I Don't Wanna Be Afraid Anymore

'If it's still in your mind, it is still in your heart'

-Paulo Coelho

Clark landed just outside his home, Emma lying unconscious in his arms with the plant-like creature still attached to her chest. He brought her inside, bracing himself for his family's reaction. He found Sienna waiting for him in the hallway connecting the stairs and the front of the house. She gave him this look as if she knew precisely what had attached itself to Emma. Sienna no longer looked weak, she had changed into a set of Lois' old clothes and her hair was tied up in a bun.

She helped Clark bring Emma to the couch, the creature seemed to tighten with every move they made. Jordan and Jon came rushing into the living room, hoping to see Emma was okay. Their shock-filled gasps were loud as they saw Emma. Her skin looked glossed over, and her hair looked dead and dull. "What is that thing?" Jordan asked the Kryptonians, his fists clenched at either side of his body.

"The Black Mercy is an alien parasite that makes its host dream of their perfect fantasy world while it feeds off of them until the host dies. The only way to save her is to have Emma reject the fantasy world. Then the Black Mercy will slowly detach and die" Sienna explained sadly, her hand cupping Emma's nursing cheek. She let tears fall, her sobs failing to be concealed. "This is all my fault. I was supposed to keep her safe, instead, I played right into Mal's hands" Sienna cried, occupying herself by fixing Emma's hair.

Jordan walked over to the woman, placing a hand on her shoulder. "She was here, we had this... fight. Maybe if I stopped her from leaving this wouldn't have happened" He told the protector. Sienna only shook her head at the young El. "No, Mal would have done this anyways and Emma would never let you get hurt. She never wants anyone to be hurt by Mal" Sienna sighed, knowing her mother's own stubbornness passed onto her granddaughter.

Lois came into the room, noticing something in Emma's hands. "What are those? In her hands?" She said out loud, her husband seeing what she saw. In each hand was a scrunched-up piece of paper. He handed one to Sienna and opened the second. "It's a way to help her. We need to call your cousin Clark, only Kara and the DEO have the resources we need" Sienna told him, reading the paper over his shoulder, not mentioning the one in her hand.

<><><>

"Emmie! Wake up!"

Emma felt a sharp pain in her side. She groaned awake, her eyes blinded by the light. "Huh? What's goin' on?" Emma yawned, opening her eyes fully. "It's morning Emmie! Come on Mammy made breakie!" a small and high voice spoke, shaking Emma. She turned to see long foxy hair and a face full of freckles. "Sophie?" Emma questioned, shooting up from the bed she was in. She looked around the room.

She was in her shared room with her baby sister, the lilac walls filled with multiple movie posters and her pride flags, her sister's side filled with multiple drawings done by the seven-year-old and the various family photos graced her view. She was taken out of her thoughts by her sister's tight grip pulling her out of bed and onto the floor. "Come on! I want rashers before Conner eats them all" Sophie whined. Emma whipped her head around to her sister, "Did you say, Conner?" She asked the minor child. Sophie nodded proudly before Emma shot up from the floor and ran downstairs. She stopped once she reached the kitchen.

Sitting at the table was her Jeju, reading a book with a cuppa in hand while across from her was Antony rushing to finish his homework. And at the cooker were two men, laughing and joking without a care in the world.

"Conner? Dad?" Emma choked, causing all attention to turn to her. She couldn't believe this, it wasn't possible, right?. "Ems! You're up!" Conner smiled brightly, rushing over to his sister. Conner wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up for a hug. Emma hugged him back, tears in her eyes as she hugged her older brother tightly. "You're here, you're really here" Emma cried, earning laughs from her brother. "I missed you so much Ems, the Engineer Corps is nothing compared to one of my favourite sisters" Conner smiled, putting Emma down.

Emma looked at him confused. "Engineer Corps? I thought you were in CIS?" Emma asked him, so sure he was on the computer side of things. "Looks like someone hasn't taken their iron tablets and coffee, that flu must have gotten to you. Come on Emsie" Her father smiled brightly at her. Emma walked over to him, hugging him as tightly as possible, "I love you Daddy" She told him. "I love you too babes, you sure your feeling okay?" Seán asked her, feeling her forehead.

