CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN

---

Diego was walking right next to Lila "It's really big place. Do not get lost" Lila said "Or what? You'll kill me?" Diego asked "Oh, you still mad about that, you big baby?" she asked as they walked down the stairs "No, I love being drugged and kidnapped and threatened with murder" he said "Okay, well, let's just make sure you're the best agent possible, and no one has to worry about who kills who, okay?" she said "Wait, Lila, I need to get outta here" he said as he stopped her from walking "Relax" she said "No, I do not have time for this now" he said "We hall all the time in the world" she said before she started walking again.

"What is it you people do here, exactly?" he asked "Oh, that's the best part. We protect the timeline. You know all that lone wolf superhero shit? Tiny taters compared to what you could do here" she said as the two walked down the hallway "Hold up, tiny taters, so The Commission controls time?" he asked as he grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking.

"Wait, like, everything in time?" he asked "Or more like we maintain the correct timeline, but, basically, yeah" she said "How the shit do you do that?" he asked and she smiled "Well, come on, I'll show you" she said before she entered a room and he followed.

"Dropping off a new recruit" Lila said to a woman who was the instructor "Welcome to orientation" the woman said before she grabbed a small book "Take this" she said as she handed it to Lila.

"Wait a second--" Diego said as he followed after Lila to an empty small table, like school seat.

"Okay" Lila said "Open your welcome package and grab a seat. All questions will be answered at the end of the film" the instructor said.

"How long is this" Diego ask Lila "Sit your ass down" the instructor said.

Diego put the small book on the desk before sitting down "A better tomorrow comes from an orderly today" the woman over PA said.

"Uh..." Lila said as she put her hands on Diego's table before she leaned closer to him "I really need this to work, so...don't screw it up. Okay, bye" she said and gave him a kiss before leaving.

The light then turn off before the film started and a cartoon talking briefcase appeared on the projection screen "Oh, hi there. I'm Mr. Briefcase. If you're watching this presentation, that means you've made the best decision of the rest of your life. You've decided to join The Commission" the briefcase said and Diego tried his best out to laugh.

"Over the next 90 minutes, I'm gonna do my best to show you around this old place" the briefcase said as the projection screen showed the inside of The Commission.

"You and I are gonna have some fun together. Here at The Commission, you'll find a wide array of exciting career opportunities just waiting to be discovered. Which department will be right for you?" the briecase said before the screen showed the place where the analyst was working "Analyst: keeping us informed" the briefcase said before the screen showed the place where the Operations trained "Operations: keeping us safe" the briefcase said before the screen showed the infinite Switchboard "Infinite Switchboard operator: the key to everything we do here. In these rooms, we monitor the entire timeline and report any anomalies we see along the way, keeping the correct timeline at all times" the briefcase said as Diego leaned forward a bit.

Diego then heard a soft snoring and he saw that the instructor was asleep.

"Whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity, The Commission has an exciting career path in store for you" the briefcase said and Diego got up before leaving the room.

---

Irish jig was playing in the background as the two versions of Five and Luther was sitting by a table. The two Fives sat across each other while Luther sat in the middle.

Luther tried to hold it together and he took a sip of his beer while the two Fives stared at each other.

Luther sigh as he put down his drink "Well...this is nice, isn't it? The three of us, together like that" Luther said "No" both of the Fives said.

"Somebody explain to me how it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my young self" older Five said "Older, actually, I'm you, just 14 days older" teen Five said "I have pubic hair smarter than you. How's that possible?" older Five asked, not breaking eye contact with his other self.

"I can explain. You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission. I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trappe forever, small, pubescent" teen Five said "Okay" older Five said before he let out a small fart. He was feeling the side effects of paradox psychosis just as much as teen Five was.

"Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?" older Five asked "No, no. I need you to jump. If you don't jump, I cease to exist. What I need from you is to jump correctly" teen Five said "I'm listening" older Five said.

"The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation" teen Five said "What is it?" older Five asked "I'll be glad to tell you...in exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table" teen Five said "Yeah, yeah, so you go back to 2019, as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full-grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need" Luther said "Timeline restored, paradox resolved. Everyone goes existing happily ever after" teen Five said "That's quite a bit to take in" older Five said "What do you think?" teen Five asked.

There was a few seconds of silence before older Five spoke up "I think...I need to piss" he said before he grabbed his two briefcases and walked to the bathroom.

"Oh" Luther said and grabbed a napkin once he noticed Five was sweating "Well, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right?" Luther asked as he wipe some sweat off Five's forehead but Five shook his head as Luther lowered the napkin.

"No, no, there's something...Something doesn't feel right about this" he said "What...What do you mean?" Luther asked "I don't trust him" Five said "But he's you" Luther said confused "Exactly" Five said.

---

Luther entered the bathroom and he saw older Five standing by the tap looking at a fake eye in his hand.

