Maisie and I were practically best friends now considering she basically saved my life. She was so happy to hear from me when I called her and jumped into my arms when we met up at the mall. I hugged her so tight.

She had done more shopping than I did. I wasn't really in the mood to focus on my fashion sense even though she made me try on a couple things in Forever 21. Maisie feels I should incorporate more color into my closet...but...the color black is the new black. And that's how I'll always feel. So she'd roll her eyes and give up trying to persuade me to buy things in powder blue.

I looked forward to lunch time and as we approached the food court on the upper level, I headed straight for the Japanese place. I was seriously craving orange chicken with fried rice. Maisie decided to get Chik-Fil-A and we sat at one of the small tables that were against the glass walls, overlooking the rest of the mall.

"I can't believe you still eat Chik-Fil-A," I said to her.

"It's amazing, why not?" She shoved a few fries into her mouth.

"They're against gays."

"Wait, what?"

"You never read that?" I sipped on my Pepsi.

"I'm a 15 year old girl that lets boys & unnecessary amounts of homework take up her time," she replied.

"...Point proven."

We chuckled as we continued eating. I looked around the mall at everyone. It was like I was being taunted. Newborns and toddlers were everywhere. Babies in strollers being fed. A little girl being fascinated by a balloon animal. A toddler getting happily tossed up & down by her father while the mother looked on. Every other day I would just see guys staring me down, but today was a display of haunting innocence.

To make matters worse, I looked past the escalators and to the other side of the mall where I saw that red flannel shirt. It stood out to me like a fly on a white wall. And he was with her...about to get dragged into Victoria's Secret. He kept shaking his head no as she pleaded with him in a flirtacious way.

"Imogen? What's wrong?" Maisie asked, breaking my trance. Her eyes followed to where I was looking and she sighed. "Do you wanna leave?"

All I could do was shake my head and hold back any sign of sadness. I was pissed when I felt my eyes filling up and I knew she could see how glassy they were becoming.

"Don't be sad," she continued. "You did the right thing."

"What if I didn't?" My voice was coarse.

"If you didn't, then you'll find your way back to each other."

I chuckled as I thought to myself about what Jack once said. I looked back at Maisie and wiped my tears, clearing my nose. "You know he once said that he felt we were meant to meet. And I laughed at him. I told him not to talk to me about that cosmic shit." I painfully laughed and looked back over there.

He was sitting on the bench next to the store. Sylvia had gone into the store without him. He was going through his phone as usual and looking up every now and then. I noticed every single girl he looked at would all have the same look. Long dark hair, bold lips, & combat boots. Basically...he was looking at similar clones of me. He took a lot of deep breaths and even pounded on his chest as if it felt tight. I took out my phone, ready to text him, but saw those three bubble dots. He was already writing to me. Either he was writing an essay or he couldn't think of what to say...writing, deleting, writing again.

But then the dots went away and I looked to see that he was leaning forward with his head in his hands. Sylvia soon emerged from the store with a tiny bag, smiling. She sat on the bench next to him and showed him what she had bought. It was too small and far away for me to see, but I knew it was black and stringy.

Immediately I looked away. I shoved spoonfuls of food into my mouth, eating my feelings. Maisie looked at me with sympathy.

"Maybe we should hang out at Kenny's tonight. Watch some movies, listen to some music," she suggested. "I'll bring Aaron."

I nodded. "I'd like that," my voice cracked.

_________

I was slumming it, big time. I showed up to Kenny's with Maisie & Aaron wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and my hair carelessly tied up in a ponytail. I wasn't trying to come off as depressed - I wasn't depressed, I just wanted to be comfortable. There's no crime in that, not one bit.

Kenny opened the door happy to see us, hugging us all as we walked in.

"Uh," Kenny said as he looked at both Maisie and I.

I walked past them, trailing behind Aaron, assuming he wanted to talk to Maisie in private. I heard him whisper I'm sorry to her and shook my head hoping she didn't get herself in another situation. Silent Night could be heard playing in the living room and it sounded delightful as it was simply from an acoustic guitar. I was about to ask Kenny about it when I turned the corner to see it was Jack playing the guitar. I felt a wave of tingling heat rush through my body when he looked up at me. His lips parted and it was just like how he looked at me when I descended the stairs the night of the Homecoming dance. He looked dashing in his white & hunter green Christmas sweater along with the glow of the dim lighting & fireplace. I sat next to him as he continued to play the rest of the song. He kept looking back and forth at the guitar and up at me. There was a slight smile that came across his face.

