[do crime but smart, 1:44 PM, Saturday]

Bookworm: GUYS GUYS GUYS

SO I WAS AT THE BOOKSHOPPE

Lightning mcqueen: when r u not tbh

Bookworm: SHUT IT

ANYWAY

There was a man who saw me carrying that book by Michelle Obama that I've wanted for a while now

So he stopped me and said, "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?"

And I just stared at him, of course.

Somehow he took that as encouragement and said "None because they can't change shit."

AND HE AND HIS LITTLE ARSEHOLE BUDDIES LOOKED REALLY PROUD OF THEMSELVES AND THEY WERE SNIGGERING SO I

I

I SDHFJKHFJA

Roonil Wazlib: deep breaths love

what did you do

Bookworm: I said "that's really cute! Wanna hear my joke?"

and they exchanged confused glances and so I continued and said:

"How many misogynists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Misogynists are afraid of any change that'll bring light to a situation."

AND I KID YOU NOT HALF THE BOOKSTORE STARTED "OOOH"-ING

Dragon: HELL YES

GET IT

Roonil Wazlib: IM SO PROUD OF YOU LOVE

Lightning mcqueen: YOU TELL EM MIONE

Dragon: you're a fucking qqqqutkk77

Bookworm: ...

Roonil Wazlib: what

Lightning mcqueen: uhhhh dragon? U good

...

okay then he died

Dragon: MY FUCKING CAT

sorry I dropped my phone in time to catch my cat, mid-air, before he jumped into the toilet bowl full of FUCKING BLEACH

I closed the toilet lid and skittles had the audacity to fucking beep at me

he thinks he's smart

hes not

Roonil Wazlib: I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

THE FACT THAT YOUR CAT TRIED TO JUMP INTO THE TOILET

OR THE FACT THAT HIS NAME IS SKITTLES

Dragon: sighs

anyway what I meant to say

is that ur a fucking QUEEN @bookworm

Bookworm: thank you

Lightning mcqueen: I CNAT BREATHE

UFCKING

SKITTLES PLZ

Roonil Wazlib: he might be a minute

Lightning mcqueen: H

bookworm: okay harry

Dragon: lmaoooooo

Lightning McQueen: f\KDJASFJKD PLZ

THATS SO FUNNY

PLZ SEND PICS OF UR CAT

Dragon: [3 attached images]

Lighting McQueen: OMG HES ADORABLE

IS SKITTLES A RAG DOLL

Dragon: skittles is indeed a rag doll

a stupid, fluffy, six kilo rag doll

Lightning McQueen: im stealing him

Dragon: no youre fucking not

ill strangle you with your own small intestine if you touch him with malicious intent

Roonil Wazlib: oh fuck

get wrecked harry

Lightning McQueen: pulling my hand back now

Dragon: good choice

anyway

what should I do for lunch

Roonil wazlib: fish n chips

Bookworm: avocado toast

Lightning Mcqueen: human

Dragon: one of these things is not like the others

Lightning mcqueen: :)

Bookworm: this is one of the longest conversations we've had in this chat for a while now

dragon: im flattered that you're all so welcoming /s

Roonil wazlib: you act as if we would have any reason to not like u

ur pretty cool

if we had met irl I'd definitely be ur friend

Dragon: er sure haha

Lightning mcqueen: no we def would

we're indoctrinating you into our trio

Bookworm: harry, he was indoctrinated as soon as you volunteered to elope with him

Lightning mcqueen: I what now

Bookworm: yeah like three days ago remember?

he wanted to marry me but I said no because I have Ron

so you volunteered instead

Lightning mcqueen: I have literally no recollection of this??

Dragon: LMFAO

probably because it was at 2 in the morning

Lightning mcqueen: oh yeah that would do it

I lose all my brain cells by like 7 pm lmfao

Roonil wazlib: what brain cells

Lightning mcqueen: I'd be offended but you're not wrong

anyway

yes I'd def marry u dragon /p

...unless... /j

Dragon: don't be shy take away the /j

Lightning mcqueen: 😏

Roonil wazlib: oi get a room

Dragon: okay ;)

[hiss bitches, 2:03 PM, Saturday]

Dragon: I think im platonically engaged to harry potter

Pots n pans: excuse me

Blazer: you're fucking what now

Toot toot: we need an exorcist

Pots n pans: we're gonna need a bit more context love

else ill start realistically considering Theo's suggestion

Dragon: [Iddefmarryyou.jpeg]

Blazer: I'll call the exorcist