English class was the ninth level of Dan's own personal hell.

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy reading and  learning about literature, it was just that the school system wasn't too focused on actually teaching it coherently. And Ms. Parsons idea of 'making a lesson fun' was handing out crossword puzzles.

So he mostly doodled in the margins of his notes for the whole hour. Louise always got on to him about not paying attention and intentionally ruining his grades, but Dan was perfectly okay with his average marks.

He was just putting the finishing touches on a very detailed drawing of his own middle finger when the door opened and a new kid walked in.

He was new because no one else knew him, and that was rare in such a small school in their small town. He talked to the teacher up front, and then faced the rest of them with a small smile.

"This is Phil Lester, everyone," Ms. Parsons said. "He'll be with us the rest of the year. You can sit by Dan, in the back."

Dan glared at the single empty seat next to him and kissed his isolation goodbye.

Phil was tall and lanky, carefully making his way through the rows of desks to reach his seat. He set his books down and gave Dan a cursory glance. Dan figured neither of them were going to start any conversations soon, which he was fine with.

He figured the rest of the class would pass in silence, considering their teacher was more than happy to hand out five minute worksheets and let them wait out the rest of the period quietly instead of actually teaching. It was a surprise to everyone when she announced they were doing a month long project for a final exam.

"We're going to be reading Romeo and Juliet," she said, holding up a copy of the book with a proud smile. "At the end of the month, you'll do a presentation on one of the topics that I'll hand out to you. Work in pairs, I'll let you choose your own partners."

Everyone slowly twisted in their seats, picking out their friends from across the room to work with. Dan stayed where he was, because he didn't even really know anyone in this class. He didn't go around making friends very often. More than likely, he'd end up with a total stranger, and that made him even more annoyed.

"Wanna team up?" Phil looked over at him waveringly, looking unsure about his question. "I don't know anyone. You look like you don't either. Might as well?"

"Okay," Dan said, cause honestly, he wasn't going to do any better. Phil was new, and it was only a school project; afterwards, they would go their separate ways. "Have you ever read it before?" He asked, staring at the copy of the book Ms. Parsons had handed him.

"I never finished it," Phil said, and then smiled. "But everyone knows how it ends anyway, right?"

"Yeah, very stupidly." Dan hadn't read much Shakespeare in his life, but he knew this was one of his least favorites. "'Love story' that's not a love story, but most people still think is a love story."

Phil flipped through his copy disinterestedly, and shrugged. "I mean, it's kind of a love story. In the beginning, at least, before all the tragedy."

"Aren't they, like teenagers in this story? What kind of teenager falls in love with someone after a day?"

"You're telling me you don't fall in love with anyone who shows you even the slightest attention? What kind of high schooler are you?" Phil said this with a smirk, but Dan didn't smile.

"I don't really believe in love," he said.

When most people heard that, they honestly didn't care. They assumed he was Donnie Darko-esque cynical, and that he just hadn't found the right one yet, and when they verbally suggested this, he verbally told them to fuck off. But Phil reacted with picture perfect shock, and Dan silently reveled in it.

"That's a bold statement," Phil said, his full attention on Dan now. "Why?"

Why. No one had ever asked that before, and for a second, Dan didn't know what to say. Who even was this new kid, wanting to know his entire thought process on one of the most philosophical topics in the world?

"It's just all bullshit," Dan said. "It's kind of dumb thinking you have the perfect soulmate, or that falling in love with someone is what your whole life is supposed to be about. It makes people desperate and obsessed."

"It makes them happy, too," Phil argued, pretty weakly, in Dan's opinion.

"So does winning a thousand dollars," Dan replied. "So does eating a piece of cake. It's all the same thing."

Phil considered his words, and nodded slowly. Dan was about to rub his victory in Phil's face when he said, "Maybe you're aromantic."

That one really floored him.

He'd seen the word in passing a few times, and he knew what it meant, but he had never applied it to himself. Aromantic. It didn't suit him at all. It definitely didn't suit him when some random stranger he'd known for all of ten minutes was claiming it for him.

"Just because I don't obsess over some stupid emotion like the rest of the world," Dan snapped, slinging his bag over his shoulder and glaring down at Phil, "doesn't mean I'm a fucking freak."

The bell rang as soon as he reached the door, and Dan stormed to his next class, ignoring the angry buzzing sound that was filling his head.

***

Louise didn't understand his side of the argument at all. Apparently, Phil hadn't 'deserved to be treated so coldly' and Dan was 'an irresponsible jackass who needed to apologize'. Maybe Dan just needed new friends.

It was lunchtime, and Dan was tearing his French fries to shreds on his tray and half-listening to his friends boring complaining.

"I mean, you're gonna be working on this project with him for who knows how long," Louise rambled, "the least you could do is be civil. And it's his first day? He probably hates you now."

Dan scowled. "Okay, maybe my wording could have used a bit more finesse," he said. "But he was the one being incessantly nosy."

