I gasp and jolt up from the silver recliner chair, my head dizzy and the world around me spinning me. 

I focus my eyes on the computer besides me and then to Tori, whose expression are blank and her mouth is slightly open, her breath uneven.

My hands automatically go to my waist, and for some reason, I'm afraid that the knife won't be there, just like it wasn't there in the simulation, but I feel the solid at the same place I know it would be.

"Stay here," Tori says and half runs, half walks outside.

My heart starts to beat rapidly, I can feel in in my throat, my hands, my head, everywhere.

The few minutes that Tori was out, I ran through every possibility of running away from here but I couldn't. If I ran, people outside will catch me.

The door barges open and Tori walks in, with surprisingly no one.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," She says and walks to the computer and presses a few buttons and turns to me.

I raise my eyebrows and try to act normal. I ask her, "What was my result?"

She searches for something in my eyes and I don't know if she found it or just decided to give up, but she speaks up, "Abnegation."

I sigh a little but then the relief was only for a moment.

"And erudite, and dauntless." She says and my breathe quickens.

"But you already knew something about it, didn't you?" Tori says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Somebody has already told you about what you are," She says, "And advised you to protect yourself, that's why the knife." She says and my eyes widen.

How does she know I have a knife? I look down at my waist and see if something is visible, but it isn't. 

I took extra care to hide it.

"I'm Dauntless." She says, "My eyes are accustomed to weapons. We are trained to fight in danger." She answers my unasked question and I look up to her.

I don't speak but only shake.

"Divergent." I say, "Am I divergent?"

She nods, "Never speak that word." She says.

Mom was right. Divergent is a scary thing.

"Listen," Tori says, "You can relax. I'm not going to hurt you. I have deleted your test result from here and I manually entered Abnegation as your test result." She says.

I search her eyes for any lies she is feeding me, but I'm not Candor. I do not know if she is telling me the truth.

"You cannot tell anyone about it okay. As far as the choosing ceremony is concerned, you can choose whatever your heart tells you to."

"How do I know that you are not going to tell this to anyone?" I ask her.

She smiles a little, "If I had to I would have by now. I'm not scared of you and they should not be but they are." She says.

"Go home, and tell your parents that the serum made you sick and I sent you home early." She says, "You have a lot of thinking to do." She says and grabs me by my arm and ushers me out of a mysterious door which she said will lead to the exit of the school.

What just happened?

I walk down the hallway which Tori pushed me to, and I really came out of the school.

After that, I don't think, I just run before anyone sees me.

I run, my lungs fill with air and I breathe from my mouth but I don't stop running until I'm sure that no one will see me now.

I stop at in front of the area where a few factionless are sitting. They watch me, with eyes which are expecting that I will give something to them but I don't. I don't have anything.

I take the knife out of the waistband of my dress and throw it away, while they watch me, clearly surprised to find an Abnegation with a knife but I don't care. I don't care.

The knife made me feel heavy and as soon as it is gone, I breathe in heavily, filling my lungs with air and exhaling, wishing that the exhale will take away all the things that happen today, that it will take away my divergence with it.

But this is who I am.
This is who I am.

I have to live with it. And I will.

But where?

*********************