But I will spend a lifetime

Trying to understand

Why someone sharing my bloodline

Would not lend me their hand

***

The first time that he remembers waking up; he's alone.

There's an IV in his arm and one of those oxygen masks morphed to fit over his beak. It doesn't take long for him to realize that he's strapped down and every breath hurts.

He doesn't know how he got here but he knows it was bad- memories muddled and overlapping as panic corrodes them, dragged under by past sensations of gagging- choking- acid swimming in his throat as his mouth is held shut, forced to swallow liquids that blaze through his insides like wildfire-

This is pain- he's in pain. It hurts- it hurts - he's in danger. He's not safe- thIS HE ISN'T SAFE-

He bucks and thrashes in the clutches of a delirious panic, and father's name is the first to break the confines of his stinging throat. It feel like he's swallow glass, and all he wants is to get free and locate his brothers, because- nononono- if he's hurt and not safe then they could be hurt not safe not safe- hurting hurt- not safe- HURT NOT-

He's hissing and whining and screaming when a blob of white enters his blurring vision, but he's not actually saying. Anything.

He has so much that he needs to get out, so much terror and fury that commands someone's attention. His face is wet and his vision is blurry and he can't move. His brothers are in danger and he's stuck and hurting and can't get free trapped trapped scared stop-

He wants his brothers- he needs his brothers- Needs needs needsneedsneedsnee-

There's a voice, but it's not them. Not them- Not THEM- Leo Mikey Donnie give them back give them back give them BACK-

Ugly coughs burst free, so hard and sudden that each inhale sears intolerable pain. There's a razor slicing his throat and acid in his lungs, tearing at his brain like the sobs that wrack his chest. His body wants nothing more than to pass out, but he stays awake on willpower alone, screaming audibly but wordlessly for his family through the tears and pain and fury and a needle entering flesh-

He wakes up.

It's in the exact same room in the exact same way, only his memories flood back before mindless panic has a chance to sink in. His head is strapped down as well, the not-table standing him upright and allowing him a clear view of the silent form tapping away at his laptop.

Ferrall doesn't turn, and Raph lets his eyelids flicker shut.

His tongue is heavy and he can't feel his limbs, but he can't find the energy to care. There's a taunting migraine thrumming in the back of his skull, and the room has to be far too bright for anyone with vision to find remotely comfortable. There's barely any sensation keeping him attached to reality, even as he fights against slipping into the density of sleep.

He wakes up.

This repeats more times than he can keep track of. He can't feel anything, and his mind and body won't listen to him anymore. He latches onto the relief that being unresponsive means no more tests, and training, and pain.

It's not worth it to fight the endless loop, so he doesn't.

When he's awake, he's barely present enough to realize he's conscious at all.

The few times Ferrall caught him with his eyes open; he'd been chided and scolded like a toddler.

Because, obviously, as a reptilian, Raph should have known better than to drown.

It doesn't matter that his human instincts had been the ones to kick in. The way that Nutjob complained, anyone would have thought he'd purposefully decided to take a quick nap, or that he should have psychically sensed the harness would jolt in their efforts to wake him up.

He wonders how the wacko can seriously believe that none of it was his fault.

Doesn't matter. Nutjob can keep whining for all he cares.

It's not easy to fall asleep on the icy floor- much less with every limb aching and adrenaline coursing through his blood, constantly anticipating the moment when he'll be dragged off to the next round of torment and horrors. He was tired.

It's degrading, and uncertain guilt trickles behind the churning shame. It's not long before Ferrall is muffled by the beckoning of sleep.

When he's asleep, he never really knows it until he's waking up. At first, he barely recalls anything while between sleep and wakefulness. Nothing more than snippets of voices, or someone adjusting his limbs or taking his pulse.

Then, he began having the dreams. Dreams twisted from past memories, of being sick or injured at home and doted on in all the ways that he finds exhausting. Mikey making him soups and bringing him comics. Donnie checking his temperature, rambling about everything and nothing that matters, constantly readjusting his pillows or blankets. Leo dragging him to the main room to 'keep on eye on him' while getting ready to marathon a few hours of Space Heroes, giving him a pillar of safety to fall asleep next too.

