this is your album.

the songs:

1. BEFORE

here's a lyric from the song:

"and before you, i didn't know it was possible to become so attached.."

"Before" is about your life before you got close to Josh and how you almost can't even remember how you survived until him. Before everything between you and Josh happened, you  were lost.

2. CLOSE

lyric:

"i never liked getting close until you showed me what love was capable of.."

"Close" talks about how you never liked getting close to anyone and how hard you found it to trust someone but you got close to him and you felt loved. Because of you being able to trust Josh, you got closer to him and that was fun for a while.

3. WITHOUT YOU

"but mom, without you i feel scared. you taught me what i know. i can't let go."

"Without You" is about losing your mother and her/your lucky necklace and feeling bare and lost without it. You felt like you wouldn't be able to perform again without the necklace but you got through it and you know your mom would be proud of you. 

4. LEFT BEHIND

"sorry i didn't visit you dad but why try for someone who i thought never loved me?"

"Left Behind" is the story of your father taking Victoria and leaving you and your mother behind. After reading the letter he sent you, you can't decide whether or not to forgive him or not. You're in a constant state of indecisiveness when it comes to your father and how confusing he is to you.

5. LOST AND FOUND

"i wish i knew back then i was going to see you again. "

"Lost and Found" is about losing your sister, Victoria, and eventually finding her again. You were happy she was with you now.

6. BRUISED

"i guess black and blue was love to you."

"Bruised". This song is about your relationship with your ex, Ace. You were convinced you were in love with him but after thinking back on it, you realize that maybe you didn't love him. How could you love someone who likes to drink and get physical with someone he claims to adore?

7. THIS IS WHAT I WAS SCARED OF

"even miles apart i still felt your shadow following me, i just couldn't tell if i liked it or not."

You could feel you and Josh starting to become more distant as you were both on different sides of the world. Yeah, that's what you were scared of. "This is what I was scared of" is about not wanting to let go of Josh and being afraid that you would do something to mess up your relationship.

8. 11:59 PM

"what a great start to a new year, broken-hearted on the kitchen floor, hearing the heartbreaking voicemail from the boy i adore."

Josh broke up with you at 11:59 PM. "11:59 PM" is about how time stopped when you heard his cries and how your heart broke when you heard his gut-wrenching voicemail he left you on New Year's.

9. WRITER'S BLOCK

"i try to write but my hand won't move and all that's on my mind is you."

"Writer's Block" is appropriately named that because that's what it's about. After the break up, you found it quite difficult to write out your feelings because all that came to your mind was Josh. But, after a bit of help from the twins, you manage to write a couple more songs. So, this is about how you're thankful for your friends, Karma and Grayson, for trying to help you out of your heartbreak.

10. TORNADO

"where did my home go? what happened to the sunshine?"

A reference to the prologue, Josh was a tornado in your mind. Powerful, destructive, and absolutely breathtaking.

11. NOTHING

"i felt nothing and everything all at once. please someone tell me how that's possible."

"Nothing" is about how you felt when Josh was gone. But you're trying to build yourself back up. You'll get there, eventually.

ALBUM NAME: "COLLAPSE"

"Collapse"

Collapse means to fall down or in. This is the story of how you have collapsed but are now trying to rebuild yourself.

thank you so much for reading.

later.

-b