[Unknown, 2:13 AM, Wednesday]

then is peanut butter a raw meat?

I would have to say no, but then again, I don't know the context of the question

what

oh buggering hell

sorry er wrong number

Worse things have happened at 2:13 in the morning in the middle of the week

that's-

that's concerning

Yes it is

But what's your stance?

what

On the question

what question

Peanut butter, you daft walnut

The peanut butter question

What's your stance

ohhhh

sorry no thoughts head empty

I can tell

and nah i don't think peanut butter is a raw meat either

Understandable

but for context

im in a heated argument in my gc about what food belongs where

like what categories

Oh???

What other foods are in your debate?

uhhh honey

spaghetti, lasagna, and pizza relationships

AKSDGAKJSHD PARDON??

plz that's not even the beginning of it

add me to the gc please im cackling

aight

[do crime but smart, 2:16 AM, Wednesday]

(lightning mcqueen added unknown to the group)

Lighting mcqueen: welcome to hell mate

give yourself a nickname

(unknown changed their name to dragon)

Bookworm: Who's this?

Lightning mcqueen: no clue

i accidentally messaged them instead of you guys about peanut butter being a raw meat

Roonil Wazlib: IT IS!!

Lightning mcqueen: IS NOT

Dragon: I have to agree with lightning mcqueen, it's not a raw meat

Roonil Wazlib: this is bullying

Lightning mcqueen: hey I still agree with you about the pizza thing!

Roonil Wazlib: which pizza thing

Lightning mcqueen: about it being equal to spaghetti

Roonil Wazlib: oh yeah

Dragon: Excuse me what

Spaghetti is NOT equal to pizza

Under any circumstances

Bookworm: Thank you!

Dragon: Hold up bookworm

Just because they're not equal doesn't mean they're not equivalent

Bookworm: omg finally a smart person arrives in this group chat!

run away with me? /j

Roonil Wazlib: oi!

Bookworm: Sorry darling, I'm leaving you for this mysterious dragon person

Dragon: ??? I could literally be a 50-year old man with foot fungus

Roonil Wazlib: YEAH HE COULD BE A 50 YEAR-OLD MAN WITH FOOT FUNGUS

Bookworm: He is not a 50-year old man with foot fungus

Right?

Dragon: Yes lol

I'm a 23-year old man

And I have beautiful feet if I do say so myself

Bookworm: Perfect! Let's elope ;)

Roonil Wazlib: IM LITERALLY YOUR FIANCÉE

Bookworm: darn I forgot about that

I guess I'll have to have my secret affair with dragon another time :(

Dragon: wouldn't want to intrude quite yet

Roonil Wazlib: harry make them stop :(

Lightning mcqueen: uh

how about instead of eloping w 'mione you elope with me

happy?

Dragon: depends

are you a 50-year old man with foot fungus

Roonil Wazlib: im going the fuck to sleep

Bookworm: I love this

Lightning mcqueen: no im 22

and I think I have pretty normal feet?

I don't look at other peoples feet so I wouldn't know

Dragon: you're missing out mate /j

Bookworm: That's my cue to leave now as well... *concern*

Lighting mcqueen: every time 'mione does that I get whiplash

Dragon: that's valid

alright well I have an 8 am shift so im gonna dip now

Lightning mcqueen: I hate responsible people

Dragon: <3

[do crime but smart, 7:13 PM, Thursday]

Bookworm: @Roonil Wazlib RONALD IF YOU DON'T START WINDING UP THE VACUUM CORD I'LL STRANGLE YOU WITH IT

Lightning mcqueen: oh boy

Roonil Wazlib: I Did!!

Bookworm: looping it around your arm a few times and hanging it on the hook is NOT the same as winding it up

it takes like ten extra seconds!

Dragon: what's happening?