He hates them. The dreams and the fake brothers. He hates that he actually believes he's home and continually wakes up with the planted idea that his brothers are nearby, only to discover a harsh reality. That ache in his chest cuts deeper than anything else has.

A flush of anger warms his body to an almost disorienting extent. It brings him to his senses.

Coming out of the numb stupor, he slowly raises his eyes from the floor and squints at the bright room around him. He's still in the lab, not that he expected to be anywhere else. There's a familiar clipboard on the table lining the wall across the room, but no mad scientists or mutant henchmen. The area is completely vacant.

He's awake... With no supervision...

Which is... Weird, right?

He flexes his hands, letting out a relieved breath when they respond naturally. All things considered, he actually feels pretty okay. Nothing aches or throbs and breathing isn't a struggle- which makes him wonder how long he's been unconscious for.

There's no hope of getting free, but his heart rate picks up, adrenaline urging him to brush off the last of drugged sleep. His gaze travels around the room with sudden unease, wondering if some kind of mistake had been made, or if this is a test or study. If so, then why leave him restrained? He can't do anything like this.

There aren't any cameras but that doesn't mean that Ferrall isn't watching. He's a creep who's always watching. Is he supposed to do something? He wasn't told to do anything. Or, he doesn't remember being told. How is he supposed to remember anything in a drugged stupor? He can't; that's how. And Karl can't discipline if Raph isn't told, right? Right! He hasn't done anything wrong so he can't-

Oh. Oh no.

Raph growls low in his throat as his talons dig into the not-table, breaking through the fabric. He embraces the new frustration, letting it overwhelm the panic. No. No! What's wrong with him!? He sounds like a total pushover! Nutjob's been trying to get in his head and he's letting him!

Seriously! Pointless paranoia is supposed to be Leo's thing!

Well. Maybe Leo or Mikey. Mikey's always been pretty good at attracting trouble or blowing missions, especially when he's freaked out. So at least he's got a good reason to be a whimp. Some days it's unbelievable that he can handle the stealth part of being a ninja.

Knucklehead...

His heart pulsates in aching nostalgia, bringing an unexpected spike of pain. He wonders how long it's been since he last saw them. Why hadn't they found him yet? How hard could it be to locate some multi-level lab building run by the mafia? Did something happen?

Were they hurt? Caught?

Another pained beat. Could Nutjob be after more turtles than just him?

Are they-

"YAAAA-"

A loud crash echoes through the room, directly followed by a startled shriek, and all Raph's fears about tests and punishments come crashing down on him. He doesn't know what to expect when he turns to the sound, trembling and ready for the latest definition to the word pain.

He certainly didn't expect his youngest brother, sitting up and rubbing his head on top of a large vent cover.

Raph's mouth falls open in a numb disbelief, unable to process more than- was there always a vent there?

"Ever heard of stealth?" Raph's gaze shoots to the square hole above Mikey, finding a familiar huffy gaze planted on the youngest. "Some ninja. Why don't you find some alarm to set off? Attract the whole building to our location?"

Donnie! They got to him!

Mikey looks up, a proclamation clearly on the tip of his tongue, when he subconsciously glances to the side and locks eyes with the wide emerald gaze that's half-scared to blink him away. He grins proudly and scrambles forward, skidding in front of Raph to gasp, "I found him!"

His smile is infectious, and Raph decides it's better than crying anyway. An airy laugh escapes and he looks back to the vent, two more turtles dropping to the floor with a soft clang. The resounding chorus of "Raph!" is probably the best thing that he's heard in... Ever.

"Guys!" He knows it's going to sound so cliche, but he can't help the instinct to cover how absolutely amazing it is to see them. "Finally! What took you so long?"

Donnie rolls his eyes as he moves to the control panel like a moth to a flame, and Leo almost seems stiff as he states, "Long story. How do we get those off?"

