Warning- this chapter contains suicidal thoughts and/or actions. Reader discretion advised. If you or a friend are experiencing anything similar, contact a helpline or an adult immediately. Thank you.
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"Laurance you know I really don't want to do this..."

"WHO CARES!" I yell, my temper enraging me, "MY PHONE BILL IS THROUGH THE ROOF, I HAVE NO COMPUTER, IM FLAWED WITHOUT ANY MONEY FOR DRU--- MY SPECIAL CANDY AND NOW IS THE TIME TO KICK ME OUT.... WHAT THE HELL CASTOR?!?"

"You know this is for your own good and my own good..." Castor adds, his voice stern and direct, "People have seen you smoking and drugging outside, and it doesn't make you look bad... It hurts me. Since I allowed you here in the first place..."

"WELL WHO GIVES A DAMN!" I scream, throwing his miniature TV off its rack, "I'm done with you and EVERYONE!! No one believes I can change when all I need is time to think. NO ONE!!!"

"Laurance," Castor breathes, continuing, "I am giving you a hundred dollars to leave and have a better living for yourself. Set your priorities straight and report back once you are well and drug/alcohol/ANYTHING free. Got it?"

He places a bundle of cash into my pocket as I attempt to control my heartbeat.

"I guess I'll go pack then..." I mutter under my breath, stomping up to my old bedroom. Looks like my plan will come early... Too bad Castor willingly gave me the money for it.

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I walk down the empty streets with nothing but a backpack full of clothes, meds, and cash. I think of the new life of others around me, how much happier they will be. Their better off without me anyway.

I am greeted in the alley of by an old friend of mine, concern plastered across his face. My lips tremble as I continue to walk.

"Laurance... I would never expect this from you," Zenix says blatantly, "I thought you weren't the murdering type, especially not a gunmen for that--"

I immediately cut him off as I feel offended that he made conclusions, "It's not for that, exactly. Something else... To help some of my friends."

"Good. For a minute I believed you were turning into the old me... Always seeking vengeance," Zenix sighs as he continues, "I got the handgun you requested, PT111 pistol. Great aim. How much is your highest?"

"One hundred sixty seven. And if that's not enough," I bargain, opening my backpack to display and arrangement of drugs," These are all up for grabs."

"Heh!" Zenix laughs, making me feel nauseous from the sound, "Laurance wouldn't dare give up everything he has."

"This is only a small stash of mine; don't worry," I wink to brush off the tension.

"I'll make a deal. I know you well, and you know me well. So, how about one fifty five and half of you little stash, and I'll call it even."

"Deal," I gulp, as I hand him the cash and bag oozing different bottles and colors.

We exchange quickly, careful not to give up our locations. I leave in a hurry, glad I won't have to deal with any of those scammers for the rest of my life.

I run as far as my legs can travel me, out of the city and into the foreign country side. By now it is long past night, into the early afternoon. I twist and turn down old beaten roads until I spot a mass of trees. The forest.

My mind flashes back to the time Cadenza and I went here. It was a truly beautiful sight, something I wanted to cherish forever. Until we had to leave and the dream life got ripped to shreds.

I wander through the thick bramble and holly bushes, my shoes crunching in the dead leaves around me. The world seems surreal, like something out of a professional movie or picture. I continue my unknown path to a destination that I will know is right when I reach it.

I find myself climbing over dead trees and steping on fungi, finding some animals here and there. None of it catches my interest as I continue on, my face tense.

My hand grips the shiny gun, it's metal clinking against my old car keys and Cadenza's home key. It rattles in my ear like a thousand alarms, all on full blast. I try to forget it is there, with no such luck.

I hear the trickle of water as I begin running, soon on a full sprint. I follow the light sound as I reach a deserted river, it's water flowing from one side to the next in constant motion.

Perfect.

I decide to do it at night so I have time.

Time to review my life.

I remember the good days when Cadenza and I were best friends. People would tease us with threats like "why are you dating your sibling?" Or "make some real friends, you dumbasses."

We always stuck together, through the thick and thin of things. She was there to lean on.

When mom died when we were younger, we had each other. When she went off to college, she would come home every night. Just to be with me.

But something changed. Something huge changed.

Our father died.

It made me want to die.

I tried to see him again.

But Cadenza helped me.

She told me to stop.

None of it lasted.

My life turned to a downward spiral.

I lost my beloved internship as a computer analysis. I lost my college degree when they found me passed out at a party with cocaine in my system. I became addicted to over ten drugs, my body designed to die at some point anyway. Alcohol and smoking took over. My body shut down. My sleep schedule was all off. Everything was a mess.

Cadenza stayed for a while, never realizing I wasn't mourning anymore. Until recently of course.

I realize that if I don't end it now, my life will not get better. I've tried to have hope for the past year now, with little to no results.

I thought Castor would be different, but he didn't even stay for a month.

I'm not likable. I have no good qualities anymore. I've been arrested twice. Fist fights have controlled me. I'm a real life monster.

It turns dark rapidly, the sun creating beautiful colors in the sky. What if I could just live here? Hunt for food, learn to prohibit myself.

It would only kill me more.

The stars show in the night sky as I stargaze. The water rolls through the pebble beach as I stand up.

I strip down into my boxers as its no use anyway.

The gun finds its way to my head as I step forward toward the water.

Step.

This is for the pain I've caused.

Step.

This is for the greed. The stinginess.

Step.

People won't have to deal with my horrible habits.

Step.

For Cadenza.

Step.

For Castor.

Step.

For me.

The water tickles at my feet as I remain motionless. I let the nature engulf in me. I feel one with the smooth waves as they walk to greet the east.

My time in this world has come to a close. This is the right thing for me and others around me.

Goodbye world.

Goodbye Cadenza.

Goodbye Castor.

Goodbye trees and water and animals.

Goodbye sun and moon.

Goodbye delicious food.

Goodbye Internet.

Goodbye friends.

Now it is time to say goodbye to myself.

BAM

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