Four cycles ago...

I'd always been pretty healthy, so I wasn't really sure of the process of getting help for my little problem. I remembered seeing a tiny clinic with a blinking sign saying 'Medic.' More accurately, it said 'Med_c,' but the outline of where the 'i' had been was still faintly discernible.

The place looked shady, but I went there thinking they'd be less likely to judge and at least no one would recognize me.

I was wrong on both points.

"Grayce! How are ya, buddy?" was my first clue this was not going to go as planned.

There was Quo, smiling that disarming grin, stretched so wide it almost hurt to look at. Despite the awkward circumstances, I couldn't help returning the smile with a weak one of my own.

"Quo! Ummmm... Wow! I... uhhh, how are you?" I managed to stammer, as I looked for the nearest exit.

"Oh, I'm great! I'm just loving my Calling. There's always something new to learn! I feel like I don't have a clue half the time, but its all so interesting! How have you been?!?! I haven't seen you since... Well, it must have been Apprenticeship, huh? Time sure flies doesn't it?" Quo prattled on enthusiastically, oblivious to my panicked expression and darting glances back toward the entrance.

I tried to make my excuses and back out of the clinic, but somehow Quo had gotten between me and the entrance, which was apparently the only exit.

Wouldn't that be a safety issue? I thought, momentarily distracted. There must be a second exit around here somewhere...

Still not picking up on my unease, Quo guided me into the examination room as I surveyed the clinic for another way to escape the increasingly awkward situation. Before I knew it, I was perched on an examination table, the paper crinkling beneath me as my feet dangled, not quite reaching the step stool I must have used to get there.

Having checked my vital signs and confirmed I was still the living, breathing being I appeared to be, the Medic asked, "So, what brings you to the clinic today, Grayce?"

I guess Quo's run outta small talk.

My monosyllabic grunts, sighs, and non-committal "uh-huh"s weren't cutting it any longer and I had no idea how to start this conversation, or better yet, how to extricate myself.

I hadn't expected to be recognized, let alone to be having this discussion with someone I'd known as long as Quo. So, I did the only thing could do.

I stalled.

"So, Quo, you're a Healer, huh? How uh... how did that happen?" I asked lamely.

Quo paused, gave me a thoughtful look, then with an understanding smile and a small nod, continued.

"I guess it was no different for me than for you, Grayce. I woke up and I'd Bloomed. Initially, I didn't really feel any different than on any other day. But, as the day went on, I realized when I looked at others, I got a sense of their health. Nothing specific at first, but it got stronger over time, and with practice of course." A sympathetic chuckle followed, which I didn't have the heart to try and return.

"My early Assessments had been pretty strong that Healing would be my Calling, so it was no real surprise, more of a waiting game, really."

"Right, of course." Guess I need to work on my stalling technique.

I tried again, "I... ummm... hear there's some errrr... variability for some people, in terms of whether their Assessments are... Uhhhh so accurate. You know, say their scores are the same for all Callings? Or how it takes longer for some to Bloom than others, or...?" My voice trailed off.

I'm really not good at this.

Quo paused then said, with raised eyebrows, "Well, I've never actually heard of anyone's Assessment being exactly the same for all Callings. But, you're right, on occasion the second, or even the third assessed Calling is revealed."

Quo reflects for a moment, perhaps thinking back on Medic Apprenticeship before adding, "But, those instances were likely due to Assessment errors, or perhaps a cross-pollination of sorts, where their true Calling was some intermediate between specific Callings. Those are very rare occurrences though. The Assessment process is quite rigorous."

"As far as the timing, yes, there is some variability and, as Medics, we don't fully understand the complex interplay of the environmental, genetic, and hormonal triggers of development, but we do know that..."

With that, Quo launched into a mini lecture, pacing the small room while gesturing expensively. I got the impression Quo was quoting line and verse of developmental theory and could probably continue for hours on this topic. I never knew Quo was so passionate about the theoretical underpinnings of development.

I'm not.

"... and that's the part that intrigues me most about the role of environmental factors in development." Quo said, pausing for breath, before launching into what would surely be Chapter Two of Introduction to Developmental Theory by Medic Quodis, but I interjected before the lesson could continue.

"Wait, Quo. What did you mean before, about no one's Assessment being the same for all Callings...?"

"Well, Grayce, I'm a Medic, not a Statistician, but with all the possible Callings, I imagine it would be a statistical impossibility. In my Apprenticeship, and short time practicing, I can't recall it ever having happened. I'm sure it would have been written up as a case study if it had. Anyway, that's enough of me prattling on about Developmental Theory! I tell ya, once I get started..."