"That panel. I'm not really sure how-"

"Got it." Directly after Donnie's announcement, Raph feels the shackles release. Mikey unbuckles the leather strap and Raph practically falls on his younger brother, clutching his biceps as he fights to get his legs to support him.

"Careful bro." Mikey instructs as he allows Raph to get his footing, worried gaze shooting between him and the ground until he's able to steady himself. Mikey catches sight of the metal around his arm, mouth falling open. "He put cuffs under your cuffs? Dude's obsessed."

"You're telling me."

Raph lets go, and he expects Mikey to re-initiate contact. It wouldn't be the first time he tackled him into a hug and blabbered about how long he was gone or how worried they'd been without bothering to ask permission- not that Raph'd refuse the hug, because he wouldn't mind further proof that they are really, physically there- but his little brother steps back.

And he stands there, frozen a moment before he decides that it would be too embarrassing to actually ask for something that childish, so he lowers his arms. Donnie enters his space to lift them back up, examining the metal that's practically skin-tight.

Raph's stomach twists with a confused bitterness. Leo frowns. "You look horrible."

"No kidding." Irration flashes and it comes out harsher than he means it too. "Haven't exactly been staying in a five star hotel."

"Chill, Raph." Donnie chides distractedly. "I'm sure you haven't seen a mirror in some time, but you don't look like a particularly healthy turtle."

"'Sides, is that any way to greet your heros?" Mikey pouts with crossed arms.

Raph swallows down the new guilt. First time seeing his brothers in- forever, and the first thing he does is jump down their throat? What's he even got to be mad about? He probably does look horrible. "Yeah. Whatever. Can we just get out of here?"

"Soon as we can." Leo affirms. Their gazes lock and Raph can't read Leo's. He hates that with everything in him, though he can't explain why, and Leo breaks eye contact to turn to their brainy brother. "Don?"

"No trackers, but those aren't coming off any time soon." Donnie releases Raph and steps back to plant himself by Leo. Mikey's on Leo's other side, but Raph feels like there's a distance between him and them that's way longer than it obviously is.

He desperately wants to close it, but he shoves the feeling down.

Donnie looks to their leader. "I can't find a purpose for it. I believe it can wait until we get back."

"Actually, they're-"

"Then we make our way out. Me and Donnie will take the lead; Mikey, on Raph."

Raph clamps his mouth shut and stares at the immediate dismissal. Was that on purpose? Did he not hear him? How could he not hear him?! He's standing right here!

The notion of being ignored rubs at a sore spot, and he does his best to squash the familiar annoyance before it can fester, reminding himself that they're here to save him.

Leo's distracted trying to make sure everyone gets out. What kind of ungrateful jerk would yell at him for that? Especially since he was the one who messed up and got captured.

...Is- Leo upset with him? Is that why he's so... Off?

He did make it so they were all in an enemy's den.

Maybe Leo has a right to be angry...

Weapons come out and his brothers start to move, but Raph's mouth opens. "My sais?"

The brothers look between them. Leo shrugs. "Must have forgot."

"Forgot?" The accusation is obvious. Leo bristles. "They slipped our mind. We were a little busy trying to hunt you down."

"How am I supposed to fight?" Raph shoots back because that just feels like poor planning.

"Not every plan involves violence." Leo snaps back. "Sometimes it's a good idea to run away from the men with guns. Or did you forget years of stealth training?"

Raph forgets his rebuttal of how they all have their weapons out and geared for a fight, his heart pounding as his thoughts spin. Not because he's wrong; he's not wrong, but Leo wasn't there, none of them were, how could he possibly-

Mikey shifts uncomfortably. "Dudes, come on."

"This is not the time." Donnie agrees, his attention on the leader. "Can you please do this later?"

Raph has to know. "But how-"

"Everything doesn't have to be an argument!" Donnie whirls to glare at him. "Why do you have to make everything difficult? In case you didn't notice, we are attempting to rescue you. Can't you hold your temper for five minutes?"

Conflicting emotions squirm as he clamps his mouth shut.

