"Please say something," Jack said, squeezing my hands tighter.

I felt my blood pulsing as if its pressure was rising rapidly. I couldn't move and I barely remembered how to speak. For some reason, the bare corner of his room was the only place my eyes wanted to look. I slipped my hands out of his and placed them over my ears.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...

I took a deep breath and uncovered my ears, finally looking at him. His bottom lip quivered as he awaited my response. To my own surprise, after reflecting on my entire history with guys in a matter of seconds, I never dealt with one that had a child. So I wasn't quite sure what to do in this situation. I leaned forward and kissed him, stopping his trembling lip. His hands graced the sides of my neck as he kissed me back.

"I don't love you any less," I told him inches away from his face. "It won't be easy, but we'll just have to roll with the punches."

"I fucking love you, Imogen," he spoke. "You don't even know."

"I know," I grinned. "I love you too."

We both sighed and laid back down together. I was willing to do this for him, I truly was. But there was that numbness in the back of my ribcage that knew I wasn't ready for this. Besides family, I wouldn't be the only woman in his life.

_________

The next day, I decided to take a walk to a nearby park so I could get some sketching done. I had all of this freetime before school started back up again. I would have to put in double work so that I could graduate in time. The college application deadlines all passed anyway. Look at me...giving a damn about school.

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice call out to me. I had zoned out, staring at the sidewalk as I went. I turned to my right and saw I was right in front of Sammy's house.

"Oh," I smiled. "Hey stranger.

He jogged up to me and hugged me.

"I, uh...I heard what happened. I'm sorry," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. It's okay. I mean I never dealt with guys who had kids before but I'm sure it's no different than a guy that's married to his career or wh-"

"Wait, what? Kids?" He looked confused. "I'm talking about your suicidal stunt. Who's having a kid? Jack?"

I scrunched my face up. "You didn't hear that from me. But yeah, the...pills...yeah, I'm better now."

We had sat down in his parked car in his driveway, listening to music. Sammy had lit up a joint. I wasn't going to smoke but I shrugged my shoulders and had a couple hits anyway. Weed was never a problem. He gave me a full update of his life since I last saw him at my party. He's closer with his mother and she stopped working at the hospital to become a personal physical therapist. He and Jack have been taking things slow when it comes to mending their friendship but they're well on their way.

"Sometimes I miss dealing." He sucked in a big hit. "I miss the money. My mom says I'm lucky she didn't call the DEA on my ass." He stared down at the gear shaft and chuckled to himself. I sensed the pain behind his laugh. "But I'll be okay. Enough about me, though. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing really, just gonna enjoy the winter, I suppose."

"With Jack and his pregnant ex-girlfriend?"

I gave him a death stare. "Don't make it sound that way, asshole."

He chuckled and smoked the last of what he could without burning his lips, putting the burnt-out roach in an empty Altoids can.

"I miss the way things used to be with me and Jack," he added. "But that doesn't mean I wish things didn't work out with you."

I scoffed. "I'm pretty sure we said no strings attached, emphasis on the 'no'."

He flashed his teeth with a bashful smile and looked out the window. "Yeah, well, I had a reputation to uphold. I haven't been in a committed relationship since 10th grade."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know, I started getting hotter and girls were noticing," he laughed. "I got curious to know what else was out there. She called me an asswipe and kicked my ass to the curb. Another one that got away."

I start rubbing my thumb and index finger together by my ear.

"What the hell are you doing," he asked me.

"I'm playing the world's smallest violin for your sob story," I chuckled.

He laughed to and playfully hit my hand down.

"In all seriousness, though," he went on. "Jack really loves you. And I kinda wish he didn't because I really wanna kiss you one more time."

I smiled, leaned over, and kissed him...on the cheek.

_________

It's a Tuesday morning, a frigid Tuesday morning. I'm bundled up in the backseat of Kenny's car and Jack's in the passenger seat looking amazing in his black pea coat & my favorite red beanie of his. The ride was silent and I wasn't in the most positive of moods. Jack looks back at me and places his hand on my knee.

"Ready babe?" He asks me.

I force a grin and nod my head as we pull into the parking lot. He opens the door for me and I get out the car.

"Call me when you guys are ready," Kenny said.

Jack holds my hand as we walk into the Clinic. I grip tightly onto his, trying to steady my chills. He took notice and pulled me to the side of the hallway.

"Hey, if you don't wanna do this, I'll call Kenny right now and you can chill with him until it's over." He rubbed my shoulders.

"N-no, it's okay," I assure him. "It has to happen sooner or later."

He took my hand again and we entered the waiting room where Sylvia was sitting. He wanted me to tag along as Sylvia got checked out by the doctor to make sure everything was accurate and okay. She grinned and hugged Jack, kissing him on the cheek. Then she turned to me and smiled, kissing me on the cheek as well and I was highly lost.

"It was nice of you to come," she said to me. "It's good knowing I have the support of Jack's family too."

Then I remembered, I had told her that I was his cousin.

"What are you talking about?" Jack asked her. "Imogen's not a family member, she's...well...more than a friend."

"More than a..." Sylvia trailed off. "But- she was- so you cheated on me?"

Jack and I cringed at the same time as Sylvia dropped back into her seat with her face in her hands, silently weeping.

"I wanted to make it work, Jack," she cried through her palms. "I thought this baby would be the answer to getting back together and we could have our little family."

