You read the title..

I don't want to live I feel like I'm in a never ending cycle I am dating someone online for almost a year and we call all the time I just want to see them I hate my fucking life I just want to die so bad all that I ever do is regret shit I did I have social anxiety, plain up anxiety, depression, ADHD, and suicidal thoughts. I've been thinking of just throwing up In the toilet but I've never thought of this until my mother called me fat multiple times. All I want is to be the kid I was again. I love my dad, and I want him to have that. I fucking hate myself I'm a worthless fat slut. I'm a fucking faggot and a whore and all I do is act like a bitch I've been crying and ripping up shit my fake friend gave me since 12:00 AM ITS FUCKING 3:51 AM. ALL I CAN THIBK ABOUT IS ALL THIS TRASHY SHIT AND I JUST FUCKING CUT AGAIN AFTER TWO FUXKING MONTHS AND NO ONE FUCKING CARES THAT IM TRYING SO GOD DAMN HARD. I hate everything I act like I don't care about shit and I do I care more then anything. All I ever do is overthink and I feel as if I should die. I want to write the notes but I don't want them to find it before I end up doing it. And my wrists sting like hell. I don't want to live like this anymore. And you know what pisses me off EVEN IF I STILL LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY IT is when people try to tell me it's gonna be okay after this shit. No it's not. Nothing is gonna be okay IF I GOT A DIME EVERY TIME SOMEONE HAS LIED ABOUT THAT I WOULD BE A BILLIONARE. All I have ever done in my life was be a mistake all I want to do is be a good son/kid. BUT IM A DAUGHTER. IM A DAUGHTER TO THEM AND IF I FEEL LIKE IM NOT IM GOING TO HELL, BUT GOD LOVES ME YET IF I LIKE MY SAME GENDER IM GOING TI HELL!? I just want to be what I am. I'm tired of this shit. I just want to cut my throat right here right now. Ugh. I've tried so hard you know? So hard to just be a good kid. I've tried to smile, laugh. Hell. I started cutting when I was seven. I'm turning 13 on October 21. It has been six years of constant suffering and all I want is for it to end. For me to be confident, to have supporting parent's. TO WANT TO LIVE! the last time I wanted to live was...I don't even remember. I've attempted WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING OR KNOWING, six times. SIX TIMES. During the six year period. I attempted suicide at SEVEN YEARS OLD. I WAS FUCKING SEVEN. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLAYING WITH BARBIES!? BUT KNOW I WAS TAKING RAZORS FROM SHARPENERS. I miss my old sister to. Now she just doesn't care anymore. We used to play together and shit. And now we fucking hate each other.

And with that said I hate myself.