Urge For Going
Lindsey smiled at the little girl in the doorway. "And who is this?" he asked.
"I'm Summer." the little girl said proudly, pointing to herself. "And who are you?"
"I'm..." Lindsey looked up at Stevie and she shook her head. "I'm a friend of your mommy's."
"I know all my mommy's friends, not you. Why?"
Lindsey chuckled. This child was so inquisitive. It would be hard to get anything past her. "Well, uh, I guess I've been gone a while." He scratched the back of his neck nervously.
"What were you doing?" She waited a second for a response before continuing her questioning. "Mommy misses her friends when they have to go." Summer told him. "Do you miss him, mommy?"
Stevie bit her lip and reluctantly nodded. "Yes, I did, but I don't want to get into that right now."
"Hmmm..." Summer tapped her chin with her tiny index finger, sizing up the man before her. "He's handsome, like a prince from my story book." She walked a slow circle around him. "Are you going to marry my mommy and make her a queen? I've always wanted to be a princess."
"And...that's enough. Good-bye, Summer, up to your room." Stevie scooped the little girl up and carried her up the stairs. Lindsey stared into the house, seeing that Stevie had made herself at home already. There were scarves on the lamps, flowers and lace curtains. "I'm sorry about that." she said, returning alone and shutting the door behind her.
"Don't be. Wow, she's amazing!"
"Thank you. She is. And she's nosy!" Stevie said with a laugh. "But I like that she asks so many questions."
"She's smart." Lindsey was in awe of her. "I found myself trying to come up with answers just to satisfy her."
"She has that way about her. She'll be a good lawyer or judge one day."
"Or a detective."
"Nancy Drew!" Stevie exclaimed and they both chuckled.
"That's our girl" With that, their smiles faded.
"Well, I guess I better go inside. I'm sure she's still full of questions...plus, I'm having dinner with Alex tonight."
"You're going out with him?" Lindsey asked, an almost undetectable sadness in his voice."
"No, he's coming here. I haven't even decided what I'm going to make yet."
"Oh, well, I hope you have a great night."
"Thank you, Lindsey." The two former lovers stood in front of each other a moment.
"If it's not too much trouble, will you call me?" Lindsey looked around and saw her book sitting on the porch. He scrawled his number on the top of one of the pages. She took the book from him when he was finished and held it to her chest. "I know I missed a lot, too much, but I would like to get to know her."
Stevie simply nodded. Years ago, she had thought about Lindsey as a father and what it would have been like to have him play an active role in their daughter's life. Now, she wasn't sure how she felt. Their first encounter left her angry but this one left her feeling confused. She watched him walk back to his car, seeing a different man than she knew in the past. His car pulled away and she went back into the house. As she tidied the house and cleaned the breakfast dishes in the sink, she kept thinking about Lindsey. What would she tell Summer when she inevitably asked who he was? Stevie felt an ineffable mix of fear, dread and anxiety wash over her. It almost made her sick. Since Lindsey had appeared out of nowhere, and Summer saw him, he had now opened a can of worms. Yet another mess for her to clean up. She would be the catalyst, the facilitator of their father-daughter relationship. Drying off the dish in her hand, her resentment and anger toward him returned. He didn't offer to talk to her himself or even help explain to their daughter with Stevie. He didn't take any of the responsibility away from her. He was once again the king on his throne and Stevie was the poor servant. Stevie scoffed. "The nerve!" She rinsed and dried her final dish, placing it in the rack. She turned away from her completed chore and found her tea cup, taking a sip. She grimaced. The once hot tea was ice cold. She dumped it out in the sink and began to boil the water to make a new cup. She needed something to focus on. Her emotions were all over the place. She thought about dinner, whether Robin would be willing to take Summer out so she wasn't meeting yet another man, and what dinner conversation might be like. She found herself biting her lip, nervous again. The whistle of the kettle drew her from the deepest depths of her mind and back into the reality of her kitchen. "Thank God!" she breathed. She poured the boiling water into her cup and dropped in a sachet of camomile in hopes of calming her nerves. She took a sip, setting it down on the counter. She eyed her journal on the coffee table, unable to take her eyes off it. She needed to write. It was sure to help. She grabbed it, and began writing furiously as she hovered over the table. She turned the page, continuing until she got to the top of her third lined side. She stopped dead, seeing Lindsey's phone number. She picked up her book and stared at it, walking over to her telephone. She stared at her reflection in the mirror above the table. She smoothed her hair and checked her appearance, why, she did not know. She drew in a long breath then exhaled, preparing for her task. She placed her finger in the hole over the first number and pulled it around to meet the stopper. Over and over she did this until it began to ring.
"Hello?" came the familiar voice.
"Hey...she's playing for now but I know she will have a million questions. Maybe we should talk about this." She played with the pens and small tablet of paper on the table as she waited for his response.
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