Meet my Parents

My hands couldn't hold still and my
eyes looked anywhere else In the
room but at the individuals in front of me. My heart must have reached
the space because I could no longer hear it's rhythmic beats. He was talking and gesturing towards them,his lips were moving too but what was he saying.

Was it a smile that he gave? My brain went dead and I couldn't make out what he was doing.
Most importantly who was he?This tall handsome man waving his hands over my beautiful face like a mad man. A friend? No! Of course not he has this strange look in his eyes.

The one in the movies. He is definitely not a friend. Is he my brother?
Hell no!! he looked nothing like me and considering that I could remember what my face looked like ,I would say not even a distant cousin.
This was becoming too exasperating, who the heck was this guy ? And what was I doing in front of this monster and woman.

Slowly my ears came alive again
"Mer ! Hun! Are you okay?" He asked wearing a worried look on his face.

"Of course I am fine" I breathed out ,but honestly my ears didn't catch a thing I said. it sounded more like

" 'ooom hourse umm hain'.God please tell me I'm not German ,I almost failed that class in school."

Suddenly there was a movement, the lady had gone and she came back with a bowl which contained a liquid. With a split second the liquid was on my face.

"Oh ! My !Fuck!!!!!!!! It's cold" I yelled.
Suddenly my brain came back to life and realization hit me, h-he is my fiance .They are his parents and I just cussed for the first time(mom forgive me)'.shit! This was the worst meeting in the history of the universe.

"Are you okay?,dear, you look like you have seen a ghost" The old woman enquired very concerned. I simply nodded .The monster made no attempt to talk he simply looked at me wearing a disguise called shock.

"I'm  fine ma,I'm so sorry I don't know what happened" I blurted out. But that was a big lie ,well second big lie. I was definitely not fine,My body was drenched ,my clothes dripping. My make up completely ruined ,I must have looked like a zombie or burnt plantain porridge. Worst of all my fiance was there and I completely embarrassed myself in front of his parents. This was supposed to be an introduction for God's sake. And who taught this woman such a horrible method of resuscitation. Couldn't she have slapped me to revive me? "Why ruin my face and cloth oh ! Cruel world."

The second big lie was that I knew exactly what had happened I had seen the devil come back to live,someone my dear fiance knows as his father. With that I sprang to my feet.

I couldn't deny that this house was amazing,the interior decoration was  ,how would my friend Gina put it( On fleek!)that girl needs to update her vocabulary. Mrs my fiance's mother had an amazing taste. But comfort was definitely not my friend in there as long as he was there.
I rendered a quick apology ,mumbled something about rescuing my friend,gestured to my fiance to take me home and ran out of the living room as fast as my legs could carry. My fiance wore a puzzled look on his face while he led me out.

Yes it's official, I'm the worst fiancé in the history of the WWW(whole wide world).

My brain whispered his name in my ears (James ).Thank God my body parts are coming back to life.

"KJ I'm really sorry about what happened, I'm so sorry". He just smiled

But I knew better " that smile meant,this is not the right place, we'll talk about this when we get to your place babe"

We walked silently to his car and left.
I am totally dead! anwuola m. I'm also igbo thank you my brain

'Ummm' Yes that was me trying to start a conversation with KJ,well that was definitely not a good way to start.
I cleared my throat and tried something else ,though it sounded like nothing ,It was my attempt at whistling.' Seriously God why can't you just make me whistle'. My two lips puckered up and I applied more energy. It can't be that hard I kept telling myself and finally what came out was spit on KJ's arm.

I slapped my forehead in anger,'What did I do to the universe today,can't things just go my way'
Then he chuckled ..'sweet lord!!! ,it worked' .He made a sound ,well  i would have preferred a statement but I can just go with what I have.
'Ummm ar - are you? Forget it ,it doesn't make sense anyway' he said ,looking quite tensed.

Well suddenly I began to admire his really really handsome face(gray eyes,dimples,straight nose and an amazing set of dentition which he does know how to parade).I had given up hounding him to shave his beards and began to like them a little bit. It actually made him look better I guess.
And such long hands,well he's a tall man can't blame those hands for being that long. The man is sitting on a seat and his hands on a steering wheel and he still looks this tall.
Wonder what his mother used to feed him when he was a boy.
But wait a minute inner thought,he just said something or was it a question. Sometimes my brain can't just understand situations. This is not the time to think of handsome facial features .

