It had been arranged since before we were even born, our futures planned out for us by our parents and grandparents. I would argue against it, but such things really were typical among both traditional families and the higher ranks of Yakuza syndicate families. Him being the leader of his own family's branch of Yakuza, it was only fitting that as the daughter of another syndicate, our parents would try to unite the two for greater strength and territory.

I had been raised learning how to be the perfect wife for someone like him, how to be strong enough to stand beside him and support him when needed but also to be obedient enough to keep him happy. I had been eager to learn, in hopes of finally gaining my father's approval. That was something he did not give easily.

It was only after proving to him that I would at least not shame him in with my actions, that he finally allowed me to meet the man who would be my future husband.

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With my head bowed and my eyes lowered, I sat and waiting patiently for my fiance to enter the room I was in. It felt like hours had passed since I had come in myself, sitting carefully on the cushion that was provided, making sure that I sat in the proper manner my mother had taught me a female was to sit. I would not bring disappointment to my parents, even if my knees ached and my legs cramped up from sitting like this for so long.

Finally, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway, forcing myself not to raise my head in anticipation of finally meeting the man I would spend my life with. I kept my head bent when the door was slid open, focusing on not letting my hands clench in nervousness. When I heard the soft voice carry through the room, I felt my heart sink.

"I'm sorry, Kasanoda is unable to make it today. Something unexpected came up and has interfered with his ability to attend the meeting. Do you want to reschedule for another time?" Shaking my head slowly, I refused to look up and let the stranger see the tears pooling in my eyes.

How would I be able to face father now, failing in something as simple as meeting with my fiance, even if it was not through my own fault? He would never see it that way and simply assume that I was such a disappointment, Kasanoda had simply chosen not to come.

Carefully standing up, I walked out of the room and started making my way home, deep in thought of how I could fix this situation before it got to my father's ears that I had failed him. It was only a few minutes later that I changed the direction I was heading in, eyes carefully dried and small clutch opened to fix any makeup I might have smudged.

--------

It was hard to take in, watching as the man I was to marry sat blushing at the boy beside him, his red hair pulled mostly back and leaving his bangs to frame his face. It was only the voice of the boy near the door, asking if he could help me, that broke me from my frozen state.

"No. I... I think I have seen enough," I whispered softly before turning to leave, the boy making a quick note in his book before turning back to the guests waiting for his attention to be theirs again.

--------

My father had heard of the canceled meeting, luckily not also hearing of my entering the school and what I had found. I felt lucky that he'd only given me a mildly disappointed look, instead of the usual look I got when he felt I had somehow 'failed' him. I don't know what he would do if he found out the young man I was engaged to already had someone else he was interested in. Especially since I had seen Kasanoda sitting next to the boy with my own eyes.

No, we didn't need a gang war to break out right now, not after all the trouble the last one had caused everyone. That was why, when he mentioned a new meeting date, I did my best to keep a blank expression on my face and simply nodded my head in agreement to the date he gave me.

A short-lived sense of relief filled me when he silently left the room, not having missed the look in his eyes that told me not to disappoint him again. I understood without words that he expected me to meet my fiance this time, no matter what it took to do so, and get him to agree upon a date for our wedding. After all, my father wasn't getting any younger and he wanted a son-in-law to start taking the workload off his shoulders, not to mention a grandson to begin training in the family business.

He would likely try to strangle me I had a daughter before giving birth to a son.

--------

Once again I found myself waiting for Kasanoda Ritsu inside of the elegantly decorated room of the quiet restaurant, fingers rubbing nervous circles on the silk that was wrapped delicately around my body, not as confident as I had been last time. I was caught between trying to please my father and knowing that my fiance would likely come with a request to cancel the engagement so that he could be with the one he actually cared for.

That or he would wish for the wedding to continue simply to hide his lover from those who would likely go after whoever he was with, leaving his real love safe while I became a target. It would not be the first time such a thing happened within the shadowy secrets of the Yakuza syndicates.

I could feel a part of my heart begin to ache at the thought of being sacrificed by my future husband so that the boy he loved would be kept safe. Is that what I would end up being? A wife in name only, unloved by the one I was married to and likely only sharing a bed if he desired an heir to inherit the fortune he would have at his disposal?

I was beginning to get up and leave, ready to spill everything I knew to my father regardless of the potential danger I might be in if only to avoid the future I saw looming before me, when the sound of the door being opened with a harsh pull had me falling back in shock.

