't give a shit what everyone says or thinks about me because in another ten years, all of this would mean nothing."

I turned and walked away. Down the hall, I saw Kai waiting for me. He saw everything going down. I looked behind me to see Ava and her friends looking at me and then at Kai. They didn't move from their spots. I turned and walked to Kai.

His eyes fell on my cheek the moment I neared him. With one hand, he touched my cheek.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked.

I smiled to reassure him.

"I'm fine."

"You should have slapped her back."

"Would it change anything?"

He threw an arm over my shoulder and we walked to the main entrance.

"No, probably not, but it would've made me feel a thousand times better," he grinned.

Just as we stepped outside of the school, Kai's cell phone rang. He picked up without glancing at his caller ID. I figured it must be somebody he knows.

"Yes," he replied and stopped in his footsteps. His arm that was slung over my shoulder tightened.

Kai's smile disappeared, and his facial expression sobered up.

"I'll be there." He hung up the phone and looked down at me.

"I got to go, Dollface."

"What happened?" I asked.

"It's my dad. He's been admitted into the hospital."

"Is he okay?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know. I've got to go."

"L-let me come with you."

I grabbed onto Kai's wrist to stop him from walking away. In this state of mind, he wouldn't be thinking straight. He didn't argue, but wrapped his hand around mine and took me with him. I sat behind him on the bike.

When we made it to the hospital, we walked to the elevators and went up to the ICU floor. There, Kai stopped in front of the ICU desk.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"I'm here for Ryan McGrath. I'm his son." The nurse looked at her computer.

"He's in room three."

"Thank you."

When we got to the room, I stopped. He turned to look at me.

"You go ahead. I'll wait out here."

"You don't need to worry. I'll be there. He can't hurt you."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "You need to talk to him first. If everything goes ok, I'll meet him after."

Kai nodded before letting me go and walking inside. I stood on the outside and waited for him.

Kai was inside the room for a while. About forty-five minutes passed when Kai popped back out of the room. He was hyperventilating. He rushed to the opposite side of the wall and leaned up against the wall before dropping to the floor.

He buried his face in his hands. He was crying. I rushed over and wrapped him in my arms as tightly as I could. He unwound his arms and wrapped them around my body.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. You'll be okay," I murmured.

When he calmed down, he pulled back to sit against the wall. He sighed heavily. Tears stained his face.

"My dad has advanced stage cirrhosis. I couldn't believe it at first. How could he go through this without noticing nothing? But the doctors said that there is always a possibility for advanced stage cirrhosis patients to not have any symptoms." Kai shoved both his hands through his hair and tugged at his roots.

"I'm sure he'll be ok."

He scrubbed his face with his hands and shortly laughed into his hands. Inhaling deeply, he held his breath for a few seconds before releasing and opening his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Like shit. I don't know what to think. I'm pissed at him. Right now, I hate him. A part of me thinks he deserves this for all that he has done to his family."

"But?" I looked at him.

"But he's my dad, and he's dying. I should hate him. He hurt my mom and me for most of my life."

"You still love him..."

"If the doctors had told me had a tumor, and that was the cause of his beating, I would have been able to blame the tumor and not him."

"You still have hope."

He gave a cynical laugh before leaning his head back against the wall.

"Yea, fucking stupid of me, but I did. As a kid, I always thought about many possibilities. He was brainwashed or injected with an evil serum, whatever. Then there is that small part of me that didn't believe those lies. I believed he did it because he didn't care."

"Did he care?"

A tear slipped down Kai's face. I wiped it away, and he looked my way.

"He said he was sorry earlier. He was sorry for not being the father that he should've been. That he couldn't control that part of him. Even when hitting me as hard as he can hurt him, he still did it. His emotions got the best of him. He cried when he talked about my mom. He told me how much he regretted not trying or seeking him. I thought hearing it would make me feel better, but I'm angry. I'm furious with him. I wanted to hurt him so much in that room. I had to walk away."

It wasn't fair to him. Telling Kai this at the last minute. What good would it do? Would it bring him peace or bring him more pain? I pulled him into my arms again.

"It isn't fair to you. He hurt you and now you find out he is dying. I don't know if everything will be smooth sailing in the future, but I do know you'll have me through all of this. I won't leave your side and you won't ever be alone again."

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. His body was shaking as he cried in my arms.


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