✪○○○✪○○○✪○○○✪○○○✪

CHAPTER FIVE
HOME IS WHERE THE HURT IS

✪○○○✪○○○✪○○○✪○○○✪

      Fury took a while to respond to her email. What she liked about Nicholas Fury, however, was that he didn't ask any questions. He simply responded with I'll send them to Lionel tomorrow, and that was that.

      SERGEANT JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES

      DOB: March 10, 1917

      Death: February, 1945

      Most of the stuff on his file was redacted, whether it be because the missions were confidential or because Howard Stark had requested it to be our of respect for his deceased friends. Her eyes skimmed the file, heading down the physical description of the Sergeant before her eyes caught on the KNOWN RELATIVES section.

      Ever since Captain Rogers had mentioned Bucky's siblings, Katherine couldn't comprehend why he wasn't trying to get in contact with them if they were still alive. She thought of her own family, how she'd burn the world to the ground if it meant even a sliver of something to connect them again. Katherine understood the hurt, but she didn't want Captain Rogers to regret not reaching out.

    REBECCA WINIFRED PROCTOR NÉE BARNES

    DOB: January 24th, 1922

    Death: April 3rd, 2001

    Rebecca had grown up and married Robert Proctor, just like Captain Rogers has mentioned. Her two kids, a son named Robert and a daughter named Sandra, were still alive and lived in Shelbyville, Indiana, where Bucky had been born before moving to New York sometime before 1924. Rebecca had done some corporate work for a printing company up until she was fifty and then had retired to live in Shelbyville with her husband and kids. Katherine regarded the death date with solemn respect but was comforted in the fact that she and her husband had seemed to live a long, happy life. She even had two grandchildren, Allan and Kelly, who were alive and well. 

      Katherine's eyes moved to the next name on the file.

      MIRIAM ELIZABETH TOWNSEND NÉE BARNES

      DOB: August 19th, 1924

      Death: October 2nd, 1986

      Mary was only sixty-two when she died. She had married William Townsend, the guy Captain Rogers must have been talking about a couple of nights before. She had become a nurse during the war, but didn't seem to have seen a ton of active battles during her time. She and William had one son, Patrick, and they had retired to Indiana to be closer to Rebecca. Their granddaughter Lillian was still alive. Katherine assumed she was named Lillian after Bucky's youngest sister, and her eyes skipped forward on the file until she found the last of the Barnes children.

      LILLIAN SHELBY HARPER NÉE BARNES

      DOB: April 29th, 1929

      Death: N/A

      Lillian wasn't dead yet. She had been a stay at home mom according to the file, but her husband Nelson Harper owned Harper Cars, a popular car engineering manufacturer that was popular in the fifties. The company wasn't in production anymore, but the money had been enough for them to retire comfortably in upstate New York. They had only one daughter, Melissa, and had one grandchild, a boy named Charles. 

      Currently resides in Hillshire Grove. Albany, New York.

      Hillshire Grove, upon a quick internet search, was an assisted living program. Nelson Harper had died in 2008, but Lillian was still alive.

      Now that she had her answers, Katherine closed the file and slid it under her bed, making sure to move her boots in front of them so they covered the manila folder from view. If it were her in Captain Rogers's place, she would want to know that Lillian was alive. The thought of her mother and father or even her brother still being around...the answer was obvious to Katherine.

      On the other hand, she knew how he felt about it. She wanted to respect his boundaries. But how was he not dying to know?

      "Knock knock," a voice sounded from outside her door. Due to the general positivity the voice carried, she assumed it was Lionel. It wasn't that Captain Rogers was negative all the time, but he had a darker tone to his voice that Katherine imagined was hesitance. 

      "Come on in, Lionel," Katherine called from her side of the door, and smiled when Lionel poked his head in, along with his arms that were carrying several cardboard boxes. "Oh good, his stuff came in. I ordered him a couple of things," she said, gesturing to the bed so Lionel knew where to set the boxes down. "Figured I'd teach him how Cyber Monday works."

      "Smart," Lionel replied, the last of the boxes dropping on the bed.

