Castiel knows it was a good idea to call things off between him and Dean. It was obvious that it was never going to work out: they're in two different worlds and they don't mesh. The only chance they possibly could have had was if Dean left the gang and they started fresh, and he seems vehemently against that. It was going to crash and burn no matter what; he's glad he got out before they got in any deeper.

He just wishes it would have worked out. He wishes Dean would have left the gang. He wishes Dean would have taken Lucifer, Gabriel, and Jack with him when he did. He knows nothing has really changed since a few weeks ago before Dean broke into that bank, but the fact that he'd had hope that it would makes it hurt more.

But now that it's over, now that Castiel has shut that door, he supposes there's no reason he can't read the note from his brothers. He knows it's going to hurt, but he wants to know what they had to say to him after all these years. He grabs the letter and unfolds it -- and holy shit, Jack folded this so many times -- and puts it down in his lap. His eyes jump to the bottom of the letter first; it seems this side is from Gabriel.

Castiel,

Holy fuck, it's been a long time since the last time I saw you. I hope you're doing awesome (and if you're not doing awesome, tell me who's responsible and I will burn their house down) (for legal reasons, that was a joke. Please don't arrest me).

I never thought I would be jealous of a 16-year-old, but god dammit, I wish I could see you again with (or instead of, I'm not selfless) Jack. You have no idea how much I miss you. We all miss you. It was a weird few weeks after you left, and it took a really long time for things to go back to normal. Hell, if we hadn't had a bazillion new people join us with no idea who you were, it may never have gone back to normal.

For the record, I think you'd get along with these new people really well. There's a chick named Meg here who drives Dean up the fucking wall but I know you'd love her. There are a few new kids around, too. There's a kid named Kevin (I say kid but he's, like, 17) who came with his mom because they were on the run from his abusive dad (fortunately you'll never find the body so you can't pin it on anyone lmao) and they've been here for a few years now. The kid's a damn genius. He'd put Sam to shame (wherever the fuck that guy is).

Shit I was rambling and now I'm running out of room uhhh quick what else do I want to say (why am I writing this I'm just taking up more space?) (I'll stop now) OH Claire is literally the most intimidating 15-year-old I have ever met in my life and you should be scared of her. Also she has a girlfriend now (her name is Kaia) (she's also a Hunter and she's very nice).

Okay, before I run out of space, I miss you and I love you and I'm sending you seven million hugs through this paper. Feel that? That's a hug. Enjoy.

-- Gabe

Castiel smiles. He wasn't really expecting an update on what he's missed, but he's glad he got one. It's nice to see that not everything has fallen apart since he left, and as much as he wishes it hadn't, it kind of means a lot that everything changed when he left. It means a lot that he was so important in people's lives that his absence (and Sam's absence) was so upsetting, though he does feel kind of bad about it.

Castiel almost finds himself wanting to meet these newcomers. He's especially curious about this Meg person. He's rather fond of most people who drive Dean "up the fucking wall," as Gabriel so elegantly phrased it, as long as no one (except Dean's mental state) gets hurt in the process. He'd like to think he and Meg would get along well.

He makes a mental note of all the names Gabriel mentioned. If he ever runs into any of them at the station -- especially if they're there for either fighting or drug use -- he's going to have to subtly ask if they're Hunters. Dean did say he and the other officers have locked some of the Hunters up before; he'd be surprised if it doesn't happen again.

He flips the page over. The other side is a letter from Lucifer, his name signed in script that is much too beautiful for a gang member. The guy is a great comedian when he's high, but he's a hell of a lot smarter when he's sober, and Castiel can tell from just the very beginning of this that he was drug-free when he wrote it.

Castiel,

There isn't enough paper in the world for me to tell you everything I wish I could, and I already know I'm going to be kicking myself for weeks every time I remember something I wish I had written. I talked to Dean about it, and he said that if you want to write something back to us, he would be more than willing to play mailman for the time being. Just leave a letter in the same place you usually do and he'll swing by to pick it up. No pressure, of course, but if you do get the chance, I would love to hear from you again.

I hope you're doing okay. I can't imagine how weird it must be to see Dean again after all this time, and I'm sorry you got caught in his robbery. At the same time, though, I wish I'd been there to see you, too. I almost was, but then I got stuck on babysitting duty. Maybe we'll still run into each other someday -- hopefully with no handcuffs involved.

I know Dean told you who was involved in the shootout behind the mall a few weeks ago. I won't put their names because I don't want to leave any physical evidence just in case you change your mind, but I really appreciate that you didn't turn them in. They're just kids, and they were just trying to help their friend. I can tell it's been eating at them, but they both have too much pride to admit it. I think they've punished themselves enough.

Gabe and I have told them all about you over the years. She harbors a bit of a grudge about you leaving, thus why you won't be seeing her tonight, but he thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know it's been a long time since you've seen him, but I hope you still get along as well as you used to. You're not even meeting until tomorrow and I already can't wait for Jack to come back and tell me all about it.

Before I give this to Jack to give to you, I just want to make sure you know that there are no hard feelings. I don't know why you left and I definitely don't understand why you would choose to become a cop, but it's your life and I'm glad you're making the most of it. And if you ever decide you want to come back, I promise, no one (except maybe Benny and Claire) will hold a grudge. We would be thrilled to have you back.

Also, Mick has been begging me to tell you that he says hi, so that is what I'm doing right now.

Love,

Lucifer

By the time he finishes reading, there's a tear in his eye. He puts the note down and wipes it away. He's so glad he decided not to read it until Dean was out of the picture, because he's not sure he would have had the strength to stay away if he hadn't. He's almost tempted to write a letter back and leave it in the abandoned office building anyway. He wants to tell them that he loves them and that he misses them and that he's so sorry he never told them he was going to leave.

But he doesn't. He doesn't even know if Dean is going to check the office anymore, and even if he does, he doesn't want the guy to think he's changed his mind. If he writes back to them, Dean might think he's still on the fence about staying away, and Castiel doesn't want to risk accidentally falling back into his old ways.

Castiel folds the paper back up into the tiny cube Jack had made it into. He can't bring himself to get rid of it. It's all he has left of his brothers now. With a sigh, he stands up and heads out to the kitchen. He puts his note in a mostly-empty miscellaneous drawer where he knows he won't lose it. He looks down at his hands. This might be the hardest part of letting go again.

He slips his ring off his finger and puts it down next to the note. He won't be needing that anymore.