Emma shrugged, "I dunno, I had this weird ass dream. I was in...Kansas? I think and there was this family... and...and?" Emma tried to think but her mind kept coming up blank. "That's dreams for you love, they seem so real until you wake up" Amy smiled, kissing Emma's forehead. "Yeah, weird it just seemed so real like it actually happened" Emma furrowed her eyebrows.

"Mam! Jon Jon's trying to take my laptop!" a woman called, rushing into the kitchen. The older blonde was followed by a younger ginger. "I need it for my CBA Kono! Auntie!" Jon Jon whined as his eyes pleaded with Amy. The nurse only sighed at her daughter and nephew.

"Alright, Jonathan take my laptop, Kono please get Sophie dressed, Conner, you will take your siblings and cousins to school, Seán get Emma ready for work" Amy took charge pointing at everyone before taking a sip of her tea. Emma looked at her Jeju confused once more.

"Work?"

<><><>

Less than an hour after Clark had called Kara, a knock on the door echoed in the silent house. Clark opened the door and was quickly embraced by his cousin, Kara. "Oh, I hate meeting like this" Kara sighed, hugging her baby cousin tightly. "Me too Kara" Clark agreed before allowing her into the house.

Sienna smiled at Kara, a bright smile on her face. "Shara!" She squealed, seeing the Alor protector and going straight for the hug. "Kara Zor-El, how I have missed you" Sienna smiled, hugging the woman she had looked after since birth. Kara pulled back, happy to see her protector in person after so many years. "You look so much like Allura, she would be so proud" Sienna smiled at the youngest Kryptonian. Kara returned the compliment with a sad smile before looking at her godsons. "Look at you two! It feels like only yesterday you both were running around the farm chasing fireflies" Kara cooed, hugging them both tightly. "Good to see you too Aunt Kara" Jon smiled at the blonde, Jordan nodding beside him.

Kara quickly changed from a happy family reunion to serious once she saw Lois holding Emma's hand. "J'onn and Alex are setting up in the barn, they won't be long" She informed the adults before walking closer to Emma.

"So this is the infamous Emma, huh?" Kara asked hand on her hips as she looked down at Emma. "Yep, she's a huge Supergirl fan" Lois smiled at her friend, knowing that Emma would be jumping around the place if she knew Kara was here.

Sienna cleared her throat, catching everyone's attention. "Clark, ladies can I speak to you for a moment?" She asked, her head pointing to the kitchen. Jordan and Jon were left watching Emma while the adults went to the kitchen.

Sienna unfolded the second piece of paper Emma was holding. "It has to be Jordan, he's the only one who can get me out" Sienna read out loud for them, showing them the note. "Why only Jordan?" Kara asked her cousin and his wife. "He's the only one who knows her best, she trusts Jordan more than anyone" Clark explained. "Not to mention their feelings for each other. Emma told Jordan things that I still don't know, he's the only one who can convince her to reject the fantasy world" Sienna added carefully, knowing that they would be cautious about sending their son into a dangerous mindscape.

Kara looked at her cousin. "Alex was my only emotional tie to this world, she knows me better than I do. She can help Jordan be ready for what might be waiting. If anything happens, J'onn will pull him out" Kara promised them both. "This will be harder Kara, you were on Earth for years before Non targeted you. Emma has been here for less than three months. The Black Mercy wouldn't need to create some sort of explanation. Emma truly believes that this world was all a dream and she's back home" Sienna told them, knowing that she was right. "We don't know that for sure" Lois added only to be shut down by Sienna.

"This is the girl who has been looking up to you three for almost a decade. Smallville was her escape from reality, you and Kara were her escape, Lois. She has dreamed of being in our world countless times. Don't you think the Black Mercy will find ease in tricking her? Underneath the Kryptonian heritage, the pain, loss and fear she's a foster kid who could relate to the lives of Kara Zor-El whose family died saving her, Lois Lane who was raised by her single father and Clark Kent, a man who had a loving family" Sienna shot back at her, tears streaming down her eyes at the thought of failing her niece once more.

