Sammy cleared his throat, smiling at Jack and the girl. They stop their disgusting display and look at us. Her leg was draped over his lap and he purposely squeezed her thigh.

"Oh hey," Jack the asshole said.

Sammy nodded. "Just wanted to introduce her to Joss. Jocelyn, this is Imogen, vice versa."

She gave me a stupid smile. Her hoop earrings were bigger than my head. I imagined that I grabbed her by the ponytail and yanked her off Jack's lap, rendering her unconscious with my bare hands. I shook out of it and nodded in place of a greeting.

"Happy Birthday Jack," I said in a plain tone.

"Thanks," he said, equally plain.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend, Sammy Sam," Joss said.

What the fuck is a Sammy Sam?

Sammy chuckled. "Nah, never that. You know I don't do relationships. We just have a mutual understanding," he said, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Ain't that right, cutie?"

I shrugged, a little less enthused. But I was used to this. "We're living the American dream."

For a quick second, Jack looked at me with a softened expression. He shook his head and looked at Joss, going right back to looking like an asshole.

"Cool," Jack spoke. "Well if you don't mind, I have to finish getting my birthday gift."

I rolled my eyes and downed the rest of my drink. "I need another." I quickly went back to the kitchen only to find my cousin being held almost upside down by Skate over a beer keg. Others were cheering him on as he drank what he could. When he stopped, Skate put him down and Cousin Jack threw his hands up in the air.

"Oh shit, yo Imogen!" Skate shouted over the music.

"That's my cousin," Cousin Jack shouted as well.

"Related? Holy shit, welcome bro!"

I rolled my eyes and pushed past them to get to the hard liquor. There was gin, multiple bottles of vodka, Bacardi, and whiskey. I went for the whiskey & mixed in some Coca-Cola. It was more whiskey than soda.

After three more red solo cups of whiskey cola, the room spun. But I loved it. I laughed and dance regardless of Jack's presence. I felt nothing but fucking joy. I was happy that Cousin Jack was fitting in with everyone. I didn't need to keep my eye on him. Two girls were keeping him busy; especially the one with the purple hair and crazy amount of ear piercings. Most of the night was a hazy blur but bits and pieces stood out. I had went to the bathroom and had fallen in the tub. I'm sure I laughed at myself for a good 10 minutes. Skate danced with me, so did Sammy, and Jack kept glancing from the other end of the room at me while Joss grinded on him. Skate, Cousin Jack, and I were playing cards at one point. I'm pretty sure I didn't know how to play so I bullshitted the entire thing.

Then Sammy told me to meet him in the bedroom.

I didn't really feel like having sex that night. I already felt the sensual warmth from the alcohol. But to my surprise, it wasn't about sex - it was about smoke. When I got in the room, I saw Cousin Jack, Skate, and a guy named Kenny who looked super innocent. Sammy took out the gas mask & bong he talked about and set everything up. Ever since I tried it with Taylor, it's my favorite form of smoking. Even if I didn't have all of these other drugs at my leisure, I'd be fine with only weed. There's no fucking maintenance needed. With everything else you have to worry about things like overdosing, overheating, seizures, and other fatal accidents that could happen because you were too stupid to chill out.

We were soon joined by Gilinsky and his female dog. That's when I volunteered to go first. It was time to get monumentally fucked until I nearly go blind. Anything to influence my eyesight enough to not see those two, together at least.

It was a lovely experience in the gas mask. It filled with smoke that was pretty thick and almost fully milky. The smoothest take-off into the higher levels of nirvana.

"I got next," Cousin Jack said as I took the mask off. I almost didn't recognize him or the way he spoke.

"Hell no, man," I slurred. "Aunt Sophia would kill you twice in your last breath if she knew you got high."

"It wouldn't be my first time," he said.

"No?"

"Hell no. Don't let my clothes dictate your impressions of me, Cuz."

Cousin Jack took the gas mask next and went in for the kill. Skate was in the background nodding and smiling like a proud pothead father watching his future pothead son. Cousin Jack started coughing and took the mask off after a couple hits.

"That's some good shit, Sam," he said.

I have to agree with Skate's facial expressions - I was proud too.

I'm not sure about the sequence of events after that. I was fucked up way beyond measure. But I somehow ended up in the backyard, lying down on the trampoline and looking up at the stars which appeared to dance and travel. It felt like I was floating toward them. No care in the world that I'll probably freeze up and die once I get into space. I'm a slave to the concept & feeling of release.

I was brought back to earth when I felt the trampoline move. I thought I was moving my head to see who it was but I was just too numb. I kept staring at the stars hoping whoever just joined me was enjoying them as well. Vision through my peripherals was worse but I could sense them turning their head to look at me and then looking back at the sky.

