Dear Journal,

So when I was hanging with luke we decided we should just go to the park and i just thought i should tell y'all how it went. SO LUKE-

-And  I sat down onto the grass and spread our jackets onto the ground below. He pulled out his i-phone while I pulled out the small basket of food.

My heart was beating frantically and whenever Luke looked up from his phone he made a strange face at me. After a few moments of his eyes on mine, his eyebrows furrowed and he placed his phone down in his lap. "You look like you're about to piss yourself." He commented and grabbed for the flimsy wooden basket.

I shrugged my shoulders in the most composed way I could manage because hell, this was the first time I had been near by Luke in such a long time. His hair looked god damn fantastic all quiffed and shit and his body- oh my god his body looked amazing. Has he been working out? I don't know but just everything about him made me want to scream (in the manliest way possible). 

"I'm absolutely fine! Perfect if that! Lets get some food? Some amazing spectacular food!" I laughed and Luke gave me another look.

"Yeah... right. Look Ash, we haven't been the best of pals lately and I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And I also know you and Mandy aren't getting along either- just- try to stay away from her? She come's over alot which I understand but your whole-" He motioned his hands around to try to describe something, "Your 'thing' with her needs to stop. She means a lot to me okay?"

I looked down at my knees and tried to ignore the burning feeling in my stomach. Was I getting angry at Luke? My future husband? (he doesnt know it yet) Yes, yes I was. "Luke, god dammit I have no thing with Amanda, I won't ever have a thing with Amanda, and if I'm being honest, I fucking hate her guts! She's black mailing me, bullying me, bullying Calum and Michael, shes leaving her fucking undergarments on my drums, on Michaels bed, you and her are making everyone lose sleep because of you two cant keep out of eachother for two minutes, hell, shes cheating on you Luke! Have you gone through her god damn phone?"

Luke got up and brushed the dirt off his knees. "Well, have you gone through her phone? Last time I checked it was illegal to search through peoples objects! Its so easy to just move the god damn clothing- what has gotten into you?"

I stood up and winced when I saw how much taller he was than me. "What has gotten into me? What has gotten into you? Amanda is nothing but a bitch! A slut asking for at-"

I got interrupted by my words by a sharp pain in my stomach. I wrapped my arms around the throb and looked up at Luke who had his left hand clenched into a fist. His eyes were almost screaming regret and I backed up slowly. "Ash-"

I put my hand up and signaled for him to shut up. "Save it Luke. I was trying to help you and you blew me off. You're standing up for your girlfriend other than your god damn best friend, you're being a stuck up asshole, I can't even look at you right now." I turned my head and bit my lip trying to hide the tears. I took a deep breath and continued. "You know, maybe if you love her so much over your bestfriends, and you dont care that shes ruining everyones friendships, why don't you just run away with her? Because frankly Luke, I'm tired of you and your bullshit with her. I've been trying so hard to get you to notice me because I fucking loved you- but no, was me and Calum fake dating enough? Was it? Absolutely not! I've got Calum upset and questioning his own sexuality and Michael is hardly even talking anymore because why? Because I can't wrap my head around the fact that you're taken."

Luke's eyes widened. "You love me?"

I shook my head and laughed bitterly. "The key word in what I just said was 'loved'. But hey," I backed up even more and took my jacket off the ground. "You've got Amanda so does it fucking matter?"

So I-

-walked home crying and i dont even know what luke did but i dont know why i even bothered hanging out with him.

i cant believe im so in love with him...

ashton

[this is non edited btw. goal: 25 votes, and 10 comments (I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK)