I loved

And I loved

And I lost you

And it hurts like hell

***

This is literally the worst.

Donnie flicks the globe sitting to the right of his computer, leaning a bit further into his palm. The silence in the lair is deafening and his boredom is immeasurable. He has half a mind to pull a Mikey and start irritating their impossibly inconsiderate brother with the usual 'how much longer?'s or 'are you there yet?'s that Mikey used on them when he was bored.

It grates on their nerves to no end, so he knows it would work...

...But Leo would know he's doing it on purpose and that would just make him less likely to let him attend the next mission.

Rockwell has already deemed him more or less out of serious danger. No need to jinx his chances prematurely.

He wonders how Sensei managed it. How he managed to keep his cool knowing his family was out in the field. How he didn't smother himself in worry. How he could stand not knowing what was going down at that exact moment as the unease settles into the pit of his gut. How he always seemed so composed whenever he greeted them home, poking questions about their missions that often went unanswered.

Donnie lowers his finger, watching the globe spin. How often did they do that?

Dismiss him out of turn because of the importance of a mission. Ignore his questions because they were seen as an attack on their ideas instead of an offering to help. They never listened unless he didn't allow them a chance to walk away, or had to speak over them...

Though, that mainly started after their fifteenth mutation day and their new freedom. He wasn't hovering behind their shells anymore. They could make their own choices. So they took advantage. He gave them independence and they took it in stride.

He swallows a lump.

Did he ever regret it? Letting them go up?

A soft sigh as he stops the globe and sits back in his chair.

You're doing it again. Get a hold of yourself, Donatello. Your brother is missing. Focus on that.

"Everyone ready?"

Donnie jolts in his seat and realizes that Leo must have queued into the group frequency. There's a notification on his screen. He clicks it to give confirmation and the transmitter on Leo's person begins forcing its way through the building's mainframe.

This is far from its first rodeo after their many incursions over the past week, and it gets inside within seconds, exactly as Leo's slightly irritated voice chimes in with a tone of warning, "Donatello."

Donnie doesn't know why he has to bother checking in when he is literally just sitting in the lair and out of any sort of danger. He opens up the camera feed before turning on his mic. "Yes. I have eyes inside."

"Good."

Donnie pulls up the cameras for the floor underneath his group, scanning it over as Leo adds, "And we're clear?"

He nods and then catches himself. "You're clear."

"Then we're headed in. Dial if you see him so everyone can reign in on your positions."

Donnie decides not to grace his eldest brother with sarcasm.

"We know how this works, Leo."

He smirks as Leo hangs up as a response. He checks his laptop as Karai's and Slash's dot darts into their respective buildings. Leo remains still and Donnie knows he's making sure his team gets in first. Their leader is nothing if not unnecessarily chivalrous.

He begins pulling up the camera feeds for each floor, and soon, most of the rooms are under his whims.

He frowns.

He doesn't like the limited eyesight.

He gives himself a few minutes to tackle the problem before checking on the team. Leo remains on the roof, staring at his blade as if searching for something in his own reflection.

Donnie's brows furrow. He opens a private line.

Donnie dials.

Leo picks up.

"Leo?"

A moment of pause and then a hurried. "Still here. Moving out."

Hmm.

Leo drops to the floor. He heads over to his team and then looks straight at Donnie. Blue eyes are sharp and focused, ready to get a move on. Donnie subconsciously straightens as he decides to set his hesitation aside for now.

"Where too?"

"I can see the halls." Donnie offers as he gets back to work on rectifying the current flaw in his eldest's brother otherwise impeccable plan. "There are several rooms lower down that don't have cameras. Or if they do, they aren't connected to the security server."

He presses enter with a smirk as the code finishes. A big, fat, red pop-up invades his screen and his eyes widen in surprise. "Wha- ACCESS DENIED?! COME ON!"

"...Don?"

"Oh. Sorry. No dice." Donnie dismisses as he composes himself. "You find a way in. I'm going to see if I can break this firewall."

A question barely filters in as Donnie gets to work. His next few tries fall flat, and as much as he wants to be annoyed, he can't help but wonder who set this up. It was similar in construct to a few of the online defenses for the gang labs, but this particular system must have been upgraded recently.

As much as he loves a challenge, he has a brother to find.