"Yeah, that's a wast of time" Luther said with a chuckled "Trust me" he said "Then why were you holding it when I found you dead in the apocalypse?" older Five asked and Luther let out a splutter "No idea. But the guy it belonged to didn't end the world. Vanya did" he said "Timid little Vanya" older Five said "Yep. Is more powerful than all of us put together. It turns out, that Vanya was pissed about the way we treated her when we were kids, so she destroyed the moon and ended the world" Luther said "Huh. Fair enough" older Five said.

"Yeah--" Luther said as he turned around "This is perfect" older Five said and turned to look at Luther "We know exactly what's gonna happen" older Five said "Yeah, except it, uh, already did" Luther said "Don't think, just listen. Forget about the little jerk-off's plan. It's way too complicated. A much better plan is for us to travel to 2019. All we have to do is make nice with Vanya, stop her from destroying the world. Easy-peasy" older Five said "Hmm. Well, that's actually..." "That's not bad, right?" older Five said, cutting Luther off "Yeah, yeah. But what about Five? I mean, you? I mean, the, uh, young you?" Luther asked "That's not me. That's a prepubescent photocopy that got botched in the time jump. Beside, it's too late for him anyway" older Five said "Too late?" Luther asked as older Five scratched his neck.

"Paradox psychosis. Best thing we can do is put him out of his misery" older Five said and Luther's eyes widened "What? You're...You're saying to kill him?" he asked "You're thinking about this all wrong. We're not killing anybody. Look at me. I'm Five, and I will still be alive. All we are doing is getting rid of a mutant doppelganger. Amputating a vestigial nipple" older Five said before he grabbed the two briefcases and was about to walk out of the bathroom but Luther stopped him "Wait...are you sure you don't have paradox psychosis?" Luther asked "I've never felt better in my life" older Five said before he walked out the door.

Teen Five was sitting by the table when older Five walked over to him with Luther right behind him.

"We good?" teen Five asked "We're good" Luther said "You got a deal. We gotta hurry. Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour until showtime" older Five said and teen Five got up from the chair and walked closer to the older Five "Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden?" teen Five asked "Relax. You're getting paranoid" older Five said "Oh, am I?" teen Five said as they both started sweating before they both farts.

"Okay, let's roll" Luther said and the three walked out the door.

"Wait here" teen Five said before he walked around a corner where you were standing.

"So?" you looked at him "He is in for now. But I don't trust him" he said "You do realized that you just said that you don't trust yourself" you said "I know" he nodded.   

"Ready to go?" he asked and you nodded "I still can't believe that I'm going to be part of it" you said "I actually didn't force you this time" he said "Yeah, I know" you nodded before you looked at him.

"By the way, you are sweating a lot" you pulled up a napkin before you started wiping some sweat off his forehead.

Five couldn't help but stare at you as you clean the sweat off his forehead.

"Calm down okay. Try to control yourself" you said "I'm glad you are here, 'cause otherwise I couldn't control myself" he said and you nodded "I think you are actually the only one that can keep me on a leash" he said "Well, it's because you know that I can kick your ass" you said "I know" he said.

"Come on" you lowered the napkin "Let's get this over with" you walked past Five and he smiled before he follow after you.

"Y/n" older Five widened his eyes when he saw you "Hey asshole" you said "What the hell are you doing here?" older Five asked "I live in this town and I'm here for the show 'cause this is going to be so funny. I know it" you said and the two Fives scoff.

"Let's go" older Five said before he turned around and walked forward.   

"Yeah 'cause then the two of us never have to see her again" teen Five hissed.

"Can you keep teen Five on a leash, just watch him" Luther whispered to you.

"Fine. I will babysit that little shit" you sighed "Thanks" Luther said "But don't blame me if I punch him for getting too annoying" you said and Luther nodded.

"This is gonna be so fun" you smiled.

---

Diego was walking down the hallway to try and find the Infinite Switchboard.

He stopped once he saw a door with a red sign on.

'INFINITE SWITCHBOARD 2589'

'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY'

Diego opened the door before he enter so see infinite Switchboard with small screens on the walls.

"Bingo, the Infinite Switchboard" he said before he walked over to one of the small screens.

"All right" he said as he sat down on chair in front of the screen "How hard can this be?" he asked himself as he had no idea how it work.

He grabbed a wire before he put one in one of the holes in the wall causing the switchboard to say a whirring sound. Then he grabbed another wire before putting in one of the other empty holes causing the console to say a beeping sound and he got a electric shock causing him to roll back in his chair as he let out a shout and a groan.

Then suddenly a hand was put on his shoulder causing Diego to turn around before he pull out his knife and put it on the man's throat.

"Oh! Please don't hurt me" the small man said while panting "Who the hell are you?" Diego asked "I'm Herb. I'm an analyst" the man said "I'm Diego. I have a knife" Diego said "Yes, I can see. It's very shiny" Herb said as he let out a loudly gulps and Diego removed the knife.