Lightning mcqueen: Ron and Hermione live together cuz they're engaged and little mindless arguments crop up from time to time

I think its funny

Dragon: very

so you're harry, right? And roonil is Ron and bookworm is Hermione?

lightning mcqueen: yea

we just do this nickname thing cuz it's funny

Dragon: nice nice

Lighting mcqueen: don't feel obligated to share ur name lol, stranger danger online and all that jazz

we just don't care 🤠

Dragon: er thanks

I uh

gtg

brb

[hiss bitches, 7:15 PM, Thursday]

Dragon: UH

RED ALERT

I HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM

Pots n pans: if you drank cologne instead of whiskey again im not apparating you to st. mungos

blaise can do it this time

Blazer: nuh uh

I took him when he walked into the doorframe and lost sight in one eye

its Theo's turn

Toot toot: I hate you all

Dragon: no I don't need to go to the hospital again

Blazer: keyword being 'again'

Dragon: ANYWAY

I accidentally got texted by a random number but it was funny so I responded n stuff

and I got myself added to a hilarious group chat

but then they all said their names and you'll never fucking guess who these fuckers are

Toot toot: russian hitmen?

Blazer: drag queen club?

Pots n pans: barack obama?

Dragon: the fact that those were your first guesses is incredibly concerning

but no

its fucking

fucking

Harry fucking Potter, Ronald fucking Weasley, and Hermione fucking granger

Blazer: you're joking

Dragon: I, unfortunately, am not

Pots n pans: OF ALL THE PEOPLE

lord you test me

Toot toot: what r u gonna do?

Dragon: I mean

we all sorta made amends at the end of school

and the chat really is hilarious

im gonna stay for now

Toot toot: do they know who you are?

Dragon: no and its going to stay that way

Blazer: bet ur wishing it was a drag queen club

Dragon: no comment

[do crime but smart, 7:20 PM, Thursday]

Lightning mcqueen: WAIT I LOOKED IT UP

AND UR RIGHT???

Bookworm: ofc im right

im not often wrong

Roonil Wazlib: bloody Americans, mate

weird asf

Dragon: what did I miss?

bookworm: I was informing these two about the fact that honey is categorized as a raw meat by the American FDA

they didn't believe me

they should've

Dragon: everything you just said was terrifying

remind me never to doubt your knowledge ever again

or to doubt the extent of American idiocy

Bookworm: dragon gets it

keep up boys

Dragon: 😏

[do crime but smart, 8:03 AM, Friday]

Roonil Wazlib: WAKE ME UP

dragon: when September ends

Bookworm: Before you go go

Lightning mcqueen: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Roonil Wazlib: harry gets it

Dragon: wait im stealing this for my other gc

Lightning mcqueen: send ss

Dragon: k brb

[hiss bitches, 8:04 AM, Friday]

Dragon: WAKE ME UP

Pots n pans: when September ends

Blazer: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Toot toot: before u go go

Dragon: *fist bumps blaise*

Blazer: hell yeah

[do crime but smart, 8:06 AM, Friday]

Dragon: [one attachment]

Lightning mcqueen: THEY USED THE SAME SONGS AS US AHAHAHAHA

Roonil Wazlib: I love that energy

Bookworm: why do I subject myself to this /j

Lightning mcqueen: aw cmon mione u know u love us

bookworm: unfortunately

Dragon: im beginning to like it here

[do crime but smart, 10:54 AM, Friday]

Lightning mcqueen: if the celery is 90% water, does that make the ocean 10% celery?

Dragon: as an intellectual I can confirm that this is definitely how percentages and fractions work

and yes, the ocean is 10% celery

Roonil Wazlib: that's why we can't drink ocean water

cuz we'll choke on the celery

Bookworm: oh merlin don't encourage him

Lightning mcqueen: :)

but actually how can celery be 90% water???

how does it not just like

wiggle

Roonil Wazlib: that was a weird way to describe that, but go off ig

Bookworm: uh, the other 10% that's not water? That keeps it all together

Dragon: yeah the stringy bits may seem strong but they're very thin and contain loads of water

Bookworm: srsly harry thank merlin you added this man to the chat

I was surrounded by idiots before

now im not alone

Lightning mcqueen: I will not tolerate this slander

this is bullying

homophobia

HARRYPHOBIA

Roonil Wazlib: RONPHOBIA

Bookworm: concerned Hermione 😐

Dragon: I love it here

Roonil Wazlib: I hate it here

Lightning mcqueen: I hate it here

Bookworm: :)