4 - Let go
"Who's going to made lunch today?" Sam muttered as he voluntarily reached for his pill box, barely finished with breakfast. Penny noticed this but said nothing. It was raining outside. These were the days when his tired bones showed him they hadn't forgiven him for his youthful antics.
"I don't know. I have a feeling it's Mairi again," she answered, closing the newspaper with a sigh after reading yet another familiar name in the obituaries. A friend she'd been with at Newtown Academy. Everyone was slowly dying off, and hardly any of her closest friends or acquaintances were left.
"Yeah, probably. Since she's been home, she needs something to do to avoid strangling Ches," Sam replied after swallowing his pills with a big gulp of water and set about preparing their tea, laughing quietly at his joke. Chester was a gifted lawyer and mostly worked from home. Ever since Mairi had also been sent into early retirement, they'd been at loggerheads. They loved each other madly, but could just as easily get on each other's nerves if they were constantly on each other's backs. It was a good thing that Chester still had his office at home and Mairi had her club near the harbor, where they could escape. "It's bad enough that they cook for us at all. As if we can't do it ourselves anymore," Sam grumbled, always annoyed by it. Not so much that they were being cooked for, but more the impression it gave him—that he himself was no longer capable of doing it.
"You know they're not going to let that happen. After all, we've gotten them to the point where we can still cook for ourselves on Saturdays," Penny immediately took the children's side, and he agreed with a nod as he handed her a cup of tea and followed her into the living room.
"Why do you think they're doing this? Do they just want to pamper us, or do they really think we can't cope anymore and will kill ourselves?" Sam asked her as he plopped heavily onto their couch. They could desperately use two armchairs, as it was getting increasingly difficult to get up from the low couch. But since they were banished to the living room today, he also wanted to be able to put his arm around his wife and enjoy her closeness, something that two single armchairs the kids were trying to push on them would certainly deny him to do so.
"I have no idea. I just know that you really struggle with it sometimes," Penny said with a grin, and he looked at her in surprise before struggling further forward to reach the remote control on the table in front of them. It also seemed to be getting further and further away. Especially on days like today, when every bone in his body was aching. "What? How many times have you forgotten that you already had salt in the water for pasta or potatoes and added more salt?" she explained what she meant, and he rolled his eyes before he cleared the last few centimeters and grabbed the remote.
"I'll do it on purpose. Then you'll drink more. You know yourself that you don't drink enough, and someone has to look after you," he stated contentedly as he desperately tried to turn on the TV.
"You're so thoughtful," she remarked with a smile, wondering whether she should remind him that she'd told him last night that the remote control's batteries were dead. But apparently, he realized it himself the next moment, because he threw the remote back onto the coffee table with an annoyed snort. "Do you remember the first time we brought Mairi to Cardiff?" she asked him, to stop him from dragging himself back up and searching for batteries. They might as well reminisce. Who knew how much time they had left to share stories, and Mairi's first day at the academy was a particularly beautiful example of his thoughtfulness.
"Oh, absolutely!" he agreed with a grin, beginning to remember:
When we pulled into the parking lot of the police academy that Sunday, I was initially glad that it was so far away from the fire academy. I knew what the guys who went there were like. Young, self-confident, and up for any fun—especially with the girls. But as soon as I arrived, I was proven wrong when I discovered that the guys at this academy were no less good-looking and no less impressive than those at the other one. Apparently, a uniform turned all young men into self-absorbed macho men. I had already been an exception back then because I had received a good upbringing and learned to treat both men and women with respect and honesty. As I got out of the car, I wondered if there were still this rare breed of men here, and whether Mairi would find them there, or if she would end up with the wrong guys first.
"Where do we have to go to register you, darling?" you asked our daughter, tearing me out of my thoughts.
"To the main building. That's where the registration is. The letter says I'll get all the further information there," she answered.
"Well, go ahead then. After all, you've already been here," I urged her, thinking back to that disastrous day when she'd been here for the entrance exam. Malcolm had insisted on driving his goddaughter, since he and Rose had been responsible for her getting this far in the first place. It hadn't really damaged our friendship, but after she'd unexpectedly performed as one of the best and then, at 16, had been accepted to the academy a year earlier than everyone else, I'd already made it clear to him that I knew places in Pontypandy where no one would ever find his body if something were to happen to Mairi and I got my hands on him. It was stupid, because Mairi would have gone down this path anyway, whether at 16 or a year later, but I just couldn't help myself. It was so hard to let my little girl go and only see her on weekends.
As we entered the main building via the large external staircase, we were greeted by a huge foyer, with a counter in the middle, behind which two older women worked, looking up at us with friendly smiles. It reassured me somewhat that these two had already made a pleasant impression.
We let Mairi do the talking and stayed back. After all, she'd have to get along with the people here for the next four years and find her way around on her own, not us.
