All aboard the feels train? (I tried...)

Silence. It surrounded you, comforted you, claimed you. You couldn't feel anything, couldn't see or smell or hear anything and that was fine. Nothing to hurt you, nothing to worry about.

"DAMN I just feel so friggin USELESS!" A voice broke through the void of space you drifted through, pricking something at the back of your mind. A distant memory that disappeared as quickly as it arose.

"EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY, YOU'LL SEE!I-I'M SURE (y/n) WILL PULL THROUGH!" There was uncertainty behind this voice as it struggled not to break.

"I just can't believe this happened. Not to her. That b@stard deserves everything he gets." This voice was laced with venom, but tinged by sadness at the same time. "I hope he rots in prison."

The voices faded out of focus, and you were left with nothing. The void surrounded you, comforted you, but it couldn't ease the pain that now sat in your heart. It weeped for the three speakers, and called out for voices it hadn't heard. You lost track of time...

"Is there really nothing we can do?" A soft, motherly voice asked, one that was aching from unshed tears.

"I wish there was but... this is unlike anything we've ever encountered. She stable right now, and I hate to be the one to suggest this but... you should consider saying your goodbyes." This voice you didn't know, but his words resonated with you somehow.

Someone started crying, and a deep, soothing voice murmured comfort, and you slipped away.

You heart was pulling in two directions. One that wanted to give up to the soothing lull of the void around you, and one that struggled to go back. Back to those voices. Back to the people they belonged too. But it was so hard to fight. So much easier to just drift... you slipped away again.

"I KNOW THIS IS HARD BROTHER BUT... THE DOCTOR SAID... HE SEEMED TO THINK WE SHOULD START SAYING GOODBYE." The speaker struggled to get the sentence out, voice breaking halfway through before continuing. The voice was soft and at the same time loud, and for some reason it didn't suit him.

"i don't care. i just... i just can't." The devastation in that voice made it feel like you heart was breaking. "that'll just make it certain and i'm not ready."

There was a heavy sigh. "I UNDERSTAND," followed by the shuffling off feet. Once they were gone you felt yourself slipping again, giving back into the void. But then someone started crying. Deep, heart wrenching sobs echoed around you, drew you back from the verge of nothingness. Your own heart started echoing the sound, calling out and crying for the source of the broken sobs. In your mindseye you saw a hunched over form, leaning heavily against the wall as they struggled to breath. You wanted to help. To throw your arms around the person and promise it would be okay. You fought against the weight holding your mind and body down, struggled to get to them as they broke apart. But the abyss was persistent, and refused to let you go. Soul crushing sadness swept over you, through you, breaking through the numbness surrounding you and filling you with desperation.

This isn't where I'm supposed to be!

"I'm gonna miss you punk. Don't you worry, I'm gonna make sure that b@stard gets what he deserves. EVEN if I have to kill him MYSELF!"

I don't want to be here.

"I-I'm... *sniff* I'm sorry c-couldn't help m-more. T-this just isn't fair."

I don't want to be here anymore!

"This never should have happened to you darling. No one will ever fill this hole you're leaving in my heart. No one."

I can't stay here anymore!

"I'm sorry, my child. You're being taken from us much too soon. We will all miss you dearly."

I want to go back!

"I wish things could have been different, but I suppose wishing will not get us anywhere now. It was a pleasure to know you for as long as we did."

I need to go back!

"YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I... *SNIFF* WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU!"

I have to go back!

Determination flooded your system, replacing the desperation in a wave that threatened to overtake you. It shattered the nothingness around you, tore you from that void world and freed you from the chains that had been pulling your soul deeper into it's cold talons.

With a silent gasp, your eyes flew open. For a moment you were disorientated, confused. You were standing in a sterile room, deep in the halls of a hospital. The room was a sick white, the lights above you glaring and bright. A sharp beeping cut through the silence surrounding you, drawing your attention from the simple room to the bed beside you.

You sucked in a silent breath, lifting your hands to your mouth as you stared in horror at the person on the bed. It was you. Ashen and pale, you lay completely still and limp on the bed, a series of tubes leading from your body to various machines. There were IV lines, heart monitors, one of those huge breathing tubes that went down your throat. The beeping of the heart monitor was slow, slower than it should be, and by the whirring and rush of air you knew your body wasn't breathing on it's own. You were alive... for now. If this could even be called alive.

What was going on? How could you be looking at your body from the outside?