"Oh" Herb said as he inhale sharply "Breathe" Diego said and Herb let out a small smile "It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Hargreeves" he said "You know me?" Diego asked "Everybody knows you. I mean, you're Number Two. You're a legend" Herb said "Really?" Diego asked "Mr. Hargreeves, you can't be here" Herb said "Herb, is that any way to talk to a legend?" Diego asked and Herb shook his head.

"You know how to work this puppy?" Diego asked "I'm certified to operate the ISB, yes" Herb answered "Good. I need you to look up a date: November 22, 1963, the assassination of John F. Kennedy" Diego said "Unauthorized use of the infinite Switchboard is clear violation of company protocol 67D--" "Don't be such a tight-ass" Diego said, cutting Herb off "You don't understand. Theres' been a coup d'état" Herb said "What's that? Cadillac?" Diego asked "No. The Handler has taken over The Commission. The whole place has gone to heck in a handbasket, and people are disappearing. They would kill us both if they caught us in here" Herb said "Well, you better get started before they come get us" Diego said "One quick look, and then you gotta go" Herb said "My man" Diego said before he rolled away.

"Okay" Herb said as he stepped closer to the Switchboard "Oh, no. Why would you...No, no. Bad" he said as he pulled the wire that Diego had put in the holes out causing the switchboard to power down.

"Don't hurt the timeline. That's a rule..." Herb said as he put a wire in the hole before he put another wire in another hole causing the Switchboard to power up and the machine to say a whirring sound.

"This one connects to that one..." he said as he put the wires in the holes.

When he was done he turn on a button "Here we go" he said and Diego moved closer to the screen that show the date and year "Dalls. November 22, 1963" Herb said as they saw the president driving through Dallas.

"This is it. This is right before the assassination" Diego said "Assassination?" Herb asked "Pay attention. The president is about to turn into Dealey Plaza. One more turn into Elm and they're gonna stat shooting" Diego said as they watch the scene.

But then they saw the FBI building in the baggrund explode "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is that?" Diego asked "That's the FBI building" Herb said "Yeah, but why the hell did it just blow up?" Diego asked as they saw the president's car drive away fast.

"That's not supposed to happen?" Herb said "No, that's not sup--He's driving away. They didn't kill him? Holy shit" Diego said "Oh...Oy, that's no bueno" Herb said "It wasn't a gunshot, it was an explosion we heard on The Frankel footage" Diego said before they saw JFK holding a speech "The attack on Dealey Plaza, as the Soviets deny all responsibility" Kennedy said and the two saw how World War III started.

"Moscow promises a fierce respons in retaliation to American attacks" A reporter said "Anchorage, Alaska, has just been decimated by the Red Menace!" another reporter said "The world braces as we find ourselves on a brink of nuclear war" another reporter said as the two saw the nuclear war.

"That's what Hazel was trying to tell us" Diego said "Hazel?" Herb asked confused "I mean, this is what causes doomsday. Do you have another angle on the FBI building?" Diego asked "Watch this" Herb said turning on a button and the screen showed Vanya floating out of the FBI building.

"Vanya" Diego said as he sat down. Vanya was the cause of doomsday.

"Vanya is the bomb" he remember Five said to them "Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb" Diego said before looking down on the floor "I need to get back to Dallas" he said before looking back at Herb "Now" he said "We need La Résistance" Herb said.

Diego followed after Herb into a small room where eight people was sitting by a small table.

The group stood up from their chair as they all turn to look at Herb and Diego.

"You gotta be kidding me" Diego said "I know we don't look like much, but we're resourceful" Herb said "Don't mess with case management" Dot said "Stand down, Dot" Herb said and Diego saw a briefcase standing on the table.

---

Allison and her husband Ray had being attacked by two of the Swedes, since the other was dead.

Lucky Allison managed to rumor the oldest of The Swedes to kill his brother which he did and after that he ran away in sadness.

Allison and Ray had just finished wrapping the body in a carpet while Klaus was sitting on the couch.

"God, why are people so much heavier when they're dead?" Allison said as she tugged the rope around the carpet. "You got a lot of practice at this?" Ray asked as he glanced at her "Yeah" Klaus said with a chuckled.

"Hey, so, what was it like when I possessed you?" Ben asked who was sitting next to Klaus "It was like sex with one of the lesser Baldwins. I mean, you can feel him clattering around in there, but do you really care? Why? What is like driving all this hot business?" Klaus asked "It...It was like having no skin...but still wanting to touch...everything" Ben said "Oh, yeah" Klaus said.

"Okay" Ray said as they were done with the knot "One...two..." Ray said as they shifted to get a better grip on the carpet.

They both stood up and they lifted the rolled carpet with a grunt from how heavy the body was.