What is wrong with him? They spend all this time looking for him, and he's thanking them by pushing their buttons and getting them bent out of shape. They need to get out of there, but he's holding them back with dumb questions that can wait.

When he remains stunned into silence, his brothers start moving again, and he looks back to the open vent. Refusing to question the plan that Leo must have thought through before they arrived, he follows them to the lab door.

They slip into the hall, and Raph can't help but tense. He expects a guard at every turn, but the hallway is suspiciously empty. He knows there should be more, and he wonders if Ferrall knew his brothers were coming. Is there some sort of trap? Shouldn't he say something?

"Guys-"

"What now?" Leo turns to glare at him and Raph wonders if this is how Mikey always feels.

"There should be more goons." He grumbles. "Like, a lot more."

The glare fades some and a vengeful sort of satisfaction prompts him to pass the leader a knowing look. Ha. Useful information, isn't it?

"How sure are you?"

"There's always some around." Raph assures. "And a mutant bunny."

"A mutant's working with them?" Mikey questions in surprise, before Leo argues, "Why would the mafia do that?"

"Not work with- work for." Raph insists. "He's as nuts as Nutjob and does whatever he says."

Leo's brow furrows. "Who?"

Oh, yeah. Uh- "Ferrall? Crazy scientist, lab coat. Runs this place."

His brothers pause to stare at him, and despite all reasoning, it clicks for Mikey first. "You named a baddie without me?!"

"You weren't here," Raph deflects simply, flashing the scowl a smirk. "Shoulda come sooner if you wanted naming dibs."

Leo shakes his head and peeks around a corner. Donnie looks between duo exchanging smirks and glares before sighing, "Back to things that actually matter... I can't speak for mutant bunnies, but Ferrall shouldn't know we're here. He shouldn't even be here."

Leo nods acknowledgement as they start moving again, and Raph adds, "The bunny- Karl-"

Mikey's tone drips with disgust. "Karl?"

"Trust me; not my idea."

Mikey sniffs and juts out his chin, so Raph continues, "Karl is like violent guard dog. Like, really violent. Breaks bones for fun, violent. He's large and fast and-"

"We'll handle him." Leo slows and they follow his lead.

Raph is about to demand that they don't underestimate Karl because he's straight psycho, but Mikey reassures, "Raph, it's cool! Leo's got it all figured out!"

Leo taps the elevator button and it slides open. His brothers rush inside and, unable to believe that he's being told off by Mikey of all turtles, he stomps after them. The moment the door shuts, Raph snaps, "Does he? Because this plan is pretty lame!"

"Oh, yeah?" Leo's eyes narrow. "And how's that?"

Donnie groans. "Not again."

Raph pointedly ignores him. "You realize we're about to walk right into an ambush, right? Pretty sure Ferrall has a thing for those!"

"Ambush was always a possibility." Leo taps a button and it glows a bright green. "We have one shot at this, Raphael. If you could stop being a hindrance, that would be intensely helpful. Unless you'd like us to leave you to be a guinea pig pig for the rest of your life?"

"Of course, I don't! Why would anyone-" He suddenly processes what he said, and teeters between angry and confused. "W-wait. What does that mean?"

"We can't keep coming back here. Placing ourselves in the hands of the enemy. Putting the family at risk like this. Ferrall wants you." Raph's heart sinks. "I wasn't even sure coming here was worth it, but I figured we had to at least try."

Leo might as well be quoting from a script with how calm and grim his tone is. It cuts deep, and Raph can only shake his head slowly, unable to process what he's implying. They're not- they can't seriously-

"If we came once, they'll expect us to come again. The chances of finding you again are pretty low, much less managing a possible break-out." Donnie supplies helpfully, twisting the blade further in. "If we manage to get out of here at all."

"I don't really want to have all my insides put in jars." Mikey admits softly, and Raph's heart jumps because he can't stand the thought either, choking at the array of all-too vivid images flooding in- Mikey splayed out on one of the not-tables, blood on Ferrall's gloves and his plastron in pieces, a still-beating heart being set in a clear jar, near the rest of his-

"It's too big of a risk." Leo saves him from the scene that he could practically see unfolding before him, and Raph's reminded of reality. He meets his older brother's gaze, lost and pleading.