Looking up from where I landed, my hands pressing against the floor the only thing keeping me from falling any further back and legs splayed out slightly to each side from sliding across the well-polished wood, I saw the one person I had been hoping to avoid by leaving. Why did he have to show up?

The last thing I was expecting was for his face to turn red and the stuttering in his voice as he asked me if I was okay.

--------

He hadn't called off the engagement, not too surprising. No, the thing that shocked me was his unexpected desire to actually meet again. Surely there was no need to meet again, not until the actual wedding. Unless... Ah, yes... Of course, that must be it. He must be trying to reduce the chances that the rival syndicates would go after his actual lover.

How sad, we were not even married and already he was ready to use me as a decoy to keep his real love safe from any enemies he already had.

Kasanoda, I didn't realize you were so cruel.

--------

I was confused, lost as to what was going on. How could someone who had a hard time showing his emotions turn out to be such a good actor? I mean, if I had not already seen him showing affection to another person, I would have actually thought he was starting to care for me, his icy exterior that everyone else saw seeming to melt when he was around me. Didn't he know that he only needed to act so close, so caring, when around others? Why did he bother continuing the act when we were alone?

Was he worried that someone might be listening in, spying on him to see if he was hiding something? But that made no sense, he still acted the same when we were far from anywhere another person could be listening or watching. Why was he acting like this when he didn't need to? And why ask for so many meetings? Wouldn't he rather spend the time with that boy he liked?

I had seen the way others treated him, some like he was death itself sent to collect their souls and others like he was some temperamental puppy they weren't sure how to handle. What a confusing bunch of people this school of his seemed to be filled with, but none so surprising as the members of the Host Club, who seemed quite happy to have Kasanoda 'distracted' by having me around the one time he had brought me. After the strange blonde 'King' of the Host Club had flirted with me, I had not been brought back again for some time, although part of me wondered if it was simply because his lover did not like having me paraded in front of him.

I didn't know how much longer I could keep myself quiet about all these questions going through my mind. I'd never thought that things would be so confusing. At first, I had thought I would meet a man that maybe I could come to love and gain his love in turn. After searching him out and seeing what I had, I had raged for a bit but then after meeting him and talking to him, I had come to accept that I would be in a loveless marriage.

But now he had me questioning even that understanding! Why was he so insistent about acting like he was falling in love?! Didn't he already love that boy?!

--------

"Stop it!" I screamed, slapping the roses away as I finally broke down, my worries having eaten away all the endurance that a lifetime of training had given me.

With tears trailing down my cheeks, I leaned forward in my seat and covered my face with both hands, sobbing out the ache that filled my heart. Why did he taunt me so much by pretending to love me? I'd seen him just the other day, standing close to his lover, whispering to him with a blush on his cheeks.

"Stop lying to me, saying you care! I saw you with that boy! I saw him the first day we were supposed to meet up and you didn't show!! So stop pretending and just admit that I'm nothing more than a shield to protect him, a decoy to keep your real lover safe!" Shrugging off the hand that had touched my shoulder, I turned around and cried even harder. "I understand this is nothing but a facade to fool the enemies you have... I just ask you stop pretending when we are alone... My heart can't take it anymore if you keep treating me like you actually love me when I know that you love that boy instead..."

My broken whisper seemed to fill the otherwise silent room, although I was sure that at least one of his men listened from the other side of the paper walls. I had seen the confusion on their faces when he had brought me to his home, the surprise when he told them who I was. Had he really not bothered to tell them about me, yet now he was trying to pretend to care?

"Boy?" A look of confusion appeared on his face for a moment before a look of sudden understanding caused his eyes to open wide with what seemed to be disbelief. "Do you mean Haruhi? The person from Ouran's Host Club? No! Oh gosh no! Haruhi's not a boy and she's also not the person I am interested in anymore... That was just a crush and really not even much of a crush. She was the first girl, the first person, not to be afraid of me. That's all it was. But you... You're so different. You look at me knowing what kind of life our families both live and yet still you don't shy away. You know what kind of future I will be expected to live and what will be expected of you in turn, yet you still went to the meeting that day. No, you went both days and waited for me. And even though you now tell me what you were thinking this whole time, you still did not stop meeting up with me..."

