smut warning but i promise you'll hate me

extra long chapter

CH. 52 -- PETE

Patrick is in trouble for dating me. Ben thinks we suck as a couple and wants us to break up. What the fuck.

Patrick could lose his scholarship because of me. And Patrick's mom won't be as forgiving as mine was, offering to pay the rest of my tuition for me to continue playing baseball.

I call Spencer for help. He's always the person I call when I need advise - other than Patrick. He picks up on the first ring. "What's up?" Spencer asks, and I hear laughing on the other side of the phone. He must be with Dallon.

"I need some advise." I say, and the other line goes quiet. I hear some shuffling around before a door closes.

"Okay, I'm by myself now. You sound sad. What's wrong?" Spencer asks, and I put the phone on speaker and set it on the hotel nightstand.

"Ben wants Patrick and I to break up. Doesn't want a repeat of two years ago." I say, and Spencer gasps. I bite my lip, looking down at my shoes.

"What are you going to do?" Spencer sounds worried, like he knows if Patrick and I break up, neither of us will be happy for a while.

"I don't know. Patrick doesn't know that I know. Brent called me about thirty minutes ago and explained the whole situation." I explain, thinking back to how sad Brent sounded. Like he knows Patrick and I should be together, Ben be damned. "What should I do?"

"It's your choice, Pete. Honestly, it's either break up with Patrick or risk his baseball career." Spencer says after a few moments of silence. "And don't think I'm trying to guilt you into anything. You and Patrick are great together when you aren't fighting."

That hits me hard. He's right. All Patrick and I have been doing lately is fighting, breaking up, and getting back together. It's a never-ending cycle. How could anyone be happy like that?

"I think I know what I'm going to do." I say suddenly, tears coming to my eyes as I think of it.

"Fuck, Pete, I don't know how to talk you out of this. He's going to be fucking heartbroken, you know that, right?" Spencer says, and a tear does fall down my cheek at that.

"I know the feeling. Thanks, Spence." I hang the phone up after that, packing my bags and catching the first flight back to Washington.

--

I knock on Patrick's dorm room door, praying to every god there is that Dallon isn't here. Patrick opens the door, eyes widening when he sees me. "Baby? It's midnight, what are you doing here?" He asks, obviously confused.

"Is Dallon here?" I demand, pushing past him. Patrick shakes his head, scratching the back of his neck.

"No, he's at Spencer's. Wh-" Before he can finish his sentence, I'm pushing him back to sit on the couch, straddling his hips.

I kiss him, my hands tangling in his hair and tugging hard. He moans, his hands finding my hips and holding onto them tightly.

"Someone missed me, I take it?" Patrick asks, breaking our kiss and slipping his hands under the back of my shirt.

"So fucking much. You don't even know." I kiss him again, ripping the short sleeve button up he has on open so I can run my hands down his chest.

Patrick pulls my shirt over my head, his hands fumbling with his own belt buckle as soon as my shirt hits the ground. I lift up so he can get his jeans and boxers down to his thighs, his cock dark against his pale stomach.

I immediately reach into my wallet for the bottle of lube I took from the hotel, pressing it into his hands. I push my own jeans down and stand up briefly to kick them off along with my boxers.

Patrick's eyes are dark when I sit back down. I brace myself on the back of the couch and lift up so he can get to my hole.

He slips a finger in, slick with lube, pushing his face into my neck and sucking on the skin there. I moan from the sensory overload as he pushes two more fingers in.

I push him back to lie on the couch, taking the lube from him and putting it on my hand. I grab his cock, giving him a few good strokes before lifting myself up.

"Pete!" He stills me before I can sink down, a confused look on his face. "I don't have a condom on."

"Fuck a condom, Patrick. I want all of you. You know I'm clean, and I'm positive you are." He let's go of me, nodding slowly.

The initial downslide is long awaited and possibly one of the best feelings I've ever had. We both groan in unison. I take a second to adjust before lifting myself and sinking back down. It isn't long before we fall into a rhythm, his hands finding my hips.

He thrusts up as I push down onto him. "Fuck, I don't know where this came from, but I love this." I almost lose it then, thinking about how different his reaction is going to be in the morning. "I love you."

I don't say it back. I can't. Instead, I moan, wrapping a hand around myself and sliding it up and down as I continue to bounce on Patrick's lap.

I come on Patrick's chest seconds later, and he groans loudly, thrusting up into me a few more times before coming. It takes him a second to come down, and when he does, he grabs his t-shirt and cleans the mess off of his chest.

Patrick pulls out slowly, pressing a kiss to my forehead when I wince. He stands, carrying me to his room and dropping me onto the bed. "I'm going to go clean up. I'll be right back."

Patrick is back a few seconds later, putting the dirty clothes in his hamper and lying down next to me. We don't talk, instead just lying there next to each other.

When he falls asleep, I stand up, placing the letter I wrote on the flight here on the table next to him. I press a kiss to his forehead and get dressed - in his shirt and his sweatpants - silently.

--

I wake up in my bed, cold and alone to a ton of missed calls from Patrick. I know he'll show up here soon, and I don't know how I'm going to go through with this plan when I see his face.

I walk to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. Joe isn't here - he's either back in Illinois or somewhere with Andy. I sit on the couch, awaiting the knock on the door I'm dreading.

It comes about fifteen minutes later. I open the door after the first set of knocks to see my now ex boyfriend standing there. He looks like a mess - his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks puffy as if he's been crying. I'm sure I don't look any better.

"Fuck you." Patrick says, clenching his jaw. He pushes past me and begins pacing around the room. I shut the door with a sigh and sit down on the couch. "You think you can just write me some letter after dating me for almost eight fucking months and break up with me?"

"Patrick." I say, looking down at my coffee. He continues speaking, ignoring me.

"You know what? No! You don't fucking get to choose how I live my life. If you honestly don't love me, then okay. I can accept that. But if you're doing this to make Ben happy, then you can go to hell because it's not happening." Patrick stops pacing and comes over to me, taking the coffee from my hands and setting it on the table by the couch. He kneels between my spread legs and takes my face in his hands. "I love you. Look at this." He pulls his sleeve up and points to his tattoo. "Fucking proof. I love you so much it would physically hurt me to not be with you."

"I can't do this to you, Patrick." I say, biting my lip and looking at his tattoo. My fingers find my own tattoo with his initials, running over it. "Baseball is more important."

"You don't get to do that, Pete. You don't get to fuck with my head like that." Patrick is suddenly angry, pushing away from me and walking towards the kitchen counter, facing away from me. "Fuck." His hands find his hair, and he pulls hard, taking short, ragged breaths. "If you do this, I'm done. There will be no getting back together when the season's over. I'm fucking done."

"I'm sorry." I stand up, walking over to him and grabbing his shoulders so I can turn him around to face me. "I love you so much, 'Trick, but I can't do this anymore. This is ruining your career before it's even started."

"Fuck my career, Pete. None of it matters if I don't have you." Patrick says sternly, a tear running down his face. I cup his face and wipe his tears with my thumb. I lean in to kiss him, and he kisses me back fiercely, pushing me backwards until my back hits the wall. "I'm not-" He pauses to take a breath, pushing on the wall to get away from me. "I can't do this, Pete. You can't do this. You don't have any right to break up with me, tell me you love me, and then kiss me. That's too many mixed signals."

"You're right." I say after a few seconds. "I think you should go."

Patrick bites his lip and looks at the floor before nodding. "I love you." He says one last time before leaving.

"I love you too." I whisper back, but there's no use. He's already gone.

and well there's only one chapter left

the epilogue

thank u all for reading !!!