I had little time to brood while helping Sheerah prepare to wed. Three months didn't seem long enough to make all the preparations. The ceremony itself required little thought, but Sheerah's costume was of great importance. A bride owned basically the things she wore or needed for her personal upkeep. For everything else she was dependent on her husband.

Most women tried to sew things of value into their bridal costume in case they were later widowed or divorced. Such treasures could insure a reasonable lifestyle after such a catastrophe. The bride also wished to bring respect and pride to her family and husband-to-be. Her attire should be the envy of all women.

Sheerah had little with which to work. She had been away from home when captured and had no opportunity to hide trinkets on her person. I had little of value to offer her, especially with my own wedding impending. While we pondered what to do about her costume, we began the tedious job of weaving goat's hair to make the marriage tent. In many clans, the newlyweds simply moved into the tent with their families. Because of Papa's wealth, he was able to provide separate tents for his sons as they married. The tent would be a small one-room affair sufficient for two. As the family grew, the tent could be enlarged and an annex added to provide a separate sleeping room.

After the announcement of Asher's betrothal, the women brought us the goat hair they had accumulated over the last year. The hair was customarily hoarded for use in repairing tents. When a marriage was planned, all contributed their stockpile to the couple for the construction of a new tent. The women in the groom's family usually did the weaving. Because Asher was considered part of our family, Sheerah and I helped with the weaving. The hair was coarse and harsh to the skin. Although we grumbled as we worked, we didn't really mind the inconvenience. It gave us opportunity to plan and gossip.

When Sheerah and I were alone, she asked about the coming together of a man and woman. From an early age, we knew of the act. We had watched animals and our questions were answered candidly. Still, being aware of the process did not adequately prepare one for marriage. Sheerah wanted to know how it made you feel, if it hurt, and how she should act. I was at a loss for answers.

Reminding Sheerah that my one experience was under less than ideal, circumstances, I said, "I know there was pain, but mine might have been less because of the shock. I didn't know of Shem's love until later. That knowledge would probably have changed my feelings. As it was, I simply felt numb. Perhaps we should ask Mama or Aunt Rachel to provide further information."

Blushing, Sheerah protested, "I couldn't ask them. They've been nice, but I can't talk to them the way I can you. I'd die of embarrassment." Looking sheepish, she continued, "I don't suppose you would want to ask? You could pretend you're thinking about your coming marriage."

I promised to do so and then glanced sideways with an impish grin and said, "Didn't Asher's kiss give you any idea of how you might feel? You looked pretty flushed when you told me about it."

Kicking sand at me Sheerah replied laughing, "Don't tease, Dinah. But... if the act makes me feel the way the kiss did, it will be wonderful. I've never felt that way before. It was like I was awake for the first time. Everything seemed different, new. All of my senses were sharp; I tingled all over. Did Shem kiss you again after you knew of his intentions? Is that how you felt?"

"No, he didn't kiss me. He wanted to win my trust first. I wish..." Shaking my head, I continued, "I'm sure it would have been similar. Just his presence and his accidental touch made me feel that way." Looking searchingly at Sheerah, I concluded, "You are so lucky. I don't think I will ever feel that way again. All I have to look forward to is marriage to a stranger. How can I ever be fair to him, Sheerah? Where can I dispose of memories?"

Our conversation concluded abruptly with Mama's call. It was time to settle the children for the midday rest. When all were sleeping, Sheerah beckoned to me. On her pallet lay her winter covering. Carefully unfolding it, she revealed the treasure hidden inside. I recognized immediately the cloth of the dress Shem had sent me. Softly caressing it, she said, "When you brought this to me, I was tempted to tear it to shreds or burn it. Memories and the tiredness of grief stayed my hand. Later when my mind insisted you were not to blame, I couldn't destroy it. Now that I love you so much, I wish I had. Having it will only increase your torture. Will you come with me to our secret spot? We can burn it there as a sort of offering to Yahweh. Perhaps that outward display will release you, make you ready to accept another husband."

