“Here’s your first paycheck, kid. I really hope you’ll reveal that face of yours already…”

When Choi Yeonjun received his pay check after filming his first adult video, he started crying. He still can’t believe that this is the only way he has to feed his family. After receiving his first pay, he was able to eat a proper meal for himself.

“YJ! This is Kai, he’ll be under your supervision for now. Just tell him about the basics.”

Yeonjun frowns while looking at the young boy from head to toe and back. “He’s a kid,” Yeonjun stated.

“He’s in legal age already, YJ.”

“Hi!” Kai smiles as he greeted.

“Why are you here?” Yeonjun asked.

“I saw your video, I’m just curious,” Kai chuckles and smiles widely.

Yeonjun hated the idea of Kai or any teens entering the adult film industry because he as well started as one. Kai has been honest about how he feels towards his senior since day one but Yeonjun keeps on rejecting him. Even though they argue from time to time they still go out together, eat together, and of course see each other on bed.

“Do you like Choi Soobin?” Kai asked Yeonjun one time.

“Maybe? I don’t know…” Yeonjun casually reply while looking at his phone. “He’s good but he’s still studying.”

“You like him and you hate me?” Kai frowns.

Yeonjun sighs and look at Hueningkai, “I don’t date co-workers,” he answered and laughs.

Kai rolled his eyes, “So he has a chance?”

Yeonjun shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know. I don’t really wanna ruin someone’s life… though I’m about to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Soobin… his desires are too wild that he’s letting those eat him. If he can’t control it, he’ll really get crazy,” Yeonjun stated.

Kai nods, “I didn’t know that…” he muttered. “But you’ll still like him?”

Yeonjun sighs again and turn off his phone, “I have priorities, Hueningkai. You know it well.”

“How is she?” Kai suddenly asks.

Yeonjun closes his eyes in frustrations, “I don’t know… Everything’s so messy…”

The next morning after Kai drugged Soobin, Yeonjun’s talking to someone over the phone. He’s clenching his fist and his lips are shaking uncontrollably.

“W-what do you mean she’s dying?” Yeonjun asks, gritting his teeth.

[They did everything they could. I-I don’t know what to do now…]

“I gave the money so why… W-why did it happen?”

[Yeonjun… Come here please. P-please, I don’t know what to do.]

Yeonjun ended the call and went back to his house, that’s when he noticed Soobin’s already up. “You up?”

“How did I get up in here?” Soobin asks in curiosity.

“I’m not sure, why not ask yourself?” Yeonjun sarcastically replied that made the younger frowns.

“Huh? What—”

“You’re done interviewing people in the HQ, right? Go pack your things and go home for now. I’ll call you for your final cut,” Yeonjun cut him off.

“Wait! Isn’t I supposed to say that?” he continue frowning.

“In three days, I’ll be filming outside the HQ. It’ll be in a private resort and I’ll be with different set of production crew. Things could go wrong in there and for sure you can create drama in there. Just rest for now and comeback in three days,” Yeonjun stated and turns his back.

“Wait! Hey! Wait!” He heard Soobin yelled and run towards him to grab his arm to stop him from walking. “What’s with this sudden cold treatment? What happened last night?” he asks.

“Let’s just rest, okay? I’m tired as well,” Yeonjun just answered and continue walking away and went to his room. “Just close the doors when you go out.”

After that night, Yeonjun flew right away to US. When he confirmed the situation, his life started shattering piece by piece. “Dad! Dad!” Yeonjun turns around and tried his best to smile and hugs the five-year old kid.

“I’m sorry, daddy’s late, Yeon Ah,” Yeonjun apologizes and carry the kid kisses his forehead.

“Dad! When is mom going to come out in that room? I saw doctor rushing inside!” Yeon Ah curiously asked. “Is mom going to be, okay?”

“Mom…” Yeonjun tried to compose himself. “I’m sorry, baby,” he apologized and hugs Yeon Ah so tight. “Mom will be happy, okay? Mom will live now in wonderland.”

“Dad… why are you crying? If mom’s going to go to wonderland, why are you crying? Wonderland is a happy place! We went there too, right?”

Choi Yeonjun doesn’t know what how to explain things to Yeon Ah anymore. Even himself, he’s out of strength already. Good thing one of his friends in the country that’s also taking care of Yeon Ah helped him out.

He went inside the room there he saw her, lying and almost lifeless. Yeonjun holds her hand as he cries. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I did everything that I can,” Yeonjun cried.

The lady feint a smile and slowly shook her head. “Yeon Ah… T-take care… of h-her… please…”

“I will, I will. I will, okay? Don’t worry about her. I will always take care of her,” Yeonjun smiles and kisses her forehead. “You fought so well… You can rest now. I will raise Yeon Ah exactly as brave and kind as you, okay?”