There was a sigh. And then there was a hand holding mine, locking our fingers. I closed my eyes and heard chill electronic music from inside the house. It all worked, it all made sense. A hand slowly moved across my bare stomach and rested there, it felt like heaven. 

"I'm sorry."

It was Gilinsky's voice. A voice that would easily pair with singing angels. I opened my eyes, keeping my gaze on the vibrating constellations.

"I'm sorry, too."

Finally, I looked at him. He looked godlike under the moonlight with his white tank top.

"What's-" he struggled for the words. "What's hurting you so much? I feel like you have so much suppressed pain inside that it's finally catching up to you."

I scoffed and looked back at the sky. "I just have to wish it away, drink it away, smoke it away...fuck it away..."

"Is that why you...with Sammy?"

I took a deep breath. Jack was toting a metaphoric sledgehammer; knocking down brick by brick, wall by wall. He noticed my bottom lip begin to tremble.

"It's okay, you can talk to me." He rubbed my stomach gently, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Stop it," my voice cracked. "Stop it!"

Jack snatched his hand away. "Stop what?"

"Stop trying to figure me out!" Tears ran down both sides of my face, ducking into my ears. "I'm finally in a good place. I have all my walls up. And I'm not about to let some guy that knows jack-shit about me, knock 'em down."

"Imogen, what the fuck is going on?"

"You don't understand, you don't know what it's like to be me. I have to be strong to survive. And here you come with your charm and your hair and your face...and your hands, and you rip through me like paper. You make me feel so weak. The last time I was weak? I almost died."

"H-how?" Jack gulped.

"Took a bunch of pills," I responded. It was getting harder to speak & it felt like my throat was closing. "I wanted a permanent solution to a temporary problem because cutting and crying to myself every night wasn't enough. My mom's ex-boyfriend, a man I trusted, sexually abused me for months before my mom woke the fuck up."

By this point, both of Jack's hands held onto mine.

I continued. "My dad doesn't want anything to do with me, neither does my mother, hence why I'm here. I caught my ex-boyfriend in bed with my cousin Freya and he never apologized for it. Knocked her up, too. So I am sorry, Jack. I'm sorry I'm too afraid to let you in. I let people in, they brutally hurt me, and then they leave. If you did that, if you joined that fucked up club, I-I don't know what the hell would happen to me. I can't do that again."

My life story had gotten to him. I watched as he gulped multiple times, swallowing the pain that I just released into the atmosphere.

"I fucked Sammy because...I needed to get my mind off of you. I know that seems stupid, but that's all I know. When I'm stuck, I do whatever to get out of it. I'm sorry if I hurt you, and I know I did. But it wasn't on purpose, Jack."

Jack sat up completely, still holding onto my hand, and he pulled me up too. He moved me until I was between his legs and resting against his chest. His strong arms wrapped around me tight and he rocked me side to side.

"I'm sorry you went through all that," he told me. "But we can't change the past for the better, so why let the past change you for the worst? You wanna stare at the past so badly? Look up."

He leaned his body back a bit and I lowered with it. I looked at those dazzling stars with him as crickets chirped in the background.

"We learned in class," he continued. "That all the light we see from the stars? That's old light. It takes a while for light to travel through space and reach earth. For all we know, one of those stars have already gone through a supernova and died."

"You're really tripping me out, Gilinsky," I spoke slowly.

He chuckled. "Hear me out. Those stars out there, that's the only piece of the past you can experience in real-time...sort of. Nothing else. I'm not trying to change you. But I want you to know that I'm here. Right here, right now, in the present."

"What about Joss?"

He scoffed. "Joss is currently making out with Sammy. She actually asked me like I cared," he laughed. "I know one thing though, I really wanna kiss you right now."

This guy...this guy...is making me feel at peace, at ease. I move away from him and turn around to smile at him. Then I proceed to lie back down on the trampoline to stare at all those possibly-dead stars. It wasn't long before he joined me, hovering above me with that impeccable smile.

He touched my chin right before he pressed his lips against mine.

"I also wanna take you out," he spoke into the kiss. "And...(kiss)...spoil you. And...(kiss)...make you smile for no reason. Then I'm gonna...(kiss)...lay you down. And...(kiss)...make you moan my name. Only so...(kiss)...I can pick you...(kiss)...back up again because...(kiss)...I love your smile."

I ran my fingers through his hair. There went that feeling in the pit in my stomach again, only this time, I left it alone. I enjoyed this moment with Jack, wishing on all those suicidal supernovas that this would be the first of many moments with him.

I felt my phone vibrate constantly and it scared the hell out of me. I forgot I even had a phone. I forgot a lot of surroundings in that moment.

"Hold that thought," I whispered against his lips. I could barely see who the hell was calling me. "Hello?"

'Care to tell me why you and my son are not in this goddamn house?!' Aunt Sophia yelled through the phone. Jack heard her too because his eyes grew wide.

"Shit!"