      Katherine pulled out a small pocket knife she kept in her bedside drawer and sliced through the tape of each box. The first box contained the black notebook she'd purchased for Captain Rogers. She examined the cover of it and nodded in appreciation. It wasn't anything special, but for the purpose she was thinking of, it would do. Out of the next box, she pulled out the set of colored pencils. She didn't know which pencils were considered good for sketching, but this brand had gotten good reviews and there had been pictures of sample sketches using them online. According to 95% of reviews, they worked pretty decently. The pencils were in the same box as the sketchbooks, which had brown leather covers that would hopefully stand the test of time; that was, if Captain Rogers didn't breeze through all of the pages. 

      The thing she was most excited about was the iPod. She opened up the Apple box and pulled it out, examining the shiny chrome on the back.

      "Did you get him an iPod? He'll love that," Lionel mentioned, giving Katherine a smile. Lionel and Captain Rogers had bonded over the Captain's newfound love for music, specifically the 60s and 70s. Lionel had shared stories about some of the concerts he'd gone to in his youth, and Captain Rogers had looked wistful, as if the memories were his own to reminisce. "Also, I talked to Fury."

      That piqued Katherine's attention. She set the iPod down and turned to give Lionel her full attention. Along with asking for information on the Barnes family, she had also asked Fury for a small favor. Katherine and Captain Rogers had been stuck in the safe house for nearing on four weeks. The man had to be bored. And selfishly, Katherine was too. "And?" she asked anxiously, crossing her arms over her chest.

      "He approved the trip for next weekend," Lionel said, and rolled his eyes when Katherine grinned. "There are some conditions, of course."

      "Naturally."

      "He was going to send a full protection detail, but I convinced him not to. We compromised and we'l have two agents flagging you. I figure between you and Captain America, you'll have most of the protection you need." Katherine nodded. It was the tamer of Fury's conditions.

      "That's fair."

      "Also, you'll need to fill out a report." At her annoyed look, Lionel laughed. "The point of a safe house is to stay safe. Even if you're just gone for a few hours, we need to report it. No offense, Katherine, but you're Silhouette and he's Captain America. We can't afford for anything to happen to you."

      It was the best case scenario she was going to get. She simply sighed and nodded. "Thanks, Lionel. I appreciate it." She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "I haven't been to a zoo since I was twelve."

      It had been her first big trip after her family's death. The Benjamins had tried to keep it light and fun. She and Sophia had been playing I Spy and she was about to guess that Sophia's mystery yellow object was the hay on the ground of one of the enclosures (which was totally cheating), but when she had passed by the giraffes, she stopped. She must have stood, staring at them for thirty minutes. Giraffes were her brother's favorite animal. When Sophia and her parents found Katherine, she was sitting in front of the enclosure, just crying. Wendy had wiped her tears and taken them home for the day.

      She shook off the memory, trying to actively listen to Lionel's response.

      "I took the grandkids to the big one in San Diego last year. They loved it. Except poor Alex got a sunburn so bad he couldn't move the rest of the day."

      "Not sure the zoo in Wilmington will live up to San Diego, but at least you'll be in good company."

      "That's the goal. I'm going to head out. Say hi to Steve for me, will you?" At Katherine's raised eyebrow, Lionel laughed. "He gave me permission to call him that. You could probably call him that, too. Captain Rogers is so formal."

      "It's his title." Plus, they weren't friends. They were work colleagues who just happened to be spending the next six months together.

      "But not his name," Lionel pointed out, shrugging when Katherine wouldn't budge. "Alright, I'm leaving."

      Katherine waved her hand in his direction, hearing her door click shut behind Lionel as he left. She grabbed the black notebook and a pen she had sitting on her bedside table, opening up the first page. Katherine had debated long and hard about what Captain Rogers should know coming into the twenty-first century and figured she could start a list for him. Of course, Katherine couldn't help but scribble down a few of her top candidates. There were some Swedish things that Captain Rogers just had to know. Kate had just scribbled down Nordic Mythology and IKEA. There were more cultural things he'd need to learn about, like the entire Star Wars franchise. She had jotted down about ten things before she decided it was enough of a start. Tucking the journal and his other new things under her arm, she walked to the living room, where he was watching something on the television.