"It's called being friendly." Louise uncapped her bottle of water and took a sip. "And he made a simple suggestion based on the little amount of facts you provided him. A well-founded suggestion, too."

"'Well-founded'?" Dan said briskly. "What, you think I'm aromantic too?"

"I think that even you don't know everything about yourself, and I think you shouldn't get angry at people who might end up helping you learn new stuff in the long run." 

He hated it when she was right. He hated it even more when it made him feel guilty.

"So, what should I do?" He asked. "He most likely does hate me, and we have to spend, like, all of our free time together."

"Maybe, um, I don't know, apologize?" Louise said, laughing when Dan tossed a fry at her. "It can't be that hard. It's two words, Dan."

That didn't mean he wanted to face the humiliation of it. He'd acted like a complete lunatic, and he wouldn't be surprised if Phil just outrightly rejected him completely.

"What do you think Chris would suggest?" Dan asked sullenly. Chris was a last resort, and they both knew he would be next to useless.

"Chris has been stoned out of his mind half his life," Louise said with a sneer. She'd never approved of his and Dan's acquaintanceship. "He'd probably suggest doing E and then having a threesome." And she wasn't wrong.

So his only options were: a) apologize and probably become at least civil enough to do this project, or b) drop out of school completely and never face the consequences of his actions. He was liking the sound of option 2 better by the minute.

"I'm gonna head to class," Dan said, pushing all of his complicated thoughts into the back of his mind to torment him later.

"Aw, don't leave me," Louise complained. "I look like such a weirdo eating by myself."

"I'm sure you'll manage without me," Dan said, and stood up before his friend could persuade him otherwise. "See you later."

Next period didn't even start for another fifteen minutes, so Dan detoured to the second floor bathrooms instead for a moment alone. It was one of the only places that faculty members didn't lurk trying to catch anyone skipping lessons, and it was usually frequented by smokers and horny couples who didn't mind a risk.

Today, only Chris was there, sitting as close to the window as he could to get rid of any smoke created by the lit spliff in his fingers. He gave Dan a two fingered salute as he entered. "Wanna hit?" were his greeting words.

Dan walked over to him and leaned against the wall. "Don't you have maths next?"

Chris nodded as he took another pull. "I don't understand how anyone can get through Calculus sober."

Chris wasn't the sort of guy Dan had ever seen himself being friends with. He slept through all his classes and barely passed with his C average, and he was obnoxiously loud when he wasn't high. But he had let Dan hide in his room at a party once, and he was pretty cool when you actually talked to him. He didn't mind sharing his opinions, and he was straightforward about everything. He'd hit on both Dan and Louise when they'd first met.

"I need your advice on something," Dan said, staring out the window onto the school grounds below.

"Really now?" Chris said. "I was under the impression that my advice should never be followed."

"Desperate times," Dan said. "The thing is, I did something kind of shitty. And now I don't know what to do about it."

"How shitty, like, really shitty? Or just a little bit, where you could say sorry and it would all go away?"

"I don't know, kind of in between?"

"I need more detail than that."

Dan sighed, and repeated the whole story again. It still made his stomach twist anxiously, and he just wished the whole thing would disappear and he wouldn't have to deal with it. Stupid new kid and his stupid prying questions. He got under Dan's skin easily, like no one ever had before and it made him want to hide.

"He probably thinks I'm some bigoted loser now, and we have to do this fucking project together, and I don't know what to do." He finished ranting, and took a deep breath. Chris held out the joint again, and Dan accepted it with shaking hands.

"I'm no expert," Chris said, "but I'm pretty sure the only solution is to get on your knees and beg for mercy. Tears running down your face, overuse of the words 'my lord', the whole bit."

Dan glared at him, taking another hit and letting it fill his lungs before exhaling. "I'm trying to be serious."

"I am being serious, it'll totally work," Chris said, but he started laughing halfway through. "Come on, just apologize to him. He barely knows you, just say your dog died or something and you're really emotional."

"Gain his trust by lying to him? Great idea."

He was starting to feel lightheaded already, so he handed the joint back to Chris and slid down the wall until he was sitting. This whole thing was confusing enough, and he didn't need his hazy thought process making it worse.

"Is it weird that I don't want him to hate me?" He asked, more to himself than to his present company. He'd never really cared what other people thought of him, because they never mattered to him, but this was different. Right now, Phil was probably thinking up some way to get a new partner, and hating the Dan Howell he sat next to in English class, but that wasn't the Dan he wanted to be.

"No," Chris answered eventually, his voice obtrusively loud in the empty bathroom. "But I think it's less about that, and more about you wanting to prove you're a good person."

The bell rang, but neither of them moved.

***

a/n: wow this is the first thing i've finished in forever :')

i'm actually pretty excited about this cause there's a lot of different places i want to take this, my creativity was so fucking small when i wrote the original lmao

but hello if you're reading this, i hope you liked this first chapter, and sorry beforehand for how long it takes to update this ;) that's just how i roll and i hate myself too don't worry

lemme know what you think, and i'll see you guys next time, peace !!