M A K A Y L A 

The moment the words left Proximo's lips my world fell away around me.

The second the incriminating words slipped from him and he threw me a dark look it made me wish I could send myself on a shuttle back into space... But the very worst part of it all was Alex's complete dismissal of it. That she only got more angry he would even suggest such a thing because she trusted me that much. It didn't even cross her mind for a second.

I didn't deserve it.

She attacked him more viciously than I'd ever seen her send punches my way. It was like watching a betrayed sibling go for the throat. Proximo knew exactly what he had done and I couldn't even fault him for doing it for whatever motive. I was the one that hadn't told her.

I was so lost in us. In running away from it all–escaping my father's demise and this city that the kiss between Velron and I just became nothing. But now it wasn't nothing.

Alex sent a kick for his head and Proximo leaned away with a smirk in place as she lost more of her restraint in the fight and started going for places I didn't even think possible–

I couldn't stand here while she beat her second to a pulp for me. For him just speaking the truth. Between another jab and a duck he caught my eye again with a lethal look. One that said it never trusted me and I stared back. Before he looked back to Alex and sent a punch at her which she dismissed in rage.

"Stop." I said, not even sure of my own voice.

They didn't hear me so I stepped closer and took a deep breath.

"Stop it!" I shouted.

Alex faltered a step and quickly glanced my way hearing the desperation in it. Proximo already lowered his hands and watched me with an unreadable expression.

"Alex, I need to talk to you. Alone." I clarified in a quieter voice.

The way she looked at me made me want to throw myself off all 250 floors of that damn tower it had happened in. Her look was so unsure and frozen with something else. Something that was reading more into what Proximo had said.

She finally stepped back and stared at Proximo for a second who gave her an emotionless look.

Then she dropped down to the floor and met my eyes more closely with a hesitance that almost broke me. "Come." She nodded towards the lift.

I stared at her back as she led us down the dark black training floor to the lift. The silence between us was heavy in the air. I deserved all the weight on my heart and she deserved none of the doubt. Because Proximo had known all this time... had a source inside the very bar we kissed. I could only think of Matty–rethink every exchange we'd ever had because it now occurred to me that she had been informing to the Division for longer than I realised.

We emerged into an empty room of modern design and sleek furniture. The floors were stone and felt as cold as my heart.

Alex turned slowly to me and watched my eyes with her burning gold.

"Tell me." She murmured quietly.

I swallowed and struggled to hold that beautiful gaze.

"I couldn't–couldn't let you attack him like that." I got out between a measured breath.

She waited.

"When I was taken. When I was in my tower something happened." I began, noticing the way she went so very still. The way her softness and warmth towards me fled so rapidly. "Please just–listen before you–"

"Makayla." She said calmly. "What happened?"

"Velron." I whispered, almost choking on my words. "We–kissed."

She was unmoving. Stood there as her eyes scanned my face for evidence of something–anything to tell her this was wrong.

"He kissed you. Or you kissed him." She murmured in maddening calm.

I frowned, dragging my hand through my hair. "What does that–that's not what–"

"He kissed. You. Or you kissed. Him." She repeated in a more lethal voice.

"Alex, it just happened it wasn't anyone–"

"It's always someone's choice." She said with more of a growl in her voice. The first painful indicator that she was coming to terms with the betrayal.

"I knew he had feelings." I got out staring past her to the dimly lit walls. "We were drinking and–"

She laughed bitterly. "That is a bullshit excuse, Makayla and I think I deserve a little bit more than you were drunk."

I grit my teeth and felt water rising to my eyes. I met her burning stare of anger and decided she deserved so much more than my evasion and cowardice.

"You're right. I was thinking long and hard about our future while I was in that tower." She held my gaze with an unreadable expression as she listened. "I was thinking that you would do whatever stupid and insane thing you could to get me back." I sniffed and steadied a breath. "I was trying so damn hard to convince myself that I should want a life there. Because if you thought that I was happy there you wouldn't come after me again." I growled, feeling a hot trail down my cheek. "I thought that if I could convince you and me and every other fucking person that I belonged in Sector 1 you wouldn't have to die for me."

Her eyes widened slightly as she listened silently but nothing else gave away her emotions.

"–and I really screwed that part up. Because I knew how wrong it was the second it happened. I can't take it back and then people started shooting and–dying around us and you–" I dragged in a heavy breath and walked past her. Unable to stop the tears freely falling down my face.