Leo doesn't look away. "You don't really expect us to take that kind of a risk just for you?"

They're serious. They're...

His shoulders slump and he looks away, surrendering against something that he could never ask. Leo continues on. "Goons, mutant, ambush- whatever is coming, we're here now, so we're getting out of this. We know what we're doing."

Leo really doesn't. And if they only get one shot at this-

"Karl's insane! He- You don't know what he's like!"

"Can't be too different from the other crazies." Leo shrugs dismissively. "Just another mutant who wants us dead." He swirls his sword a bit. "I'm sure we can handle some mafia brute."

"He's not just some brute!"

"They're always brutes." Donnie huffs. "Seriously, Raph, we got it."

"Why aren't you listening to me?!"

"You're letting him get in your head." Something in Leo's voice flickers, but then it's the usual flat judgement. "You're letting him scare you."

"I'm not-!"

"You've only been here a few days, and they already have you under their thumb." Donnie accuses, his voice darkening unnaturally. "We've known you for years, and we hardly ever get you to listen."

"It's not- I'm not- they don't- I-I-"

Raph doesn't know why he's pushing this on them- they'd dealt with insane mutants before- but he doesn't like the idea of Karl brutalizing them. He can't stand the thought of Karl looking at them the same way that he looks at him- like he was a twig to be snapped, or a bug that he took pleasure in ripping off the wings.

He just doesn't know how to explain that. "They don't! I mean it! He's not like other mutants. He's more than a brute- he- he threatened to beat me for kicks!"

"So, exactly what you do to us." Donnie points out blandly.

Raph's brain stalls. "W-What?"

"You heard me." The sardonic tone matches the hard stare. "I mean, sounds pretty familiar, doesn't it?"

"You really think yelling is going to help?"

"No, I think hitting is going to help."

"I'm supposed to discipline his projects."

Raph's breath catches, and Mikey decides, "If he's like Raph, then dude's probably more bark than bite."

"You should see your face! You look so mad right now-"

"Okay, Spike, you'll love this show. It's called- Does Mikey bend that way?"

"Who's to say one night when Doc is out, I don't decide to use them? Stage a little escape attempt? Have a little fun of my own, hmm?"

Leo smirks wryly. "Like I said. Just a brute."

"What gives?!"

"I'm tired of training with kid gloves! No one's pulling punches out there! Why should we do it in here?!"

"If you're such a goody-goody, how come your little tool here is the perfect length to do this!"

The elevator dings and Raph jumps. The words seem to echo around them, merging and separating like a horrific chant, but his brothers don't acknowledge them. Mikey pulls him back and Raph allows it, a cold shudder brushing down his spine.

The elevator opens to a barred door, which opens to reveal a warehouse full of boxes and assorted objects. The room is dimly lit, offering plenty of shadows for evil to lurk in. He can't even see past them- it's like the edges of the room are swallowed by the darkness.

Raph brings his arms to his chest, heart pounding as Leo creeps out with Donnie directly behind.

He doesn't feel remotely safe anymore. He takes a step back.

There's a horrible feeling sinking down his gut like slime, and all he wants is to find somewhere to hide. The Room- The lab- Ferrall didn't punish him when he evaded during his escape; he'd probably avoid punishment if he goes back now. But- but that'd be like giving up an-and he can't abandon his brothers. He can't let Ferrall have them; he can't let Karl find them- him- he can't-

He approaches the elevator doors, gathering the courage to urge Leo and Donnie back, looking out into the darkness that's thick and daunting. They are too close to it, too close to danger, too close to-

Raph's cuffs lock.

He gulps in a horrified breath, snapping up to glance out to any high points because he knows- he KNOWS- HE'S OUT THERE-

Mikey snatches Raph's elbow to tug him out and Raph fails to plant his feet, dragged into the open before he can find his voice. "M-mikey, wait-!"

