There is a point when nightmares seem better than reality. Where the infinite unpredictability of human nature leaves you unable to function. At least in my nightmares, I knew I would watch Ryuzo slip away in my arms, wake up crying and bereft the same way every time. But reality became so much worse.

Two weeks had passed and Dulce was still swearing the offer letter was about to come through. I knew the paperwork would take longer than she expected because of the multitude of hurdles when hiring someone on the FBI's shit list. Part of me knew I would still reject the offer once it came through, but I was trying to listen to my intuition. It was telling me to stay, and I didn't know why.

Ori came nonchalantly down the hall the way he always did throughout the day, hoping to catch me when I was alone. He acted as if we hadn't spent half of the week together already. This time, he lingered by the desk, giving me "I need to talk to you" eyes.

A fellow RN sat beside me, squinting at the screen in front of her. She left her glasses. I had known since she first sat down.

"I bet they're in the break room," I said to her.

She looked at me with confusion. "What?"

"Your glasses. The code came right after you went for a break. You didn't have them on in the room, so maybe you set them down when you ran out."

Her confusion shifted to contemplation. "You're right. Thank you!" She stood and left for the break room. I grinned at Ori to invite him over.

"What's up, chief resident, who I don't know personally?" I greeted him.

"Hi. I have only met you once before, but do you want to be naughty this evening and go to the crepe place again?"

His playfulness was disarming. "You dirty boy."

"Bananas and Nutella could be interesting in a different context as well, but for now, I want them wrapped in sweet carbohydrates."

Same. "Well, I'll have to check my schedule. My social calendar is very packed."

We exchanged a smirk. Neither of us had other friends in this city, but even if we did, we had spent most of our overlapping free time together. I watched every move he made, the same as everyone else. He was exactly the same person he was in Japan, all the qualities that made us become so close so quickly. When my offer came through, I would have to tell my handler, and maybe then, would ask to have him checked out specifically. If I changed my mind about staying.

"Meet you at the station?" I told him.

The sheepish smile twisted his lips. "Bananas and Nutella."

"Bananas and Nutella."

"It's here!" Dulce's voice made us both jump. She walked over to the desk, not seeming to acknowledge the familiarity of my conversation with Ori, or the way he slinked away. "The offer will be in your inbox by tonight. Let us know soon, will you?"

"Of course," I told her with a smile I didn't believe.

. . .

When I made it to my apartment that night, everything was wrong.

Some of the other tenants gathered by the mailboxes, engaged in a tense conversation. I rounded the corner and stepped in a puddle. Looking up, I saw the water pouring down the stairs. "What the hell?"

"Pipes burst, love," one tenant answered me. "At least it isn't sewage."

I ran up the stairs, the disgusting water soaking through my shoes, and unlocked my apartment. Susu and Jiji paced on the table as they waited for me, Jiji licking her paw dry while Susu warbled for me to explain why the floor was wet. I calmed them the best I could while I anxiously took in the damage. The floor of the kitchen and living space were covered. In the bedroom, the water puddled on the uneven wood floors. Luckily, the pool shallowed before the closet. My suitcases sat on wet wheels but remained dry, and the cats' carrier sat safely on the shelf above.

I realized my phone was ringing from the other room. Ori. Shit. I splashed out into the room and grabbed it.

"Hey, sorry, I have a situation happening at home. I won't be able to make it tonight."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes. Well . . . A pipe burst and my apartment is flooded."

"What?!"

"We're okay, but everything is wet and my cats don't know what to do."

"The landlord should put you up in a hotel until they get it fixed. You should ask them."

"I don't even know if I have a landlord. I'm in a contracted apartment through my agency."

"Get somewhere dry, then call them. I'm sure they will reimburse you."

"Okay."

Both suitcases and a carrier were too much to carry over the flood. I took some of the formalwear off the top of my important items and replaced them with a dry change of clothes, shoes, and my work uniform. Susu and Jiji ran into the carrier like it was Noah's Ark and the flood was upon us.

. . .

At the third hotel, the desk attendant stared at the carrier the whole time I spoke. I already knew what they would say before they said it. "Sorry, darling. We don't allow multiple cats in the rooms."

I kept the slew of curse words I wanted to say tucked behind pressed lips. "Okay, thanks."