      If there was one thing Captain Rogers loved getting acquainted with, it was Netflix. Ever since she had introduced it to him, he was hooked. He had gone through most of the cooking shows Netflix offered and had started on Parks and Rec at Katherine's suggestion, since season one had been added to Netflix. He'd had fun looking at the catalogue and picking out things that looked interesting. It also gave him something to do when he retrieved the disc from the mailbox. Captain Rogers looked up when he saw her and immediately stood to help her carry his things.

      "What is all this stuff?" he questioned. He briefly looked through the purchases that she laid out on the table. 

      "Our Cyber Monday deals," she answered, running her hand in the air in front of the items, as if to showcase them. "Lionel left the laptop on the counter, right?" she asked. Captain Rogers nodded at her. "Good. We'll have to get that set up before we set up the iPod, but it's a pretty easy process. It just takes a while." She could see his eyes light up a bit at the iPod she handed him. He had been excited about the music player ever since she had shown him her own. She'd been letting him borrow her iPod when he worked out in the home gym, putting on playlists she thought he'd like.

      "Can we get that ABBA band on it?" Another thing he had been getting acquainted with. He was now pretty used to walking into the kitchen to some kind of ABBA record playing while Katherine cooked.

      "Sure," Katherine said, nodding and walking to where the laptop was. She opened the sleek top, staring at the Welcome page displayed on the screen. She didn't ask whether or not Captain Rogers was behind her, since she could feel his body heat. "So this is your laptop. We'll get you set up with a password so only you can get into it. I had it stored up with the most storage and memory, so you'll be able to put a lot of stuff onto it." She clicked a couple of keys and went through the process of setting up his laptop. When it came time for him to pick a password, she slid it over to her right. "Here, put in a password."

      "Can't you put in a password for me?" He looked at the laptop like it was an alien.

      Katherine's brows raised. "I can, but then I would know it. The password is so you have your privacy, even from me. I recommend not doing your birthday, since that's pretty easy to guess. Usually it's a good idea to do a capital letter, a lowercase, and a couple of numbers."

      "How will I remember it?" Cap asked.

      "You can save it in your phone. Writing it down isn't a good idea because if that paper ever got lost then someone would have your password."

      He looked incredulous, but she saw him type something on the keyboard, albeit at a much slower pace than she had. He typed like Sophia's grandfather, with one index finger at a time. When the computer went to his new home page, Katherine slid it back over so it was in front of her.

      "You can set a photo as your wallpaper or you can keep it as is, doesn't matter." She connected the laptop to the WiFi and pulled up the iTunes web page. Downloading the app, she clicked on it. "This is where you'll go if you want to add music." She typed in ABBA to the search bar.

      His eyes were wide, like he couldn't believe this technology could exist. Katherine didn't think of Captain Rogers as a little kid; he had lived through a war and had fought literal Nazis. But as she looked at him now, staring at the laptop screen as if he had been hit over the head with a thick book, she found herself comparing him to a child. There were still so many things about this world that he had to learn.

      And Fury wanted her to make sure he did learn.

      "We can add some other music to it as well, but for now I'm just focused on showing you how to do it." She led him through the steps, the painstaking process of waiting for them to sync onto the device. She tried not to laugh when he pulled out a piece of paper and wrote the steps down, one by one. When they were done, she handed him the iPod and headphones. "Give it a try."

      He put the headphones on and she started up the ABBA album he had purchased. It was probably too loud, considering she could hear the music from where she was standing, but he looked so amazed that she couldn't fathom turning it down. "This is really cool!" he shouted, and Katherine had to fight back the urge to laugh again.

      She gently tugged one of the earbuds out of his ear. "I bought you a couple more things. I hope you don't mind." He set the iPod down on the counter and accepted the colored pencils and sketchbooks she handed him. "I know your file mentioned that you went to art school for a couple of semesters, so I bought these." She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly as he gazed at them like he was remembering something. "I don't know if they're the best of the best because I don't know anything about art, but they'll do."

