I could have sworn I published this before but apparently not? I don't know...

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Massive Trigger warning*

Ayato looked in the mirror, pinching the nonexistent fat on his stomach. "Gross... He turned to the side and held his stomach in, pressing against it until it moved in further. He smiled slightly at the sight of his ribs showing through. After he was satisfied, he placed his shirt back on and walked into his room he sat back down on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"If I'm better, he might like me more.. But he won't like me now.. I'm too fat... Too disgusting... No wonder nobody likes me." Eventually he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Shu, his love. He turned over and held the pillow, nuzzling his face as if the pillow was Shu's chest, dreaming about their future life together. But soon his dream turned sour...

Shu looked down at the younger boy, scowling.
"How disgusting... Look at yourself." Ayato looked down at his body, finding it was just as before, but every discriminatory word Shu said made his body just look more distorted. His bottom lip started quivering and tears pricked his eyes threatening to fall as Shu said those words. It felt as if a knife has pierced his heart...

He breathed in trying to believe what he says is not real however he fell to his knees covering his face. Shu carried on insulting him; he couldn't take it anymore and screamed into his hands, tears falling like river rapids down his face. He couldn't breath and he started hyperventilating. He shook back and forth hugging himself tightly trying to reassure himself it's not real.

Suddenly he woke up sweating and panting, feeling dull. He stared at the opposite wall truly believing what shu said in his dream. Something snapped inside his head. Next minute he was in the bathroom searching frantically for something that could do harm to himself. He came across an old razor blade and stared at the mirror. His ribs and bones were more prominent. He looked down to his wrist feeling dead... he dragged the broken blade across his wrist. Blood started oozing out like flash floods. "Shit.. Too deep..." His last thought before he passed out.

~

"Ayato. Dinner time" Reiji shouted up the stairs. Ayato hadn't come down all day, just stayed in his room, being very quiet.
"Shu. Do something for once and go get Ayato. He's starting to worry me now." Shu groaned inwardly, but got up from his sofa and started to walk up the stairs.

Ayato dashed under the covers, hiding the broken razors and trying to mask the smell of blood by using airfreshener, but as soon as Shu got a smell of the blood in the air, he quickly ran up the stairs and burst into Ayato's room.
"What happened? Are you hurt?"
"..." Ayato tried to think of a good excuse. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
"Ayato! Tell me what happened" Ayato's mouth was still paralysed, looking up at his older brother with a sad and scared expression.

"Ayato... What did you do..?"
"I... I..." His eyes started to water, trying to wipe it away with his sleeve before Shu could see the waterfall about to arise from his eyes.
"Ayato.. Please..." The dams of his eyes burst uncontrollably and his tears spilt almost as freely as the blood coming from the deep cuts on his arms.

Shu held his brother close, striking his hair and rocking back and forwards, desperately hoping that what he thought hadn't come true.
"Don't say that you..." Ayato cut him off before he could say anything
"Don't tell Reiji!" He his his arms more under the covers
"I won't. But please tell me why you have done this to yourself"
"Because I deserve it. I'm so disgusting. I'm fat, I'm ugly. I suck at everything. I'm a shitty brother. Every body hates me. Even you do. You all do."
"We don't. Not at all."
"Don't lie to me! I know you talk about me.. How annoying I am.. How I'm so selfish and full of myself. I know what you say and it just hurts me."

"I'm so sorry... We don't mean to hurt you. We just... We just.." Shu couldn't even come up with a good reason for what they say.
"I'm just... I hate myself.. And everybody hates me. I have no use. I'm just a 'bag of wasted oxygen'. I heard Kanato say that too. And he's right." Ayato held himself closer, crying into the palms of his hands. Before he could cut again, Shu threw the broken razor to the floor and held his brother tighter than ever before.

"We're sorry. I'm sorry.. Please Ayato. I want to make it better. We love you. You're not a waste, you're not disgusting. You're not selfish. You're you. You're perfect, even if you do have flaws. Ayato. We all love you so so much. None of us want to see you so upset. We're really sorry" Shu pleaded over and over, stroking Ayato's hair and rubbing his back. Ayato hiccupped a bit and began to calm down, the tears still trickling out and staining his face.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't want to make you worry" He wiped his face with his long sleeve.

After a few hours more of crying and comforting, (and of Reiji flapping about how dinner was getting cold) Ayato and Shu finally fell asleep on Ayato's bee, not caring about the blood-stained bedsheets.

*End*

A/N - Hey guys. I know this chapter is rushed and I know this is a bit disappointing but I probably won't be able to make a Christmas special, even though I will try my very hardest. I just moved house (16/10/17) and I've hardly got any motivation to do anything. However, I'm settling in well I think. I will try and write it tonight, but I'm going to have to write down ideas first. Thank you for reading guys :)❤