"I will not raise a gay child!" My mother growled, "I'm not gay, and I'm not a child anymore! I'm Pa-" She interrupted me by slapping me in the face, then spitting on it, I whimpered; afraid what she'd do to me. I'd figured because I was 19 I could move out, my mother didn't seem to keen on that idea, She seemed to want to torture me and keep me with her as long as she could."You aren't Pansexual or Non-binary, you will have a husband and you will always, always! Be a girl Deanna! I'm never calling you you're stupid fake name, Asher what kind of a name is that? It doesn't even have anything to do with your real name!" She screamed at me, my siblings: Avery, who was a year older than me, and Flow, who was a year younger, had come over, we had all been trapped by our mother from leaving the house to be adults and do 'Adult things' usually it wouldn't sound appealing that we would have to get a job and pay bills, they looked sorry for me, not angry. "Why on earth would I want anything to do with my deadname mom! T-That's the opposite of what I want! I'd rather die than be called that again!" I hissed back, my mother growled, "You dare go against what God intended for your body? I'm sending you to a Christian College next month." I opened my mouth to argue; But shut it so I wouldn't say something stupid.

 I turned 20 next month and my friends planned a get-away-from-parents thing for the LGBTQ+ peeps in our friend circle. 

A week later my mom had locked every door and window in the house, including the fridges so I couldn't eat, they only gave me 1 apple a day so I could live through this nightmare. Why did I let my friends talk me into this? At least I'll see them tomorrow, I'll break out somehow. Anxiety started washing over me, What if I can't? What if my mom kills me tomorrow? Then logic kicked in, she wouldn't kill me, she'd get caught, and I've always been smart; I'd figure something out. Hopefully. after my internal monolog, I felt good, so I climbed up the stairs into my room. Or Attic. Or Rat infested nightmare.

My room didn't look terrible, considering over the years I'd been able to decorate. My Chemical Romance, Imagine Dragons, Ninja Sex Party, and Starbomb posters littered the walls, weird combination, the first two were 'Normal' bands, and then some guys singing about sex. But whatever! Weird was kinda my thing. A bunch of Candy and chip bags were hiding in my closet, I could only buy  junk food every three months, so this took a very long time to stock up. If I only ate 5 pieces of candy and chips every day, I might live a full year in this place. I knew hunger would take over eventually and I'd eat it all in a week or so, but It was good to have a goal for isolation. 

I managed to keep the rats out of my food by doing the following: I kept 5 things of rat poison in each bag so none would eat it, and I put the chips in a big wood container and put that under a pile of blankets, it wasn't foolproof, but it worked enough. I lied down on my twin bed not bothering to change, I didn't want my boobds to be more visible than they already were to me. the bed wasn't very comfortable considering I was an adult, 5'8 and a bit chubby. I managed to get maybe 5 hours of sleep.

~~~~~Page Two~~~~~

I woke up the next day at 8:40, craving something, anything. Then again, that's how I felt every morning. I went to my small closet, and got my Lays out, yes they had the most air; but I figured I should save my Pringles, for when I needed some good ol' no air chips. I opened the rough, wooden box softly so nobody would hear, and ate about 30 chips when I remembered; it was  about 9 now, My mom would be gone. I walked groggily to my dresser, picked out a black My Chemical Romance shirt with the words Perfect Pansexual written on it it in pink, yellow, and blue; it was very special to me, my best friend gave it to me when she found out I was Pan. I knew if my parents found me wearing it they'd burn it and make me watch.

When I got downstairs, Flow was sitting on the chair, as if waiting for me, Why? "Ash came to give this to you." She said quietly, why? Was she embarrassed? "I-is it a... Relationship... thing?" She asked hesitantly, I blushed, "Wha- um, no! It's a... um... Personal thing okay, apart of, umm... something Mom yelled about last week. F-Flow, I hope you don't hate me. I love you, and I would hate for you to... Think about me the way Mom does, okay?" She smiled, "No! Of course I don't hate you! I love you De-Asher, right?" An uncontrollable smile showed on my face, I enjoyed that name more than anything else in the world, it was perfect.

"Yeah, I love that name, it's perfect." I said softly, I ripped open the package still talking to Flow, "Me and Ash aren't in a rel- OH MY FUCKING-" I screamed, seeing the contents, it was a binder! I almost died, It was black so I would blend in with my normal clothes in case it could show. My friends told me it probably wouldn't, but I wasn't going to take that chance. There was also a skin colored one, Two binders! Huzzah! in case I had to wear a dress or something. I threw them on the table in my excitement, "Look at them!" I laughed, as well as cried, "They're so beautiful! Oh my god! ooh my god!" I smiled happily, Flow was visibly confused, "Huh?" she picked at them, "I-it's pieces of fabric." I groaned, "These Beauties™! are binders! No more chesticles for me!"

I laughed my ass off, I suddenly remembered my task and stopped, "Can you let me out please?" She looked confused, "Mom told you about the Smart Locks right? She gave you the key." She nodded, "Here." Wow, I thought I needed some persuasion or something, nope, just Here ya go! Going against mom used to be my biggest fear but not anymore!

I got the key, walked to my room, packed all my stuff (which wasn't much), kissed Flow goodbye, and set off tho my friends place.