His gaze strays back to the cameras. The team is in an elevator, moving past the floors that he'd managed to hack and rule out from the outside. He glances at movement on another screen, watching a goon type the final few numbers into a pad. 3-2-6. Interesting.

He scans a few floors and watches a different door getting open. 8-4-3-6-3-2-6.

Donnie scoffs in disbelief. "With their firewalls, there's no way the gang's that dumb."

"Repeat?"

"8-4-3-6-3-2-6." Donnie reveals, checking the floor that they're about to enter.

"And that means something to me becaaauuuse..?"

Donnie rolls his eyes. "It's the code for the rooms. I saw some guys use it on separate floors. I can't believe they actually use the same code for each room!" He grins. "Lame, right?"

"I'd go more with convenient. For both sides." Leo's a mix of amused and smug, so Donnie counts it as a win. He hears Leo call out Mikey's name, a brush of wind and muffled voice, and then Mikey's asking, "Code?"

Ah. Taking advantage of a 'phonographic' memory. Always one step ahead.

Donnie graciously repeats the string of numbers. Mikey slaughters the numbers and then sings them out in some blurred rap.

He shakes his head and get back to work, absently questioning, "Hey, you have the EMPs?"

"I handed them off to Mikey."

Donnie lets this sink in. "...You handed Mikey EMPs."

"All he has to do is push a button." Leo huffs as if Mikey isn't supremely skilled in messing up the simpliest of tasks. "Even he can manage that."

"I wish I could see those babies in action." Donnie mutters dreamily as he looks at the wall across his lab, knowing he'll lose connection to all systems in the near vicinity when they go off.

"You hack those camera feeds yet?"

Donnie straightens guiltily. "Uh- working on it!"

Thankfully, Leo leaves it at that. The team genius resumes his duties, falling into the codes and managing to get sight into a few rooms on the lower floors. Each room has a firewall of its own and many of them didn't seem to bear a reason for that kind of security. Maybe they're only for diversion... Higher security in a certain room draws eyes. This gives any invading white hat a difficult time of actually finding what they're looking for.

He wonders if this level of planning was done by the mafia or a gray hat.

A glance at the computer screen has him doing a double-take. The laptop is abandoned as he snatches the t-phone, gaze narrowing on the new arrivals. There you are...

"Leo?"

"What is it?"

"The Fulci twins are here. Bottom most floor." Donnie watches them enter a room, a weapon snug in their hands. The door shuts behind them as he tries to pull up any camera in the room. Another rude rebuke of Access Denied. "I can't get through those firewalls. Whoever set these up really knows their tech."

"Then we regroup." A pause. "The Twins have to know where Raph is being kept, right? Whether or not he's here, they'd be able to tell us. And considering how freaked they get around mutants, a little well-placed threats and we'll get the information in no time."

The confidence in Leo's tone has the unease in Donnie settling. "Try and figure out who the new leader is. If he's kidnapping mutants and targeting our family, a name would be a good start to figuring him out."

"Good call."

Donnie pulls up the needed cameras as April's voice comes over the line.

"Just head straight down." He informs Leo. "I'll alert you when you reach the door."

Conversation flows and then dies as Donnie divides his attention between the firewall and the live feed. They didn't need any surprises. "Mutant hunters, directly ahead."

Lively conversation between his brothers and then, "Where too, Don?"

"I'd say four doors on the other side."

Donnie watches his methodical movement. "That's it."

"You're sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"A'right, here's the plan." Donnie lets his full attention reign on the impossibly stubborn code. He either wants to shake hands with or slap whoever came up with these systems. "Donnie can't break that firewall-"

"I'm bypassiiing."

"-not a dig; just a statement."

"Sure, it isn't." He grumbles as he tries a different sequence.

He listens as the plan is laid out and the others make their objections known. He looks up when the t-phone reports that he's been muted and decides to leave it be. A frown forms as April announces a whole bunker below their room.

They must have hid construction from the city. He should have expected this.

Leo takes it in stride, so Donnie wonders if he'd already considered the option.

He scans through the cameras, but the hidden room must not connect to the system. He wonders how many other secret rooms dwelled in the other labs that they searched. Could they have missed Raph because he put too much faith in the blueprints?