'Wait a minute!! .what did you just ask me? Sudden realization just hit me.Oh ! He couldn't have meant that, seriously did he?'.

'I uh ,uh ummm' he managed to say with my sternly fixed on his face

'You ,you ....gini? You? I enquired completely ready to pounce on him like a predator.
Like lions pounce on their preys in Nat Geo wild.

'Oh fine! He breathed out, I wanted to know if you're ok,that's it nothing more' This time his eyes weren't steady and I knew better.

'You're lying! Seriously I know when you lie,your eyes shake like your an albino and your mouth twitches just like you're doing now'. Seriously how could he think of that ,when we haven't even.....

'Well my mom used to go in shock a lot when she was pregnant with my baby sister,she always zoned out'. That's why I thought about it but then for that to happen ,we have to..and we haven't. why did I even think of that ! I'm so dumb' .he said

'Well I guess I know who taught your mom to revive people with chilled water ,she got a lot that of didn't she?' And you were a horrible biology student.

Seriously KJ I'm fine ,I was just overwhelmed I guess and tensed and scared about what your parents will think of me ,so I panicked  and I definitely do not have a fertilized egg in my ovary' I said reassuring him ,but it was a lie. I wasn't worried about that ,I was shocked because of the monster.

'Mer! You scared me a lot and don't just freak Me out again,OK'
I nodded with relieve ,thank heavens that he bought that. we were at my house finally.

He parked the car and got out ,he opened the door and I managed to get my soaked shoes on my feet and out of the car.
My loving fiance would have to clean this car seat ,it was a mess.

'You look like a zombie hun! ' he grinned 'but you are one beautiful zombie and I love you '

'Thanks a lot babe ,your compliments are like music to my ears ,and with I drew his chin. What you should be doing is carrying me up the apartment, because as you can see I went through a horrible ordeal today.

'No thanks ,I prefer to be as non gentlemanly as possible as long as it won't ruin my new white shirt,seriously you look horrible' he said laughing

Wicked guy "

I rolled my eyes' Do you want water or something ,it was a long drive and all thanks to me ,we missed your mom's well prepared lunch'

' yes I want water and maybe I could just fix your television now that I am here, today wasn't really that bad after all at least I get to fix your TV and reclaim mine that you took'

We climbed the stairs and while we were at my door, a loud thud resounded. it sounded as if someone was breaking in.

" Goodness haven't I gotten enough surprises today"

My day has been very eventful ,that was the proper qualification for everything that happened.

KJ gestured that I be as silent as I can be ,while he slowly opened the apartment ,we tiptoed in making sure not to make a sound.

The noise continued and it came from the kitchen. I picked up a stick on the corridor ,it had come from our broken table.

With that I was armed,KJ on the other hand took a mop stick ' I wanted to hit him with my stick because I couldn't fathom what damage a mop stick could cause,especially if we were dealing with a muscular creature. Well may be it was a weapon in his hand considering that he was way stronger than I am ,but something heavier would have been better. He kept making random signs which I didn't understand

The thought of the thief holding a gun flashed through my head but I just waved it off,it could just be the boys from the neighborhood.

I hid behind the refrigerator and KJ was behind me,but wait wasn't he supposed to be in front. Well it doesn't matter now.

The thud became louder and the padlocks rattled and with a large hit ,the thief rolled in and we charged .

I hit the thief so hard with my stick on the head and suddenly he went limp.
We lay down our weapons and removed his hoodie ,it was then that we saw who had broken in. for a man he looked rather small and his hair was long, KJ turned his face and then realization hit me.

Oh My God!! What have I done!

'Do you think ,is ....can you get a pulse?  I enquired still scared to death. 'What is wrong with the universe ? And why is it against me today'.Chineke !

'Wait babe ,I'll be right back' with that he left ' I was contemplating on giving mouth to mouth to the individual sprawled on the floor, Thank God KJ got a pulse.

Where the heck did he even go to,we're supposed to be saving her for crying out lord.