Through tears, I responded, "No, Sheerah. I won't dispose of it. I want to keep it as a memento. It's the only thing I have that Shemaiah's father ever touched. I want to share it with Shemaiah when he is older. Besides, I don't believe Yahweh will allow this marriage. The day Papa announced it, Yahweh assured me He was in control. I think He will convince Papa of the error of his selection." Taking the cloth, I hugged it to me while my tears fell quietly into its folds. Sheerah reached over and put her arms around me. Wordlessly we sat lost in thought, drawing comfort from one another.

A few days later, I had an opportunity to ask the questions both Sheerah and I wanted answered. Aunt Rachel sent Joseph to request my presence at her tent. When I arrived, I found both Mama and Aunt Rachel present. It seems they wanted to help Sheerah with her bridal attire.

Before presenting her with their gifts, they wanted me to approve the choices. Lying on a fine leather table were two of the most beautiful pieces of cloth I had seen. They were similar to the material of the dress Necho had given me. Aunt Rachel said they were a flaxen cloth, but having come from an exclusive shop in Jericho, they lacked the coarseness of most flax. Grandpa Laban had given them to Aunt Rachel many years before. She had saved them to make costumes to wear to celebrate the births of her children.

As she aged, the likelihood of offspring was diminishing. Partly because of her feeling of guilt concerning all that happened in Shechem, she now wanted to share with Sheerah. After indicating this, she said, "It is beginning to seem that I will never have a daughter to bless on her wedding day." With a distant look she concluded, "For some reason, I do not think I will ever meet my own daughter-in-law."

Mama and I sat in discomfort for a moment, not knowing what to say. Finally Mama broke the silence. "I too want to help." Taking a small bag, she poured the contents onto the table. "I brought these coins with me when I married. Jacob has always met my personal needs. I do not anticipate having to support myself. Even if Jacob dies first, I have sons to care for me. They are not worth a great deal, but they would supply some security. Woven into the edge of a headpiece, they would increase the beauty of the costume."

Smiling at both of them, I said, "I'm sure Sheerah will be overwhelmed by your generosity. But why have you asked me here instead of her?"

Aunt Rachel responded, "I want you to have the other piece of cloth. Naturally, you should have first choice. Both would look good with your striking hair, but I thought the yellow a good reflection of your sunny personality. Your new dress is white, so I didn't want to deny you the opportunity to select the darker cloth. Blue looks good on you too."

The prospect of owning the beautiful cloth thrilled me, but the thought of the reason for the offer was depressing. Trying not to reveal my mixed emotions, I fondled the cloth. Knowing a refusal based on my own belief that the marriage would be aborted would be misunderstood and put a damper on the occasion, I decided to chose and return the cloth when it became clear I was not destined to wed. With a catch in my voice, I said, "I'm at a loss for words. I never expected this. Your choice was correct. I prefer bright clothes. The blue will be most becoming on Sheerah with her dark hair and eyes."

At this point it seemed natural to bring up Sheerah's questions. "This may seem silly, but I am wondering about the marriage bed. Will there be a lot of pain? How does it make you feel? How is the woman expected to act?" Finishing with a rush, I looked up to find Mama and Aunt Rachel smiling.

Mama said, "The first few times there will be some pain. Later what you feel will depend on how you regard your husband. As your love and respect for him grows, your pleasure will increase."

Aunt Rachel added, "As for how you should act, take your cue from your husband. Respond to him in a natural way; let your body lead you. Even the first time you can feel pleasurable sensations if he is gentle. Yahweh created the act not only so we can have children, but also to allow us to share completely with one another. After what you have suffered, it is natural to be apprehensive. You must discipline your mind to think only of Abram. Banish whatever fear, pain or even pleasure that Shem may have created in you."

Taking my hands Mama said, "Don't make my mistakes, Dinah. Accept whatever Abram has to offer. Barriers of unrealistic expectations are hard to destroy. Every relationship is different. How we felt and acted might not be how you respond. Be honest with Abram and with yourself. We won't be there to guide you; you will have to depend on Yahweh. Ask his blessing on your union and then accept it as His will. Perhaps things could have been different if I had made God part of my marriage from the beginning."

Sobered by the exchange, I left to get Sheerah. As expected, the gifts left her speechless. The beautiful blue cloth was even better than her fantasies. After tears and words of thanks, we retreated to our tent to measure and cut her dress, headpiece and veil. While we worked, I recounted parts of my conversation with Mama and Aunt Rachel.