After the long rush of words that for once were not accompanied by embarrassed blushes and halting stuttered words, the red-haired boy took a deep breath and looked into my eyes, his own dark eyes almost blazing with more emotion than I had ever seen in someone's eyes before. Slowly, he brought both hands up to rest gently upon my shoulders, pulling me against him in an unexpected embrace.

"I'm so sorry (y/n) that I left you feeling like this for so long. I should have told you about my feelings as soon as I realized them myself. I guess I just thought someone as amazing as you would have already known how I felt about you. I can see now that I should be more honest and upfront with you. I'll try to be more aware of how you feel and make sure you understand how important you are to me. I promise I won't let you be hurt again, not by me or by anyone else." My tears slowly decreasing with his words, I began to feel hope that maybe our future together wouldn't be a loveless one.

--------

For the next several weeks everything seemed perfect. I would come to Ouran and meet him in the gardens, sometimes to smile and laugh as we played games with his men, the Host Club members joining in from time to time now that everything was straightened out. Sometimes it would just be me and him, wandering together through the rose maze as I held onto his arm, my head resting against his shoulder as we would talk about everything and nothing.

My father showed his approval of how things were going, having my mother begin making wedding plans for shortly after he was set to graduate, while I would finish my homeschooling studies and begin learning the duties I would take over from my mother as Kasanoda Ritsu was taught everything he would need to know to take over my father's position as head of his Syndicate.

I didn't care that my father continued to make the decisions in my life anymore, as long as I could be around Ritsu and see the love in his eyes when he looked at me.

It wasn't until the next school break came that it all began falling apart.

--------

"I told you Ritsu, my mother wants me to spend the break studying. I've been falling behind recently, spending all my extra time with you instead of working on keeping up on my schooling. Just because I homeschool, it doesn't mean I don't have to work hard to get a good grade. I work just as hard as everyone else does!" I had to admit, I felt a bit upset that he seemed to shrug off all the work I put into my learning, the effort it took to maintain a steady A in all my studies.

Mother had worked hard to find an accredited homeschooling course so my work would get me a diploma and she worked just as hard to make sure that I didn't fall behind more than I could catch up on without difficulty. I wasn't about to let the work both of us put into this go to waste, not when the results of my studies could be either something Ritsu could look at with pride or something that he might look down upon in time. No, I most certainly didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes.

"Go spend time with your men and as soon as I have caught up on my 'homework' I will give you a call, okay my love?" I gave him a kiss on his cheek, enjoying that he would still blush at such an action from me, gently turning him around and sending him off with a sad goodbye.

"Come inside (y/n), you have much to do if you wish to see him before the break is over." I heard my mother's soft voice call from inside the house.

--------

It wasn't until the last two days of the holiday break were left that I finished the backlog of assignments I'd been delayed on. With an eager hand, I picked up the phone and dialed the number, listening to each ring with a fluttering heart. It was on the third ring that I heard it connect, the sound of a voice I had been yearning to hear all week long finally reaching my ears.

"(y/n)? Is that you?" I felt a tear of joy roll down my cheek at the sound of his words, his voice still muffled sounding, most likely due to it being so early in the morning. I bet he had just woken up to answer the phone.

"Yes! I called to say I'm done! I'm all caught up finally and we can spend the weekend together before school starts again!" I couldn't even begin to keep my excitement from my voice, hearing a thump from the other side of the phone, followed by the sounds of him rummaging around his room.

"I'm getting dressed now! I'll be over as soon as I can, so be ready to go! I'm taking you out with me and I'm not bringing you back until the day has ended!" I ignored the slightly harsh sound of his voice, understanding that it was just part of who he was to sound like that all the time and took his words as what they were meant to be. This was him letting me know that he had missed me as much as I had missed him.

"I'll be waiting at the entry for you! Ritsu?" I heard him pause in his movements as he listened to what I had to say. "I missed you, my love."

With those soft words, I gently hung up the phone, setting it back down as I began to get changed for our day out. Thank you, Mother. Thank you for letting me be finished early, even though I still had some work that should have been done left.

--------

It had been such a marvelous day out with Ritsu, having spent the day at the amusement park going on rides together, eating breakfast and lunch at a nearby cafe and finally finishing up the whole thing with a stroll through the park as we watched the sky change from pale blue to reds and oranges before settling into the star filled canvas of night.

I had been enjoying the day so much, I hadn't even minded seeing a couple of his men following us the whole time. After all, I understood it was to keep us safe.

