It's always a battle with me and exercising. I can get a lot of motivation and for a bit i was holding a pretty good work regime, but as quickly i got the motivation, i can quickly lose it.

Not because i focus on the numbers on the scales, i barly weigh myself when i don't exercise, i just don't see any change. I know I've gotten stronger, (still can't do a single sit-up though), but my body hasn't changed.

I'm always told i have an hourglass figure; going by my measurements i do but physically isn't the same. I don't see what other's see; all i see is a pear shape at best but lately i just see a blob.

I may have made it worse now that i stopped exercising and was getting up after lunch time. I've just gotten sick of how my body looks that I've become inpatient.

My self-confidence is pretty much nonexistent now. I've gotten so disgusted with my body, mostly my stomach area, that i would run my nails across it and leave marks.

I was never one for physical harm but i have done so in the past. Not like i cut myself. I actually hate the sight of my own blood, but i did slap myself in the face whenever i wanted or was crying  (that's bitten me in the butt now) and I'd hit my arm with my deodorant can to cause a bruise.

I'm getting so frustrated now. Nothing is working,  but it's not like I've tried everything (hard to do with no job). Exercising just isn't working.

That's all this post is about btw. Just me ranting about exercising and shit like that.

Til next time~