Shaking your head and wrapping your arms around your chest, you started to back up, mind refusing to process what you were seeing. Looking down, you saw that your "body" was pale, almost white in colour and fairly transparent. Floating just over your chest was a small (s/c) heart, and it too was pale in colour. It was washed out, kind of sickly. You didn't know what you were comparing it too but the way it looked now felt wrong. Your feet disappeared into a black substance that made you unable to take a step forwards. Casting a glance over your shoulder you realized that it was the void you'd been drowning in before, and it bled into the scene before you to keep you in place. It called out to you, summoned you back, and the longer you stared at the unmoving space the more uncomfortable you became. You tore your eyes away, focusing on anything but the void behind you.

You felt confused. Lost. You didn't know what was going on or where you were, and you justed to wake up. This had to be a dream. Didn't it? How else did you explain what was happening? An out of body experience? You wanted it to be a dream. Then you could wake up and everything could be normal again. This was so far over your head you didn't even know where you came from.

Feeling the pull of the void from which you came, you started backing up, started to give in again. It was easier there. Nothing hurt, and you weren't confused. You almost gave in, but then the sliding door to your room started to move.

Whoever was coming in moved slow, hesitantly. You stopped, waiting as Sans came into the room. He looked worn out, tired. Like there was a great weight on his shoulders that was crushing him. He shuffled into the room, head lowered and shoulders hunched. Once he was in he paused to close the door, and once it was shut seemed to struggle internally for a moment. It was like he was bracing himself for what he'd see should he turn around. When he finally turned, you gasped. Once again no sound left your lips, but your heart broke for the short skeleton. You'd never seen him look so devastated, so broken. His usually bright eyes were dull and unfocused, and he had dark circles under his eyes. You didn't think he could look so ragged and tired. Seeing him like this made you want to throw your arms around him. To hug him tightly and to tell him everything was okay. But you couldn't. It was like you were routed to the spot, feet stuck in the darkness that held you from reality.

For a moment it was like he couldn't move. Like the sight of you on the hospital bed had routed him to the spot. You watched in helpless agony as tears welled in his eye socket, trailing down his cheeks before he rubbed them away with his sleeve. You felt tears slip down your own ghostly cheeks, but unlike him you didn't move to brush them away. Taking a deep, shaky breath Sans started forwards moving with unsteady steps towards the bed. He goes around the end of the bed, coming to a stop near your head on one side. You could do nothing but watch as he took your appearance in, his face crumpling at the sight. Slowly he wrapped his hand around yours on the bed cover. He lightly squeezed you limp hand, and you didn't respond. It looked like he wanted to say something, but it was like he couldn't get his voice to work. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and he clenched his teeth as more tears slipped from his eyes.

"damnit..." he struggled, wiping at his eyes again with his damp sleeve. "i can't keep... shit." He squeezed his eyes shut, and for a second it was like he couldn't breath. He was clearly struggling to keep his emotions under control. He took a few steadying breaths, and you felt so helpless. You hated seeing him like this. You hated that you were the cause. More than anything you wished you could get back to you body, that you could wake up. That you could squeeze his hand back and tell him it would be okay. But you couldn't move. All you could do was stand there and silently cry, unable to do anything to aid the man you loved.

God, why hadn't you told him sooner? You regretted all the things you hadn't said, all the time you wasted clinging to the past. You realized too late that this, what you had with Sans, was real love. Not the BS you'd been clinging too with Mitchell. God you should have left that b!tch a long time ago. Now it was too late. Now you were forced to stand in silence with all those unspoken words choking you, watching as Sans fell apart because of you.

"stupid, isn't it? that i couldn't work up the courage to tell you anything before it was too late. like some damn cliche." He let out a horse laugh that held no humour, only broken sadness. More tears welled in his eyes, but this time he didn't bother wiping them away. "now i'm going to be stuck with this regret forever and i don't know..." he shook his head sadly. "i should have told you. god i should have told you that i loved you the day i figured it out. i can't help but wonder if things would have been different if i'd just f^cking said something. if i'd told you to break up with that son of a b!tch the moment i found out about him. he never deserved you. not for an instant." You sobbed at the sincerity in his words, at the hopelessness in his eyes. You didn't want this to be goodbye, but you knew that's what it was. Despite you desperation to remain alive, you could feel your soul dying. You felt it with every sniffling breath you took in this ghostly form, knew that the poison Bitchell had given you was still eating away at you. But despite the pain, despite the call of the void growing stronger, you held onto this world. Sans was your anchor, and you refused to go yet. You didn't want to go. You didn't want to leave him.

"i don't know if you can hear me," Sans continued, reaching out to brush some damp hair from your forehead, tracing the lines of your face with his dim gaze. "i hope you can..." he whispered, and you wanted to scream that you could. To go over to him and shake him until he realized you were standing right there. But you were routed to the spot, unable to take another step into the cold room. "i love you. i just wish i'd told you sooner. i just wish i wasn't about to lose you."

After that Sans broke down, unable to say anything further or do anything but just cry. He looked so lost, so broken. These were the sobs of someone who felt nothing but anguish, and as you watched you felt your heart echoing his pain. He moved so his arm was resting on the bed, his head buried in the crook of his elbow. You couldn't take this. You didn't want to see him like this, knowing it was your fault. It hurt. It hurt to watch him falling apart like this, to know that you couldn't do anything to ease his pain. You cried silently, falling to your knees in the darkness. You hugged your arms around yourself, rocking as you gave in to your own desperation.

You didn't want to leave, You didn't want to die! It wasn't fair. You'd only just started your life as far as you were concerned, and only just started living a few hours ago. You'd finally gained the strength to break free from Mitchell, only to have him take it all away again. You weren't ready to go yet. You weren't ready to leave your friends... your family behind.

You weren't going to let it end like this. You weren't. You had too much to live for to give up now, so you were going to be stronger. You were going to beat this, no matter what it took. With that thought the desperation within you turned to determination. The determination to live. To show fate or destiny or whatever force decided that you were to die today that you were stronger. That you weren't just going to roll over and let the world trample all over you. You were done playing the bystander, and you weren't going to let this beat you!

Burning with determination you forced yourself to your feet, rejecting the pull of the abyss and focusing in on that determination.

A bright yellow light flashed in your vision, causing you to flinch before you were able to focus on the source. There was a rectangle floating before you, mostly black but with a yellow outline and RESET written in bold font. Slight confusion swept through you, wondering where on earth it had come from. Seeing things couldn't be a good sign. Squinting at the button, you didn't get the chance to figure anything out before you felt a hand on your shoulder. You let out a startled but silent shriek, spinning around and staring up in horror at the thing behind you.

You didn't know what it was, but it was hulking and nearly shapeless. It almost seemed like it was melting, trails of goop disappearing into the void below it. It was completely black in colour, almost blending into the background as it pulled its hand back towards the its main mass. It's hands were white, almost skeletal in shape, with a hole punched into each palm. Following the shape upwards, the black gave way to white before you found a face or mask or something in the gloom. It was white and rounded, with a crooked grin set into its jaw. It's eyes were mismatched one rounded with a jagged crack running up towards its forehead, the other curved downwards, with a crack running from it bottom to its mouth. You stifled a scream, trying to take a step away from the thing. It felt unnatural, looked unnatural. Everything thing about it just seemed wrong. Like it shouldn't exist.

The thing looked a little surprised by your reaction, giving you a placating look as it held it's hands at its side, palm out. Like it was trying to calm you down.

"I am sorry I frightened you, that was not my intent." It started to sign, moving a little away from you as to not continue crowding your personal space. All you could think was, wait, it knows how to speak?

"What... what are you." You asked, finally managing to operate your hands properly. In this plane with no sound, speaking through hands was the only way to communicate.

The creature gave you a sheepish look, and you noticed the white dots in the depths of his eye socket that must act as his eyes. "I was once a monster by the name of W.D Gaster. Before an unfortunate accident turned me into what you see before you, I was a scientist in the Underground."

"W.D?" You repeated, eyebrows furrowing. You'd never heard of anyone by that name before. Perhaps he was before your friends time, or they simply didn't know whatever monster this was.

"I prefer to simply go by Gaster."

"Okay, Gaster. Why are you here? What's happening?" You asked, unable to help yourself. Perhaps this scientist could shed some light on your situation.

"To put it simply, I am here to help. You may not believe me, but I cannot sit back and watch you suffer anymore."

"Why would you want to help me? And what do you mean "anymore"?"

Gaster faltered, seeming to consider how best to answer you. "I... have a vested interest in seeing you succeed." It said slowly, glancing over your shoulder. Following its gaze you saw it was watching Sans for a moment before it turned back to you. "As for your other question... this is not the first time this has happened."

It felt like the floor dropped out from under you as you processed that information. This has happened before? You had died before? But how was that... that didn't make any sense! That was impossible... wasn't it? And that look he gaze Sans... it was one of familiarity. Almost longing...

Wait. You peered at Gaster closer, taking in its skeletal face and hands. The way its eyes consisted of a black void with a pin prick of white light. The shape of its smile, its height. Oh my god. The longer you looked the more you started to see the similarities it shared with Papyrus and Sans. You looked over your shoulder, then back at Gaster. "Are you... you aren't... related to Papyrus and Sans are you?"

