The sun was setting as we walked to my house. I was actually relieved I was being walked home because I didn't know where in the hell I was. Jack seemed nervous and bashful. I'm not sure why. I mean, who the fuck am I to anyone?

"Damn," Jack said. "I still feel it, do you?"

"Yeah. Beautiful moon tonight," I replied.

Jack chuckled. "I almost said something cheesy."

"Say it." He shook his head and I nudged him in the arm. "Go on, say it."

He took a deep breath. "I was gonna say that it's not as beautiful as you."

"...Yeah that's pretty fucking cheesy," I laughed.

"I really wanna get to know you, though."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Okay...when it's raining outside, what do you do with your day?"

I had to think about it and I thought back to this one day it actually rained in L.A.

"I go outside," I began. "No umbrella, no raincoat, just me enjoying the rainfall. It's some kind of redemption, you know? Like my sins are being washed away so I could sin all over again with a clean slate. It's more...spiritual than a shower."

He looked at me as if he were impressed. I couldn't help but stare at his lips and how he kept licking them. If this was a plot to woo me, it was kind of working. But I had to fight it. He can't break me. He won't.

"So you like Sammy," he asked me.

"Yeah Sammy's great. We hit it off nicely. Talked about eloping. I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious," I joked.

He wasn't laughing. "That's the dumbest thing you could ever do."

I laughed. "Why so serious, Batman?"

He looked at me, trying to contain himself but then bursted into laughter.

"Anyway," he playfully rolled his eyes. "How was your first official day at school?"

"It was adventurous to say the least. Group. Cameron. Skate. Sammy...you."
It was getting so dark, I couldn't see if he was blushing or not. But he was grinning while staring at the pavement.

"Do you wanna hang out sometime? I mean, just us?" He asked with his hands in his pocket.

"And do what?"

"Doesn't matter." I felt his gaze linger but I kept looking at everything but him.

I would love to hang out with him. But i'd probably break him to pieces. So much for thinking like a risk taker with these thoughts.

I shrugged. "Sure. Wouldn't hurt anyone." Had to play it off as casual as possible.

"We can start tomorrow morning," he smiled.

"Skipping school? Bad Gilinsky."

"Nah, we'll still be at school. Just not in class," he grinned sinisterly.

"Game on," I told him.

"Oh yeah. Well, this is Orchard. Any houses look like yours?"

I searched the row of homes for my Aunt's. It was hard to see at night or maybe it was just the drugs still in my system. Luckily I found Cameron's red car and knew my place was across the street. I began walking and he continued to tag along.

"Listen," he spoke as we got to my front door. "Be careful with Sammy, okay? I've known him for a while and yeah he's not a bad guy but I wouldn't exactly consider him boyfriend material."

"And what do you consider boyfriend material," I scoffed.

He smiled. "Me."

I tried not to laugh. "Don't worry. No one can hurt me anymore. I'm not interested in Sammy like that."

"Well," he stepped closer to me. My back was against the door now and I felt his breath. "Whenever you want something new..."

He inched closer to my face and I trembled. I wanted to kiss him badly but I knew the moment I pressed my lips against his dangerously poisonous lips, i'd be done for and under his spell.

"Hey guys," I heard Cameron's voice shout from across the street.

Jack pulled away and turned around to face him. I could tell he was annoyed by the way his jaw clenched.

"Cam...hey you," I responded. My blood pressure slowly went back to normal.

Cam crossed the street in basketball shorts, a white tee & flip flops. "I was just taking the trash out. Mom's orders. What are you guys up to?"

"Well I was about to ki-"

"Jack...was about to head home. He was just making sure I found my way back safely."

Jack looked at me and cocked his smile to the side like I've got some nerve. "Uh, yeah. I was just about to leave. See you guys at school."

I saw Cameron's interruption as a sign of divine intervention. But I couldn't help but realize the aches and pains inside when it came to Jack leaving. It hurt like a ton of bricks being that close to him, almost tasting that poison. Deep down, I wanted him to kill me slowly.