Looking down at the questionnaire I'd completed when I arrived at the clinic, Quo noted, "Looks like Reception didn't check this before passing it along," followed by a soft mutter about the difficulty of finding good help.

"I see the field for Calling was left blank, so lets start there..." Quo looked up expectantly, stylus ready to update my record.

Taking a deep breath, I realized I had run out of stalling options and it was time to get out of there before things got any weirder.

"Actually, Medic Quodis, I just realized I have another engagement. I'll have to reschedule. Sorry for bothering you. Great seeing you again. Bye now!" I said, standing up and starting past Quo to leave the examining room.

"Whoa there, Grayce! What's going on? I can't stop you from leaving, but I get the sense you're not telling me something. What's bothering you? You're giving off massive stress vibes, but seem healthy otherwise. I'm not picking up any indication of acute infection or chronic disease."

With calming gestures, Quo continued soothingly, "Please, relax. Lets talk. As a Medic, anything you say is between us. I'm here to help. What's on your mind?"

Coming here was such a bad idea, that's what's on my mind.

Sighing and dropping back into the chair, I hung my head and stared at the cracked floor, trying to figure out how I'd gotten myself into this mess. Quo appeared content to wait, once I'd given up fleeing.

Taking a deep breath, I said "My Calling IS the problem."

Quodis replied in a soothing voice, "Grayce, it's natural to experience some doubt or dissatisfaction with one's calling early on. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Quodis began to write something out on a pad, continuing, "In the meantime, I'll prescribe a mild compound that will help you through the rougher spots and refer you to a Counsellor. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel once..." Quodis trailed off looking up to see the stricken look on my face.

"What is it Grayce?" with an additional tone of concern.

"You don't understand. My Calling - I don't have one." Time to inspect the floor again, I thought miserably, unable to meet Quo's eyes as I made my shameful revelation.

"But that's impossible! We're the same age - of course you have a Calling. Sometimes adjusting takes longer than we expect. It's quite common to feel overwhelmed at first, but I'm sure you're perfectly suited to your Calling."

"You're not listening to me, I haven't Bloomed - I have no Calling!" I said, looking up. My desperation to make myself, my circumstances, understood momentarily outweighed my shame and I hastily pulled the glove off my right hand.

The Medic's wide-eyed blank expression was what I would have anticipated, if I'd thought about what I was doing first. Searching for some reprieve from this inconceivable situation, Quo's eyes darted to my still-gloved left hand, searching for the Calling-mark that should have been there.

"It's not there either. Besides, I'm right handed. It should have shown up by now."

My shame overcame my impulsiveness and I fumbled to put the glove back on. Wearing gloves wasn't common, but it certainly attracted less attention than not having Bloomed by my age.

Quo's soft breath of surprise was the only sound in the room as the realization finally sunk in. I was an aberration, an... Individual, un-bonded, useless.

Attempting to resume a professional manner befitting a Medic, Quo asked, "Then... how have you been working, contributing...? Hasn't anyone... noticed?"

Hanging my head again, I replied in a quiet voice, "No one has ever questioned me. I just show up and do what needs to be done."

Then I added sheepishly, "The gloves help too."

Risking a glance up, I said slightly louder, "It's actually pretty surprising what you can get away with, if you're polite and act like you belong." My voice cracked a bit on the last word. Quo had the good grace to pretend not to notice.

"This is quite a conundrum, but there is a treatment available."

Could it be true? Was there a way to fix me? Make me whole?

"Ya, that's right. There's a specialty clinic in the next settlement. I understand it's an in-patient procedure to stimulate development, a gentle nudge of sorts. It's supposed to be quick and painless. A bit of a hassle, I imagine, but at least you won't have to arrange for a replacement to take care of your responsibilities, huh?"

Realizing the cruelty of that careless statement, Quo stumbled, "... Forgive me, Grayce. I spoke without thinking."

"No, no, it's fine. You are right, since I don't have a Calling, no one will miss me if I slip away for a bit to get this... straightened out." That truth hurt.

"Please, continue. You were saying about the procedure?"

"I understand they use some sort of chemical. As with any procedure, there are some risks of course, but the Medics there can explain better than I can. I'm still quite new to my Calling and I don't really know much more that.... I'm sure I have the clinic's card around here somewhere," Quo said, peering into drawers and under the piles of papers and folders.

"Ah, here it is!" Quo said a moment later, triumphantly holding up a small pale card and reading, "Treatment Centre - Advanced Development Research."

As I prepared to copy down the information, Quo handed me the card, saying "Keep it. I have a stack of them in the back and haven't ever really needed to give them out."

After some further small talk about mutual acquaintances, I left the clinic feeling more optimistic than I had in a long time. A treatment! I wouldn't be alone any longer.

~*~*~

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