"I told you not to invite him, Ken-," I heard Maisie say quietly as her and Kenny entered the room. She watched as Jack and I kept our eyes on each other. She joined Aaron on the other couch, cozying up to him. Kenny also sat near by and we all watched as Jack strummed Christmas cheer through the guitar strings.

After he finished playing, everyone else talked amongst themselves while I remained close to Jack.

"How've you been?" I asked him.

"You know, just...mid-terms," he answered. "Glad it's officially winter break."

"How do you think you did?"

"Average, knowing me."

"Did you tell your parents about the baby yet?" I fidgeted with the hem of my sweatshirt sleeve.

He took a deep breath. "I'm gonna wait until after the holidays. No point in ruining their lives now."

"A baby is a blessing sometimes, though."

He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway, I miss you."

"Got a funny way of showing it," I joked. "Barely called or texted this past week."

"I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to...I don't know."

"I know the feeling."

I open my arms and he moves toward me, hugging me back. He buries his nose into my neck and I missed the feeling of his breath gracing my skin. And he smelled heavenly, his hair smelling like his shampoo & conditioner.

Moments later, we all sat near each other while Kenny popped in a DVD. We watched Grown Ups 2 and I never laughed so hard. After that, upon Maisie's request, we watched Amelie which I already watched 8 million times because it's one of the best films ever. But I ended up falling asleep on Jack's shoulder. He probably thought I was in a deep sleep because he caressed my hand and I didn't react. I even felt as he kissed my forehead and I tried my best to hurry up and fall back asleep before he did anything else that made me want to cry on his shoulder.

Maisie woke me up hours later and my head was now resting on a pillow. Jack apparently had left not too long ago. She showed me the sneaky picture Kenny took of both Jack and I asleep.

"Send this to me," I told her.

"Already on it," she smiled.

__________

Days went by and I still barely heard from Jack. My spirits were a little higher though because it was snowing on Christmas Eve. Cousin Jack and I had spent all day sledding with Sammy at his Uncle's about 30 minutes away. Sammy recorded the whole thing, especially the 7 times I fell off. Cousin Jack even attempted to snowboard and failed tremendously. But it was all in good fun.

For a moment, I separated myself from everyone and made snow angels. Looking up at the overcast skies reminded me of my near-death experiences, but I didn't have a panic attack. I felt grateful that this time around, I was alive and well. I was a survivor after a long battle against my own demons. And that was enough to make me satisfied with life, even if Jack wasn't here to share it with me.

But the ride home was depressing. My head stayed against the window as we drove past all the snow covered houses with extravagant Christmas lights & decorations. Fucking Sammy decided to play Christmas music instead of the usual ratchet music which would probably make me feel better. I heard Sammy honk the horn and we pulled up to the curb. Skate was hanging out in front of Kenny's house, smoking a blunt discreetly. He walked up to the car, happy to see us.

"Tis the season lady & gents," Skate spoke. "Yo Imogen, it's good to see you back. Didn't call or anything."

"Yeah, I kinda...you know." I made no sense but I didn't know what else to say. It felt a little awkward seeing Skate after our little one night stand but I didn't want it to be that way. I extended my hand out the window to him. "We cool?"

He shook my hand. "Like a polar bear's toenails."

"Don't ever say that again," Sammy chimed in, causing Cousin Jack to laugh.

"You right," Skate agreed, taking another puff.

"I'm gonna drop these two home and I'll be back," Sammy told Skate and Kenny.

I rushed inside the house, attempting to defrost as quickly as possible. It was lovely coming back to a house that looked like the North Pole exploded inside of it. Aunt Sophia was huge on decorating.

"Oh! Here Genie is right now, hold on." Aunt Sophia rushed toward me from the kitchen, holding the house phone. "It's your mother."

I smiled wide and took the phone.