It was a little intense before Jack walked away. Cameron blew out a stream of air.

"Did I interrupt something?" Cam asked.

"Not at all," I replied.

"Be careful with that guy. He doesn't exactly have the greatest reputation at school."

"I know. I didn't have the greatest rep at my old one either."

"Wh-why not?"

"Cameron, honey, I'm not the type of girl you bring home to mom," I explained. "If you wanna makeout, fine. Wanna fuck? Even better. But I am no one's perfect princess, alright?"

Cam backed up a bit. "Sorry, I didn't even mean it like that. Is everything okay? Like, you said all that but I feel there's pain behind it."

"No pain. I'm fine," I sighed. "I'm actually gonna head upstairs and shower. Got a few hours to kill before my Aunt gets home."

"Are you sure you're o-"

"I'm peachy. Tell your mom that I'm in before 10, will ya? My aunt has her keeping tabs on me."

Cameron turns red. "Really? Holy shit, I'm so sorry. But I'll tell her."

As soon as I got in the house, I couldn't breathe. I hated when people analyzed me, it gave me anxiety. I locked the door and turned on a few lights, rushing up the stairs. I wasted no time stripping down and turning on the shower, making the water as hot as I could handle.

I knew my makeup was running down, smudging black lines down my face. I didn't have time to find makeup remover wipes. Showers calmed me down, at least a bit. They stopped prescribing me Xanax when they learned I was abusing it, claiming I kept losing pills in the toilet or they fell out of my bag.

He doesn't know shit about pain.

I used to head straight for a razor blade in times like this, when everything would weigh down on my back at once; every piece of baggage I drag along with me. But that's the old me. No more cutting. I'm sick of wearing shorts and having to hide one thigh or keep my left arm bent so no one asks what's going on with my skin. Because apparently, I'm supposed to be flawless.

It was getting very steamy in the bathroom and I began to relax. Suddenly, Jack popped into my head. If I couldn't allow myself to do what I wanted with him in real life, then I could live in my mind, at least. I imagined him climbing through the bathroom window, undressing as he made his way to the shower. When he opened the glass shower door, his body was already glistening, his abs and arms were fucking ripped. The steam that had hit him made him look even more luscious. It was hard for me to imagine what it would be like to kiss him. I didn't want to compare it to anyone else's kiss.

I kept touching myself to the thought of him against me. The orgasm would have been completely monumental if I didn't almost slip after. I might make this a nightly thing. As bad as I wanted him, I knew giving him all of me would be a terrible idea for him and I both.

_________

After my lovely shower, I laid in bed, turning on Spotify & choosing whatever playlist they had on the Discover page. I worked on a bit of sketching and soon heard a car pull up. I quickly turned off my light so my aunt would think I'm asleep.

"Imogen!" I heard her call from downstairs. "Got a surprise for you!"

What could possibly surprise me right now? A ticket back to L.A? Jack in a sexy firefighter outfit? An ounce of Kush?

I rolled my eyes and rolled out of bed, carelessly walking down the stairs.

"I hope it's money," I joked.

"We always hope it's money, dollface," Aunt Sophia said. "But no, you remember your cousin Jack? My son. Actually how could you remember, you haven't seen each other since you were in diapers."

My eyes grew wide when she said that name and cousin in the same sentence. I got further down the steps and saw this blonde kid, relieved it wasn't the Jack I already knew. I'd be pretty fucking pissed. Then again...he would've said something when he dropped me off.

"He's been living with his dad for the past few years but I wanted him to move back in. Thought it would be good to have a positive influence in your life that's your age. Maybe you'd listen."

Jack walked up to me, extending his hand. "Hey Imogen. Mom's told me a lot about you."

"All terrible things I hope," I grinned and shook his hand.

This kid would not survive a day with me. I mean, seriously? A canary yellow polo, plaid shorts & Sperry's? Does he know how many country clubs I've been banned from just for doing 'unclean' things with the sons of head honchos? But who knows, I might make this a project. I might make him the boy-version of me.