When the lady finally departed, it was the hardest moment of Yeonjun’s life. He loved her for so long. He always did and now that Yeon Ah is alone, Yeonjun did his decision.

Yeonjn decided to retire from pornography industry for the sake of his daughter, leaving Soobin behind eventhough he knows well he’s going to hurt him so bad.

THREE YEARS LATER

“Dad! Aren’t you going to eat this cake? I bought this for you!”

Yeonjun clearly heard Yeon Ah speaking while munching her food but his head is clearly floating. He saw Soobin. He saw him again after three years and he’s guilty.

He’s guilty after leaving him.

Yeon Ah noticed that her dad is out of himself so she approached him and takes a seat beside him. “Dad, do you know the blonde guy at the store earlier?” she asked.

“Kinda… Actually… Yeah, I do,” Yeonjun answered.

“Who is he?”

“A friend? I don’t know…” Yeonjun sighs. “Your aunt will be here any minute, I’ll go outside when she arrived, okay?”

“Where are you going?” Yeon Ah asked curiously.

“Just around,” Yeonjun smiles. “Thank you for the cake, baby,” he smiels and kisses her cheeks.

“Ew! Stop calling me baby already! I’m not a kid anymore!” Yeon Ah complaints and went back to the kitchen, pouting.

“You’re only eight, you pumpkin!” Yeonjun laughs at his daughter’s reaction. “How I wish your mom’s seeing you grow,” he whispered to himself.

Couple of days after Yeonjun accidentally meet Soobin, the younger never left his mind. It’s not that he misses him, Yeonjun just know his mistakes.

Around midnight when Yeonjun decided to goes out for clubbing and unwinds from his work. He’s silently drinking alone at the corner when he saw Soobin walking down the stairs from the upper floor.

Yeonjun just stares at him from afar while he’s holding the glass and sipping on it. Soobin’s clearly tipsy and already planning to go home but some stranger started asking him out.

“I’m sorry, I need to go home—” Soobin got cut off.

“Then let’s go at my home! Let’s go! Let’s have fun!” the stranger asked him once again and holds his arm.

Soobin tried to pull his arm but the grip is tight. “Let me go!” Soobin shouted.

“Come on! I know you— hey! Who are you!?”

Soobin’s eyes widen when he realizes someone’s kissing his lips, claiming it, and moving that made him follow every waves of it. “I’ll take him,” Yeonjun stated and pushed the guy away then dragged Soobin out of the club.

“H-hey… You… Y-Yeonjun… Hey. Hey!” Soobin pulled himself away from Yeonjun’s dragged and they stopped walking, they are already outside of the club.

“I’ll get my car, wait here,” Yeonjun stated and walks away.

“Hey! You really think I’ll come with you that instant!?”

Soobin found himself in the front seat of Yeonjun’s car who’s taking him to the closest port in the city. He’s biting him lips and pulling his nails. He’s starting to overthink things once again. What will really happen to him tonight?

Yeonjun get off from the car and Soobin followed him. They stand beside each other while watching the low waves of ocean and cold winds of the port.

“W-why… why did you take me here?” Soobin asks and purses his lips.

“I’m sorry… If I leave you just like that,” Yeonjun apologized. “I do like you but… I’ll only ruin you, Soobin.”

“You already did,” Soobin stated.

Yeonjun gasps, “And good thing I left… I know it was so dumb. Like leaving you without any explanation, I know I told you many times that I can’t be with you but I’m still guilty for I know I confused you with my actions,” Yeonjun explained and look at Soobin, “I’m sorry, Soobin. I really am.”

Soobin sighs, loosening the tension of his shoulders, and smiles for a second. “You’re already forgiven,” he stated. “You have your fault and so I am. I have fault at myself because I let myself be blinded by my lustful desires and pushed things, insisted things that everything will work out,” Soobin chuckles. “When I clearly know, it won’t.”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. I have things to do, I have lots of stuffs—”

“Like taking care of your daughter?” Soobin directly asks him.

Yeonjun was quiet for a minute and decided to speak up, “Choi Yeon Ah… isn’t my daughter,” Yeonjun answered and Soobin blinked for twice. “She’s my sister’s daughter. My sister’s sick and when she got pregnant, it was either the baby will survive but she’ll suffer more or she’ll live but Yeon Ah won’t be born,” he started.

“My sister decided to keep Yeon Ah and when she gave birth, her sickness worsen that’s why I was eager to work and work for more because her medications costs so much as well as her operation—”

“Wait!” Soobin acted so confused. “So why is she calling you dad? Don’t tell me that!?”