    "This was really considerate of you," he said softly, still staring down at the sketchbooks. "Thank you."

      Her cheeks felt hot with the compliment. She wasn't used to receiving them, unless it was from Sophia and her family. "It's nothing, really. I also got you a 'To Discover' notebook." He took that from her hands too. "This notebook is for you to write in whenever someone references something you'd like to know more about. I put some Swedish things in there, but it was more of a joke than anything. I want you to seriously fill it out."

      He set the colored pencils and sketchbooks down and opened up the little notebook. "IKEA?" he asked, raising a brow. She simply nodded. Wouldn't have been very Swedish of her if she hadn't included it. "Lingonberries?"

      "They're similar to cranberries. We put lingonberry jam on pretty much everything."

      "This is all too much, Agent Baker," Captain Rogers said with a shake of his head, trying to press the notebook back into her fingers. She refused to take the bait.

      "This is all stuff that you can use, Captain. I'm not returning them and I have no use for them, so you can't give them back to me. You can't return things you bought on Cyber Monday." That was a complete lie, but she was counting on him not knowing enough about Cyber Monday to call her bluff. "Besides, you can keep it once these six months are over and keep adding to it."

      He held it like it was some cherished thing, like it was precious. 

      "I do have one request," she said after a few moments.

      "Whatever I can do," he replied, sitting up like he was about to be assigned a mission. She supposed he was.

      "Draw me something cool with those, okay?"

○✪○

      For a Saturday afternoon, the Brandywine Zoo wasn't very crowded.

      This was beneficial because it meant Fury kept his promise and the two of them could go to the zoo with only two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents trailing close behind. She was trying to not be put out about this fact, but she couldn't argue, not when they had been allowed to leave in the first place. She didn't recognize the agents that introduced themselves that morning, but considering she'd been out of the field for a decent chunk of time since Austria, that didn't mean much. They were quiet for the most part, keeping their distance but always making sure they were close enough in case Captain Rogers needed something.

      "First is the Carota Education Pavilion. That's probably for schools that visit," Katherine mused, looking up from the map at the hooded figure of Captain Rogers.

      He was wearing a baseball cap Lionel had picked up for him. In a rare sense of childlike annoyance, he'd pouted when Lionel had presented it to him. His grievance with the offending article of clothing was that it was...the Yankees. He had griped and moaned the entire morning about how the Yankees were the worst baseball team of New York and Lionel should have picked him up a Dodgers hat. That opened a whole new can of worms when Katherine had to explain that the Dodgers were now located in Los Angeles and not Brooklyn. He also had dark sunglasses covering his face, so dark that she couldn't see his eyes.

      Katherine was wearing something similar. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail at the nape of her neck and tucked into a black baseball cap, sans any sports team. Her sunglasses were more of a sepia tone, so instead of darkening everything they made things look yellow.

      "The next thing is the condor exhibit," Katherine continued, looking at the map of the zoo. "Want to head over there?"

      Captain Rogers nodded. She could tell by his stiff shoulders and posture that he wasn't entirely comfortable being out in the real world yet. While the idea of leaving the safe house had been a good one, Katherine had to remind herself that he was still adjusting to the new time. Wilmington was as new to him as 2012 was, so overall he was in new and uncharted territory. Still, he kept up with her and didn't outwardly complain.

      "We can leave if you want," Katherine offered, and he could hear that she was trying to keep the disappointment out of her tone. The past week he had watched her around the house; she had begun to get cabin fever and the idea of their small zoo outing was keeping her spirits up. Captain Rogers had mentioned more than once that she was welcome to head out just to walk around if she wanted to get out of the house, but she was too committed to the task Fury had given her. The knowledge that they were actually getting out of the house had made her even more antsy.

      "No, no," he muttered under his breath so only she would hear. "I'm fine."

      She didn't believe that for a second. "Seriously, it's okay. Lionel probably didn't get very far. We can call him—"

      "I said I was fine," he cut her off, and she closed her mouth immediately. He felt guilty the second the words left his mouth. Here she was, trying to make him feel more comfortable, and he was being rude. "I'm sorry. I'm just getting used to everything," he explained. 