"She is vulnerable to her greatest wish. Her family"

<><><>

Emma walked into a small pub, the sounds of laughter filling up the room. She seemed at ease as she followed her father behind the bar. "I dunno Dad, I'm still shaken up from that dream. It feels like an itch I can't scratch" Emma pouted at him. Seán chuckled at his daughter, lifting the plank of wood to allow her behind the bar. "We made a deal Emsie part-time at school, part-time at the bar" Seán reminded her. Emma looked at him confused, she was in school part-time? That didn't seem possible.

She looked at him, a weird feeling in her stomach. "That's something straight out of a comic Dad.. like Super... Sup..." Emma tried to get the word out, but it was on the tip of her tongue, She could see the word in her mind, and hear it in her ears but she could recognise it or say it. Why couldn't she say it?

"Emma! A little help please sweetie!"

Emma looked up to see her Aunt Natalie holding too many pints at once. Without thinking, Emma rushed over to her, grabbing half of the pint glasses. "You're not supposed to bite off more than you can chew Nats, knowing you we'd spend the next week cleaning up shards of glass" Emma smiled cheekily at her aunt. "Oh hush you cheeky little shit" Natalie laughed at her, flicking her bright foxy hair to the side.

Emma laughed at her aunt's dramatics, a warm feeling making her feel safe. She loved her family. They were all she needed. Her life felt so perfect.

<><><>

Emma was moved to a makeshift containment area. She lay on the cold steel countertop, connected to an EKG and oxygen tank. Alex was connecting her to the same technology that brought her into Kara's mind years before, a sense of déjà vu. J'onn watched silently as the Black Mercy's vines wrapped around her neck. Emma was drifting away faster than Kara did. Sienna was right.

Lois and Clark pulled Jordan aside, nervous about the question they had to ask him. "What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?" Jordan asked his parents, feeling bile in his throat. "Emma's second note was the solution to getting her out of the Black Mercy's hallucination" Clark explains to him slowly, looking to Lois to help him. "She said that it had to be you Jordan. Emma needs you to save her from her own mind" Lois admitted, looking at her son with fear and worry in her eyes. Jordan furrowed his eyebrows, processing the information. "Me? She wants me to save her?" Jordan questioned them. The pair nodded as Jordan looked back at Emma.

"What do I need to do?" He asked them, determined to get Emma back. Alex had walked over, a simple smile on her face. "You must convince Emma that the world she's in is fake. She needs to reject the Black Mercy willingly or else you will be there until... it kills her" Alex tried to put it gently. Jordan nodded, a pit growing in his stomach. "You can do this Jordan, Emma trusts you more than anyone" Sienna tried to raise his spirits as she put an oxygen mask over his face.

Alex brought over the device that would bring him into Emma's mind. "Once you're in there, the Black Mercy will try to stop you. No matter what you need to find Emma and convince her" Alex reminded him, placing the device on his head being weary of his curls.

In less than a minute, Jordan's eyes had closed confirming that he had entered Emma's mind. Now it was up to him and that scared the shit out of his family.

<><><>

Jordan opened his eyes to see a small pub filled with people. He looked around, seeing a dart board near him and a glass case full of trophies and team scarves. Laughs of drunken people filled his ears as they shared stories with random strangers. But one laugh caught his attention.

Her laugh.

She stood behind the bar, a pint glass in hand as she filled it up chatting with someone in front of her. Her scars had disappeared, as did her tattoos. Her hair was the same pale dark blue and her eyes still had their icy glow.

He walked up to her, watching as she did a little dance to the music playing in the pub. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world. Like the heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders for good.

"What'd you like?"

Jordan was taken aback by the question, not realising that Emma had seen him. She looked at him with a big smile on her face. But she didn't recognise him at all. "Come on cutie? Do you want Rasa or something a lil' stronger?" She asked him. Jordan blushed at her, not expecting her to call him cutie at all.

"Don't you recognise me?" He asked her, making Emma furrow her eyebrows. "Are you in my year? Maybe I know your mam?" Emma shrugged at him. "It's me, Jordan... Jordan Kent" He told her, pleading at her with his eyes. Emma looked back at him, biting her lip. "Sorry, I never met a Jordan Kent before" She told him, walking away to another customer.

This was gonna be a lot harder than he thought.

