"I promise, I have heard and recorded every one- not one has been lost or gone unheeded. If they have not been answered yet, it is because they are in process and being now completed. You can rest in answered prayer. The answer is always Yes and never No."

- God
A Long Love Letter by Margaret Ruth Baker

[Sharing]

Before, I was very cocky. 

During my High School days, I thought I was smart so then if I had an exam, I wouldn't prepare myself. I would just depend on my stock knowledge. I was like that maybe because I was still young.

I loved Math and I could solve a problem within few minutes back then. I also thought, I was good at English subject.

But when I stepped in college, the reality slapped me hard and it woke me up. I'm not smart. I am not. I was just being conceited. 

I started to hate Math because it was really difficult in college but I guess, I improved my writing skills. However, my self-confidence began to diminish gradually. I felt like I knew nothing, like I was just an idiot.

2018 was a tough year for me. It tested me. My relationship failed. It broke me and I became hopeless. I also got rejected to work abroad, I felt so vulnerable that time.

On May 5, 2019. I failed to pass my Civil Service Exam. I was like, what the heck is happening in my life? Because in every thing I do, I fail.

All of the remaining confidence I had was drained, I felt so little and I felt worthless.

I was stressed so I decided to resign. I left my job and came home. But before that, I filed for CSE again. I didn't give up.

Slowly, I restored myself.

And there is a saying "If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."

So I focused and prepared myself for the CSE. I worked hard this time. I've never done that before but I had to.

I took the exam last August 4, 2019 and the results came out this October 3, 2019.

In God's will, I passed the exam. I did it.

Of course, it wasn't only me but the Lord helped me to achieve it. He gave me wisdom and He was with me in that fight. I trusted Him with all my heart and look what happened to me, He blessed me more than what I deserve.

I thought it was impossible for me to pass the exam, it was hard and the time was limited.

But the moment I finished it on time, I knew, I made it. I claimed it.

And it was given to me.

I didn't give up even if I failed, it became my motivation instead; to do more and to be more.

I've learned my lessons.

I was rushing things before but God always reminds me to slow down.

If you want to achieve something, you have to work hard and just continue. Don't give up even if it looks like impossible to happen because with God, nothing is impossible. Just trust Him, have faith.

And I have this mantra, my mentor always mentioned it before.

Help yourself.

If you want to grow, help yourself. If you want to achieve something, help yourself. If you want to be more, help yourself.

It's always you who will help yourself.

- Anj