      "The condors are this way," she said in a short voice, pointing her thumb behind her. She was too prideful to admit that his short tone had hurt her feelings just slightly. She had planned this little trip with him in mind, to try and give him a low-stakes activity. And here he was, denying that he was uncomfortable and then being annoyed with her when she noticed. Without waiting for him, she turned and started walking towards the exhibit.

      Katherine more than anyone understood bad days. What she didn't understand was why Captain Rogers was so stubborn. It was obvious he didn't want to be at the zoo and even though she was excited to get out of the house, she would go back with him without argument if he wanted to go back. He didn't need to take it out on her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked at the large birds, wondering if any of them had ever taken their anger out on another bird. Then she realized she was thinking about birds too deeply and let out an annoyed scoff.

      She felt him behind her but didn't bother turning around. They stared at the birds in silence, her hands crossed over her chest and his in his pockets.

      The next exhibit was the bobcats. Katherine felt the anger melt away a little as she made her way to the large cats, figuring that if he wasn't going to admit that he wanted to leave, then she was going to enjoy her day. The cats were sleeping, but there was one that was napping pressed up against the glass. Katherine could see the back of the beautiful animal, see its fur and patterned markings. She wondered if the hair was soft to the touch or coarse.

      The zoo brought back memories of her family. Katherine wasn't surprised. Most everything these days reminded her of her family. Her brother had begged for Katherine to get elephant shaped lollipops with him and their faces were a canvas of purple and orange once they were done. They'd gotten to feed the monkeys in the exhibit and a bird had landed on her mother's head. They had visited the giraffes three times before they had left the zoo. Her brother had gotten a stuffed animal that Katherine still had in her quarters at S.H.I.E.L.D. somewhere.

      "I'm sorry," Captain Rogers said again. They had moved from the bobcats to the red pandas, and he had noticed that Agent Baker was staring at them with a weird look on her face, like she was remembering something. When she hadn't moved in ten minutes, he had decided to speak up.

      She didn't answer, but he didn't really expect her to.

      "What's your favorite animal?" he asked suddenly to make conversation. She flinched, like he had just screamed the question at her, coming back into focus.

      "Giraffes," she responded in a quiet voice.

      "Do they have any of those here?"

      "No. The zoo's too small. It's only about 5 acres." She sounded equally disappointed and relieved, like it was a blessing and a curse.

      They both stared at the red pandas for several more moments. He stared because he was sure he'd never seen a panda that wasn't black and white, so he was mildly interested in the coloring of them. Katherine stared because she seemed to be rooted in her spot, like a memory was an anchor attached to her feet.

      "It's kinda sad, isn't it?" he questioned. She didn't answer again, but her shoulder shifted in his direction to tell him that she was listening. "These animals are fun to see and everything, but it's sad that they're kept in cages. They don't know where their home is."

      If Katherine hadn't perfected reigning in her emotions for the better part of her whole life, her knees might have buckled. They don't know where their home is. Did she? Did she know where she belonged? Was she just like these animals, kept in glass cages and only aware of the world they'd been thrown into? She had Sophia and Sophia's parents and that was the closest thing to a home she'd had since her family had died, but there was always something missing. A tiny hole in her heart that wasn't filled when Wendy smiled at her or when Timothy pat her on the shoulder in a comforting motion. They were her newfound family, but they weren't her home.

      Home was standing with her mother in their living room, dancing to whatever song was on the radio while her baby brother laughed on the couch. It was seeing her father come home from work, scoop her mother up in his arms and kiss her so hard that Katherine and her brother pretended to gag from the other side of the room. It was the bedtime stories that their parents came up with, the exaggerated hand motions and different voices. 

      Home was the life that Katherine would have had if things had turned out differently.

      "They don't know anything else," she argued softly. "It's hard to miss something when you don't know anything different."

      "Still," Captain Rogers trailed off, shrugging his shoulders, "it's sad to know they've got something better out there and they're stuck here."

      "Maybe they've found home in one another," Katherine said, shrugging her shoulders.

