Dean's POV

Words are not something that can describe how I feel.

Thoughts are not something I can register without memories flooding to my mind and tears blurring my vision

People who have never experienced a situation such as this will read and praise every song made about someone's significant other betraying them.

But they know what it feels like

But they don't experience the pain it brings you.

I've felt every type of pain there possibly is.

Back pains

Head pains.

Leg pains, arm pains, and stomach pains.

But this pain hurts worse.

The internal pain of my broken heart has shattered my sense of happiness, trust, and self worth while my soul weeps in the shallow depths of my disconsolate mind.

I lay in the large bed, the thin sheets cool against my skin as I stare blankly at the ceiling.

My cheeks cold with the old streaks of my tears from my now dried eyes.

I was afraid that I had cried myself dry of tears. They had eventually stopped falling, though my insides screamed out.

I wish I smoke or drink my thoughts away, but I couldn't even bring myself to get out of the bed.

So this is why people hated love, right?

Here I am, sulking my existence away as though the man I was crying over actually mattered.

But the thing is, he does matter.

He mattered to me.

I invested my trust, my happiness, and most importantly, my time into this man. He made me smile, he made me happy.

I gave him my everything.

I fell so fucking hard him... while he, on the other hand, merely tripped then stood back up, dusted himself off, and keep living life as usual.

I had tried to fool myself into a false reality. Claiming that he would never do such a thing to me because 'he loved me.'

'He loved me' and all the while, I knew what he was doing.

I knew.

I fucking knew.

And I'd lie to myself everyday.

'He loves you Dean.'

'He wouldn't do that to you Dean.'

'He's never cheat on you. This must be a mistake.'

The proof was there. I had the messages. I had saw it with my very own eyes, yet I choose not to accept it because I was so blinded by the fact that I was in love.

And then I was lead on and I feel so fucking stupid.

My best friend, a man I had known for years, who I trusted with all of my heart and soul, lead me on.

Roman knew the entire time and purposely lead me in directions away from who it could possibly be. Even telling me that the man was part of the Raw roster simply to keep a from investigation more on my own brand.

Then there was the man himself.

Allen Jones. AJ Styles.

The southern man who was on the Indy scene for far too long before making it big time.

The man who is so called 'Phenomenal'.

The man that I wanted 6 feet under.

I had never so much as spoken to the man before today, yet when he had spoken to me, he acted as though we had been rivals for forever. Fighting over one prize.

Seth Rollins.

I want to fight for Seth but I already feel as though I lost.

He cheated on me with him.

He doesn't want me.

He put a ring on my finger for what? Maybe some publicity and a good name?

Who am I kidding? How could have have build a relationship off of what we had anyways?

A half broken friendship and a couple of sext messages.

And that's the biggest, saddest joke of my life.

"Dean?" I heard a small voice say but I don't bother looking up to see who it is, even though is a hotel room and I was the only one with a key. If it was a murder, I pray, please, kill me. It'll hurt less than this.

"Oh Dean." The voice said again, this time full of concern and by this time, I had already known it was my blonde friend.

I heard a bag hit the floor before a weight sunk down in the bed, before my sheet got pulled back and a second body entered the bed next to me.

We laid in silence for a while and I simply enjoyed her being there.

Honestly, as of now, I felt like Renee was the only one I could trust. She was the only one that had remained as clueless as I had, yet tried to legitimately help me though the entire process.

"Why aren't you at the arena?" I asked her. The show had started a few hours after I had left and should have still been going on.

She scoffed, "Its a mess up there. You left the place in shambles."

"I mean the show itself is going on fine, but backstage, it's chaos." she continued then gave a small laugh, "Old boy got a bit of a black eye. What did you do exactly?"

I shrugged, not really caring and she sighed.

"How long have you been laying here?" She asked me.

"Few hours." I responded.

"A good friend wouldn't let you sit here and sulk all day." She pointed out.

"Let me have to the end of the day." I said to her and felt my eyes stinging again.

She sighed, "Oh alright..."

We sat in silence again for a while and I wiped my eyes again before any blasted tears could fall again.

"He's not worth it." I heard her say softly.

"You don't get it Renee-" I started to say, but she stopped me.

"He as in AJ," she told me, "It as in your tears. Dean, we can't give him the satisfaction of you crying your life away. I know you can't see it right now, but we're gonna bounce back from this. Whether it's just you and me, or if we have others along side of us. We're gonna pull though. This isn't the end. We can't waist our energy on foolishness."

I knew she had a good point, but right now, that's not what I wanted to do.

Right now, I just wanted to lay here and mourn my shattered heart.

"I love you Renee." I tell her, meaning those words, but using it as signal that I was through talking about this, and anything else at the moment.

"I love you too Dean." She said while grabbing my hand and shaking it, "Just think about it this way. All these feelings your feeling right now could make a killer album. I mean think about it! With your emotions written into beautiful lyrics and my outstanding voice, forget wrestling baby, we're gonna be pop stars. I can smell the Grammys already."

I smiled slightly as she rambled on about a band name for the two of us.

I was happy to have a friend such as Renee, but man that carelessly held my heart was still on my eyes. Tears ready to brim my eyes at just the thought of him if signaled to.

*****
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