I kissed this infuriating woman again.

Tamsin was jealous as fuck and she refused to admit it. The look in her eyes when she saw Clover in my lap. She looked like a territorial feline who wanted to rip Clover off me. It turned me on and confused me at the same time. What the hell was going on in that pretty little head of hers?

I threaded my fingers through her hair and slanted my lips over hers. Her hands were fisted at my side. She told me she liked Dean. I should not go where I wasn't wanted. Hell, she even said she hated me.

Yet I kissed her because it felt so damn good to kiss this infuriating woman.

What did she want?

Who the hell knows what a woman wants?

Her hands slid up my body and curled around the back of my neck. I felt her body pressed up against mine and hell, I have never been so turned on my life.

Tearing my lips away from her, I looked at her hooded eyes. It seemed I had kissed the anger out of her.

"Why did you kiss me again?" she whispered.

Her voice a lot huskier and softer now.

"To shut you up."

That was the wrong thing to say because her eyes opened and she glared at me again. I sighed and released her.

"What got you mad, Doll? Was it Clover?"

"I'm not mad at her." Tamsin rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Was it the way I held her? Because I'll let you know, I'm not yours. I'm a free bastard with no strings attached."

Her scowl deepened. "You know what? Fuck you, Kai. You're a fucking jerk. Who the fuck said I wanted you?"

"Your responses to my kisses says otherwise."

"It's just a fucking kiss. I'll respond the same way to Dean if he kissed me."

That put a fucking flame inside of me. What the fuck does she mean by that? I gripped the back of her neck and pulled her up against me again.

"Say that again."

"I'll kiss Dean and like it."

I slammed my lips over hers, but this time she was prepared. She bit me hard on the lips and then pushed me away. Her hand raised in the air to slap me across the face, but she stopped midway. Her eyes stopped at my bruised face and she lowered her hand.

"Don't kiss me ever again, Kai."

"What is your issue, Doll? Was it because I had Clover on my lap?"

Her irises dilated and her nostrils flared.

Ah...so it was how Clover sat on me...

"Clover and I are friends with benefits. I satisfy her needs while she satisfy mine."

Wrong thing to say again, Tamsin pushed away from me but the grip behind her neck kept her in place. I looked at how angry she was and was enthralled at the fury growing inside this tiny body. She was a bundle of surprises. I always thought Tamsin to be Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes, but hearing her swear turns me on. Seeing her fight and be anything, but calm was intriguing.

"That's why you should keep away from me. I don't need to be in this."

"What Clover and I had back then, no longer applies now. She found herself a boyfriend."

"Oh, and her boyfriend just so happened to let her sit on your lap?"

"It's not perfect, Doll. I never said I was perfect. She came over to visit and stuck around this morning."

Tamsin huffed and shook her head.

"I can't do this. It's making me feel things I don't like and I don't want to feel this way. It's not my place to judge your relationship with Clover. Our relationship is strictly platonic and unimportant. I think you and I should focus on our project. It is almost completed. We just need to do the finishing touches and we are done."

Was it her nonchalance in Clover and my relationship that caused me to feel irritated or was it her ease in placing whatever it was that was happening between us in a box with walls? I don't know exactly, but I hated that she felt it was necessary for her to put up walls.

Tamsin turned to walk away. I watched her head for the door. My brain was telling me fuck it. This was what I wanted. I don't need her in my life. She was a mess herself and my life hasn't been the same since I met her.

Yet...

"Doll," I called out to halt her.

She didn't listen. Continued walking to the door like she didn't hear me. I stalked after her. I reached for her elbow and as soon as my hand wrapped around her elbow, I yanked her back.

"Let me go, Kai. I'm going to be late for class."

"It's a little too late for that. The last bell rang a long time ago." I pushed her up against the door.

Tamsin shoved me hard again. It seemed we were at it again. The tension between us was still there. I didn't like it at all. She has been avoiding me all day.

Suddenly, she stomped on my feet. I groaned in pain, but released her. She shoved me back and then quickly open the door to leave. Unwilling to let her go, I chased after her.