Holding his warm hand in mine, I smiled up at him from time to time as we walked down the sidewalk towards home, eager to tell my mom about the amazing time I'd had with Ritsu. She'd been so happy that he and I were getting along so well, relieved that our marriage would be more than just a unification between the syndicates of our parents.

It wasn't until we rounded the corner that I saw the flashing lights from down the road. As soon as I saw the police cars and ambulance parked in front of the entry to the house, I felt my heart skip a painful beat and my legs begin giving out on me. It was only Ritsu's hold on me that kept me from falling to the ground as shock began taking hold.

Lifting me into his arms, he carried me over to the nearest police car, asking what was going on. I needed to know if my family was okay but my voice wouldn't allow more than a strangled sounding croak to leave my throat, worry tightening it until I could barely pull in a breath of air, let alone actually ask a question. Thankfully, Ritsu understood what I needed and asked questions for me, even if the answers broke my heart.

My family was gone, killed by a rival syndicate, most likely one of the ones my father had refused to deal with when they asked for my hand for their own sons in an attempt to unify our syndicate with their own.

It took weeks to get everything settled, the funerals held and tears shed anew, men from my late father's syndicate coming together to both protect me and handle the union with Ritsu's own syndicate. We agreed to have the wedding as soon as the school year was over, even if he still had years of schooling to complete. It would finalize the bond between our groups and we would wait until we were both of proper age before being husband and wife in more than simply name and legal status.

Ritsu said I was worth waiting for and he didn't want to pressure me to do things faster than I was comfortable with. After all, in his own words, we had forever to be together now.

It took months to realize what he'd done.

--------

"Why? Why did you kill him? He didn't do anything wrong! He was just giving me a hug!" I stared down at the bloody body on the floor before raising my eyes to look at Ritsu in a mix of shock and horror, my body beginning to tremble as I took a faltering step backward to put more distance between us. He must have snapped, the pressure of running two syndicates too much for him with having to attend school at the same time.

"Just a hug? As if he would have stopped with 'just a hug' from you! I've seen how he looks at you, how they all look at you! Don't they understand you are mine? They have no right to look at you like that, to try to touch you so freely! I didn't do everything I did just to have you stolen away from me by my own men!" The crazed look in his eyes scared me as much as his words had me filled with dread.

"What do you mean, everything you did? What did you do Ritsu? What did you do?!" By this point, I had collapsed on the floor, looking up at him with eyes that were widened from fear.

A trail of red ran from the body to my blood soaked clothes, having been covered in the fluid when a sword had swiped past, removing the head from the poor young man who had simply missed his friend after being gone for the past few weeks. He'd been delivering the wedding invitations to some of my more distantly located family members.

"The same thing that I'll do to anyone who tries to keep us apart. I removed the problem. Permanently." The cold look in his eyes as he turned to glance at the small shrine I had for my parents chilled me, my hands coming up to my mouth as I began to sob, understanding what he meant by his words and actions.

The murderer of my parents, the one I had been quietly searching for all this time, had been right beside me from the beginning. Had taken the place of the man he'd killed, using his men to take out anyone he saw as an enemy. I began wondering just how many of these enemies had actually been instigating the attacks he claimed took place and how many were simply him taking out anyone he saw as a threat to our being together.

So many of them had been the same groups who had asked for my hand when Father was alive. How many would still be alive themselves if they hadn't shown that small interest in me? Maybe my parents would still be alive if they had accepted one of them and called off this engagement before I had met with Kasanoda Ritsu.

No, I am sure they would still be alive. I'm sure everyone would still be alive and maybe Kasanoda would have remained crushing on the Haruhi girl who dressed like a boy or maybe he would have met someone new to fall for. Someone he wouldn't have lost his sanity over.

"You'll always be mine. If anyone tries to take you from me, I'll kill them. And if you try to leave me, I'll kill everyone you care about, until all you have left to give your love to is me." I shuddered as I felt his warm hand, the hand I used to long to hold within my own, rest against my cheek as he leaned down towards me.

When his lips brushed against mine, I dared not pull back, not wanting to see more of my loved one's blood-drenched bodies laying at my feet in the future.

Kasanoda had become even more of a monster than the rumors had ever hinted at him being. And it was all because of me. If only he hadn't fallen in love with me.

If only it had been a loveless future for us together.