[Hey, before you begin, start to listen to Sadness and Sorrow from Naruto at a much later time in this chapter, when you feel it getting sad. It will feel much better than doing it in the beginning. And thanks to Taylor Davis I have this beautiful version of this song! And finally that pic...I named this chapter after Parkway Drive's song so I had to have a pic of their lyrics...but I shall carry on...]

      There was no one at his throne, except his elven assistant (did she always stay there, even when he actually wasn't there)? I glared at her, too. Seems like I was glaring at everyone, nowadays. I thought about the reason why I was glaring...the source of my emotions, and I wondered if Uthgerd ever had to pay bounties, now that I was thinking of her. All the stuff we did together, she'd better get some of the debt I had to pay. Just like alimony, just reverse...once again, it's good I am not married. It would have made things more complicated for us to break apart.

        No Jarl. No one. Really, everyone was asleep. But that elven maiden was weird, not standing by his door, protecting him, while he slept. Whiterun, I think, with its rules (such as not cleaning off the streets of dead people and not guarding the Jarl in his sleep) was just extremely weird in general.

        And with bounties of 40 gold? These citizens and govenors were insane.

    I tapped into my curiosity and explored a room of the palace I never did before: the Jarl's room.Well, literally, he had many rooms, so I couldn't think of it as one room of the castle - maybe it was more a sector of the castle. But past the rediculing guards looking at me, and sniffing at me, maybe because I was an elf, which were guiding the Jarl's many rooms, I actually had made it to the Jarl's actual room.

        When I got there, I laughed, and I stiffled myself to a chuckle when I saw him sleeping. Haha, all  vulnerable, and his room looking like he lived in an average, less than rich house. He even snored like a working class citizen.

        I don't know why I was laughing: I didn't have a job and neither a Jarlship, but it was just funny. And as Thane to him, you'd think I'd be a little more considerate. No. I wasn't.

        I tapped him on his shoulder, then thought of a better idea. I took a nice sized baggy out of my sack and blew it up with air. Carefully, I lifted the man's sagging jaws and placed the bag on his pillow. His face was so heavy, though, that I almost sprained my one hand I'd lifted his head up with. And when I had finished that hilarious deed, I held both sides of his originally-lateral-against-the-pillow face and said, "You got gas?" And let his face fall to the cushion which then emitted a squishy, farting sound.

        I smacked my knees and held my stomach and chuckled so hard that my stomach started to hurt, and then all my injuries, too. But it was a good laugh.

       Wiping the tears from my eyes, I removed the baggy and as an afterthought, then blew it up again. I placed it on the floor, and from all the weight of my armor, it erupted more intense as I sat. "Oh, look, I guess it was me. Well, had to leave a present before leaving," I said, then picked up my baggy and left.

      I did so without even checking the contents of the dead-sleeping man's sleeping quarters because...I was pretty satisfied already. 

        I eyed the guards that squinted at me with one very nice gesture - a smile. The guards didn't know how to react to that, and I could see one stammering because he knew I was Thane and didn't know what much to say towards me. Why was I in the Jarl's quarters while he was asleep? I don't know. Maybe I wanted  a sleeping buddy. 

        I jogged down the stairs, "Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch," I sounded as the metal dug into my skin with every step. Once I got to the bottom, I eyes the sword case at the landing. Then I waved to a guard that I'd just noticed standing there that cleared his throat. Well, maybe next time.

        I really wasn't going to steal - I was actually too paranoid. One has to know what to steal in Skyrim so he or she doesn't get 40 gold bounties. No, I was never going to let that one up.

        Would someone stick someone else up for 40 gold? Maybe not. More like 100 gold. So anyway, that got on my nerves when I knew I deserved it, and more, so I should keep my mouth shut. 

        I nearly tripped over a strewn goblet and I eyed every single being around me, but no one was really around. Well, by now there was a few people. Now, I've been through the maid sector of the castle and back. It's funny because just when I knew I didn't have anyone else to company me, Lydia was there. I nodded to the ugly elven housecarl of the Jarl's and didn't even look directly at the Jarl in a greeting who looked like he still had a slight of shaving cream and a midget of grape jelly on his face. 

        He sure got ready fast. But I guess anyone would, if they had manual dressers present. 

       The iron-clad lass with brown hair was sitting at the last chair of the grand dining hall's left table. I tiptoed, trying to sneak up to her, then tapped her on the shoulder. She looked back and I ducked away. Tapped her again. This time she got up and withdrew her sword - 5 feet and iron - and then I tapped her once again, before she could see me, fully, and once she finally turned around and did, I put a hand over hers, which rested on her sword's hilt more calmly than I expected. "Hey, Lydia," I said, winking at her.