My her hand caught my arm stopping me.

I tried and failed to control my breathing. I didn't deserve her consideration. I didn't deserve her love. I wasn't even sure what I was worthy of–

"Stop." She murmured.

She pulled my arm back until I faced her. But I couldn't meet her eyes. Not like this.

"Makayla, look at me." She told me calmly.

I shook my head feeling more tears fall from my face. "You should–hate me–you shouldn't be so fucking calm–"

She drew me into her arms tightly and a sob left me heavily. Her arm went around me and held me against her in such reassuring warmth–

"No!" I growled, pushing her back. "Alex, how could you hold me after what I've done?" I demanded. I wanted to feel something from her that wasn't kindness. Anger and rage and something that condemned me. But she wasn't doing it.

"Because Makayla. As much as I had wished otherwise for so long... I love you. And watching you break before me because of a mistake you made in a Sector we weren't sure if either of us would make it out of... I can't hate you." She told me quietly. 

She placed her hands on either side of my face and wiped her thumbs across my cheeks. The move made me want to take the gun from her hip and use it on myself. I shook my head and stared deeply into those molten gold eyes that didn't lie to me–not the way I had.

"You hating me for this would be so much easier than watching you be so understanding." I whispered.

"And what did you do when I left you in Sector 52 to surely die?" She suddenly asked with a resolved look. "What did you do when I forcibly took you from a fusion craft and put a target on your head? When I left you outside that sky garden because I prioritised being a leader over you time and time again?" She demanded, without breaking my gaze.

"You think you're the only one with an imperfect track record, Makayla? The times you have looked past what I am and what I was... You're going to tell me I'm deserving of you?"

"You've never been a monster!" I shouted, taking her face in my hands. "I always knew that–it's me I can't stand!"

"Well, too bad. I love you all the same." She told me seriously.

I sighed and dropped my head lower between us. I dropped my hands but she refused to release me. "I don't. Deserve you. Anymore." I got out, shutting my eyes. "You thought I was the good between us and you're so wrong–"

"I've done things that render me soulless. Makayla. You know all of my past. All of me and you still chose me. If you stand here and tell me that what you had with him was nothing–I believe you."

I met her eyes instantly and they only held that honesty in them. No distrust. I would never stand here and let her think it meant anything to me at all–that she wasn't the only thing running through my mind every second I was away from her.

"You're the only thing that matters to me, Alex. And you don't deserve to be in this position at all. The kiss meant nothing to me but your trust does and I will always try to get it back–"

She stopped me again and shook her head. "It's already yours."

I stared at her in shock. Mostly in chest tearing guilt but also in shock at her ability to see past this. The Alex I had grown to love and the one I expected tonight did not show. The woman of fire and death didn't take retribution from me. She saw past it all.

"I need you to let me do something." She murmured, pressing her forehead against mine.

My answer was instant. "Anything."

"I need to kill him."

I glanced at her but saw that she was verging towards serious. I took a breath and pushed my hands through her hair drawing her eyes down to meet my own.

"I'm yours. Not his. But I won't make up your decision." I spoke quietly, dreading the idea of her going anywhere near Sector 1 and ending my friend's life because of my own mistake.

"The idea of him... with you like that–" She murmured, shaking her head and sighed. "–the things I would do in your name would scare this city."

"I can't ask you to let this go because I caused it. But I can ask you to stay with me tonight. Only ask." I whispered, gazing at her.

She met my eyes and nodded slowly.

"I will."

I bent my head and pressed my lips against her neck feeling my tears soak her skin. She tightened her arms around me and held me. Another tight breath left me and she kissed the side of my head.

"Shhh." She murmured.

I wanted to melt into her arms forever. I leant into her completely and felt her drop down to pick me up into her arms easily. I gripped her neck close to me like it was the last thing in the world as she carried us to the large bed at the other side.

She never lost her hold on me even when we dropped into the bed and she pulled a thick cover over us not bothering with clothing–only the weapon holster at her hip hit the floor.

She rubbed circled around my back slowly as my breathing finally began to even out. She kept my head close under her chin and felt like the only home I needed. So I took the moment I had when I wasn't a complete mess and drew up to kiss her slowly and softly. The way I wanted to the moment she told me she loved me again–despite it all.

Her hand moved from my back to the back of my neck and held my lips there. It was sure and tasted of the salt of my tears but it felt like her. I drew back and met her eyes in the darkness.

"I love you. More than you know, Alex."