"Sylvia, we're still teenagers," Jack said. "You're still a college freshman that works at Starbucks. I didn't even graduate yet. What made you think this situation would work out smoothly to the point we got back together?"

"Because the baby would be loved by us, collectively, as a fucking couple." She finally looked up. "I still love you. And you have the nerve to bring this- this homewrecker to my appointment."

"She's not a homewrecker, Sylvia."

Instead of anger, I felt sadness.

"Yeah, I- I can't be here right now." I let go of Jack's hand and made my way back to the main hallway.

"Ugh, go ahead and go," Sylvia spat.

"Wait, no, Imogen!" Jack called out.

The automatic doors caused the icy December air to hit me like an old enemy, my hair whipped backwards behind me as I pushed through the tough breeze. I leaned against the wall on the side, scared to take my hands out of my pockets to dial Kenny to turn around. It wasn't long before Jack made it outside and found me, shivering by myself.

"Babe, don't listen to her," he told me.

"It's a little late for that," I mumbled, looking down at my Timberland boots.

"Hey," he pulled me in for a hug. "I love you, okay? She said what she said but...we're not getting back together. I'll be there for my kid but I'm gonna be here for you, too. I love you." I look up at him and he gives me a pop kiss. "Now can we please go inside before I turn into a popsicle?"

"Okay," I agreed. "But I'm waiting in the tiny vending machine lounge."

He smirked. "What is it with you and vending machines?"

"Shut up," I chuckled.

__________

Hours later, Jack and I were cuddled up on my sofa, watching music videos.

"Is her ass real? It can't be. There's no way," Jack concluded while we watched a Nicki Minaj video.

He used the arm he had around me to reach in the bowl of grapes I had resting on my lap, then tossed one into his mouth.

"You could've just used your other hand, smart one," I joked.

"I felt like getting closer to your face, jerk." He kissed my cheek and traveled down to my neck where he remained.

I giggled as he sucked on it. He was trying to get in trouble on this couch but I wouldn't let it get that far since Cousin Jack was upstairs and would probably come down any minute for his 30th snack.

I played in his hair while he left his mark all over my neck. A new music video came on, it was a ballad from a new artist and the video seemed pretty serious. It was as if it was a sign. Even if it wasn't a sign or some form of divine intervention, I saw it as such. The video told a tale of a broken family and one of the children struggling to piece her family back together. To be honest, it hit home. That's all I wanted since my parents divorced, for us to be a family again. This hit me so hard that I was oblivious to Jack softly moaning against my neck.

"Jack," I tapped him on the shoulder. "Wait."

"Hmm?" He sat back up right. "What's up?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "I'm about to hate myself. You...you need to get back with Sylvia."

"You could've just told me that my hickey game is weak," he laughed. But when he saw I wasn't laughing, his laughter faded. "Wait, you're serious?"

"You have to make it work with her, for the baby's sake."

"The baby will be fine, Imogen. You can't force a relationship, that's not how it works."

"Did you even try?"

"Try? Are you kidding me right now? I don't want Sylvia!"

The veins were becoming visible along his neck and his hands practically began to tremble & vibrate next to me.

"I know what it's like to grow up in a broken home. To have your parents argue about who's watching you on what week, what month. Which parent you'll be spending certain holidays with. Being tossed back and forth. Then after a while, mom & dad realize they are divorcees so they need to date and have their own life; bringing home various significant others who truly don't give a damn about you. One might constantly hint that you should lose weight and that you should strive to be skinny like her. Or one of them might actually be a child molester that lingers outside the bathroom while you shower, just waiting for you to emerge in your towel. But how could the parents know? The child just has a disturbed imagination, right? Before you know it, that kid grows up to be a ball of fuck-up."

Through all of that, I didn't realize that I was crying. I didn't recognize the golfball pressing against my throat. More importantly, I didn't notice Jack was crying with me.

"That's not me," he gulped. He kissed my fingers. "Babe, that's not me. That's not what this has to be."

I took a deep breath. "I know. But...I just don't feel right doing this."

"Baby, no," he cried. "I promise it'll all be okay. Just...don't do this, please." He kissed me and I tasted the salty tears that rested on his lips. He kept his forehead against mine, combing his fingers through my hair.

"Please," he whispered. "I fucking love you, don't you love me?"

"I do," I whispered back. "I do love you. And everything will be okay. We can still be friends."

"You know, technically we are still friends," he nervously chuckled through his tears.

"You know what I mean, Gilinsky. It's not fair to Sylvia and it's not fair to the baby if you don't at least try."

I kissed his nose and he closed his eyes. He grabbed my face and kissed me deeply before putting his Vans back on and walking out the front door.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe the more I sat and thought about what I had just done. But I knew it was for the better. I put the wellbeing of others before my own; a huge step I knew was needed to get closer to a new Imogen. I know it's not always the case that the best of children spring from complete families, some grow into fuck-ups too, but sometimes you never know. Honestly I was tired of seeing my old friends back in L.A getting knocked up at our age without a fucking clue. Then they'd either bring the baby into a home life that's shitty and unkept or they hit up the abortion clinic like it's Friday night at the club. I didn't want any of that for the kid, it didn't do anything to anyone.

I just had to let these feelings pass and I knew I'd be alright.

___________

Author's Note: One more chapter....

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