ME: Hey mom!
MOM: Hey sweetie, how've you been?
ME: Been good, feeling way better.
MOM: I'm so happy to hear that. I wish I were spending Christmas with you. But I'll be there for New Years, okay?
ME: Sounds amazing, I can't wait.
MOM: Me neither. Oh! I sent a box of gifts for you and there's even one in there for your cousin. Merry Christmas Imogen.
ME: Thanks! Merry Christmas, Mom.......I love you.
MOM: I love you too.

Her breath hitched and she chuckled a bit before she hung up the phone. I handed the phone back to Aunt Sophia.

"Mom said a package came for me?" I said.

"Yep! I actually put it on your bed in hopes you'd be surprised by it but I guess that plan is screwed," she laughed to herself.

As I made my way up the stairs, I decided to text Jack. I missed him so fucking much and I really needed to see him, if only for a few minutes.

ME: Can you stop by?

I smiled to myself knowing that he wouldn't say no. When I opened my door, I froze and dropped my phone.

Jack was sitting on my bed, holding the box in his lap and smiling. His phone buzzed as he finally received my message. He looked down to read and then looked back at me,

"Of course," he spoke as a reply.

I placed my hand over my heart as he took the box off his lap and pulled an envelope out of his inner coat pocket. He shook his head, looking for the words. So I attempted to speak without letting my overwhelming mixed feelings get in the way.

I scoffed. "How did you-"

"I tried...like you suggested. And...for a moment, it was going somewhere. The other day we had went to the doctor again and I went in with her. She held my hand the entire time. The doctor told us what we needed to know and we were on our way."

He got up and walked around my room, talking with his hands.

"And then I thought to myself and did the math. I figured out that between the time we last hooked up and the amount of weeks she's been pregnant? It didn't add up."

I inhaled and held my breath.

"So I asked her what was up and...that's when she admitted that...I'm most likely not the father. She knows who the father is - well, it's between two other guys. She was just so upset that I had broken up with her and claimed she only saw a future with me. Which is a crock of bullshit since she's been sleeping around in college behind my back this entire time. But that's neither here nor there."

He rushed toward me and took me by the hand.

"What I'm trying to say is...Sylvia and I are done. We were gonna be done anyway because I tried. I tried so hard and I've never felt so fucking incomplete. Being off the hook was icing on the cake."

I bursted into tears as I smiled up at him. "You're such a liar."

He laughed, wiping tears off my cheek. "I'm glad I'm not lying because in this envelope is your final scavenger hunt clue. Open it." He hands me the envelope. "Oh, wait!" He reaches into his pocket and gives me another Hershey kiss.

I smiled and trembled at the same time as I opened the envelope. Inside was a printed out version of the picture Kenny took of us asleep at his house. Taped on top was a cutout of a cartoon palm tree.

I chuckled, "I don't get it."

"It's us sleeping under a palm tree," he said, waiting for me to understand. He jokingly rolled his eyes. "Basically I got my graduation present ahead of time from my parents. They never got me the car I wanted because they wanted to send me on a cruise as a graduation gift next summer. And they said I can take a friend with me. That friend being you."

I was shocked, surprised, frozen. No words escaped my mouth. But then that all faded.

"I can't go," I said, shaking my head.

"Why not?"

"You have to take a friend. And I'm trying to be your girlfriend so..." I tried to keep a serious face and I looked down at the floor, pursing my lips before they turned into a smile.

He suddenly whisks me off my feet causing me to shout. I drape my arms over his shoulders and his lips crash against mine.

"Don't scare me like that," he speaks into the kiss. "God I love you so much."

"Make sure you tell me that when we're under that palm tree."

"I'll tell you that under every tree, babe."

It was then I realized how grateful I was for everything, even being a fuck-up. If I weren't, I would've never been sent here, I would've never met the only drug I needed. Like I said before: you should embrace every thing about yourself...even the bad things. It was a rollercoaster getting to this point in my life but I'm glad I went through it and jumped over all the hurdles on my own.

Perhaps Jack was right, we were meant to meet. Maisie was right as well, that Jack and I would find our way to each other. All I knew was that I'm in love with this guy. And I'll always welcome the feeling of his soul pulsing through my veins, making my heart beat rhythms I didn't know it could beat.