☆I never insult artists and songs you like on your books, don't do to mine.

☆Check out Bo's stuff, my favorite comedian. He's the Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book guy.

Lower Your Expectations
(Bo Burnham)

After the rescue of Peter Parker from his own marriage, the two of you got on a taxi and drove off, the destination was Lang's bar which everyone involved in your love story will be there to celebrate or just to get drunk.

Peter loosened his bow tie, unbuttoned a little and looked at you.

In the moment of silence, his hands reach out for yours.

At the back seat where the driver couldn't see he squeezed your hands three times, it usually means I love you.

And so your hands stayed intertwined for the rest of the road, once you arrived the both of you got out and entered the bar, just to almost screamed because everyone was there.

Literally everyone.

"Welcome back!" Steve Rogers hugged him.

"You did it!" Wanda hugged you.

Thor and Loki popped champagne bottles and let the foam flew everywhere, Scott who was the owner of the place and the wooden floor they just got all wet tried to stop them.

Tony Stark literally just got back from his work in Egypt and was not proud of his tan, stood there in the corner of the bar wearing a sunglasses, smiling.

The reason Peter's life went to total shit that he almost got married was because Tony was away. So the reason that you saved him will matter a great deal to Stark.

There were so many people, even Doctor Strange was there, and everyone seemed to be so happy that baby was faked, Peter himself, too.

Ned finally looked proud of Peter for the first time in many years.

"Finally..." They hugged. "It took you so long. But Peter is woke now!"

   Peter chuckled.

   "Seriously, dude. Did you really believe you were going to be a father?"

   "Yeah... I was actually really confused. I heard the words I'm pregnant and the next thing I knew was I was in the church. Their family really tied me down." He was going to drink beer, but he stopped himself and took water instead.

   "We were all scared shitless, I doubted she tricked you but we had no proof."

   "Yeah... don't worry now dude. I don't plan to become a father, but if it's bound to happen it must be at the right time, with the right person." He looked at you who was talking with Wanda.

   "Ha. Have you thought of the kid's name yet?"

   "Benjy. Probably. If he's a boy..." He muttered to himself.

   "So what are you waiting for? Go get her." Ned said and Bucky joined the conversation.

   "Yeah, Parker you should go talk with (Y/n), she has to work tomorrow and she'll have to go home to get some rest soon," Bucky suggested.

   "She really wants me back in her life?"

   "Bro are you stupid? She saved you today, risking it all in that church." Ned curled his lips.

   "I'm afraid I'll hurt her again..."

   Bucky pretended to throw up. "Drama~ I'm staying away~" He walked to Steve.

   Peter slowly walked towards you, and it seemed like you can almost sense him coming so you turned his way.

   Lang's bar was quiet as all the attention of everyone was on the two of you.

   "Thank you for today." He said.

   "Like I said," You scoffed. "You're not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl... Besides, it's Wanda you should say thanks, she overheard Michelle."

   "I'll make sure I say thanks to her." He said.

   It was quiet again so you made a little conversation. "We're nominated for the BBN award. Are you excited? The winner gets the trophy from Bruce himself. Our idol."

   "Yeah. I heard... There's me, you and Wanda right?" He smiled and you nodded.

   Silence again, then you both said out at the same time.

   "You're gonna win."

   Then you stared at each other awkwardly and said out at the same time again.

   "Wanda's gonna win."

   At this time the only thing left for Peter to do is kiss you, and so you waited.

   And he moved closer and you still waited.

   And he stopped there midair and you still waited, like all of every single soul there waiting for this love to return.

   But he paused it there for so long that you felt like the kiss was never going to happen again, just like your love with him, and so you stepped away. "That said it all." You said.

   "Wait... I--"

   "It's okay. I get it. I got to saved you, that's enough." You smiled, grabbing your bag and head out the door, you were so fast that everyone was shocked you just left.

   The whole bar broke down in a disappointing sigh.

   "Dude are you retarded!?" Ned put both his hands out, confusing as ever.

   "What the fuck Peter." Tony Stark put his hands over his mouth and shouted this way.

   "You're an unbelievably massive failure." Steve Rogers muttered.

   "I canceled my work just for that?" Doctor Strange asked Bucky.

   Thor in hippy clothes and Loki in a black suit just stood there speechless with blank faces and beers in their hands.