Poor Gina !!

KJ came back with a bucket of water and the next thing both Gina and I were covered in water.

Jesus Christ! 'What's with the ' Johnson's and  reviving people with water."

Drench me twice ,shame on him . I didn't even bother speaking to him ,I simply wiped my face with my hands and shifted my attention to Gina.

The good thing about their horrible means of resuscitation is that it always works. Gina was already moving her hands and mumbling things. So I quickly knelt close to her and tried to make out what she was saying.

'D-did I hreak ma hone? She enquired writhing in pain.

I was totally confused because I didn't get what she was mumbling.

Ma hone!' She said a little bit louder

"Oh! Your phone! Christ Gina you were hit on the head and the first thing you ask of is your phone?

You're not even OK in the head and my mistake must have just worsened your messed up head."

KJ and I managed to get her up and we brought her to my room,her phone was not broken thankfully but it was wet.

We checked her head for bleeding and KJ decided to get a doctor  that'll check her properly. Gina was a bit better atleast she was vehement enough when she asked if I also spoilt her earpiece.

Some people and gadgets!

I helped her wipe water off her body with a towel and while I was cleaning her up she kept staring at me like a lost soul. I dissembled her phone so that it could dry

Finally with a grin plastered on her face she spoke'

" Mer,what were you guys doing alone in the apartment, and why are you wet"

Really! did this girl happen to lose her whole sense from the hit,

'Gina we were not doing anything, especially anything that you're thinking about,you have a rotten mind. I got wet from the water KJ used to revive you.

But it was the second shower of blessing I got today'

Oh! "

She managed to say,slightly disappointed

" I was hoping for a mind blowing gist ,especially from a boring girl affianced to a boring guy' Well thank God nothing happened between you two ,I'm sure KJ would have been having series of nightmares after doing anything with you.

Girl! you look like Dracula and I don't mean hotel Transylvania Dracula,he's way too cute. You look like Dracula 3000 in the flesh ."

Thank you" I muttered

I said still checking for other wounds that she might have sustained. I didn't see any and I was relieved. But I still had to wait for a doctor to check her out before coming to any conclusion.

"Mer, you said second time you're getting wet ,how'd you get wet the first time, oya oya spill' besides I wasn't even expecting you home this early. You were supposed to be seeing his parents and don't tell me that they disapproved of you and sent you on your way so fast and that's why you're here. Because if that's the matter I'll trace Mr's Johnson to her office wherever she works and pay her back with a bucket of water ,just like her son did me"

I was smiling when she finished because as stupid as she sounded I couldn't help but think of Gina baptising the poor old lady,but then not because of KJ's water pouring act ,but hers .Mr's Johnson was actually the one who began this chain of water bathing today and it partly made sense if she received hers too.
Bad bad thinking, she's my soon to be mother in law she doesn't deserve that.

"Gina I'll tell you what happened later,OK just rest"

Mr's Johnson doesn't deserve your fury yet. let's talk about you breaking in instead,You have a key and how did you climb a story building and break into the kitchen. You could have died today, you know'

She sighed and narrated how she forgot her keys at her boyfriend's house,got soup stains on the dress she had gone to his house with,and had to come back with his hoodie and joggers. And how she got her experience of breaking in and entering from many 'sneak out to parties' she had done while growing up.

I left the room with a new secret uncovered about my friend ,and decided to finally rid myself of the zombie look.

KJ returned later with a young doctor who proceeded to check out Gina's body. Who seemed to have enjoyed bombarding him with irrelevant questions about his sex life. The poor doctor was already embarrassed and  one could tell he was praying to be done with his work.

When he finished I saw him off with KJ and went back to prepare dinner. Finally the day was over and while I stared at the ceiling I couldn't help but wonder about seeing that monster today,and most especially how he was my fiance's father.

"How am I going to survive this? God help me'

I managed to drift off to sleep but the demons weren't kept at bay,for I saw him there again.

GLOSSARY
Igbo:A tribe in Nigeria situated in the south eastern part of the country.

Gini: What?

Anwuola m:I'm

A/N
This is a story set in Nigeria, which uses a certain diction that  incorporates pidgin, igbo and English.

Hope you enjoy😘