"I have one more question," I finally turned to the women after Mairi had thanked them, packed up all the papers she'd taken out of her bag and received from them, and was about to head off to the next meeting point. The women looked up at me kindly, while I felt the worried glances of my daughter and you behind me. "How far is the boys' dorm from the girls' dorm?" I asked anyway, and when Mairi's indignant 'Dad?!' was heard, the women started giggling, and you clapped your hands over your eyes. I still don't know what you had back then. That was probably the most important question. Our daughter was 16 and an exception. The guys there were all 18 and older. The dorms couldn't possibly be far enough apart to avoid corrupting my sweet, innocent girl.
"I'll show you on the map," one of the women said, laying a map of the grounds on the counter to show me that they were indeed at opposite ends of the campus. Well, in another country I would have preferred the boys' dorm, but I guess you couldn't have everything.
"Are there regular checks to make sure boys can't sneak into the girls' rooms?" I asked her anyway, turning to you when you said my name in that tone of voice, which you always do when something makes you uncomfortable and you want me to stop. You still hadn't grasped the seriousness of the situation. "What? I went to an academy too. I know how those guys tick," I said to you.
"Are you a police officer too?" the other woman asked me, interested, and I turned back to her. You just rolled your eyes in annoyance anyway.
"Firefighter!" I told her proudly.
"Oh, yes, they're up to no good. They keep sneaking onto our campus to..." the other one laughed before pausing, wide-eyed, looking past me. When I turned to you, you just looked innocently in the other direction, but I saw from the woman's expression that you'd done something behind me to signal her to stop talking. "But the worst of all are the girls. They're always coming over and trying to mess with our boys. So you should be more worried if you send your son here. The boys, on the other hand, are generally very well-behaved. Also, at 10 o'clock every night, they check to see if our students are in their rooms, and the dorms are locked so that no one can get in after that," the woman continued, and I looked at her thoughtfully. Not only because her colleague looked like she was struggling to keep from laughing out loud, but also because out of the corner of my eye I saw you give her a thumbs-up.
"And what about getting out?" I continued to ask her, ignoring your annoyed groans behind me.
"During the lockdown, they can only do this with the emergency opening, and then an alarm automatically goes off. The head of the girls' dorm will demonstrate to the newcomers tonight how loud the system is. If they do that because they want to escape for fun, they'll definitely be caught," the other woman explained, looking much more honest than her colleague.
"That sounds reassuring," I concluded, satisfied that my daughter was at least safe at night.
"You're welcome to look around a bit if you'd like. Our older students and instructors are happy to help if you have any questions," the first woman then offered us, and I hadn't said no to that, as you know. It didn't hurt to get an impression.
On our way across the grounds, more than one guy turned around to look at our daughter, said hello as he passed, or gave her a grinning wink. Just because you elbowed me in the arm or side every time, I didn't tell them off. I truly would have liked to. Especially the one who whistled at you because he thought you were a new teacher. Not that I couldn't understand him, but at that age, we wouldn't have even dared to imagine making such an obvious move on an older woman.
Our tour ended in the dorm that would become Mairi's home for the next few years. It was simply furnished. The rooms were always shared by two people and also simply furnished with a bed, a wall shelf above it, and a wardrobe for each person. At the end of the room, under the window, stood a table with two chairs. The communal bathrooms were apparently at the ends of the corridors on either side of each floor. It wasn't all that different from my time at the fire academy. Apparently, the two academies had the same architect.
Her roommate was a year older than her, but also in her first year, and seemed friendly as we left Mairi's suitcase in the corner by the wardrobe for her to unpack later.
"I just want to check the emergency exits before we leave," I interjected when you wanted to go home because it was already so late, and you immediately reprimanded me with that annoying "Sam!"
"If they lock the girls in every night, I want to make sure they can get out if something goes wrong," I told you why I was planning to do that, and you were satisfied with that. "But only then, understand, Princess? The lever won't be flipped to make you meet boys at night!" I remarked as I checked the nearest emergency exit at the end of the corridor, which led to the fire escape, while a few girls behind us went to their rooms and giggled.
"Dad! You're so embarrassing!" Mairi snapped at me, because she simply didn't understand that I was only worried about her.
"Do the smoke detectors actually work?" flashed through my mind after I closed the door again and was about to go back into Mairi's room to quickly test it, when you grabbed my arm and Mairi admonished me, just like you always do, with a nasty "Dad!"
"I'll check ours right away when I'm alone in the room, okay?" she suggested, and she had to promise me that before I reluctantly gave in and she accompanied us outside.
Of course, we hadn't made it to the parking lot without two guys turning around to look at her again!
"You call if anything happens, and I'll be at the door Friday afternoon to pick you up," I made it clear that I wouldn't let her out of my sight any longer than necessary.
"Dad. I can take the train. You don't have to come all the way to Cardiff to pick me up. You have to work, too," she answered again. We'd had this discussion so many times. She was such a good girl, remembering our obligations, but for once, my primary responsibility was her.