      "Do you really think you can find home in a person?" He didn't sound incredulous or like he was asking her because he didn't believe it, but because he genuinely wondered. She thought about Bucky and Annie and if Captain Rogers was picturing his best friends' faces in his mind.

      Katherine didn't have an answer. She'd found love and a sister in Sophia, a mother figure in Wendy, and a father figure in Timothy. But did those titles equal the feeling of being home? She didn't think so. But she didn't like the finality of that answer, so she took the easy route.

      "I don't know. I hope so."

      The rest of their walk around the zoo was spent in silence. Captain Rogers couldn't tell if Agent Baker had forgiven him for his earlier attitude or not, but she didn't seem especially angry anymore. Just defeated, like someone had sucked the life out of her. The trip that had her so excited at the beginning of the week had just opened a black hole that she couldn't get out of. The agents noticed the stiffness of the both of them when they walked back out to the car, but they were wise enough to not mention anything as they drove back to the safe house.

      Katherine immediately walked to the kitchen to prepare them dinner. She didn't care if it was still a little bit early. Cooking needed just the right amount of concentration to ensure her mind didn't wander to other things, and she was pretty sure Captain Rogers could eat at any time of day and still be hungry for more. There wasn't much left in the fridge since Lionel was supposed to go grocery shopping the next day, but Katherine was able to scrounge around enough to make a kielbasa casserole recipe that she'd discovered in the Benjamin's recipe book when she was a teenager.

      She saw Captain Rogers make his way to the couch to turn on the television. She wasn't sure what he decided to watch, but she didn't bother asking. The both of them were stuck in the kind of awkward silence that couldn't easily be broken. So, Katherine continued her cooking and Captain Rogers continued to watch his show, both ignoring that fact that the longer the silence stretched on, the more tension grew in the room.

      As a kid, Katherine was an over-sharer. She would tell a stranger on the street that her middle name was Marion, that her favorite color was white, and that her birthday was in April. It was habit her parents had tried to break on multiple occasions. It was great that she wanted to meet new people and interact with them, she remembered her father telling her. It just wasn't safe to do that. Still, even with their warnings, it hadn't stopped Katherine from sharing things. She just liked to open up to people. It hadn't stopped when her parents died. She opened up to Sophia quickly. It hadn't happened when she'd gotten the job at S.H.I.E.L.D. She was more aware of the kind of information she was allowed to spread, but she hadn't stopped. She told Sharon Carter her favorite band was Duran Duran when Sharon had asked for music recommendations. She told Fury to try the sushi place a couple of blocks away from headquarters because she had tried it the week before and it was good.

      No, her sharing had stopped that day in Austria, when she was standing over the bodies of the HYDRA agents she'd killed and wondering if this was what her life was going to be.

      Now, she barely opened up to anyone.

      Captain Rogers was an unfortunate recipient of that flaw.

      It wasn't in her job description to open up to him. Fury wanted her to get him acquainted with the twenty-first century and that was exactly what she was doing. She didn't need to coddle him and tell him her life story. But maybe that's why he felt so uncomfortable telling her what was going on with him. She had to give to receive. 

      Why was that so hard for her?

      The casserole had to cook for an hour, so Katherine put it in the oven and stood in the kitchen for at least five minutes, wondering if her presence would be welcomed if she walked out to the living room. He wouldn't be outwardly cold, Captain Rogers would never do that. But his posture might change. His demeanor might shift.

      She risked it.

      Her legs carried her to the living room and she gently lowered her body to the couch. He was watching more Netflix, some documentary she didn't recognize. He didn't seem to be paying attention much anyway. He had his 'To Discover' notebook opened in front of him on the coffee table and he had his sketchbook in his lap, the colored pencils next to his thigh. He was scribbling away on the pad, and though she couldn't see what he was drawing, he looked concentrated. She didn't bother him, curling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

      It would be so easy. He asked what her favorite animal was when they were at the zoo. He knew it was giraffes. It would be so easy now to open her mouth, tell him why she liked giraffes. She could tell him that her brother's room had been plastered with giraffes and that he had a stuffed animal giraffe he couldn't sleep without. She didn't have to tell him what happened to him. Captain Rogers could probably guess. She wouldn't have to say the words my family is dead, and so shouldn't it be easy?