<><><>

Sienna tapped her foot impatiently as she watched Jordan and Emma breathing. Something wasn't right. Sienna knows her sister and this seemed way too easy. She walked over to her niece, inspecting the Black Mercy closer.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked the older Kryptonian. Sienna shook her head, "Mal isn't this lenient when it comes to tormenting her daughter. The Black Mercy is child's play to her. Mal has been trying to break Emma for fifteen years, it isn't logical for her to try and end it like this" Sienna explained, noticing the small yellow glow from the centre of the Black Mercy.

"Oh Mal, what have you done now" Sienna sighed, face palming at the sight. "What is it?" Lois asked, not liking Sienna's tone. "It's a stone that I thought had been lost with Krypton. The Stone Of Darkest Day" Sienna said harshly, her veins glowing purple.

"What's the Stone Of Darkest Day?" Jon asked her. "After the war with Daxam, the Stone Of Darkest Day was used to help the Protector Families confront their darkest days. My ancestor Elrisia the Enraged didn't believe it did the families any good and hid it ever since. My mother must have put it in Mal's pod before we left" Sienna told them. Kara walked up to the woman, "Do you know what Emma's darkest day was?" she asked her, Sienna shaking her head.

"That's what I'm afraid of"

<><><>

Jordan followed Emma as she collected empty glasses. "Keep following me around and I'll call my brothers, they're vicious" Emma deadpanned at him. "Please it's me Jordan. You fell on my farm and found out that you're half-Kryptonian. This is all a dream from some weird alien plant" Jordan tried to convince her. Emma waved him off, trying to ignore him the best she could.

"Look, St Micheals, GF or whatever mad house you got out from they seriously need to fix your script" Emma told him, walking behind the bar once more. "I'm not crazy! If this isn't a dream then where are your scars? Or your tattoos?" Jordan called out to her.

Emma looked at him with an uncertain look. The girl bit her lip, finding some truth in his words. She looked at her exposed skin, feeling a weird sensation like she was missing something. She was about to ask him more when a hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Ems, you alright" Conner asked, smiling cautiously at Jordan. "I'm fine Con, just talking with Jordan" Emma smiled at her brother before he walked past her. "You don't belong here" He glared at Jordan. "Christ's sake Conner, he was only looking for maths grinds. The mocks are coming up, the poor lad needs them" Emma tried to calm her big brother down. This wasn't like him at all.

Conner grabbed Jordan by his collar, his face a bright red. Emma felt something within her snap before grabbing Conner and pulling him back. He looked at her with black eyes, making her jump in fright.

"You are not my brother" Emma spat at him.

<><><>

Sienna paced back and forth, trying to find out a way to help Emma. Her powers could only do so much and they were running out of time. "Shara, calm down" Kara tried to stop her, seeing the small crater the woman was creating. "Kara's right, your no use if you keep this to yourself. You need to let us help you" Lois told the woman, seeing the burden she was carrying.

"No, this is all because I was too afraid of my own sister to save my nieces and nephews. This is my problem, an Alor problem, not El" Sienna told her, the sound of the EKG catching everyone's attention.

Emma's body began to shake, her veins glowing blue. Sienna noticed that the back of her right hand was glowing brighter. She walked closer to see the House of El crest clear as the day. "Impossible" Kara spoke from behind her protector. Sienna nodded, knowing what the heroine meant.

Sienna looked to J'onn, the man already knowing what she needed him to do. "Are you sure about this?" He asked her, and the only response was a nod from the Alor. "I have to" She told him.

<><><>

Emma grabbed a crate from under the bar, hitting Conner over the head with it. As he fell to the floor, Emma jumped over the bar. Grabbing Jordan's hand, Emma dragged him out of the pub. The pair ran down the small cobbled road, far from Emma's family pub until they reached an abandoned café.

Emma panted her hands on her knees. She can't believe she got fooled by a fucking Black Mercy. She looked at Jordan, seeing the fear in his eyes. "Jord, you okay?" Emma asked him. Without hesitation, Jordan pulled Emma into a hug. His hand cradled the back of her head, his other was wrapped around her waist. Emma wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her head in the small curve between his neck and shoulder.

"I was so scared that I lost you" Jordan murmured, fearing that if he let go that Emma wouldn't remember him again. "Hey, you not losing me anytime soon. No alien plant is can accomplish that" Emma smiled softly, pulling away from his body. She placed her hands on his face, gently caressing his cheeks. "You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not. I still have werewolf jokes for your Dad" She joked, getting the boy to laugh at her comment.

