this is so dumb y'all. i wrote this in 20 minutes and it's now 6:12 a.m
__________________

calumhood:
calum is bored😳
calum is sad😢😭🥺
calum is very bored and sad😳😢🥴

ashtonirwin:
why is calum bored and sad
more importantly why is calum texting me at 4 in the morning,, in first person

calumhood:
calum founf a lirour store and drank it🥴

ashtonirwin:
okay castiel🙄
are you safe?

calumhood:
yes, a nise human found me on the street and called the police🥰🥰 theu drove my home

ashtonirwin:
...
you do realize you are famous...
i can't imagine the headlines on this today.
i already have a headache🤦🏼‍♂️

calumhood:
' calum hood, heartthgob from 5sos gets shit faced, run over, and arrested the ssame night ' cvDcbhjygv,,❕❕

ashtonirwin:
you're a mess
RUN OVER?

calumhood:
yea so the girl that found ms actually ran me over first, that's why the police came,😅🥴 im not dead, don't worry!!

ashtonirwin:
how did this even happen?

calumhood:
well
here's how it started

ashtonirwin:
here we go 🙄

calumhood:
it was like ten at night🌛🌜and i was crying because i miss michael 😢 like i don't just miss HIM i miss HIM👍🏼😌🍆so i was like, calum yr so dumb. and then i was like, what better way to numb the pain then alcohol✨so yeah beasically i went to da bar and had like ten different drinks🥴🥴

ashtonirwin:
why are you like this
honestly why do you always text me with your problems. im not a therapist

calumhood:
sorry for thinking u cared😢

ashtonirwin:
i do care.
how about you get some sleep, and then tomorrow we can go out and talk. it sounds like this is a serious conversation to be had,, when you're sober.

calumhood:
okayyy. love you ashy

ashtonirwin:
love you too buddy
goodnight

----

calumhood:
luke
ukel
luke u up

lukehemmings:
calum i said go to bed

calumhood:
fuck you asston

----

calumhood:
im in desperate need of attention and advice

niallhoran:
same man, i don't think i can help you with that
try louis

calumhood:
useless
byè

niallhoran:
alright then
nice talking to you calum👍🏻

----

calumhood:
the irish one said you could help

louist91:
calum?

calumhood:
what's it look like.

louist91:
geez okay what's up?

calumhood:
i miss michael and i got run over and it hurt my arm and i know if michael was here he'd kiss it better. and i miss him. did i say i miss him?

louist91:
okay. first.
are you in need of medical attention?

calumhood:
no but im in need of physical attention if you catch my drift🍆

louist91:
did not know you were gay with michael but ok👍🏻 what's the problem

calumhood:
im not gay
but i need advice.
how do i get my mans back

louist91:
i'll be frank

calumhood:
can i still be calum?

louist91:
🤦🏻‍♂️
calum, just be honest. tell him you want to be with him. if he rejects you, well at least you can say you tried.

calumhood:
if you say so. i'll try it when i wake up.

louist91:
good luck man, when me and louis first took a break it worked like a charm! like i said, just be honest and vulnerable with him.

calumhood:
thanks mate.
ill dance at your wedding
WAIT
if you're not louis then who are you???

louist91:
oops