      Her mouth opened and closed at least five times before she scowled at herself and rested her chin on the top of her knees.

      And then, the white flag came.

      "My favorite animals are monkeys," he mentioned offhandedly, looking over to her to gauge her reaction.

      So used to the silence between them, she jumped a little bit at his proclamation. He was still scribbling on his sketchpad and averted his eyes from her direction, but his hand was moving with less fervor than it had been when his attention had been entirely focused on his task.

      "Why?" she asked.

      He smiled wryly, as if lost in a nasty memory. "It was a joke at first. It was right after I was injected with the serum. I was selling bonds, going around and putting on performances. I was a laughing stock."

      "I'm sure that's not true."

      He finally faced her, giving her a funny expression. "I was the star of a musical that made light of a war. War isn't fireworks and girls in American flag costumes. It's men laying down their lives. It's letters being sent home and loved ones having to read that someone's not coming back. I was a laughing stock." When he paused, she tilted her head to encourage him to continue. "I was sitting after one of the performances, the worst one. Usually I performed for people who weren't involved in the war. This one was for soldiers that were fighting. They were disgusted with me. I was disgusted with myself. I was a circus monkey. Peggy came up to me afterwards, told me that I was made for more than the circus act. It was the first time I started to believe it."

      "So why are they your favorite animal now?"

      He shrugged, and she realized he had stopped drawing completely and had turned to face her. "A reminder that Peggy was right. I was made for more."

      "Did you feel like a circus monkey when you woke up? When Fury told you what you were going to be doing?"

      She had just realized that he never really had a choice in the matter. He had woken up, been told that he was going to Delaware with a woman he didn't know, and he was leaving in the morning. 

      "Yeah," he mentioned, then sent her a tiny smile. "Until I saw that S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded by the very person who knew I could be more than I was. I've put a lot of trust in S.H.I.E.L.D. More than I should have. But if this is how I connect with Peggy... then so be it."

      "You aren't a circus monkey anymore, you know. We value you. For more than the fact that you're Captain America."

       He didn't reply, but she could tell that he didn't fully believe her.

      Suddenly, she wanted him to trust her. She wanted him to know about her, because she wanted to know about him. She wanted to know more things like what he had shared. It would make the next six months easier if they could trust each other.

      "My brother's favorite animals were giraffes. That's why they're my favorite."

      His eyes met her. "Yeah?"

       "Yeah," she confirmed, nodding. They sat in the weight of what she'd just revealed. And like word vomit, more came. "His name was Charlie."

      "Was?"

      "Was," she confirmed, clutching her legs a little bit tighter in her arms. "He was seven."

      He was quiet for a moment, carefully considering his next question. "And how old were you?"

      She didn't need to ask what he meant. How old were you when he died? How old were you when your life fell apart? "Ten."

      She had once told him that S.H.I.E.L.D. had saved her life and that she'd moved to America to live at the facility when she was ten. She wondered if he put the dots together. Though he was a fish out of water in this time period, he was a smart man. He'd figure it out.

      Their dinner was spent in silence. It wasn't the first time they'd been silent around each other, and she was certain it wouldn't be the last. But this silence was the heaviest, like it meant more than the others. She made some excuse about needing to get some sleep and retreated to her room for the night after the kitchen was cleaned. In reality, she knew sleep would evade her for hours to come. Nevertheless, she changed into her pajamas and let her body flop back on the bed.

      Katherine stared at the ceiling for hours. And then, she heard it. The sound of shuffling footsteps coming towards her door. She sat up a little in her bed and saw the shadow of Captain Rogers's feet outside of her door. She wondered if he would knock, if he wanted to talk to her about something. But he just stood there for thirty seconds and then retreated, his shadow leaving as his body moved away from her door.

      Curiously, she stood and walked over to her door, opening it up. He was nowhere to be seen, but there was a thin sheet of paper by her feet. Gingerly picking it up, her throat closed when she examined the picture he had drawn.

      A circus monkey and a giraffe, hidden behind the glass case of a zoo exhibit.

✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