This night was terrible. I had a nightmare, again. The kind of nightmare where you can't wake up, so intense! I need to rest a little bit, but I have to wake up. In ten minutes I have a meeting with Karl. Oh I need to hurry, nine minutes now. I'm so cold and I feel blue. These days I start to feel bad, but my chest doesn't hurt anymore . Nevermind, I'm going to put on my best dress, my best smile and here we go.

Outside the light is weird, there isn't the usual sun in the sky, it's not cloudy but it's cold and the light is... cold too. What a strange day. But I still enjoy the sun. It has been at least eight months since I didn't saw it. The street is barely empty, there are some people here but not as usual. Oh, is it Carol ? With her daughter of seven or six maybe? I thought they disappeared five years ago. I'm happy to see her again. I am going to her house just after so she can tell me where they were. Maybe traveling? She is so brave to do it alone, only with her daughter. Four years ago I went to Italy but it was with a friend. I've planned to do it again in three months, I'm so excited! That's going to be a release for me.

The coffee is in two minutes, I need so much to see Karl, we need to talk! I walk as fast as I can. I see the door, let's go inside.

" Okay Karl, just listen. You had so much time to come back to me and apologize about last time. I'm tired of this situation. Please look at me! You're so childish when you want to. I really appreciate you, but all this is about to kill me. I'm so stressed about what you think of me, what you're gonna do, and what we are. Like I don't even know if we are dating or just friends? Last time you really hurt me, you were so mean to me! I mean, I just wanted to clarify the situation, I just wanted to know your feelings about all this. I think I'm in love with you, but please stay quiet. I don't really want to know your answer, probably it's not good for me. You're not even watching me now whereas I'm crying. So, sorry. Sorry that I give you so much power to destroy me, sorry for loving you, sorry for being who I am. Maybe I'm not lovable, maybe I'm not good enough. I don't know and honestly I don't care anymore. Goodbye. "

I just needed one minute to say all this, one minute that looked like years. One minute to destroy all we created. And now I feel lonely, I walk like a ghost, completely lost. I'm only able to feel emptiness. I have the impression that I don't exist anymore, for anyone. He didn't even watch me one time, as if I wasn't here. I feel a hole where my heart was. I can see Harrison's street. How long did I walk? I check my phone and no one calls me. I'm torn between going there again, or abandoning all this. Bad ideas come back, black sheep is back in my spirit. The wolf is coming to kill me and to stay with this little black sheep. Please go away, please, please, please. I pray so hard to be at peace, just for a moment, for a second. Please.

Night starts to fall, I spend my day walking and crying. Life is a non-sens. Why do I have to continue this ? For who? Me? No, I don't want to, and nobody needs me. My hands are shaking, my vision is blurry, I can't breathe. Lights, sounds, people, people and people everywhere. I can't go out, I'm stuck. Am I dying? Okay, focus on your hands, deep breath, one, two, three, four. Keep it, one, two, three, four. Release, one, two, three, four. Again and again, go home as fast as you can. You can do it. I have the impression that I can't see anymore. I'm like a robot, one foot then the other one. I'm barely home. Where are my keys? Hurry! Okay they are here. Relax, please relax, you're home now.

The wolf is approaching me, I start to feel its fur against my skin, I take off my jacket, I get chills. I start walking, as if it was automatic, I go inside the kitchen, open the drawer. "Please don't do that. I beg you mister wolf, let me alone just for this time." I take the knife, I walk again, slower, I know what's going to happen. I'm in front of the mirror, I'm shaking, crying, begging. The knife comes to my throat, and... SLASH. The wolf eats me. But I'm not bleeding. I still breathe, but I have this huge cut on my throat. What is happening? I go to my bedroom, it's just a hallucination, I'm so tired. I'm going crazy.

The silence is so loud here. I enter the room but something is strange. There is someone on my bed. Should I call the police? I slowly go to the bed, it's not moving, not even a little bit. That knocks at my door. They scream my name, be careful that will wake it up! But it's still not moving. I approche, the knocks continue, since I continue to walk. It seems so far. The door opens in a huge noise. I hear screams. I'm in front of the bed. I hear my friends. And all I can see is me. Sleeping. I hear cries. I can't move. There is blood everywhere. I can't breathe. I literally don't breathe anymore. I'm all dead here. They are all saying things about someone, but I don't recognize me in it. There is Karl also. He tries to tell me something. Like, he is sorry, that he loves me. But earlier he didn't say anything. Liar! But this is me, I'm on this bed, so when did I stop existing? When do people stop to see me, to think about me? Did I already exist for someone? I think they never saw me, not even once.