Stepping back outside, I tucked us beneath the awning, trying to avoid the cold, rainy weather until I could figure out where to try next. Susu complained again, breaking my heart. They needed somewhere to be comfortable. I would send a bill later if I had to. I gave up and stepped outside for air and to call Ori back.

"Hey," he answered quickly. "Are the cats all right?" The important questions.

"They're okay, just stressed. Do you know a hotel near the hospital that allows cats?"

"I'm not sure. Let me look."

Without thinking, I blurted, "Can I bring them to your place for a minute? Just long enough to let them use the litter box and have their dinner?"

"I, um . . . I don't know if . . ."

I realized what I had just asked. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to invite myself over, I just meant —"

"No. It's not that. It's only that I am staying at my father's place right now while he's away, but . . . It will be fine. Bring them here."

"Really?"

"Yes."

. . .

I still wasn't familiar with the city center yet. Avoiding crowds and nightlife and other enjoyable, public experiences, it might as well have been a new city. The buildings got newer and taller the closer I got to Ori's address. I had convinced myself he was slumming it in a small studio or a basement apartment until he found his own place, but what I walked up to was the opposite.

The tall building overlooked the busy street, just a couple of blocks away from the exhibition hall. Its old-world brickwork looked brand new.

A directory of residents was inlaid in marble and framed in bronze. I rang Laghari, and he came down to let me in the door.

"Hi!" He greeted me with a kiss. His signature smile was a welcome warmth. "Oh no, you're all wet. Come in, come in."

He took my suitcase into the building while I stared down at my wet pant legs. I hadn't noticed while worrying about Susu and Jiji.

"Thank you again for letting us visit."

"It's no bother at all. I'm glad you're here."

He was lying. This was uncomfortable for both of us. I didn't want to be here any more than he wanted me to be at his family's flat.

He leaned down to see into the carrier and gasped. "Hello, little ones," he cooed at them, then lifted it from my hands. "We must get you inside. No more stress for the babies, only tuna. Would you like some tuna? Yes you would." Seeing him gush over my besties lifted my mood. He turned, still talking to them, and started to walk up the hall. I laughed and followed him.

UK anesthesiologists don't do bad for themselves, but they don't make US anesthesiologist money. Seeing the apartment was a surprise. It was huge and recently renovated. A sprawling, open floor plan, with chevron wood floors, Persian rugs, and warm painted walls, felt nothing like the gray weather outside. It even smelled warm, like recently burned candles.

"Wow, Ori. This place is . . ."

"Gaudy, I know."

"No, it's beautiful. I just . . ." When I trailed off, he looked at me in question. I let out a sigh. My mind searched for a way to explain that I had found myself in this situation with Ryuzo. Though this belonged to Ori's family, not to him, Ryuzo's family was the source of most of his dirty secrets. "I feel bad for intruding," I lied.

"You're not, Mina. Let's get you three dry and settled in."

"Settled in?"

"It's late. You're staying the night." He kept on toward the room, not even looking back to accept my protests. "We can find you a hotel in the morning."

"No, I can't —"

"Mina," he stopped me. "Think of the children." He nudged his head toward the carrier, cracking a smile at his joke. I gave in with a smile of my own.

One night wouldn't kill me.

He took us to the bathroom that was almost the size of my apartment in Tokyo. While I set up a makeshift litter box, he let them out. "Oh, you might not want to . . ." I stopped when they greeted him. Susu was timid but not scared and Jiji was neutral, nothing like they were with other people, especially Ryuzo's father. "Nevermind. It seems like they like you."

"Well, I like them, too." He flashed a smile. "I'll go grab the tuna."

There was enough food packed in the carrier, but I wouldn't ruin his mood. I tucked the box beside the toilet to give them privacy — bougie cat rules — and sat on the floor. A heavy sigh left me, along with half my stress. Tiredness replaced it.

When Ori came back, they ran to the bowls as if they hadn't eaten in days. "You look exhausted, Mina."

"I am." Glancing at my phone, I found it was already midnight.

"Let's get you to bed." He took my hands and helped me to my feet.

It seemed like the flat had two bedrooms, but one had been turned into an office. As we walked by, the sliding doors sat open just enough for us to catch a glimpse inside. In the bedroom sat a huge four-post bed draped with red satin and covered in matching sheets. It took up most of the space, not that anything else could compete with it, anyway. Regal was the best word to describe it.

