we all start writing for ourselves

remember

that first time you put word to paper and created a poem

or a short story

or a so-called novel

remember the feeling of satisfaction

of accomplishment

when you finished

it drove you to keep creating

i remember when i wrote my first song

it was an utter piece of shit

but

i loved it 

and 

it pushed me to write another crappy song

and then another

and after a couple dozen crappy songs

i actually started improving

and wrote a couple decent songs

but then disaster

my band performed a couple of the songs and people liked them

it was the beginning of the end

now i felt i had to write

and write to satisfy others

it eventually forced me to stop writing songs all together

because i was driving myself fucking insane

i was reaching for stars that were covered in clouds

and instead of creating

i was destroying

i stopped writing songs

i never wrote another song for almost 20 years

that was some 15 years ago

when i started writing and recording my own songs

again i made a critical mistake

i posted them on a music site and people started listening 

and they actually liked the songs

and i actually reached #1, in my category, in my region

you say

"that is good"

NO

it was terrible

because now i felt i had to write more decent songs

or i would lose the audience

that was listening

and you now what

i was fucking right

my computer crashed

i lost my recording program

and 

by the time

i was set up again

i had also lost my audience

i closed down my site

and pulled off my songs

(eventually i reopened a site and posted my songs again, but this time for me)

still

i have not recorded in almost 15 years

MY POINT

welcome to wattpad

we all start out writing for ourselves

we tentatively post our first few poems or chapters

and anxiously wait

for that first comment

that first vote

and if by fate

we write something that people really like

we find it necessary

to write more

and become better

forcing the words

driving ourselves fucking insane

looking for the next

GREAT THING

but remember

lightening rarely strikes twice

sites like wattpad

tear away the layers of the onion

and keep us searching

but with each layer torn away

there is less onion

and eventually

there is nothing

i am sad to say that i fell into that shithole

and now

my onion has disappeared

i write the worst shit

i have ever written

and nothing comes natural anymore

i stopped writing for myself

and

started writing to please others

and many are no longer pleased

and you know what

i am one of those people

i hate what i write now

it is forced

and it is not me

wattpad is a transient site at best

and loyalties come and go

many of us will be the flavour of the month at some point

but

people's tastes change

and your flavour will become tasteless

at some point

writing is very personal

it is a reflection of the moment that you are in

a journal of sorts

you put more into that moment than you think

don't try and create moments

to satisfy others

let the moments create themselves

to satisfy you