i call it .... the doldrums

some people say they get writer's block

i never get writer's block

even when i don't write, it is not writer's block

my head is still filled with ideas

tons and tons of ideas

its just that

i have the doldrums

i simply don't want to write

i don't want to sit in front of my laptop

i don't want to scribble ideas on a piece of paper

i

don't 

want

to

write

do i have a reason

i have many

no one reading my shit

is not the reason

i just don't think i have anything to say

even writing this is a chore

i don't even fucking know what i am trying to say

sometimes i force myself to write during the doldrums

and do i ever write crap

the poems are shallow and unfocused

no direction

my stories are loose and disjointed

and fucking boring

i believe sometimes

that by writing more

i write far less good shit

maybe there is no more good shit left in this old dude

maybe i have shot my load

fuck

i feel the doldrums coming on again