"Tamsin!" I shouted.

She stopped and I stopped.

Tamsin turned back to me. Her brown eyes wide with surprise.

"You said my name."

I walked—limped my way to her. I took hold of her elbow in case she decides to run again.

"Our relationship is not platonic. We're friends."

She softened and nodded.

"And you care for me." I couldn't help but add.

Her face broke into a smile and she nodded. It made me feel better. Yesterday when she told me she cared, it made my heart throb almost painfully. But it didn't mean I didn't like to hear that she cared.

I watched her go.

Later that day, I sat around this burger joint with Devon, Benny, Nina, and Clover. Devon and Nina had already finished their food and leaning into each other whispering and kissing. Benny was busy shoving fries into his mouth. Clover sat next to me while I tapped away on my phone.

"I tried getting into your phone last night, but I couldn't." Clover leaned over to look at my screen. I shut it off and sat it on the table.

"I changed it."

"You changed a lot over the year. When I heard from Benny that you stopped changing girlfriends on a weekly basis, I couldn't believe my ears and had to come see for myself."

"Shouldn't you be a busy trying to get Mikey boy back?"

"Why? He's the one who decided to take a break."

I didn't respond to her. I looked at Benny, who gave me an apologetic smile. Clover leaned in and wrapped her arms around my arm. Her breast pressed up against mine. I remember many nights of us fucking just for the fuck of it. There was no string attached. She had an itch and I was ready to relieve it. Our relationship happened for a week until I called a stop to it. I didn't want emotions involved. I just wanted to have fun.

It was true that ever since I started talking to Tamsin, I had stopped talking to girls or even looking at them. Back in the day, I used to feel something when a girl would come onto me. It was different now. I felt nothing, but irritation for Clover.

Don't get me wrong. She was a good person with a very troubled past too. She hides her wounds like many of us and pretend like it didn't affect us. Using sex as a way to cope with our troubled past.

It wasn't the right way. Anyone with a right mind would know this and put a stop to it, but fucked up people don't know the line between right or wrong. They use it like it's a drug.

When Clover met Mike, she stopped using her body on men and changed. She was trying to be normal. I could see it. However, broken people can't be fully healed. There would always be a crack in whatever was put back together. Nothing would be the same.

People like us, others don't want to waste efforts in saving. So, where do we go from here?

Tamsin's face appeared in my mind and I recalled her smile. She said she cared for me.

I removed my arm out of Clover's grip. She pulled back and looked at me oddly.

"What's wrong, Kai?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"Does it have to do with the girl I met this morning?"

"No."

"Then why don't you and I have a little quickie in the bathroom right now." She lowered her eyelids.

"Do you think Mike will appreciate you sleeping around when you two are officially broken up?"

She groaned and crossed her arms.

"I know what you mean. I'm just...I'm just so frustrated with him. He's trying so hard to understand me—"

Benny made a joke and Devon picked up something from the table and threw it at him. He ducked just in time. The trash hit the back of Benny's seat.

"He's a better guy than me. I wouldn't waste a second on a girl."

"Except for Tamsin, huh?" Clover asked.

I felt my body tense, but Clover wouldn't see it. She would've felt it if she was still holding my arm. I picked up my phone, unlocked, and scrolled through it aimlessly—not necessarily looking at anything in particular.

"You should go back."

"I am not ready to talk to him yet."

"If you wait too long, you might miss your chance."

"I didn't come here for you to be my conscience, Kai."

I looked at her. Was that how I looked in front of Tamsin? Someone who clearly looked broken, but unable to accept it. Trying to be normal, but totally failing at it? Or did it take someone who was just as broken to recognize someone who is broken too?

"It's up to you, Clover. I ain't offering anything here. Go home and fix your shit."

She rolled her eyes and settled back in her chair. Benny and Devon continued bickering while Nina scrolled through her phone. Benny and Devon knew how fucked up my life was. One time they came over to hang, my dad happened to come home early. It wasn't a pleasant sight. My dad was flipping angry. He threw things and pushed them out the door.