Just as easily as Mikey grabbed Raph, they are torn away as a blur of grey barrels into his little brother. Karl kicks him into a stack of boxes, and his carapace slams through them, spreading them out around him as he hits the wall and disappears into the black.

"MIKEY!"

He pays for his wasted cry when Karl grabs his shoulder and throws him, sending him rolling to the ground, skidding on his carapace. He gasps for the air that is knocked out of his system, and then Karl is leering over him, the claws of his brass knuckles digging into his chin. "That wouldn't have been your brother, wouldn't it? One of the ones who were going to break you out? Kick my butt?"

He moves closer, and one of the spikes breaks skin, a trickle of blood traveling down his neck. "If you ask me, I'm going to be the one doing all the kicking. Hitting, punching, cutting- all the good stuff. Won't that be fun?"

"Leave them alone!" Raph practically begs, unable to swallow the terror and fury fighting for dominance in his gut. He doesn't dare move despite how much he wants that statement to come with a solid punch to the muzzle, and Karl's twisted grin widens. "Honestly, you should be glad, Raphael. With the fresh meat, you can finally have a little break-"

"Excuse me!" Karl jolts to the side as Donnie dives from a high perch of boxes, eyes white as he whirls the staff in one hand. Karl raises his hands to block, and Donnie spares no force slamming the staff into his arms, knocking him a few feet. "Sorry to disappoint, but he's coming with us!"

"Donnie!"

"Raph, are you-" Donnie glances at him, and then to his arms, eyes widening in understanding. "So that's what they-"

"Focus!" Raph demands in panic, moving away when Karl steps forward ominiously. "Sorry? Oh, you're going to be sorry, all right."

Raph knows that pose, and he knows that look. "Don, he's gonna-!"

Karl launches himself across the distance, tackling his younger brother on his carapace.

Donnie adapts swiftly, lifting his staff between them as he hits the ground, turning his head to avoid a blow to the face. Karl's hand connects with the ground, a frustrated growl escaping, and he grabs the staff to try and yank it free. Donnie's glare narrows as he stops pulling and slams it upward, returning the favor with a wooden blow to the muzzle.

Raph's heart leaps to his throat, stricken in place by the battle unfolding in front of him.

Karl shouts and Donnie knees his gut, attempting to throw his weight off.

It works, but Karl manages to yank the bo staff free, throwing it the moment that he reaches his feet. Raph watches as it flies across the room, only to be swallowed up by the far shadows.

It's then that he remembers that he should be more than a spectator in this rescue. His head snaps back to the danger, and finds Donnie cornered by a large stack of boxes, panic settling in as Karl leers over him. He almost seems bigger than before, like he's growing, but Raph knows that just his fear taking over. He ignores it, focusing on the swirling shock in his younger brother's eyes.

He knew this would happen! He told them! He'd told those idiots but they never listen! They never do- He knew they'd underestimate Karl and then they'd get hurt! Karl hurt him and now Karl was going to HURT THEM -

His hands lower unprevented. A growl rips from his throat, the burning pressure on his chest making each breath heavy, taloned hands flexing as the weight encourages an immediate and satisfying form of release.

No.

No, he's not.

Raph's played this game a million times, and there's only one thing that's going to relieve it, so he does as ever fiber of his being demands. Use it.

"HEY FREAKSHOW!"

Karl spins as Raph closes the distance and leaps, elbow catching him around the neck as he snatches his ears, using the momentum to force the rabbit into the ground. Karl's spine and skull hits, and he cries out, but Raph's carapace takes the blunt, allowing him to roll to his feet and hurry for his frozen brother.

He grabs his wrist and throws him forward, uncertain how long Karl will stay down. "Move!"

"Raph, your cuffs-?!"

Raph shoves him as they start running, assuming that he's about to make some nerdy remark that no one but him cares about. The last thing they need is to draw attention to his open cuffs, because if Karl remembers to lock them, he's going to be a lot less helpful in getting out of there.

