There are certain recordings that are actually capable of causing physical pain, and The Love Martyrs EP is a great example. Don't buy this half-baked attempt at hip-hop-flavored electro-rock unless you want your ears to bleed...

If you thought that the crunkcore trend that bands like Brokencyde and Blood On The Dance Floor started was over, think again, because for some reason that no sane person will ever understand, The Love Martyrs are trying to bring it back. The hollow glitz of the Love Martyrs EP would be a new low for pop culture if it was culturally relevant or popular. Thankfully, the EP is neither...

Upon first listen, The Love Martyrs EP is awful. The real problem with the EP is that it's still awful after a second or third listen...

The Love Martyrs' music is reprehensible, not just for trying to bring crunkcore back into the spotlight in 2014, but also for making each of the six songs on their EP more annoying, repetitive, and misogynistic than the last...

The only way to describe the Love Martyrs EP is absolutely abysmal...

Admittedly, looking up reviews of my band's EP wasn't the best idea that I'd ever had, but they weren't wrong. Maybe the critics knew something that I didn't back then, and maybe I was in too deep to notice all of the warning signs, telling me to turn around and leave The Love Martyrs.

To this day, I don't know what Blake thought of the overwhelmingly negative reviews we got. I'm not even sure that he read them. The first time I saw him after the EP was released, he told me, "You won't believe how well the EP is selling in Japan," not even mentioning the critical reception.

I doubted that the reviews were any better in Japan, but girls in Tokyo, Osaka, and Kyoto were buying the Love Martyrs EP in droves. There were Japanese girls swarming Blake's social media pages, telling him how much they loved him and his music, while we struggled even to give copies of the EP away in Cleveland. We weren't going to get rich off of the recording anytime soon, but when I got my first royalty check, my heart fluttered. It felt like The Love Martyrs were finally going somewhere.

After one too many posts on Blake's Twitter asking about a tour in Japan, Tommy asked us about scheduling a tour there over winter break. "It would be an easy way to take advantage of your popularity in the Japanese market," Tommy said.

Blake, of course, said yes immediately, but I told Tommy that I needed to ask my parents. They were initially reluctant, but I begged them to let me go, knowing that this opportunity wouldn't come again. "When else am I going to get an all-expenses paid trip to Japan?" I asked. Eventually, they gave in, but Mom insisted on coming with us.

Meanwhile, life went on. I still went to school every day, and on Mondays and Wednesdays, I stayed after school for Quiz Bowl. At lunch, I sat with Madeline, Tanner, Devon, and all of their friends. Before long, I started to feel like one of them.

One day, Madeline and I both got to Quiz Bowl early. As we set up the buzzers, Madeline asked, "Are you doing anything over winter break?"

"Blake and I are going on tour in Japan," I told her.

"That's so cool," Madeline said. "Have you been there before?"

"No," I replied.

"Japan is a cool country to visit. I went there once when I was little. My dad is Japanese-American, so he brought the whole family there to 'reconnect with our roots,' or something like that. Anyways, it was an awesome trip."

"Is there anything you'd recommend doing while we're there?"

"I remember going on this samurai tour where we got to play with actual katanas. There's a picture of me when I was eight holding a katana. The sword was bigger than I was!"

She giggled, and I couldn't help but smile every time I heard her laugh. "I'll talk to Blake about that."

"You're so lucky that you get to spend all of that time with Blake," Madeline said. "He's so cute."

"Madeline, I've known him for years. He's like a brother to me."

"That's fair, but there's got to be some boy that you're interested in."

Before I could respond, Tanner and Devon walked into the room. "What were you two talking about?" Tanner asked.

"A samurai tour in Japan," I quickly answered.

"She's going to Japan with Blake Pinkerton!" Madeline exclaimed.

"That's pretty neat," Devon said.

"Can you get us souvenirs while you're there, Dani?" Tanner asked as he wrote "Samurai vs. Ninja" on the board.

"Of course," I said.

We split into two teams, and we played a scrimmage, as usual. However, I couldn't stop thinking about the way Madeline's eyes had lit up when she mentioned Blake. Maybe Blake was right, and their relationship was more than just sexual attraction, but what made her so special? There were plenty of pretty girls that Blake had only had one-night stands with. He usually didn't take his time like he was doing with Madeline.

Besides, Blake didn't know her like I did. He had never been to Quiz Bowl, he had never met her friends, and he didn't sit next to her at lunch every day. He had never heard her laugh like I had.

Then again, who was I to judge? Out of all of the boys at William McKinley High School, I couldn't even think of a single one that I liked.

