I don't hate him,

However I don't love him either..

I just can say we're okay, he's nice, understanding (most of the time) not abusive-
Does words count? If they do he is then...

When I come out to him that I'm aro/ace,
He's supportive. He said that love is a funny thing, you can't chose who you love or  not to love. And he also said love can change...

Now this sounds normal

But it's not.. because he actually tells my mother before they decided to divorce that love can change, so he doesn't love her anymore like that. So it's normal of him to cheat.

I guess he thinks like this because he grow up in a household with cheating and 24/7 arguments too.

And he's my role model before, ..when I was just a little kid.

I look a lot like him too and man... I would feel so proud

Every time someone says that I'm like a female copy of him, I would puff my chest out, smile the biggest grin to him and said 'I am aren't I!'

But now I kinda feel uncomfortable, I don't wanna be like him
Anymore

Because of him I'm insecure about .. everything about me! And cry every time I hear someone shout at me or tell me about something I do wrong. It's not because I'm weak or a cry-baby
I just... feel scared and so soo ashamed at myself.

He would shout at even my littlest mistake and now I don't wanna try a new thing because of him. Because I think I'll fail and they would be angry at me again.

When I'm little I couldn't understand the things he would do wrong because.. well .... I'm little!
But now I can see them... and he just lost his place in my heart...

Anyway sorry for this rambling hahaha