Jordan rested his forehead on her hers, a feeling of relief that she was back. "So, how do we get out of here?" Emma wondered, noticing that her hometown was empty. "Alex said you need to reject the fantasy world" Jordan told her.

Emma looked at him with wide eyes. "Alex? As in Alex Danvers! The Alex Danvers!" She asked him, shaking him by his shoulders. "Yeah, and my Dad's cousin Kara" Jordan told her, afraid of the crazed look in her eyes. "Are you telling me Supergirl and her sister are trying to save me!" She squealed at him, her entire body feeling like she had drank one too many Red Bulls. Jordan nodded before Emma screamed very loud in excitement.

"As much as I love seeing you in full fangirl mode. You won't be able to meet them unless we get out of here" Jordan pointed out, stopping Emma from her little fangirl dance. "Right. How do we do that? I mean I know this world is fake. I have my memories, what do I have to do now?" Emma wondered.

The ground began shaking, the pair holding onto each other as it became worse. "Emma!". The teens turned to see Sienna standing in front of them. She didn't look like she was really there, her body was transparent. "Sienna! What's happening?" Emma asked her aunt.

"Your mother. Listen to me very carefully. You must go to the place where you had your darkest day. Only when you face that will you wake up" Sienna told her before the ground started to shake more. Before the pair could ask more questions, the woman disappeared.

Emma looked at Jordan before looking at the hill beside them. She took a breath before taking Jordan's hand again. "Come one, it's this way" Emma told him. Jordan could see the fear on Emma's face, he squeezed her hand making sure she knew that he was there.

<><><>

After what felt like forever, the pair ended up on a terrace of dark red houses. Emma walked up to the one near the main road. She had Jordan step back before she hit the glass on the white door with her exposed elbow. It shattered quickly, with trickles of blood around the edges. Emma put her hand through, trying to feel the latch to open the door. "Em, your arm" Jordan pointed out when the clicking of the latch caught Emma's attention.

"It's nothing Jord" Emma responded, not thinking a wound in a fake world was gonna affect her actual body. She opened the door, the front hall was small and dark. She gestured for Jordan to follow her, holding out her hand. He took it, allowing Emma to guide the way.

They ended up in a small bathroom. The sink was smashed, and the mirror above it cracked with red blood dripping on it. Emma felt her body freeze seeing her reflection. Her eyes looked bloodshot, and dark purple bruises decorated her face as a fresh set of stitches sat on her cheek. She went to touch it, not feeling the white plaster that sat there.

"It's just a reflection" Jordan told her, only for Emma to shake her head. "No, it's a memory. My mam's fella was beating the shit out of me, I pissed him off for flushing his tablets down the toilet" Emma shrugged, kicking the loose blue one on the floor. Jordan squeezed her hand. "Hey, what happened wasn't your fault. Your mom should have never let this happen to you" He told her.

"But what happened next was me" Emma sighed, taking her hand away from Jordan's. She went to the corner of the room, sliding on the floor. Jordan copied her, sitting next to her on the blue-tiled floor. "After the beating, I couldn't take it. Everything was breaking around me, falling apart. I just wanted it to stop, I wanted her to stop breaking everything" Emma bit her lip, trying to stop her tears from falling.

"So I came in here. She was passed out on the couch. Her fella left and Conner was asleep. I didn't think about it, I don't even think I wanted to. I just grabbed a bottle of pills and took them all" Emma mumbles, curling up on the floor. She didn't want to be there, she hadn't been here in years. She didn't want Jordan to know what she did, it was shameful and selfish of her to try and take her life.

Jordan put his arm around her shoulders. Emma looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Conner found me, called the ambulance and stayed with me. My Jeju made sure I got the best of the best but I didn't feel like I deserved it. I almost left them behind. I almost left Anthony and Sophie to bury their big sister. She almost won, Mal almost got what she wanted" Emma continued, her stomach feeling like a huge crater in her body.

"What made you want to stay?" asked her.