After Quiz Bowl was over, we packed up the buzzers, but just as Devon, Madeline, and I were about to leave, Tanner stopped us. "Can you guys stay for GSA?" he asked.

"Why?" Devon asked. "You're the only member of Quiz Bowl who isn't straight."

"It's called the Gay-Straight Alliance for a reason," Tanner said. "Besides, I need your help voting on some propositions."

"He did go to the orchestra concert," Madeline pointed out. "It's the least that we can do in return."

"I'll be late for my clarinet lesson if I stay," Devon complained.

"You can just come for the first five minutes," Tanner said.

"I think I can do that," Devon said.

"Dani? Madeline? Are you two coming?"

"Yeah, I can stay late," Madeline said.

"Me too," I said. I took out my phone and quickly texted Mom that I was going to be at Quiz Bowl until 5:30. In retrospect, I should have told her the truth, but at the time, I didn't know what kind of assumptions she might make if I told her that I was going to GSA.

All of us stayed in our spots as the GSA kids entered the room. I recognized a few of them - there were at least two or three who sat at our table at lunch - but most of them were strangers. Tanner and a girl named Angela led the meeting, and they started off by asking everyone to introduce themselves. I only half-listened, not expecting to come back to this club again. I was only doing this as a favor to Tanner, after all.

"Let's get started on voting on GSA activities for the next few months," Tanner said. "I know that prom season is a while away, but Student Government has already started planning for it. They're selling tickets for couples only again this year."

"The guy who sold tickets for prom last year was a total homophobe," Angela complained. "He wouldn't let my girlfriend and I buy tickets."

"I'm in Student Government, and even the straight kids don't like the current policy," a kid in the back interrupted. "It excludes kids who want to go to prom in a group."

"Exactly," Tanner said. "Anyways, I think we need to talk to the principal about this. All in favor of nailing a list of reasons why McKinley High is the worst to the principal's door, please raise your hand!"

About half of the group raised their hands, including Madeline, Devon, and I after Tanner promised to go to every orchestra concert that year if we voted yes. However, there still weren't enough people voting in favor of the proposition.

Angela sighed and said, "Tanner, we're trying to change the school's prom ticket policy, not start a Protestant Reformation. All in favor of scheduling a meeting to calmly speak with the principal about the number of students being excluded from prom, please raise your hand."

Every single person in the room raised their hand. "Anything else we need to vote on?" Tanner asked.

"Can we have a GSA party at my house over winter break?" Sean asked. "I live on a hill, so we can go sledding."

"All in favor of throwing a sledding party at Sean's house, raise your hand!" Again, the proposal passed unanimously. "I can't wait for that party, babe," Tanner said to Sean.

"Me neither," Sean said. "It's going to be so much fun."

Devon ran off to his clarinet lesson, but Madeline and I stayed for the rest of the meeting, which turned into more of an informal get-together than a meeting. One kid started using the projector to show everyone her extensive meme collection, while Sean took out his saxophone and played Careless Whisper over and over again. Mrs. Welch ignored everything and graded papers, which was pretty impressive, given all the commotion.

At one point, while I was gazing at Mrs. Welch's sloth poster, Angela sat next to me and said, "You're Dani, right?"

"Yeah," I said.

"What brings you here?"

"Tanner asked all of the Quiz Bowl kids to come to GSA so that we could vote yes on his proposal."

Angela rolled her eyes and said, "That's such a Tanner thing to do." She then glanced toward the sloth poster. "I love that poster so much. It's so cute, isn't it?"

I nodded, and as Angela and I kept talking, I thought about how there wasn't a single person in that room who was pretending to be someone else. It was a little bit like Quiz Bowl in that way. They didn't care what other people thought, and for a moment, I wished that I could be more like Angela or Tanner or even Madeline. They were all so confident and sure of themselves, and I wanted just an ounce of their courage.

I looked across the room. Madeline and Sean had found a saxophone and cello duet online, and they were sightreading the piece. They were both doing a terrible job, especially with all of the stopping and starting to figure out the musical markings, but they were having a good time. "What the hell does 'improvisatory screaming' mean?" Sean asked.

Madeline laughed and said, "I don't know. Just ignore it."

Her fingers moved deftly across her instrument, creating rich warm tones as she stared at the sheet music, lost in thought. Listening to her play was like floating through space. It was absolutely beautiful.

It was at that moment that I realized that I was in love.

However, I knew that I could never have Madeline, so I kept my feelings for her boxed up. Someday, Madeline would find a boy that she loved, and I would try to be happy for her, or at least that was what I told myself. She already had Blake, and they seemed to make each other happy. It didn't matter what I thought of their relationship or how I felt about her.