He smothers the spike of uncertainty that spawns as he focuses on the much more imminent danger. "Not now, Donnie!"

"But Raph, they-!"

His brother's voice sounds funny, mixed with something disorienting and gruffer, but Raph ignores it, shoving him a second time. "I SAID NOT NOW!"

Donnie takes off and Raph hits the ground, realizing that something caught around his leg as he spins to face his sneering captor. "Going somewhere?"

Panic and anger swell in a familiar desperation, and he reacts with it, rolling forward and throwing himself at him. Karl releases his leg in surprise, and Raph knocks him on his back, a sharp hiss warning him off as talons sink into the flesh around his jaw. He throws a punch. Raph ducks his head and raises his shoulder to block, letting the blow land.

Raph then grabs the hand, slamming it down on his own skull.

Karl's body spasms with the pain, knocking Raph's grip loose. Karl takes advantage to grab his face and throw him off, and Raph lands on his side, trembling and panting as he props his body on one arm. He desperately scans the room, and finds his brothers on a dizzyingly high stack of boxes, just as Leo ushers Mikey out the window.

"GUYS!"

Donnie pauses, but their leader urges him through, and he obeys without further hesitation. Raph watches in shock, the eldest brother's words ringing in his brain, echoing impossibly through the room.

"We have one shot at this, Raphael. If you could stop being a hindrance, that would be intensely helpful. Unless you'd like us to leave you to be a guinea pig pig for the rest of your life?"

Raph unsteadily climbs to his feet, stumbling as Leo's gaze lands on him.

"We can't keep coming back here. Placing ourselves in the hands of the enemy. Putting the family at risk like this. Ferrall wants you."

His older brother rises from his crouched position, katana firmly in his hand, and Raph doesn't know why he suddenly has the overwhelming urge to cry, shaky voice pleading, "Leo! Brother!"

"I wasn't even sure coming here was worth it, but I figured we had to at least try."

Leo's eyes harden, and he turns away.

"It's too big of a risk."

Raph can't breathe, taking off to the stack that seems millions of miles out, hands outstretched to the turned back of a brother who only seems to be getting further away. "Leo! No, wait, please! GUYS- NO! WAIT, COME BACK, PLEASE, LEO-!"

"You don't really expect us to take that kind of a risk just for you?"

Raph trips.

He lands hard and his own talons slash his arm when he tries to catch himself, drawing a pained gasp and slivers of blood. The overlapping agony is ignored as he lifts himself up, looking back to the window to find it empty.

"It's too big of a risk."

He's gone.

"It's too big of a risk."

He's GONE.

"It's too big of a risk."

GoneGONEGONEGONE HE THEY JUST LEFT-

He screams.

He shrieks the anguish as his fist slams into the ground, hunched over to expel the conflicting emotions from his system because there's no way NO WAY NONONO- He wouldn't leave- HE LEFT- He'd NEVER- NOT NEVER NOT Donnie Mikey Leo- NOT LEO- LEO- GONE- HE DIDN'T- GONEGONEGO- HE'S NOT-

Raph's thrown on his carapace, shocked when air brushes against the tears staining his face, grunting as a knee digs into his torso, a hand enclosing around his throat. A whine and hiss combine in a pleaded warning, talons latching into his assailants shoulder, tearing at the fur and skin when the pressure increases.

"You really think I'm going to let you escape?" Karl snarls manically, a grin stretching unnaturally on his features. The shadows around them darken the area to the point that Raph can't see anything but the demented mutant above him. "You think you're ever getting out of here? You think you can beat me? Please! You're nothing. A freak his own family doesn't want!"

The haze that blurs the mutant clears as he blinks them free. He chokes as his airway stays close, frantically digging his talons into bones, desperate to get his assailant to release or shut up-

"You're Ferrall's now. Ferrall's to stab and hit and cut and break and kill."

He leans closer as Raph's vision begins blackening, but he's not sure if it's from the lack of air or the shadows that are swallowing Karl, tendrils creeping over the both of them.

"Or maybe, he'll let me do the honors."

He wakes up.