   "I... was about to kiss her, I swear." Peter stuttered. "But then I thought... They said if you love her let her go."

   "Oh my god." Everyone cursed out desperately.

   "Listen! Dude!" Ned stood up on the table, calling Peter out. "I know I'm not much for singing or writing a song. But I experienced so much from the two of you lovebirds."

   "...." Everyone shooketh.

   "I wrote a song! Because I'm so fucking tired of your Diss Track bullshit! This is called Lower Your Fucking Expectations!!" He shouted at everyone.

   "..."

   "Well... maybe not fucking..." He said under his breath then got up the mini stage, sat down on the piano.

   "You know how to play it...?" Peter asked.

   "Just for this song!" Ned shouted back angrily, he has had enough of this whole thing.

   Ned calmed himself down from the heat. And all eyes were on him, all eyes of the greatest music producers and singers were on him, and even though he was just Peter Parker's best friend...

   He slayed.

🎧Hit the song here🎧

   "We all want love." He said some intro. "How many single ladies out there looking for love tonight?"

   Some girls in the bar made some noises.

   "Yeah woo that sadness out." He replied.

   "There's more where that came from." He muttered into the mic. "Ladies I know what you want.... want... want..." He gave himself an echo.

   And the song started!

   "You want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's touch, a feminist who likes to pay for stuff. The kind of guy that gets along with your friends without being attractive to any of them."

   "A good boy. A bad boy. A good bad boy. A half good half bad half boy. Loves your brothers, is sensitive but not weak and is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend."

   Stark and Roger's producer's ears are all on Ned now, this was some good shit.

   "You might think this guy only exists in your mind..." He looked around the club and smiled.

   "But guess what... you're right!"

   People laughed and he hit the hook. "If you want love, lower your expectations a few because Prince Charming would never settle for you!"

   "If you want love, just pick a guy and love him. And if he's got a thing for feet say 'fuck it! Sweep me off them!"

   People gave the song its first applause for its unexpected awesomeness, Peter Parker stood there with a shocking surprise, proud face.

   "Now... the good things is that at least men have very realistic expectations for women. He said, sarcastically setting up a second verse in a comedy song." He made offensive noises for comedic purposes.

   "You want a girl that's nice, a girl that's not obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot. The kind of girl that you can show to your folks. Loves the movies you like and always laughs at your jokes." He directed it to Peter.

   "A real girl, a hot girl; a really hot girl; A brand new, really hot, real doll. Wants to impress you, doesn't care if you notice. Only ever uses you to tickle her throat with..."

   Natasha laughed and kiss Sharon.

   "You might think this girl only exists in your mind..."

   "...But she's real. But last week, she died!"

   "If you want love, lower your expectations a lot. You might think your dick is a gift, I promise it's not."

   "Fuck you mate." Peter shouted and laughed back.

   "If you want love, just pick a girl and love her. Then whip out your dick and let the girl you love decline the offer."

   "I don't want a neat freak, I don't want a slob. Somebody with bedhead and a dead end job, Cause I won't settle for less than perfect."

   "I'll sign him a contract and produce his music." Stark muttered.

   "We want perfect children a perfect life. A perfect husband or a perfect wife. But deep down we know, we don't deserve it...."

   "Not before me." Rogers muttered back, and they stared at each other aggressively.

   CIVIL WAR 2 confirmed.

   Then Ned sang with emotion. " but... We all deserve love... even on the days when we aren't our best, cause we all suck but love can make us suck less!"

   "We all deserve love, it's the very best part of being alive... And I would know I just turned 25."

   People clapped their hands intensely as Ned walked down the mini stage. He walked right to his best friend.

   "Dude. That was some cool shit, but you're not 25."

   "Well 22 don't rhyme, but! I wrote that song for you, to stop standing here being an idiot and chase her down for once you jack ass." He slapped Peter on the shoulder.

   "..."

   "This is not just about you now, Pete." He finally sighed and talked Peter out calmly. "She deserves love, and that has got to come from you."

   "Thank you, dude..." Peter said, completely grateful.

   "No problem. I just needed to kick shit into you."

   "I'll chase her down now, and I won't stop until I get the girl, won't let go of her, too." He said the words in front of everyone then grabbed his bag and walked out.

   Lang's bar was left in silence for a while until Tony Stark finally said.

   "Well. Here's a toast for Ned!"

   "Cheers!" Everyone agreed.

🎼