Emma closed her eyes, taking a breath in. "Sophie. She was only three at the time. She came to the hospital to see me. The way she looked at me like... seeing me was the most important thing for her... I swore on my father's grave I would never let Mal hurt her, ever for as long as I was still standing" Emma answered, feeling that crater in her stomach fueled with anger.

Mal was not winning, not today. She had to stop being afraid of her mother, it wasn't doing her any good. Not in Smallville, and definitely not in life.

<><><>

Jordan was the first to wake up, feeling like someone had taken cement off his chest as he sat up. Lois and Clark rushed to their son, hugging him tightly. He looked to his left, seeing Emma still unconscious. "Why isn't she awake?" He asked everyone. "Give her a minute" Alex answered from experience.

A high-pitched shriek comes from the Black Mercy, its vine-like tentacles unravelling themselves from her body. It crawled off to the floor, hiding in the closest dark corner. Emma woke with a gasp, immediately taking the oxygen mask from her face. She sat up only to be pulled into Sienna's arms, the older woman hugging her niece like a lifeline. "Aunt Sienna" Emma smiled, hugging the woman back.

Tears formed in the woman's eyes at what she was called. She kissed Emma's head a thousand times, thanking Rao for keeping Emma alive. Emma smiled at her aunt before her eyes landed on the Black Mercy. Without hesitation, Emma's eyes flared red and lasers struck the Black Mercy. With a dying shriek, the alien plant was left as a burnt-looking piece of metal.

"I always hated the Black Mercy" Emma muttered, causing everyone to laugh at her. Jon went up to his friend, hugging her tightly. "You scared the shit of me Fangirl" He told her. "Nah, I still got a whole list of football jokes to let out" Emma smiled at him, gently pushing him away. "Not to mention I can finally slang your Dad for leaving the coolest member of his family" Emma glared at Clark playfully making the man sigh. "Any chance we can put you back under?" He asked only for Emma to start laughing at him.

Alex snickered at her comment. "I like this one Clark, now you have to keep her" She commented, nudging the hero. Emma felt her body jumping with excitement at the sound of Alex's voice. Jon was quick to step back, knowing full well what was about to happen. "Oh no, she's entered fangirl mode" Jon commented as his twin smiled at the sight.

"Your actually Alex Danvers! Oh, my gods, I'm actually meeting the Alex Danvers. I think I might faint" Emma started freaking out, forgetting that Kara was there. "I knew she was a fan but seriously J'onn you left some stuff out" Kara told the martian who only chuckled in response. Emma fell back onto the medical table trying to compose herself in front of her literal heroes.

"I can't believe I'm in the same room as Supergirl and Alex Danvers. I can die happily" Emma murmured

<><><>

"I can't believe I met Kara and Alex Danvers!" Emma squealed as she sat on the porch of the Kent house. Jordan sat next to her as she held the small little box that held not only the sisters' signatures but a gift Kara had belonged to her grandmother, Naeza Alor. Emma seemed to notice the stare Jordan was giving her.

"What? You're doing that thing" Emma pointed out, placing the box behind her. Jordan looked at her confused. "What thing?" He asked her. Emma laughed at the small little crinkle on his forehead. "When you look at me and you do that thing" Emma told him, nudging him a bit. "I have no idea what you're talking about" Jordan shrugged, giving up as Emma rested her head on his shoulder.

"Do you think differently of me?" Emma asked Jordan, biting the inside of her cheek. Jordan looked at her, "Why would you think that?" He asked her. Emma shrugged, lifting her head and resting it on her knees. "After what you saw in my head, I wouldn't be surprised" Emma mumbled. Jordan looked at her, gently pushing back a strand of hair behind her ear. "No, if it means anything I think that you being here, shows that you are strong and resilient. And I'm not going to judge you for that, ever" Jordan told her.

Emma turned to him, a small smile on her face. "You still like me?" She asked him, "Yeah, I still like you" Jordan told her, kissing her forehead. "Good, 'cause I don't wanna be afraid anymore" Emma whispered. Before he could react, Emma grabbed Jordan's face pulling him in for a kiss. Jordan didn't hesitate in kissing her back. His hands were on her cheek as he kissed her back.

When they pulled apart, Jordan kept his forehead on hers. "Good, I was kinda tired of just being friends" He let out a small laugh. Emma only shook her head gently at him, "Me too" she said before kissing him again.