His hand clenches uselessly next to the keyboard.

...Maybe they have their own blueprints in the system?

He latches onto that thought and starts delving through files. He hacks and skims and digs as far as the system goes, using the new anxiety as motivation. Used to working with bickering around him, he forgets to check the cameras and loses track of the team until Mikey's voice is ringing through his t-phone speaker.

"BOOYAKASHA!"

He sucks in a harsh breath and looks at the camera as Casey drops something in his hockey bag and then takes off down a line of stairs. He can hear the tell-tale sounds of battle and goons falling at the team's hands through Leo's phone, drawn into the noise as the urge to be there wells in him.

Leo's voice is dark when he speaks again.

"What did you do with my brother?"

Yikes. That's why they don't like getting on his bad side.

"Nothin'! I didn't do nothin'!"

He snorts and resumes his search with less fire, ridding any planted viruses and then saving whatever files that he can get his hands on. Whether or not there are blueprints hidden away, these might come in handy later.

"Where is he?"

"You kill me and that freak'll pay for it!"

"Who says I'm going to kill you?"

A loud cry and thud.

If Leo aims to sound downright murderous, he's on the right track.

"I want my brother."

"I don't-!"

A sharp gasp.

"I'm not going to ask you again-"

A muffled call and then April's voice. Donnie listens as Leo's tactful interrogation continues. An ugly side of him is glad that they're getting what's coming to them. They clearly hadn't learned anything from their last encounter. Probably because the stupid judicial system is corrupt and lets bad people off scott-free. All anyone has to do is give away a few gang members and suddenly their crimes are forgotten, leaving them all the time in the world to kidnap older brothers.

There's not an inch of him that feels sorry for them. They deserved jail time and they deserve this. He only wishes he could be there. All they have to do is give a the location, but they're playing tough-guys. That sounds like a personal problem.

He finds a string of code that is different from the rest. After some curious investigation, he realizes that he's entered an entirely remote server. He perks at this revelation and dives into the new electronic realm.

The first thing he stumbles upon is a list of project names that mean nothing to him.

Donnie closes out and finds hundereds of different folders with more folders within them. He digs into one, opening the first file that he finds. It seems to be chemical blueprints and notes for a new type of experimental drug. He clicks out and then enters the files next to it.

They're all drugs of one kind or another. The thing that captures his attention is the continuous mentions of mutagen within the chemical recipes. He freezes when a phrase catches his eyes.

Approved for Bio-Spawn testing.

Approved...

Bio-Spawn?

The term rings a serious bell, though he can't name why.

It's the TCRI debacle all over again.

He knows this. He knows this.

Come on, Donatello, what does it mean?

A bright alert takes over his screen, warning him that someone is reaching from the new system and into his. He immediately doubles back, scrambling to kick the black hat from his servers. They don't go down easily, but are no match for his recently installed Kraang processors.

They're dropped-kicked out of the server as fast as they'd entered and Donnie shuts the laptop down completely before they have a chance to return.

He lets out a long breath when he reboots and his files remain untouched.

Close one.

"Perfect. Tell us what you know."

Donnie zones into the conversation happening miles away and eagerly picks up the t-phone.

"Vinnie first. Then the information."

"Deal's a deal."

He keeps the t-phone in one hand and does an internet search on Bio-Spawn with the other.

It's... A biotech company?

That would explain why he's heard of it.

"You're not going to like what I have to say."

Donnie frowns.

"Tell me anyway."

Leo sounds unbothered.

"We didn't take him."

Likely story.

"Another guy did. Specilizes in mutants. We didn't know his plans."

"Doc's like a freelancer. Does what he wants."

Freelancer who specializes in mutant hunting.

Wonderful. As if they don't already have enough to worry about.

"When we went to check up on him, we found him with the muty."

Donnie scans through the information on Bio-Spawn website.

Biology experts.

Influential with all the last technologies.

Owner, the prestigious Victor Ferrall...

"Where?"

Ferrall. Victor Ferrall.

"Where was he?"

Why does that also ring a bell?

"Was Raph okay?"

He knows that name.

"Doesn't matter."

Has he done research on him before?

Seen it in a mafia file?

"He's dead."

Donnie's hand freezes over the keyboard.

An explosion of fury follows the remark.

