December 20, 2014

Michael and I were in Australia now, along with Calum, Luke, and Ashton. I was still living with my parents and Michael was living with his, but I was over at his house a lot.

I had been having a little bit of nausea and cramping for the past few days. My period hadn't come at all since about the middle of November, and I was getting worried.

I decided that I would tell Michael I was just going home to my house. I needed to be sure that nothing was wrong. I went to the local drug store and picked up two pregnancy tests to take, as I had about four months ago. I had the same situation then, and I wasn't pregnant. Maybe I was just too worried about it?

I made my way home after purchasing the pregnancy tests, and I made sure my parents didn't see the tests I had bought.

I had used the bathroom connected to my room to take the tests in so my parents wouldn't go in there and see the tests there. If I wasn't pregnant, I didn't want them to know that I thought I could be pregnant. If I was pregnant, I didn't know how I'd tell them. They're really protective of me.

I had taken both tests and let them in my bathroom for about five minutes. I sat on my bed, thinking while I was waiting. Michael texted me many times during that five minutes. I didn't want to text back at the moment. I was too worried. If I was pregnant, would it be Michael's or Louis's? I had sex with them both within a twenty-four hour time frame. I wasn't ready to tell Michael it wasn't his baby if the baby was Louis's.

Five minutes after I had taken the tests, I walked back into the bathroom to look at the results of them. I sighed as I looked in the mirror, not yet looking down. I finally brought myself to look down at the tests. Both of them were positive.

I cried quietly for at least five minutes alone in the bathroom. If the baby was Louis's, I would lose Michael, and he would be really mad at me. If the baby was Michael's, I'd be okay with that, but my parents would still be mad at me.

I realized that my parents would be mad at me either way, but they'd be even more mad if the baby was Louis's, because they would know I was cheating on Michael. I just couldn't handle the situation at the time.

I decided that I would go for a checkup to confirm that I was pregnant before I told anyone. I took my pregnancy tests out of my bathroom and took them with me, just in case my mum would go into my bathroom and see them.

I got into my car slowly, then started the car. I sighed and I pulled out of my parents' driveway and drove towards the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital, I reluctantly got out of the car. I opened the door and sat there for a minute, not wanting to go in. I knew I had to. The tests told me I was pregnant, and my mum had told me there's never a false positive on a pregnancy test. I just didn't want to face the truth. Either Michael was the father or Louis was the father. If Louis was the father, I would lose Michael, and I would hurt him. I was so scared and confused. Why did I have to put myself in this situation?

Finally, I walked into the hospital. I talked to a lady and got an appointment for five minutes later.

I sat in the hospital waiting room for five minutes. Those five minutes attacked me, forced me to think about everything that was going on. That was five minutes alone, five minutes I had to think about anything and everything. I hated it.

When the nurse called me in, I was relieved. She had gotten the ultrasound equipment set up. She had me lie down, so I did.

The nurse squeezed the cool gel onto the wand, then placed the wand on my flat stomach that wouldn't be flat for much longer.

She pressed a few buttons, keeping her eyes on the screen and slowly moving the wand around on my stomach. She kept the wand still and clicked a few buttons before pointing to the screen.

"You're pregnant, congratulations. It looks like you're about six weeks," she smiled at me, and I slowly created a smile in my face.

"Would you be able to tell the exact date I conceived?" I asked. I wanted to see if she knew when the exact date was. I wasn't expecting an exact answer, though. I knew she wouldn't be able to tell me the exact date. I could just hope she would.

"I would say.. Maybe November 19, 20, or 21? That's probably the time you conceived," she responded.

I nodded and smiled politely, "Thank you." I knew that didn't help any. I needed to know if I had conceived on November 19th or the 20th. This was terrible. I wouldn't know until the baby was born.

The nurse gave me a wet paper towel to clean off my stomach. I threw the paper towel away in the trash can adjacent to the table. I sat on the edge on the table with my legs hanging down the side while the nurse's focus was on the computer.

"What name would you like printed on here?" She asked, typing on the computer.

"Uh, Clifford, please," I told her, tapping my fingers on my thighs. Michael will probably be really excited about having a baby after getting over the initial shock of it. I didn't want to get his hopes up if the baby was Louis's. I would have to tell both of them, and I'd tell Louis that it may or may not be his. I'd tell Michael that the baby is definitely his.

The nurse printed out a few copies of the ultrasound. She handed them to me, and I thanked her before sauntering out of the room.

When I got out to my car, I placed the ultrasound copies and my wallet in the passenger's seat to sit along with the pregnancy tests. I put my keys in the ignition, put my hands on the wheel and sighed as I backed out of my parking space.

I drove away from the hospital, thinking the whole time about how I was going to tell Michael. I would have to just text Louis. I began crying while I was driving.

After arriving at Michael's house, I sat in my car for a few minutes. I dried my tears, and I slightly fixed the little bit of makeup I had put on that day. I grabbed the pregnancy tests and put them in the pocket of my jeans. The ultrasound copies went into the pocket of my light jacket. I held my wallet in my hand and opened the car door.

I walked to the front door and rang the doorbell once before letting myself in. I was definitely not ready for this, but I had to be.