Giggling Sheerah said, "I'm sure Ahser will be gentle. He certainly was the first time he talked to me. I guess a little pain is all right if the result will eventually be pleasure."

Two days before the wedding, we set up the new tent. Both Sheerah and Asher would bring their own sleeping mats with them. Asher had fashioned water skins from hides of animals he had killed. Relatives contributed odds and ends of pottery. Other necessities had been purchased at the Bethel market. Everything was ready.

On the big night, Sheerah looked wonderful. The coins edging her headpiece were held in place by intricate lace the color of almonds. I would carry it to Papa's tent where the festivities were being held. Her hair would be allowed to flow free until she entered the tent of her new family. The festivities would begin when the women arranged Sheerah's hair under the headpiece. Her robe and girdle were trimmed with the same lace as the headpiece.

She wore several necklaces given her by well wishers from Shechem. On her left hand she wore the small gold band given her by Asher. On the other she wore two rings from her childhood. These were the only things she had from home. Her hair was braided with ribbons adorned with small polished stones. As she stood for inspection before putting on her veil, my eyes misted. I wished the kind Donatiya could see her beautiful daughter. I knew she would be proud.

Happiness and excitement shone from Sheerah's eyes. I knew her veil would hide little from Asher. Going to her, I hugged her close. Then stepping back, I held out a small vial of perfume. "I want you to have this. My grandfather gave it to me long ago. I had planned to wear it on my wedding day. I want you to have it. You don't need any help to entrance Asher, but the smell will make you even more irresistible. I wish you love and happiness. May Yahweh bless you with many sons. I love you, Sheerah."

Taking the perfume, Sheerah responded, "I couldn't love you more if our kinship were by blood and not only marriage. Every time I wear this, I will think of you. You are a good friend. I will never forget the patience you showed in bringing me to Yahweh." Her momentarily serious countenance cleared. "We sound like I'm marrying into some distant clan, not your own family. Come on, help me put on my veil. I'm going to save this fabulous perfume for when Asher and I are alone."

As I fastened her veil into place, I could hear the teasing comments being tossed at Asher as he came to claim his bride. The whole camp was gathered making a pathway from our tent to Papa's. The path they formed led around the whole camp before allowing entrance to Papa's tent. As I stepped back, I heard Mama call, "The bridegroom has come. Prepare for him to enter the chamber."

Almost immediately the curtain was pulled back and Asher entered. Like Sheerah, he wore fine clothes. Dressed in his long-sleeved robe held in place by an embroidered silk girdle, he was a handsome fellow. He was a bridegroom worthy of any princess. On his head he wore a crown given to Papa when he wed Laban's oldest daughter. Each of Papa's sons would wear it on his wedding day.

Taking Sheerah's hand, he led her out of the tent. Waiting at the entrance stood Gad, Asher's older brother, holding two poles topped with lamps. Asher took one lamp and began to walk slowly toward Papa's tent. As they progressed, the crowd fell in behind. Judah played his flute while others beat drums, danced and sang. Mama and I joined the joyous procession. For the time being my melancholy lifted.

When the couple arrived, Asher led Sheerah to the place of honor at the far end of the tent. After she was seated, the women surrounded her. Zilpah took the headpiece from me and covered her beautiful hair. Then the festivities began. After the wine was blessed and the wedding benediction given, the fun started. Each of my brothers told a riddle designed to describe some aspect of a marriage. Everyone ate, drank, sang, danced and joked.

Finally, early in the morning, we led Sheerah to her new tent. Once there she prepared herself for Asher by removing her veil and girdle. She also used the perfume I had given her.

Taking our leave, we waited nearby for the arrival of the bridegroom. Soon the men burst from the main tent leading Asher. When they arrived at his tent, they pushed him inside. For a few minutes they remained outside shouting instructions and jokes. Finally, we all left the newlyweds alone.

Back at our tent, I checked on my son whom I had put to bed hours before. Then I stretched out on my pallet. Despite the lateness of the hour and my overwhelming tiredness, I could not sleep. My mind reviewed the last year. It seemed incredulous that so much could have happened in such a short time.