Gaster gave you another sheepish look, and now that you noticed what he shared with the only other two skeletons you knew, you saw how similar it was to a look Sans might give you. "That... did not take much time for you to figure out. Indeed, we are related. I was their father, once."

"They've never mentioned you," you said without thinking, then winced at the pained look that crossed his face. You regretted your blunt words immediately.

"I did not expect them to, sadly, for they do not remember me. During my time as a scientist I accidently fell into one of my inventions, scattering my body across time and space. My soul and pieces of my body ended up here, in this void, but as a result I was torn from existence. I doubt anything but blueprints and notes written in my hand remain."

"I'm sorry..." you said, not knowing what else to say.

Gaster waved your off, turning the focus away from himself. "What is done is done. Now we must focus on you. You must come to decision now. Quickly."

He gestured towards the RESET button, somehow confirming that he could see it as well. You glanced back down at the button, the yellow letters hovering slightly to the left of you at waist level. "What does it do? You said something about this happening before... does this RESET thing have something to do with it."

Gaster tilted his head to the side, as if formulating how to answer. "Yes. That stolen function... the RESET, allows you to go back to a fixed point in time, changing the timeline again and again."

"A fixed point?" you asked, eyes dancing over the surface of the button.

"When you decided to take Mettaton up on his offer to meet the others. That one decision redefined your future, and unfortunately led to your death. You never seem to make it past the 1st of January."

Oh god... So you'd been through months of your life over and over. Did you meet Sans everytime? Did you fall and love only to die prematurely each time you went back? God how many times had you done this? How many times had you hit the RESET button, not really knowing what it did but choosing to take the chance it would let you start over. "How many times?" you asked, hands shaking.

"This will be your tenth RESET, should you decide that is the course of action you wish to take."

"And you? Have you spoken to me every time?"

He hesitated. "No, I have not. Many times I have tried, and you would not listen. Others you simply did not need my assistance. It is as if you are continuously trying to go back, to survive into the new year. For a time I was content to leave you be, to let you continue to strive for victory... but I am tired of watching my son suffer. Of watching each death tear Sans apart. He has already been through so much... more than you will ever know. So, if you will let me, I will help as best I can. I only want what is best for my sons and their friends, and that is not to be stuck in another time loop. But that choice is up to you. If you believe you can change things by going back, do so now. If not... the perhaps I will explain my hypothesis to you and ask you to trust me."

Having said his part, Gaster lapsed into silence. He folded his hands in front of him, the white slowly being swallowed by the black goop that made up his body. You looked at the RESET button before, running over the words "stolen" and "another". He had to mean you weren't the first to use the function, and you wondered briefly who had control of it before. But then you turned your thoughts to the decision you needed to make; to RESET and try again... or to put your faith in this monster you barely knew, who claimed to be Sans' father but could very well be lying. You didn't know if you should put your trust in the odd man from the void, but did you really want to go through this all again? Gaster hadn't given you much information... but by the sound of it you'd already done this so many times... and every single time you died. You didn't remember any of these other timelines... so was it possible? The only way to know for sure was if you RESET, but you could very well forget everything that had happened this time too.

Lifting your hand, you let your palm hover over the surface of the function, directly over the word RESET. But you hesitated. You were so torn, so lost. You didn't know what the correct course of action was to take. Tears sliding down your cheeks, you took a deep, unsteady breath and held it. You squeezed your eyes shut, listening to the silence surrounding Gaster, the mechanical beeping of the heart monitor, the whirring of your aided breaths. You listened to Sans, still struggling for breath at your side, struggling to stay together. But most importantly you listened to your soul. Listened as it cried out in pain, it's struggling urges growing weaker and weaker.

Opening your eyes, you looked at the RESET function. You lifted your hand a fraction of an inch, and...

Don't you just love cliff hangers? Apparently I do! I wonder what the Dadster has planned eh? (Shout out to the comments last chapter that called Gaster the Dadster, even though he wasn't in the story yet. You definitely called his appearance :3)

Next chapter will be out Saturday February 18th (and I realize that people live in different time zones, so just to let you know I live in the Pacific Time Zone and thus operate on that.) And please be patient! I'm sticking tough to my weakly updates so I don't run out of things to post. During the week I stockpile the future chapters to ensure I have something to post the next week :P Just in case I run out of steam again or get too busy to write because of school. So I don't want to post things as I finish them (also because the last few chapters have been changing a lot.)

Oh... and to give those of you who read I Can Hear You and are asking for more chapters... I actually find it harder to write things from Sans perspective because it requires me to go back and read what I already wrote while typing up the new perspective. I'll try to go back to it sooner or later though. Eventually...

Author out!