But then a zapping whoosh noise appeared with a bright blue light causing the two to drop the body before jumping away as they let out a scream while Klaus jumped backwards on the couch. "Shit" Ray said as he leaned against the fireplace.

Their eyes widened when they saw Diego and Herb holding a briefcase "Oh, good. All right, you're both here. All right, we gotta go" Diego said "Diego, Jesus!" Allison said.

"Wow. Number Two, Three and Four. We almost have an Umbrella straight flush here" Herb said with a smile.

"Ray, this is my other brother, Diego" Allison said, gesturing to Diego.

"Hey, man. Sorry to crash in here like this" Diego said as he stretched his hand towards Ray and they quickly shook hands.

"Hey, who is this guy?" Klaus asked as he pointing at Herb "Herb. He worked with Five and Y/n at The Commission" Diego said and Herb smiled to them.

"The Commission?" Klaus asked "We monitor and maintain the time-space continuum" Herb said "Okay" Klaus said "No, for real. I was just there. It's awesome. Okay, I got to look at the timeline. I know what cause doomsday. It's Vanya" Diego said "Wait, what? How?" Allison asked as Klaus got up before talking over to Diego.

"Gonna blow up the federal building at Dealey Plaza just as the president's passing through in less than one hour" Diego said as he looked at his watch around his wrist "We gotta find her and stop her, now" he said as he lower his arm.

"Wait, Vanya kills the president?" Allison asked "No, no, no. See, the explosion caused the motorcade to drive off. Kennedy lives. Everybody thinks Russia's behind it, including the president. He strikes back, they strike back. Before you know it, it's raining nukes" Diego said "Okay, um..." Allison said "Holy shit" Klaus said.

Allison then turned to Ray to see that he was freaking out while panting "Ray? Ray, baby" Allison said as she walked over to him "Are...Are you okay? Okay" she said "No, I'm not okay. First of all, this son of bitch beams into our living room with yet another one of your brothers and he's talking about stopping one of your sisters from blowing up buildings, and I got a dead man wrapped up in my best rug, babe" Ray said "Okay. Okay, okay. Can...Can we...Raymond. Ray, Ray" Allison said, trying to calm him down while Klaus walked to the big doorway between the hallway to the door and the living room before he leaned against it.

"Or we can have that shampooed" Herb said as he looked at Allison and Ray before he turned around to look at Diego and Klaus "We also provide body romoval services" he said and chuckled.

Allison put her hands on Ray's cheeks as his breath was trembling "I love you, Raymond Chestnut...and I really wish I had time for the nervous breakdown you so deserve" she said and he smiled faintly as she inhaled shakily.

"But you have to go" he said "I have to go" she said and he nodded before putting his hand on her shoulder and the other on the back of her head as they kissed.

They pulled away and Allison took a deep breath before she walked over to Diego and Klaus, leaving the house.

---

Lila entered the room where she left Diego to only find out that he wasn't there.

"Hey, where's that new recruit? The shaggy hair, caveman face?" Lila asked the instructor "No clue, sorry" she said before leaving.

---

Diego, Allison and Klaus was standing in the elevator that lead to the FBI "I hope we find Vanya in time" Allison said.

But suddenly there was a rumbling and rattling noise as the light in the elevator above them started flickering causing the three to look up before the whole elevator started shaking slightly while it mad a creaking noise as they could hear the wind whistling.

The elevator door dings and as soon as the door opened the three was push back against the walls by a strong energy wave.

The three moved their heads the best they could to see out of the elevator doors.

There was a bright icy-blue light along with the sound of electricity moving around them. They saw that people in the hallway was laying dead. Some was laying on the floor on their side. The glass behind them had blood all over it and the wall next to it.

Klaus moved himself forcefully out of the elevator, he put his hands on the wall around the elevator for support to get out. He peeked around the wall, looking towards the source of the light and the force that was holding them back.

After Klaus has backed into the elevator again, Allison fought her way out of the elevator. She grabbed the outside of the elevator doors before she pushed herself out of the elevator. She cried out as she tired to go against the force that was pushing her back.

She got out of the elevator before she took cover behind a desk.

Diego put his hands on the outside wall on the side of the open elevator before pushing himself away. He let out a grunt as he fell on the floor before pushing himself against the desk next to Allison.

Klaus jumped out of the elevator and landed on the floor. The energy started cracking around them more making the sound got louder and louder.

Klaus put his arm put to the two as he tried to crawl across the floor. Allison put her hand out and let out a grunt as she leaned forwards, grabbing Klaus before she push herself backwards so that they both were up against the desk.

"Question, guys. Who are we trying to save Vanya from?" Klaus asked "FBI" Diego and Allison said "But if they're all sucking ceiling right now, why hasn't she stopped?" Klaus asked and they all shared a look while intense crackling and thrumming noise continued.

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