"You can sleep here. I will be in the living room," he said.

"Ori, no. I invited myself over. I'll take the couch."

He laughed. "I cannot allow a guest to sleep on a sofa. My mother would kill me."

I stared at him, knowing what the alternative was, debating whether it was something I could handle. When he turned to leave, I stopped him with a hand. "Ori, wait. You should stay."

He looked at me with a hesitant expression. "You want me to sleep in here with you?"

"Yeah." There was more behind my words than I was willing to say.

He turned toward me, seeming to understand my meaning. "Oh."

Both of us were thinking the same thing. I wanted to feel normal and alive again. I didn't know how to do that other than doing this, and there was no one safer to do it with than Ori.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed his lips. He returned it, then deepened it. We had kissed before, but we had never kissed. It was comfortable. Scary, but comfortable.

We climbed onto the bed and I pulled him on top of me, inviting him to make the move I was timid to take. He pulled off his shirt, smiling as he leaned down to kiss me again. His gentle hand slid against my cheek while his kisses moved to my neck.

Ori wasn't traditional in any sense. I hadn't met a man like him before, which was the reason I liked him so much. Though he came into my life as organically as Ryuzo, they couldn't be more different. Ori was reserved where Ryuzo was forward, open where he was closed.

I was starved for comfort, but I didn't want anything more than this night. Or maybe I did, but I was too scared to admit it to myself.

He moved slowly, always giving me the chance to stop, but I fought myself with each step, my brain and body warring in all directions.

"You're so tense, Mina."

I inhaled a quivering breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's all right." He moved to my side. "What do you want to do?"

I sniffled. "I just want to feel normal again."

"Oh, Mina . . . Can I hug you?" he asked. I nodded. Timidly, he moved closer and wrapped me in his arms. Nuzzling his head onto the pillow, I could feel him eyeing me. "Is this because of him?"

The sob that interrupted my sniveling was answer enough.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't," I cried.

"Well . . . Whenever you are ready, I'm here."

"Could we try again later? Some other day?" I asked.

"You want to?"

"Yeah."

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, and when he read the screen, he dropped his head into a hand.

"Are you on call tonight?"

"Yes. Emergency surgery for L&D."

I dried my eyes. "Go save lives."

"It shouldn't take long." He got up and threw on his shirt again, then looked at me with a frown. "I'm sorry. You know I'd stay if I could."

"I know."

"You'll be okay?"

I gave him as encouraging a smile as I could muster. "I always am."

. . .

The morning sunlight woke me up. In a happy, warm vision that was half imagination, half memory, my eyes fluttered open to see Ryuzo, his head lying on the pillow next to me, watching me with that lazy smile on his lips. He looked so real. The warmth in his skin, pink in his lips as if I had kissed them all night. When I opened my eyes to take him in, he faded away to the empty bed.

Another hour came and went. His quick surgery had run for almost 8 hours. The schedule of a doctor. I felt bad helping myself to any of his food since he had already been so generous with his space, but the growling in my stomach was reaching hour two. I got up, realizing my stomach wasn't the only thing needing attention.

I tapped on the bathroom door, warning the little ones before opening it. "Jiji, Susu, I need to tinkle, don't —" Both darted out before I could finish my sentence. "No!"

I ran after them, catching Susu before she could jump onto the kitchen counter. Jiji's evil tail disappeared as she wedged through the sliding doors of the office.

Following her, I found her picking a fight with an antique chest of drawers. Probably worth more than my rent, my heart jumped when I saw her scratching at the drawer's handle, full murder mittens, meowing at it as if it personally attacked her.

"Jiji!" I picked her up, and she hissed at it instead. The sculpted bronze handle dangled from her attack. "What has gotten into you, little demon?"

She hung from my shoulder while I tried to keep her from jumping off to finish her murder attempt. I sat her back in the bathroom and went to survey the damage. To my relief, she hadn't scratched the wood, only the handle.

I slid the drawer open to reattach the screw from the back. Luckily, it was inside, but rolled away when I tried to grab it. When I reached for it, my hand bumped against the heavy metal handle of something familiar. Sliding it open an inch more, I found the gun.

And beneath it, the intricate leather mask that had haunted my nightmares for months.

___

A/N: We're just getting started! Buckle up for what comes next.

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