A/n

Ok so yeah I've been slacking pretty terribly lately I know. I was originally going to update this yesterday but school, piano, and church sort of prevented me from doing that. Also, I'm going to have several references to the TV show Malcolm In The Middle in here, and that show really inspires me. I promise I'll make all of you Christmas holiday dreams come true! (Maybe...)

~Coffee

Shu

You realized at a young age that your dad had a mixed relationship with his parents. Therefore it was really no mystery why they never invited them over for Christmas or anything. The stories Shu had told had made you kind of dislike them yourself. You also heard a story of them sending Shu to the North Pole for not completing his homework.

Nevertheless, one midnight, as you were in the living room reading a book with Yui in the kitchen and Shu screwing around with the baby, Shina started crying.

"Shina? What's wrong sweetheart?" Shu said. Then Yui ran into the room with her hands waving down. "Oh my gosh Shu your parents are here----"

"Are you going to let an old women stand out in the cold? Or should I go lie in the grass and feed the worms?" Your grandmother Beatrix said. "Mom...dad...You're....here!" Shu said hurrying to the door. "Y/n! Get the baby and lock yourselves in the den!" Yui yelled shoving you inside. You nodded weirdly and set the baby in its crib.

"Oh look it's the new baby!" You jerked around to see Karlheinz holding your little sister. "HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET IN HERE?!" You yelled plunging to grab the giggling baby. "Oh Y/n. I teleported. Don't you know that?"

"Y/n! Dad is missing from the living...room." Shu screamed jerking the door open.

Everyone looked at each other awkwardly.

"Uh. Let's have dinner."

That night at dinnertime, you were eating your soap with Beatrix sitting beside you. "Uh so grandma?" You began trying to strike up a conversation. "Call me Beatrix." She replied giving you the evil eye. "Hehe...uh...Beatrix...how was the drive up from hell?" You said.

"Awful. Those lost souls grab onto your legs and try dragging you. You have to kick them away." You swallowed. "Uh ok." Shu rolled his eyes and looked at his father. "Well, dad. why don't we begin eating." He clenched his teeth together, throwing his arms on the table. "Why don't we?" He replied pushing his hands on the table.

Eventually all hell broke out and a Shu and Karl were trying to kill each other.

"It's so nice to have the family over for dinner." You said pushing your fork into your mouth.

Reiji

As you were pouring the tea inside of the teacup for the tiered Yui and the restless Reiji, you heard a knock at the door.

"Excuse me mother and father; I'll get the door." You said flattening your dress and walking towards the door. You unlocked the door and started getting pushed into the wall. "MOTHER....FATHER!---GRANDMA---GRANDP---THEY'RE HERE!" You screamed pushing the door shut. Reiji and Yui rushed to help you slam it closed when suddenly you were successful. "Phew that was...." Reiji began as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Honestly Reiji you're as notorious as you were growing up."

All three of you looked at Karlheinz and Beatrix standing in front of you. "...Oh...fiddlesticks..." You began.

"And the help's manners are as awful as Reiji's." She snapped at you. "Mother, father. Why are you here?" Reiji smoothed out his shirt and vest and walked to them, you and Yui followed behind. "Is it bad for a grandfather to want to visit his grandchildren?"

"Father we both know that all you want to do with Y/n and Sora is kidnap them and force an incest relationship between them. Possibly because you and your other wife's relationship sucked." He rolled his eyes and started looking around your house. "Uh so grandmother? Would you like some tea?" You asked kindly as she lied on the couch.

"Reiji tell the 'help' to leave me alone." Beatrix said. "Uh grandmother? I'm your granddaughter? Y/n?" You tried to explain but she ignored you. "Reiji! Get the help away from me!" Reiji sighed displeasingly and lead you to the foyer. "She's crazy."

After a long day, you lied in your bed and switched the light out. As you snuggled closely, you heard a voice yell 'the help'. You sighed and crawled out of your bed.

"Grandma! Where are you!" You said yawning and walking around the halls. Eventually your search lead you to their bedroom. "Grandma?" You said peaking your head inside. "Took you long enough! Make me tea!" She yelled.

"WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT TEA AND CHOKE ON IT YOU STUPID OLD HAG!" You yelled spitting on her and ran off.

Ayato

When you were about three years old, you were asking about your parents' parents. Your mother gently explained that her father was a priest who had taken her in a young age. However your father told you that when he was about fifteen years old, he killed his mother. This was sort of alarming, but they also taught you that it was traditional that to prove your love for a vampire is to kill them.

But the fact was that it was sort of scary. And when you were twelve or so, it caught onto you that as a matter of fact, Ayato really hated his parents.

So it was to be, that on a cold snowing winter day, as you were celebrating Yui's favorite holiday Christmas by decorating a Christmas Tree, that the door was knocked on. Your perplexed parents left to the door leaving you with your little brother.

As you were picking him up and spinning him around, you heard Ayato turn into his stern voice. "Oh yeah sure! Get the hell away from here skank!" You walked into the foyer confused to see your grandparents and your parents arguing. "Y/n, please take Hinata to another room." Yui said pushing you towards the dining room.

After the intense argument, dinner rolled around. The dinner setting wasn't very pleasant. Karl and Ayato sat at the end, while Yui and Cordelia sat across from each other and you and Hinata sat across.

Everything was awkwardly silent. "So Y/n, how's school?" Karlheinz began as he sliced the fish into two. "Uh it's been go--"

"I don't care." He replied and everything fell silent again. "So, you managed to keep your legs closed long enough to not be screwing with uncle Richter I see." Ayato said as if he was trying to start something. "Ayato, perhaps you would like me to tell Yui about the time you--"

"That won't be necessary! Yours Truly loves Yui with all his heart and he does the same with Y/n and Hinata!" He yelled. "Fine then."

After a while, you started growing close to Karl. He wasn't as crappy as Ayato played him out to be. One day, you, Ayato and Karl were in the bedroom.

"Ok well Ayato, I think it's time I show you something." He said pulling out a suitcase. "What's that?" Ayato and you looked curiously at the suitcase. "Check this out." He replied unlatching it. "Are those...grenades?" You asked. "Here Ayato. Check it out." Ayato held it, and removed it.

The pin.

The only thing keeping it from exploding.

"You retard! DAD IS A COMPLETE MORON! It's still active!" You screamed as the three of you bursted into panic. "What do we do?!" Ayato complained. "Fine the pin! We find the pin and it goes back on!" You found it and Ayato tried putting it back in place. Only the thing holding the pin in place broke.

"WHAT DO WE DO!?"

You ran downstairs with the three of them following and in its final moments, threw it inside the refrigerator. The three of you ran outside casually as Yui and Cordelia were walking to the sidewalk.

"Welcome home!" Karl said throwing his hands in the air as an explosion was clear from the window.

Kanato

When you were eleven, Kanato expressed his 'love' for his parents in the most gruesome ways. He took you to his mother's graveside and kicked it. He also told you the story of when he set his mother on fire.

All in all, Kanato was freaking crazy on his mom. She was a nujob by herself, but Kanato took the word to a WHOLE new level entirely.

One night after dinner, as you were lying in bed thinking of sewing a new outfit for your doll Mei, you heard a knock on your window. "Mei I think I hear someone knocking." You looked out to see two figures. "MOMMY DADDY TWO WEIRD FIGURES ARE LOOKING AT ME!" You screamed jumping out of your bed and to your parents' room.

After a while of stressful nonsense, Kanato going insane and trying to kill, Ai crying like a crazy baby, and Yui trying not to pass out, Kanato introduced you to your grandparents.

"She's just as ugly as you." Cordelia scoffed. "Mother, Teddy and I thought we killed you." Kanato casually said as he was getting a little restless, making Yui grab his arm. "Your mother and I are spending the day with you for Christmas!" Karl said happily. "Teddy and I say you drop the act old man!" Kanato yelled viscously.

"What act? I'm just visiting my grandchildren!" He replied. "Daddy? Why does he have white hair? Is he an albino like uncle Suba--"

"Stupid old hag! Go back to hell!" Kanato plunged towards his father and was thrown violently into the wall. "Please! Settle down! Can't we discuss this in the den over tea or something?" Yui said trying to dispose of the violence.