After they left, I got beat up by my dad until I understood that friends were not allowed to come over. The next day, Benny and Devon connected the dots. They knew it was my dad who did the beating. Yet they didn't treat me any different. They still treated me the same and didn't push me to approach something I wasn't ready to talk about. Every now and then, they would make a remark about talking about it but they didn't push me.

Nina didn't come in till last year. When I was with Clover and hanging in her town, Devon and Benny came along with me to a house party. There we ran into Nina. Devon and her hit things off right away.

After we finished dinner, I said my goodbyes and headed home. Clover stuck around with Nina, Devon, and Benny. They were going to head out drinking at the park. I didn't bother going because I didn't feel like it.

When I made it home, I stood outside smoking. The humid night air was heavy tonight. My shirt clung onto my skin, but I wasn't ready to head inside. I could hear the TV going off. The lights in the living room were shut off but the light from the TV lit through the sheer curtains.

My phone beeped and I slipped my hand into my pocket to pull out my phone. I looked and saw a text from Tamsin. She wanted to meet tomorrow during study hall to complete the final steps of the project. I texted her where to meet and she suggested in the library. It was quiet in the library. It would be easier to study without any interruptions.

I replied back with a thumbs up before closing my texting app. I saw a friend request notification came through and I looked to see that Tamsin had added me on Facebook. I opened up the app and looked at her profile picture. It was one of her smiling outside on a sunny day. She looked happy and enjoying the sun.

I clicked 'Accept" before clicking on her profile picture to go to her profile. There I saw her posting a lot of quotes and pictures of her being outside. I flipped through the pictures and stopped on a particular one.

In the picture, she was sitting on the swing and smiling at the camera. Tamsin had on a white sun dress and her black hair was down in soft curls to her back. I clicked on the picture to enlarge it and zoomed in on her face.

I don't think I have ever seen her smile this way. It was a different kind of smile. It was warm and sincere. I tapped on the picture again and saved it. After, I shoved the phone in my pocket and finished off my cigarette before tossing it on the grass.

I walked inside finally. I noticed my dad dead asleep on the couch. Several cans of alcohol on the coffee table and on the ground. I didn't bother turning off the TV. At least it would keep him asleep. If I turned it off, I'll risk him waking up.

I finished off the night by taking a shower and then changing into boxers before falling into bed. I put my arms behind me and stared up at the ceiling.

I could stop my dad from beating me. We were both even in height. I would be able to knock him down quickly. Years of fighting in the ring does that. Yet he was my dad. I wouldn't even I could. Sometimes it makes me feel like a coward. Why do I let him do this to me?

I could defend myself. I could stop this once and for all, but he was all I had left for family.

Once I finished with school though, I would be moving out. I can't stay here. He can live on his own without me.

Those days of hiding in a closet or under the bed still lingered in my mind like it happened just yesterday. I remember the days when my mom was still alive. My mom always took the hits for me. She would always tell me to go and hide until it was all over. I remember seeing the bruises on her body. I remember seeing her cry when she thinks I'm not looking.

These dark memories lingered like my shadow. I tossed and turned until I was too exhausted. I fell asleep. When I fell asleep, I dreamed of my demons. I woke up with a jerk and sweating. My thin comforter fell around my waist.

I got up quickly and sat at the edge of the bed. Propping my elbows on my knees, I rubbed my face and closed my eyes. I needed another smoke. Standing up, I grabbed my phone and pulled on a pair of shorts before walking out of my bedroom.

The TV light was turned off. When I looked at the sofa, my dad was no longer sleeping there. He had moved to the bed. I walked outside and lit the cigarette before smoking it. Immediately, I felt the tension leave my body. The streets were extremely quiet. No lights were on. Neighbors were dead asleep.

I took my time smoking and staring up at the sky. I thought about my dream and how I felt while in it. A shiver crawled through my skin. I didn't want to think about it. Closing my eyes, I inhaled the night air.

Tomorrow is a new day.