Autumn turned into winter, and as snow began to fall down over Ohio, I spent more time with my new friends. I faithfully attended every Quiz Bowl meeting and played in all of the tournaments, and when I could, I went to GSA too. Even I wouldn't admit it to myself yet, it was nice to know that there were other girls like me out there.

Sometime around the beginning of December, I realized that I hadn't seen Blake in a while. While I was going to class, doing my homework, attending club meetings, hanging out with my new friends, and occasionally making an attempt to search for colleges, I had neglected my best friend. I checked my calendar and saw that I had nothing going on that weekend other than church, so I texted Blake and asked if he wanted to come over to my house.

"Why don't you come to my place instead?" Blake replied. "I need help with something."

"Sure," I texted him, and a few hours later, I managed to convince Mom to let me borrow her car, and I drove to his house.

When Blake let me in, I saw that he was the only one in the house. His parents were gone again. "Hey Dani," Blake said. "It's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too," I said. "Sorry I've been so busy lately."

"It's okay," Blake said. "Junior year's the worst."

I looked around for a moment. The house looked just like it always did. The only difference was that there was a stack of papers sitting on the kitchen table. "What are all of the papers for?" I asked.

"It's fan mail!" Blake exclaimed. I looked at him, puzzled. This was the first time I had ever heard about The Love Martyrs receiving fan mail, but if Blake noticed my confusion, he didn't show it. "Why don't we open some?"

While I wondered just how long Blake had been keeping all of this fan mail from me, he picked up an envelope at the top of the pile. The envelope was made of delicate, light pink paper, with tiny Japanese characters written along the side. "It's so beautiful," Blake said as he sniffed the envelope.

"Blake, that's seriously creepy," I said. "Just open the letter."

"Fine," he said. He took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the envelope, and then carefully opened it, took out the letter, and placed it on the table so that we could both read it.

Dear Blayyke Pink,

I am eighteen year old girl, and I live in small city of Japan...

"Wait, she lives in a small city called Japan?" I said. "That makes no sense."

"Let me read the letter!" Blake exclaimed.

...I heard you on the radio and I like your music very much. Every time I hear your band I will be very happy. You are also really cute.

"That's so sweet of her," Blake said.

"Keep going," I replied. "We have a whole stack to go through."

I want to know all about you! What are your hobbies? What is your favorite food? What is your birthday? Please tell me everything in your reply!

Love,

Keiko Tamaki

Blake ran off to get a pen and a piece of paper, and when he returned, he started to write a reply to Keiko's letter. "This is where I need your help," Blake said. "I don't know what to say to her. She wrote me such a nice, loving letter. I can't measure up to that."

"Just start writing," I said. "I'll read the next letter in the meantime, and maybe if we go quickly, we can get through the whole stack." I tore open the next envelope while Blake started writing.

Dear Keiko,

Thank you so much for your letter! My hobbies are shopping, watching football, playing video games, and singing and playing the guitar with the Love Martyrs. My parents don't think that performing in a rock band is a real job. It's all Mom's fault, but if only you were here to help me, Keiko...

I glanced over at Blake's letter. "Nobody wants to read about your parental issues," I said. "Erase the last two sentences and keep writing.

"I can't. I wrote it in pen."

"Cross it out then." Blake crossed it out, but I could still see what he had written. "Why don't you keep answering the questions that she asked?" I suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Blake said. He picked up the pen again and kept writing, while I read more fan mail. Most of the letters were similar to Keiko's. They were all teenage girls from Japan gushing over how much they loved our music and how attractive Blake was.

My favorite food is macaroni and cheese, and my birthday is on August 2nd. I wish that you weren't so far away. I want to touch you so badly, but I think it would be wrong.

"It would be wrong," I said. "Cross out the last sentence."

Blake crossed out the last sentence. "What do I write now?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Just end the letter nicely."

Now that I've answered all of your questions, I have some questions for you. What clothes do you wear to school? How do you decorate your room? How do you touch yourself?

I glanced over at Blake's letter again, and when I saw the last question, I glared at him. "You can't ask her that," I said.

"Why not?" Blake asked.

"That's her business, not yours," I said.

"Dani, why don't you just let me do this?" Blake asked.

"I'm trying to help you! You're going to creep her out!"

"You're not helping!" Blake took the entire stack of fan letters and moved them into another room. "There's a reason why they're all writing to me and not to you, Dani."

"You were the one who wanted me to help!"

"I don't want your help anymore!" Blake roared. "I'm replying to all of the fan letters by myself from now on. Get out!"