"Give me the tea." Demanded Cordelia holding her cup out. "I must say, I'm surprised Ai came out with such dark hair." Said Karl sipping his tea. "Ah yes well. I suppose she gets her eyes from me. I'm not too sure about the black hair, however." Karl nodded. "Well. Has Y/n got a boyfriend yet?"

"...I used to...Daddy killed him. Didn't he Mei? He even gave me his bloody shirt to keep." You started stroking Mei's black hair and Cordelia laughed. "Just as stupid as you. Child! Can you sing?" She snapped at you. "Mei, I can see can't I?" You said.

You walked beside her and took a deep breath. "My uncle taught me this one."

"Sakura no hana wa itsu hiraku?

Yamano o sano ni itsu hiraku

Sakura no hana wa itsu niou?
Warau nananoko asobu koro

Sakura no hana wa itsu odoru
Utau nana no ko nemuru koro

Sakura no hana wa itsu kuchiru
Shinda nana no ko noboru koro.."

Around you, Karl moved his collar. "Uh ok."

Laito

It was established in the Sakamaki household that that guy and that women were not to be spoken of. Any talk of them was to be punished by.....uh...never mind.

You were listening to your music in the bathroom as you were taking a bath (nice way to get yourself electrocuted babe (ｰ ｰ;)).

Everything was scarily silent. It was scary because you didn't know where your dad was. But, that was about to be answered, because you saw his figure in the mirror looking at you. "Dad get out or so help me I swear I will kill you." You told him coldly. "Aw but little--What was that?" Laito stopped in his tracks when you heard thumping.

"That thumping and voice...MOTHER?! FATHER!?" Laito said shooting up from the bathtub. "I see you're busy pampering your stupid daughter. Is this a bad time?" Karl said to him. Meanwhile, you were innocently lying in the bath. "Uh I'm still here." You replied.

"Pfft little b--"

"So Laito? It's been a while hasn't it?" Cordelia said crossing her arms. "Sure has...father? Why did you have to bring that women? It's already bad enough that you're alive and no one likes you...but showing up uninvited to my house! Ugh!"

"Pfft as if." Cordelia rolled her eyes and walked from the room. "You're such a useless boy." Karl said leaving the room. It was you and him alone. "Dad can you hand me a towel?" You asked awkwardly. "Sure thing....I have to....go warn...your.....mother." Laito said dumping the towel in the bath and walking away.

"Wait! You put it...inside...the...water." You face palmed.

When you got out of the bath, you walked to the balcony to see them all arguing. What lead to one thing eventually lead to shattering glass and a few explicit words that had you covering baby Ren's ears. "Yeah go die again." Laito said referring to his jerky mother. "Laito! After everything we've been through!" Then, before your eyes, Laito pushed his mother off the balcony with Karlheinz. Again.

"NOT AGAIN!"

Subaru

When Subaru was a fetus, he wiggled around cutely in his mommy's tummy. However he was darkly abused shortly after he was born. He basically sheltered you from this. You had no idea whatsoever about it, until Christa and Karlheinz came for a visit.

"M..m...mother...YOU! OLD HAG! GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I SWEAR I WILL DUCKING KILL YOU!" Subaru screamed plunging towards his father. You and him happened to be the only ones home, therefore it was your duty to mantain your father's sanity. For your grandparents' sake of course.

"Papa! Calm down!" You yelled trying to restrain him from killing them. After restraining the both (Subaru and Karlheinz). In a civil manner, you managed to sit them all down on the couch. "Y/n! Stay out of this! This fag is the same person who raped my mother!" Subaru yelled at Karlheinz.

As you tried to maintain the peace, all hell broke out as Subaru explained what he did to his mother. "Y/n I was conceived by rape. This jerk tricked my mother into some screwed up marriage and then raped her repeatedly! That old man deserves every second in hell!" Subaru yelled.

You turned to Karl and cracked your knuckles. "There's gonna be blood. Now you pay old man." You said.