I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. It hit the wall with a slight thud and I immediately reached for the painkillers and water I kept near my bed at all times. I swallowed some before my body could register the small nudge of pain. I waited for the inevitable. There it was, a slight stinging on the back of my head, and I cowered in a small ball on my bed. I pulled out my iPad and went on Instagram, blogging about my favorite books. After a few minutes of that, I shut it down and tried to sleep. I had the curtains drawn and all the lights on.

You see, I have innumerable problems. For one, I have very weak joints and bones, so I have to use a wheelchair or a brace and crutches if I want to walk. Which, most of the time, I try to avoid. I think because of that, most of my mental problems developed. I have been diagnosed with four phobias, including one of the dark. They are achluophobia, fear of the dark, agateophobia, fear of insanity, agliophobia, fear of pain, and androphobia, a fear of men, other than those my family. I literally have dozens of obsessions. First, there's bibliomania, a craze for books or reading, which makes sense when I stay indoors all day. Then clinomania, an excessive desire to stay in bed,

eleutheromania, a manic desire for freedom, which makes absolutely no sense, since I'm completely dependent on everything and everyone around me for help. I also have graphomania, an obsession with writing. I consider it a positive thing. Infomania, an excessive devotion to accumulating facts, is logical, since I haven't experienced things, I want to know about them. Musomania, an obsession with music, is one of my favorites. I bet half of the people in the world have it. Micromania, the pathological self-deprecation or belief that one is very small, is nothing new to me. I am not a tall or strong person. I'm pretty weak. Monomania, which is an abnormal obsession with a single thought or idea, like how I got hooked on Rise of the Guardians for about six years. I still am a huge fan of it. Phaneromania, the habit of biting one's nails. That one is true. Photomania, the pathological desire for light, which comes from my achluophobia, or fear of the dark if you've forgotten already. Scribbleomania, the obsession with scribbling. I don't understand that one, but I do enjoy drawing. And claustrophobia, the worst. People can't get too close to me or I have a nervous breakdown.

But I will do anything to avoid my phobias. I haven't gone to school since I was diagnosed, back in second grade. I've been homeschooled by my mom. I love my dad, but sometimes I try to avoid him when I'm especially paranoid. Lately I've been hearing loud arguments between my parents, but I've tried to ignore them. I do my best to make everything easier for my parents, I know it is really hard for them, having a daughter like me. A 17 year old who refuses to leave her bedroom, let alone the house, unless she absolutely has to, and is afraid of everything. I try not to freak out when people come near me, or when people come over. I usually stay in my room on my bed, but make it clear that I want to socialize. If people come too close, I try to politely tell them they're in my personal space. All of my family understands what I have and what I'm going through, so they either avoid me or try to make me comfortable. The little kids though, they don't hesitate to run into my room and plop down on the beanbags and chairs littered around my room, including on my bed and in my lap. They're my favorite relatives. They're all much younger than me, so they're a little afraid of the dark too and my androphobia doesn't apply to them. I became fascinated with fairy tales and animation after I saw Rise of the Guardians, and in every animated movie I saw after that, I looked closely at the characters, how they moved, all of that stuff. That was when I decided to work for Dreamworks when I grew up.

But now I'm their favorite older cousin because I still talk to them like we're equals and tell them fairy tales and stories. I love that someone cares that much about me. I love telling them stories about the Guardians, and every time I see them we watch the movie. By now I can recite the movie and do the arm motions that go along with it. It's my all-time favorite movie.

Right now though, I couldn't sleep, and I sat up. I pulled my crutches closer and strapped my forearms into them. I had been practicing walking in my room with the braces every day for a long time, and eventually without the braces, with only the crutches so I could surprise my parents by walking by myself. Now I can actually walk up and down the stairs by myself. I strapped on my dad's old football helmet and I was ready to go. I hobbled to the door and twisted the doorknob. The sounds of arguing grew louder as the door swung open with a long creak. I started down the stairs with a loud thump as my crutches and feet alternately hit the steps. I didn't stumble once. I tried to remember where the kitchen was and walked in that direction. The volume increased, and I knew I was heading in the right direction. I saw the fridge through the doorway. I hobbled into the kitchen and I was to the side of my parents, who were standing facing each other, yelling loudly. "Mom, Dad," I said quietly. I was a very timid person. They didn't hear me. I tried again in a lapse of their argument, slightly louder. "Mom. Dad."

They looked over at me. "Honey, what are you doing out of bed? And where are your braces?" My mom rushed over to help me but I brushed her off.