"I'll pick you up and I'll drop you off on Sunday. No discussion," I clarified as I hugged her, which you had already done, and I sensed that Mairi couldn't really let go either, even though she always acted so cool. Our hug was already taking too long."And woe betide anyone when you have even a scratch on a Friday!" I remarked seriously, but I wasn't talking to Mairi so much as to the guy who had just walked past us to turn around and look at my daughter's bottom. Did he really think we wouldn't see that?! He immediately opened his eyes wide and walked away a step faster. Well, he already knew. If he was smart, he would have informed his friends right away, too.
"Sam!" you moaned impatiently behind me, while Mairi admonished me again with her "Dad, please!" You simply didn't understand the danger we left her in. She only survived unscathed because I had made it clear to the boys from the beginning what would happen to them if they did anything to my girl.
"Let's go, Sam. Mairi needs to prepare for her first day and introduce herself to the other girls to get her foot in the door." Even I could see that. If she found friends here to surround herself with, she would be safer. Safer than I could ever guarantee unless I wanted to hang around there five days a week, sleeping on a park bench, so I could keep an eye on her. Besides, Mairi was quick-witted and knew how to help herself. So she wasn't completely defenseless and helpless. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.
I have never had to struggle with myself like I did the moment we left and left our daughter there.
"Which is why I drove home back then, otherwise we'd probably still be sitting in the car parking lot today, keeping an eye on the academy," Penny stated, laughing softly. Sam couldn't help but smile, too, because he had to agree with her.
"Our daughter was 16 and grew up in a very sheltered environment in Pontypandy. The world out there is a terrible place. Can you blame me for having a hard time leaving her there alone?" he replied, even though he could look back on it more calmly than he did back then.
"It was what she wanted. Besides, she wasn't all that alone. She quickly made friends and connections, and you called three times a day that first week, the last time always at 10:05 p.m. when the dorm was locked, to check that she was in her room and away from boys," she teased him, amused about his bad habits at the beginning.
"It's gotten better, hasn't it?" he replied, and it was true. He had gradually stopped doing it.
"But only slowly. Very slowly. You just couldn't let go," Penny stated for what must have been the thousandth time, and she was right. He'd never been able to, but neither had she. She'd just shown it differently, trying to distract herself with work and cleaning, only to be disappointed later when her home was still deserted in the evening.
"Lunch's here!" a familiar voice called into the house, and they heard the front door slam before her daughter disappeared briefly into the kitchen to put down her basket. "Hey Mum, hey Dad," she greeted them both as she joined them in the living room, first kissing her mother on the cheek as she helped her mother to get up, before doing the same to her father. The only difference was that both women helped him get up from the couch by grabbing him under his arms.
"Hey Princess, didn't you bring us one of your wild children today so we could enjoy some youthful energy?" Sam asked her as she stayed by his side, supporting him, knowing full well that on days like these he might stumble because his legs hurt so much.
"Dad, it's lunchtime. They're all still at work or school, where decent people who have to build a life belong," she answered with a grin as she walked him to his place in the kitchen, and a moment later pulled out her mother's chair so she could sit down as well.
"Not everyone can take early retirement like you because you've had too many holes burned in your fur," he remarked grumpily. He wasn't angry that Mairi had quit police work, just worried why. She'd taken too many bullets on active duty, and her annual health check last year had shown that she'd done too much damage to her body to continue active duty. But she'd chosen early retirement over the office job so she could take care of her club and her parents while she still had them. She'd never regretted it, except for moments like these, when her father expressed his displeasure with her past.
"Stop nitpicking, Dad. I was just doing my job and I'm still alive, right?" she replied cheerfully as she placed their plates in front of him and her mother so they could eat.
"You do, and amazingly, so do I and your husband. Though it's no wonder we've both had heart attacks," Sam noted. Although they both knew Mairi wasn't to blame for their heart failure, they both couldn't stop teasing her about it, because of all the family members, she had demonstrated the highest risk-taking in a dangerous profession – after Sam himself.
"The older you get, the more you sympathize with Ches! Should we get you checked for dementia?" she teased him with a grin, which amused Penny too. Sam had never made things easy for Chester. First not, because he was afraid for his daughter, that he might break her heart, and later, simply out of sheer glee.
"Very funny," he admonished his daughter, annoyed, between bites. "He's good to you. What more could I want?" he then stated, explaining his sudden peace with his son-in-law, which he had made with himself for much longer than anyone could have imagined.
"The main thing is that you're both doing well. That's what we all want, so you can stay with us and pick on us for a long time," Mairi said with a laugh as she unwrapped the dessert and placed it in front of the two of them. Penny chuckled quietly at her comment before they were briefed on the latest news from the Cole household, everything that had happened since yesterday.
To be continued...
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