        Her jaw showed no sign of emotion: her eyes were more annoyed, but stern. I just shrugged. "Hey, it could've been that boy over there," I pointed to the Jarl's son, Nelkir, who looked like he was ten, and was short like a boy that age, too. The kid walked by one of the large tables in the dining hall and swiped a sweet roll. Yes, in the Jarl's palace, they were to die for. Warm. Fluffy. 

      I reached over Lydia, sporadically, and grabbed the sweet roll behind her on the table, and stuffed it into my mouth. She looked at me, judgingly, so I held it half-bitten out to her, "Wanna taste?" She shook her head vigorously "no" and I stuffed the rest in my mouth, and licked my fingers.

        "So, Lydia," I bowed slightly and held out my hand for her to take it. My right, icing-and-spit-clad-hand. She hesitated, then shrunk away as she shook it. "You have to satisfy my appetite for now on, housecarllllllll," I literally droned out the word so she could hear it exactly that way. I wanted to annoy her.

        But she only retracted her hand, politely, and wiped the chemical formations off her hand and said, "I am indebted to carry all your burdens."

        "Danggit," I said to myself, and then at her look of confoundment, I added, "Dang, you sure look beautiful today, of course. And you know what could make you look even better?" I smacked my helmet. "God - that didn't come out right. You look fine, Lydia, it's just -"

        "Don't be nervous," she said, "I won't bite. If anything, I'll bite anyone that tries to harm you."

        "That wouldn't be clean - or safe," I cringed at her words of exact dedication and selflessness that more than likely would harm her someday when she was traveling with me.  

        She raised her hand a little above her torso at that. Yeah. My saliva on her hand wasn't clean, or maybe safe, either, I laughed to myself. That was the point she was trying to make by showing her hand to me. "Hey, can I have some of that drink you were drinking?" I said, changing the topic.

       "Sure." She bobbed her head down toward its direction on the table and handed it to me. "Here." Her hand was shaking, the...bronzy colored liquid tossing tumultuously inside the tankard. 

      "Nah, nevermind. I don't drink, Lydia. I was just seeing what you would do in real life. And rule number one - don't ever share because someone may try to poison me and poison your drink or food, instead, and two...goodness have mercy on me, I don't drink." I pushed the drink away, slowly.

      She got the message and put it down. "Okay. What else do you want me to do?" her fingers tapped the side of her loincloth a little fidgety-like, but not very clear to me from what emotions. I thought she was nervous, though. 

       "I don't bite, either," I said, "I'm just the Dragonborn." I turned around, expecting her to follow me. 

       "Thane, I'm not afraid of you...it's just...you freaked me out with that sweet roll."

     I stopped walking, and then turned a full 180 degrees around, a glasgow smile on my face. "That's exactly what I meant to do." Now if I could get her killed on accident while I ran through the forest or stole a mammoth from a giant, I'd be pleased. 

     "As you wish, my Thane," she said. "I was very...uncomfortable. And if you'd need me to carry anything, buy extra food, I've got your back." I looked at her a little harshly, because that was Uthgerd's job, and I was really sad she was gone, and her saying all that...that's what Uthgerd did, and would've done now. But I had to get used to the fact that romance was dead...and only a solid friendship would last.  

    "Sure...I accept your housecarlship," I said, and took out my shield, it dangling from my arm sullenly while I walked out the double doors of the Dragonsreach, and nodded to the women that had started sweeping the floors, now, early.

        "Long life to you, Thane."  

         I glanced back at her. What did that mean? I was gonna die?

     I walked forward into the little green zones of the plaza of the Cloud District, spying some lavendar. The same color, almost, as the bed of flowers I saw surround Uthgerd before I last saw her: except these weren't stinking pink! I snatched a bundle up in my hand, and popped some in my mouth while Lydia looked at me as if this was the only weird thing I was going to really eat.

     What were the properties of the other ingredients? I thought, stashing into my pocket the lavendar and pulling out some butterfly wings I'd torn off from the flittering creatures...well, tore from their bodies, because those are the things I always discard...some time ago when repositioning the stuff in my sack at the Bannered Mare Inn. I stuffed the orange-splotched wings in my mouth, not caring for a pinch of salt, since I had to take this woman's diligence also with a pinch of salt. And all that salt would be too much for my taste buds.

      And I hope I didn't binge-eat these probably-dangerous ingredients I had stuffed into my pockets - cough, cough - because that would be too much for my whole being. Cough. Okay, wait up.  I thought monarchs were suppose to restore stamina? Not give me the coughs...ayech, ayech. Owwwch....