"No, Mom, I need to do this. I've been practicing." I motioned for her to go stand next to Dad. She watched me, ready to catch me if I fell. I took a deep breath and focused my attention on my feet, watching the floor carefully. I took one step with my crutches and then lifted them off the ground. I took one step, then another, mentally singing "Put one foot in front of the other. Soon you'll be walking out the door!" from that old Christmas tape. I walked over to my parents and then put my crutches down for balance. I was breathing heavily. "I've been practicing for ages. I hope you're not mad at me."

Then my dad pulled me into a hug. I hugged back, something I hadn't done in a long time. My mom joined in on the family hug and we stood there for a little while. Then we broke apart and I swayed a little. "Can I go back to my bed now? It's a little dark in here and my legs are starting to hurt and-" my dad cut me off by picking me up and carrying me to my room. He put me down in my bed and left me alone with my mom. He probably realized I was going to freak out if any more of my conditions came on.

My mom sat near me. "We're very proud of you. I'm a little upset I didn't know and you could have gotten hurt, but I'm still very proud of you."

I smiled. "Thanks Mom. And I have a question. It's a very serious question." I played with my fingers and started biting my nails.

My mom gently pulled my hands back down to my lap. "You can ask me anything."

"I've heard you and Dad arguing, and I've been trying not to let on. But I've heard your arguments, even over my music." I always had music playing at top volume, not really playing, just in my head, but it calms me down.

My mom held my hands in hers. "Oh, sweetie, if I had known, I would have been quieter-"

"But that's not what I'm worried about. I'd rather hear it over my music than have no awareness at all. I'm worried about the fact that you're arguing, not the volume." I looked down at our hands.

"We never meant for you to hear us. But since you already know, we're going through some difficulties."

"Because of me?" My eyes watered.

"No dear, it's just with finances and your father's job, it's very hard for us, and it's creating tension."

"But it's also how I sometimes get scared of Dad, and how I'm so hard to take care of. I'm very high-maintenance, I'm aware of that fact."

Mom sighed. "Yes, it is. I don't like it, but it is."

"Thanks for being honest."

"And about your father's job, he's being promoted."

"Well, that's great!" I exclaimed.

"But we'd have to move."

My face fell. "Oh. If we have to. I should have known this was inevitable. I would have had to move at some point in my life anyway. Where are we moving?" My mood instantly was glum and gloomy.

"Burgess, Pennsylvania."

"Really?" I was surprised. "I guess that's cool."

"Oh, you're taking this so well. I thought you would be upset. Hopefully, once we move, you can make some friends and things will ease between your father and I. We move in a week. We've already bought a new house and sold this one, we just didn't know how to tell you."

"It's fine, Mom. Any other night, I would probably be freaking out, but I'm calmer than normal tonight. I just want to sleep on the idea."

"Alright. I'll leave you alone." I curled up in a ball with songs swirling around in my head.

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I'm in love with this story by now and I will continue regardless I just need a title for the story and then I'll come up with a description. All my other fanfics are ready to be updated, I just need to put in italics in my laptop, which I haven't gotten around to yet.

I can't decide between JackXoc or JamieXoc. You'll find out her name later. Maybe chapter four or five. She's a 17 year old girl, she would be a senior in high school if she wasn't homeschooled.

•please check out my book of rotg story ideas and all my other fanfics, I need feedback.

•I will start all of them and if people want me to continue the stories, I will. Or if I fall in love with them, then I will also continue no matter what, even if I get hate.

•I'm continuing this story regardless, I already wrote chapters one and two and I fell in love with the character

•SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT "OC" such as "SO-AND-SOxOC" I'm so confused and I actually use it so uhhh idk guys

Whale then, don't be such beach, halp me!

Okay, that's about it. I'm back to night publishing temporarily.

But only for tonight. It changed every day, and I will upload one chapter for one -and only one- of my fanfics twice a week.

Ex: on monday, published a chapter of Frozen Darkness. On thursday, published another chapter of Frozen Darkness.

Ex#2: on tuesday, I publish two chapters of Sandy's Twin

Ex#3: on sunday, publish one chapter of Cold Metal Monstrosities and a chapter of Story #1 (this) on the same day.

So, I publish two chapters a week. Not necessarily from the same story, not the necessarily the same day.

But I will publish two independent chapters, it doesn't matter from which fanfic. The only thing you could do is request a chapter this week, like "can you update Angel Hearts this week?' Then I will reply "I will do my best." I will sometimes go on a streak where I write things in different styles, it all depends on my mood, same with my publishing and updating and writing style and which story I write in. I just wrote like three or four chapters of Angel Hearts and I'm already thinking several chapters ahead.

Sorry, rant over. Comment what you think!

Toodles my noodles!

~iamanawesometaco