That morning, I woke up early. Surprising I know, but something felt a bit off that morning. Everything was almost, too perfect. Both of my parents in a good mood. Jay picking me up to walk to school, and not being a complete nuisance.

It was all off.

"Is there something special today Jay?" I asked him. He hadn't talked the whole walk to school, which was a first considering he would never really shut up.
"What? No. Why're asking?" He says quietly, not even looking at me.
"Is there something wrong Jay?"At this point I'm frowning. NO NOT BECAUSE I LIKED HIM. But because my friend seemed upset and too quiet for his own good.
Soon after, he stops dead in his tracks and turns to looks at me. "I was in the studio last night again Viet, when one of my boss' came for a visit. And may or may not have showed him uh... yoursingingfromtheothernight."
     Oh, he's just worried about me being angry at him for, WAIT WHAT?
     "YOU SHOWED HIM MY SINGING. Wait a minute. YOU RECORDED IT!? ARE YOU JOKING, JAY KANG I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY DAMN HANDS ON YOU IM GONNA-"
     "Uh, guys?" Yeomin says, standing by the entrance of the school.
     "Ahhh Yeomin!!" Jay yells, and runs to hide behind her. "She's gonna kill me help!"
     "And I have a good reason to, you stupid, ignorant little-" I start stomping towards the two, rolling up my sleeves.
     "ALRIGHT. Calm down. What the heck is happening?"
Yeomin says, dragging Jay to the front of her.
     "He showed my singing to his boss, and recorded it without permission!" I yelled, pointing at the terrified male.
     "Look! You were never supposed to find out about the recording. Cause I was never gonna share it with anyone. But when I showed him, he told me JYP started auditions, and he said that you should sign up!"
     "There's no way in freaking hell, am I ever going to audition for a Kpop company, are you out of your damn mind?" I yell.
Yeah, cliche considering where we are now. But this is true, it did actually happen, and I was never supposed to be an idol. I wasn't never supposed to be anything.
     "Any why not?" Jay asks. "You can sing pretty damn well!"
     "ITS NOT JUST THAT. Idols not only sing, but they can dance and perform well too. In BIG audiences. I've never even sung in front of my parents before damn it. People try really hard to become these idols. They're beautiful and they're amazing, and they're incredibly talented. Saying I can sing one damn song isn't going to make me some superstar like the idols that are out there."
     The rant went on for a while. After I was done, Jay and Yeomin didn't say a word.
     "I-I'm sorry. But I just can't. You both know me. Shy and awkward. My skins a fricking mess and I can't dance for shit. It's nice of you to think that I can do these types of things but I really don't think so. Let's just go in school. I'll see you guys at lunch."
And that was that. Yeah my self esteem wasn't the highest. But I was right. I couldn't dance, let alone perform for a whole crowd.

.    .    .

     The day was shorter than it usually felt. Lunch was a lot more normal than that morning, so that was a plus one.
     But the way home wasn't as pleasant as I had hoped.

     "I just don't get why you can't just try. Everyone starts out as a beginner. Even me. I was a horrible dancer. I just knew I wrote a lot of music and loved to sing."

     We just dropped off Yeomin, and he had randomly brought the audition up again.

     "Listen Jay. I really don't think I'm that talented. Talented enough to even become a trainee, let alone perform in front of an audience."
"But doesn't it sound cool? Becoming an idol? Performing on a stage. Having millions of fans?" He said it in a way as if a little kid was explaining his biggest dream.
      "And that's the only reason why you'd become an idol?" I asked, and let me tell you, HE GASPED.
"No of course not!"

It was silent again as we continued walking. Really, I didn't know what to say, and neither did he.
"So why do you?" He looked at me quietly, and after a while he smiles and looks up at the sky.
"Cause that's all I can do. Never been good at math, science, writing, anything really. I was never interested in any of that either. Until one day when a friend of mine showed me how he could play the piano. He asked me to sing, and when I did, I was never the same. I'm never as happy as when I'm singing or writing music." He explained, looking at me after.
"Is that when you started writing too?" We stopped walking this time, and we sat down on a nearby bench.
"Nah. I started writing music someday during class. It was weird. I just had an idea, and there it was, on my math notebook." He laughed, seeming to think back to that time. "So what about you, Viet? Why do you sing?"

     Thinking back to it now, the answer I had then, is much different than my answer now. Or at least the way you think about it, the reason at least means something different.
     "I sing because it makes me happy. Something to calm me down when I'm sad, or scared. It's just, always there."
     Jay looked at me, finally shutting up. At that point it was almost obvious what his next move was, but clueless as I was, I didn't say anything.
     Maybe unconsciously, I even wanted him to do it.

"That's all I needed Minseo. That's all I need."

——
ANd nOw we'Ve begUn