I hesitated, but when Blake shouted at me again, I left his house and drove home, unsure whether to be furious or heartbroken. Either way, I wanted to scream, so I turned up the radio and let all of my frustration out as I headed home.

More than anything, I hated that we had let something as trivial as fan mail get between us. I had thought that our friendship was stronger than that, but it turned out that it was as fragile as Keiko's envelope.

We didn't speak for a whole week after that. That was a new record for us. Ever since Blake and I met, we had been inseparable. Even when I was busy with school and Quiz Bowl, we still texted. Giving him the cold shoulder for an entire week was torturous, and I desperately hoped that he would eventually give in and break the silence.

On my seventeenth birthday, Mom woke me up early to tell me that she and Jason would be at church all day. "You and Sydney can go home after the service, but we need to be there for this," she said. "Christmas is coming soon, and the church needs to plan for it."

She didn't even wish me a happy birthday.

I got ready for church, and all through the service, I went through the motions of worshipping a God that I wasn't sure I believed in. Sydney seemed just as bored as I was, and as soon as the church service was over, I drove the two of us home, while Mom and Jason stayed for whatever church business was more important than my birthday.

When I got home, I found a package sitting in front of the door. I took it inside, and when I saw that it was addressed to me, I opened it. It was from Aunt Shirley, and she had gotten me a new phone. It looked fancy, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to work, so I played with my old phone for a while, unsure of how to make my birthday truly special. The day was almost over, and it had been extraordinarily dull so far. Sydney went back into her bedroom to work on some homework while I lay on the couch, scrolling through my newsfeed.

I was seventeen years old. I was on the brink of becoming an adult, but it didn't feel any different from being sixteen, or at least it didn't feel any different then. In the last year of my youth, I was nothing but lonely.

After a while, I texted Madeline, but she was busy. Unlike Mom or Jason, she was nice enough to wish me a happy birthday. I considered texting Devon or Tanner, but to be honest, I didn't know either of them all that well. At that point, they were more like people that I occasionally hung out with in Quiz Bowl than true friends.

Just as the sun was starting to go down, someone suddenly knocked on the door. When I opened it, I saw that Blake was there, holding a large box. He was wearing one of the neon hoodies that he had bought, along with his shutter shades, and his hair was falling in his face. "Hey Dani," he said. "I got you something."

He handed the box to me, and I opened it. Inside, there was a cake, with the words "Happy Birthday, Dani!" written in frosting. "Thank you, Blake," I said with a smile.

"No problem," Blake said. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Not really," I said.

"Do you want to come to my house?"

It wasn't like I had anything better to do. "Sure," I said.

He drove me to his house, and the two of us ran out into the backyard, playing in the snow like we were children again. We tossed snowballs at each other, made a massive snowman, and lay down and made snow angels until the whole yard was covered in them.

When it finally got dark, we went inside and sat in the basement. As we passed by the kitchen table, I saw that the stack of letters wasn't there anymore. I almost opened my mouth to ask him if he had replied to all of them, but I changed my mind and stayed quiet. Asking about fan mail would lead to nothing but trouble. At best, he would change the subject, and at worst, we would get into another argument, so I followed him into the basement, letting him ramble on about how well the Love Martyrs EP was selling in Japan.

Blake made popcorn, and we found enough soda and candy hiding in various places around the house to last us all night. As I took a handful of popcorn, Blake said, "You're old enough to watch R-rated movies now, right?"

"Blake, you were the one who showed me that horror movie when I was twelve," I said.

"I forgot about that. There are probably still a ton of good movies that you haven't watched though," Blake said. "Let's do a movie marathon. What should we watch first?"

Blake had a nice selection of movies, so I had a hard time choosing, but I eventually decided on watching The Blues Brothers. Blake put the movie in, and we both sat in front of the TV, captivated by car crashes and cool music. He was still wearing his shutter shades, and I couldn't figure out how he could see the movie through those things, but he was enjoying himself anyways.

As I reached over to grab another handful of popcorn, I forgot about everything that Blake had done, from stalking Madeline to his obsession with the fangirl in Japan. It was like we were back in middle school, hanging out in his basement and simply enjoying each other's company.

I continued to watch the movie, but I was hardly paying attention. As Jake and Elwood plowed their car through a shopping mall, I realized that Blake was the only person in my life who truly, unconditionally cared about me. He wasn't a perfect person, but then again, nobody's perfect. I could overlook his many flaws, because in the end, he would always do the right thing, no matter what. I thought that underneath his hot pink hair and his shutter shades, there was a heart of gold.

I couldn't have been more wrong.