He's inclined to agree with them.

"Oh, yeah?"

The words on the screen blur.

Donnie hates the confidence lacing his tone and the wave of goosebumps along his arms.

There's a long beat of silence. Something tears in the background.

"That thing clawed away at my brother."

"Hissing and growling- probably was going to eat him."

It both does and doesn't sound like Raph.

"Tried to escape. Almost made it out, so he ended the experiment."

The chair clatters to the ground, t-phone gripped tightly between both hands. Experiment? He was an experiment? They were experimenting on him?

The pressure on his chest swells. He swallows the panic.

They're lying.

They're- they're lying to make them stop looking.

They have to be lying, because that's the kinda thing the mafia would do.

"Doc's not a fan of his projects getting out of hand-"

"No."

"-and that one was already trouble."

"No, no, no, no."

"We tried to warn him."

"There's no way. Not him. Not Raph."

"Freaks don't make good pets."

"You didn't- he's not-"

"Don't believe him? We got a little souvenir for our troubles. Have at it."

Donnie hears a blade hit the ground.

He hears Mikey gasp; the desperate mumble of denial from under his breath.

Leo doesn't say a word. Hasn't said a word all this time.

He should be calling them out. He should be demanding the truth.

He should be wielding his razor threats, reserved only for those who hurt his brothers.

So why isn't he?

The labs echoes his silence and then-

"April?"

He expects an immediate denial. She needs to vocalize the lie.

She should have interrupted so much earlier. Cleared the air before fear slipped into his baby brother's voice.

April doesn't answer.

She isn't answering she won't answer why isn't she-

A cold chill runs down his spine.

Fight or flight steals his breath.

He knows this terror.

He's felt this distance- this weight- this helplessness-

Falling- falling- falling- falling-

His baby brother's voice is so small.

Her voice rings clear.

"They're telling the truth."

***

If they had to use the EMPs, Donnie warned that it would fry their t-phones.

If the mission were to go south, they were to meet up at the rendezvous.

That was the plan, one based on ifs. They had it all worked out.

If they had to use the EMPS.

If the mission went south.

Mona is at the wheel, emotions carefully concealed behind a passive mask. No one comments on the blood that stains the steering wheel, dripping soundlessly along bright blue armor. Casey has his physical mask lowered, the one he and Raph made together, silently running a hand along Raph's station. April's face is buried in her arms, fingers clawing into elbows, tears soaked by the bands on her wrists.

Leo sits is on the floor, his little brother safely in his grip.

In one hand, he clutches the only piece of a lost brother that they have.

He hasn't dared release it, or even rest his wrist on the available carapace. The idea of it touching Mikey, of the horrors attached to it tainting the innocence that they've tried so hard to preserve, is more than he can bear.

It nauseates him to think about. How long they must have been carrying it. How it could have been taken away. Was it during the escape? Was it... After?

They could have desecrated him and they'd never know.

He wouldn't be able to be buried near their father. This is all they have.

A piece of him with edges so smooth that it had to have been cut away with precision. It's disgusting and vile and he knows everyone is thinking it and he's holding the shell in his hand.

Leo wants nothing more than to chuck it somewhere that even he won't be able to find it, far from anyone's eyesight or reach.

The thought only has him clinging tighter.

If Mikey has sentiments on it, he has yet to speak up.

He hadn't spoken since they'd left.

The orange mask is a darker shade and his shoulders still shake, but the heartbreaking sobs have descended into soft keens. Leo's face twists in a pain that he can't express, holding him with one arm and muttering reassurances that are meant only for the youngest Hamato. Gentle, meaningless consolations that neither of them believe.

No other sound is made until the van comes to a stop.

The brothers don't bother with stealth as they dash to the door, throwing it open with a clang that slices the silence in half.

Leo releases Mikey's arm as they take off in sprints.

No one follows, even though the detour is not unexpected.

They should be at the rendezvous.

That was the plan, Leo's own carefully sculpted plan, but they couldn't care less.

The leader had given a breathless command and Mona obeyed without question.

They had one stop to make first, one more hug to squeeze into so they could breathe again.

They dash past useless plans and scattered objects filled with aching memories, ramming through the partially open door to find the last existing piece to their broken family.

The lab sits empty.