“Yeon Ah’s father did not take the responsibility,” Yeonjun replied. “But she needed a dad and so I stood as one,” he stated. “Things were so heavy that time, I don’t have the time to explain things to you and I don’t want to ruin your project if I told you I’m leaving because I know you’re going to come with me or stop me,” Yeonjun explained.

He continued, “That’s why I left with no words. Hueningkai knew my reason, she knows Yeon Ah, she knows about my sister as well. I don’t want to commit because it might distract me from doing what I need to do. I have priorities and you have your career as well.”

Soobin nods, “I understand,” he whispered. “I’m sorry as well for thinking bad things about you…”

“How have you been well? For the past three years?”

Memories started flashing across Soobin’s eyes, he gulps when that simple question took him back to how he suffers from his illness. “I was… fine. It was good. The documentary project was a success… have you watched it?”

“I did,” Yeonjun answered. “You did well by the way,” he compliments that made Soobin smiles and let soft chuckles. “You were so awesome and… I’m proud of you,” he added.

“Thank you,” Soobin smiles and move in front of Yeonjun to face him. “Did you love me?” Soobin asks.

“I didn’t…”

Soobin felt a bit disappointed yet he nods and smiles at Yeonjun. “Why?” he asks.

“From the first place, I know we aren’t meant for each other. From the first place I know things won’t work out between us. Even if you insist that that we can make things work out if we want, it still won’t. Because I don’t want you to be with me. I want you to focus on your career— just look at how successful you are. If you stayed with me at that time, I don’t think you’ll be in here,” Yeonjun explained.

“Also, like I’ve said, I have other priorities. I have Yeon Ah to take care of and I want to give her everything she deserves,” he continued and smiles. “You? Did you love me?”

“I was crazy in loved with you, Yeonjun.”

The long silence enveloped each other. The waves continued to sound at a distant. Yeonjun is seeing how sincere Soobin’s eyes that are piercing his. He is speechless though he already knew the answer.

“And when I say crazy… It is real,” Soobin added. “But I really thought I was,” he pauses and breathes. “But when things started to get clear, I realized that I wasn’t. It wasn’t love and you were right… love and lust tends to mix because they both releases the same dopamine of happiness. On the latter part, it hit me that it was just because you were the one fulfilled my sexual desires in life,” he explained.

“And I will still feel the same thing that what I thought ‘love’ to other guy who will fulfill those,” he continued and purses his lips. “But not gonna lie… I did like you more than those lustful desires, Yeonjun.”

“I did too,” Yeonjun smiles. “And I’m sorry for hurting you, Soobin.”

“It’s okay… There’s nothing we can do about it already. Sorry can’t bring back time, it can only at least make us go forward,” Soobin stated and smiles adorably.

Yeonjun suddenly grabs him and hugs him tight. “I’m sorry, Soobin. I’m really sorry for everything and I am so proud of you… and to everything you’re going to do,” he whispered while caressing the younger’s back of the head.

Choi Yoenjun will not deny the fact that he did liked the student Soobin before. He adores him and he was willing to keep him if he only allowed the time and himself to do it but Yeonjun has plans. Yeonjun has other intentions. Yeonjun wanted to do other things without Soobin in the picture and he did. Yeonjun achieved his will and he was glad everything turns out fine in his side. He was glad Choi Soobin forgives him.

“I’m sorry as well, Yeonjun… and thank you for coming back and telling me this. I am glad that you were fine and you’re doing great. Thank you for meeting me as well,” Soobin replied while grabbing the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt.

Choi Soobin fell for Yeonjun. He might suffer with mental illness when Yeonjun triggered it and left him, he cannot deny as well that he liked him more than a desire. Soobin decided not to tell Yeonjun about what really happened because Soobin believe that he is accountable for himself, for all of his actions, and Yeonjun does not have any fault. Soobin was thankful for Yeonjun letting him go that time because if Soobin knows that if he stayed, he knows he will really ruin himself. He was thankful to Choi Yeonjun because after what happened, he healed himself.

Maybe they were just really meant to meet. Maybe they are just two strangers that got casted in an indie melodrama film and have their endings already written on the scripts with their actions as the director. Choi Soobin who found himself after the chaos and Choi Yeonjun found his purpose after chaos only proves that you are creating your own timeline, you are the director of your own movie, and that you can manipulate and edit things as much as you can.

There might be no rewind nor fast forward in everything but you can actually enjoy the minutes of your life until you reached your desired ending.

Choi Soobin and Choi Yeonjun, just like the other plot and cuts of a film, they also have their own ending.

“Take care of your daughter and help her grow well, okay?” Soobin stated when he pulled himself off Yeonjun.

“You too, take care and produce a lot of project that people will love, okay?” Yeonjun smiles and pats Soobin’s head. “Good bye and see you around, student.”

“Good bye and see you around as well… YJ. Thank you for being a part of my documentary project.”